Chapter 9 - Reflections

The next few days flew by because Strongfang had put me to work, and the tasks he gave me took up a majority of my day. It wasn't very glamorous, but I wasn't one to complain and I needed the money. On the upside, I was back to feeling one hundred percent physically and I had finally started to sleep more soundly because my nightmares had stopped. I wasn't as moody as before, and I was keeping emotions from bubbling over, which was an immense relief.

The only downside to working was the fact that I didn't have much time to myself. With the time I did have, I was either picking back up on my training or being forced to hang out with Shimmer. Often, those two things happened at the same time, because Shimmer had insisted on being a part of "My super cool ninja stuff." I had tried to dissuade her by training in the morning, but she was determined to be a part of it, so I just rolled with it.

I started up the daily routine that I created after I graduated from the academy. It consisted of a mixture of strength, endurance and cardio exercises that were designed to help me be fit and prepared for long days of travel and combat. Shimmer sat out on that portion because she wasn't too keen on the exercise, and after the workout I would spend time practicing sword and hand to hand forms while Shimmer watched. She liked to comment on how goofy I looked when I struck at an imaginary enemy, which irritated me, but I used it as an opportunity to practice keeping a level head.

The final part of my training was sparring, and Shimmer was all too eager to participate. We went to the same clearing outside of the village that Strongfang and I fought in, and we spent about two hours each day practicing. I was able to learn a lot about dragons and their skills from Shimmer, and she was much stronger than I originally thought. She didn't do well when I closed the distance, because her close combat skills were non-existent, but her ice breath was terrifying.

I learned the hard way that I needed to be extremely careful when she knew where I was. The first time she fired an ice orb at me, I didn't clear the radius fast enough and was frozen up to my neck. She spent a few minutes laughing at me while I struggled to escape, and eventually she found enough pity in her heart to chip me out. From that point on I made it my goal to not get caught by any of her attacks, but that was easier said than done. I was fast, but that didn't matter when the entire tree you were hiding behind was suddenly frozen solid and the next ball of frozen death was already on its way. I swore that Shimmer had some kind of sadistic glee watching me flail around while she bombarded me from the sky.

Regardless, I was able to improve my dodging, work on creative approaches, and practice some of my own jutsu at the same time. Before I used any jutsu, I made Shimmer promise not to tell anyone about my skills, and she did, but that didn't stop her jaw from hitting the floor the first time I used a substitution to dodge one of her attacks. Once she recovered from the confusion of seeing a piece of wood frozen instead of me, she demanded to know what the heck happened.

I took the time to explain to her that I just switched places with an object, described that chakra was a natural energy in my body, and explained that hand signs were the method I used to control and form that energy. She got the gist of what I was saying, but then asked me to show her all the jutsu I could do so I couldn't catch her off guard unfairly.

I didn't want her to ditch because she was a good training partner, so I compromised and showed her a few. I made gusts of wind, did another substitution, and showed her that I could walk up trees and walk on water by applying the correct amount of chakra. She was impressed, but asked me a question that made me think about how I approached jutsu and chakra in general.

"I don't get it. Why do you have to do those weird things with your hands again?"

"I told you, it helps me to form the chakra into what I need. If I don't use them, I can't do anything."

She shrugged her shoulders.

"I guess, but why not just, y'know, do it without them? You walked up the tree just fine, and I don't have to do anything special for my ice, so you should be able to do the same thing with your jutsus, right?"

"Like I've said, it's not that easy. That would be like trying to build something without the instructions. There's a few masters that can do it, but it takes years of practice."

"Psh, whatever. I think you're just being stubborn because it's what you're used to. I started to breathe ice when I was a lot younger, so it shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out. You just have to not think so much and give it a try until it clicks."

I tried to follow her advice a few times, but I hadn't had any success so far and I didn't have the time to mess with it right now. Maybe I could take another look at it when I was home.

My thoughts were interrupted as another log was tossed to me. I grunted as I caught it and lifted it onto a merchant's wagon, working in tandem with an ape named Tarmeed as the afternoon sun beamed down onto us. It was still cold out, but we were working hard enough that we had sweat dripping into our eyes. I wiped off my forehead with the back of my hand as I waited for the next log and sighed.

I had been helping out with this and other tasks over the last few days, and almost everything I did required some sort of physical labor. Right now, I was helping prep a wagon full of wood that was being taken back to Warfang and the owner of the wagon, a short female cheetah named Sheilah, found it necessary to barkat us as we tossed logs onto the stack.

"Could you two go any slower?!I thought this would be done hours ago!"

Tarmeed grumbled to himself and glared back at Sheilah and she scowled at him. This wasn't an uncommon occurrence and I had learned through observation and conversation with the apes that they were pretty much hated by the other races. This was apparently extra true with dragons, who supposedly did their best to harass or provoke them into fights.

When I asked why, I was given vague or noncommittal answers, but I was able to piece together that it was related to the aftermath of the war. Being on the losing side of a conflict meant that there was a price that you had to pay for peace, as hard as that was to accept. Unfortunately for me, I was dumped into the same group as them and treated the same because no one knew what a human was and just assumed that I was a skinny, hairless ape.

I sighed and glanced over at Tarmeed. We didn't talk very much, but he told me that he lived in Warfang with his wife and didn't enjoy being away from her. He was only doing this for the money, because other jobs didn't pay as well and he needed to earn extra cash now that his wife was expecting. The other apes were not enthusiastic about doing work that most would consider demeaning labor, but he either didn't mind or hid his frustrations well, because he never complained or argued with anyone.

As we continued to stack the logs, I couldn't help but remember how I had done things similar to this when I was younger and couldn't handle higher ranked missions. New ninjas were often tasked with menial jobs around the village and I was no exception. It was often boring and tedious, and it was a bit of a sore spot for me because it wasn't my favorite thing to do. I would have preferred to be on some type of mission that got me outside of the village, or handling some type of reconnaissance mission, but the last one I accepted obviously didn't turn out well. I grunted as a particularly heavy log almost caused me to fall over, and decided to quit my internal complaining for now, as my job gave me a reason to be away from Leah's house.

After our last conversation a few days ago, things had been awkward between us. She didn't have much to say to me and I was worried that I insulted her with my refusal to talk to her. Rather than deal with it head on though, I had been using my training as an excuse to leave before she was awake in the morning, effectively avoiding any opportunity to make things right. By the time I was home, I was too tired to talk and would wash up before going straight to bed. I felt bad about this and I knew I was being foolish, but I really didn't want to have to go and apologize.

Eventually, Tarmeed and I lifted the last log onto the wagon and we took a moment to rest. He tossed me a canteen of water and I grunted in thanks, then we both drank greedily while Sheilah inspected her wagon to make sure everything was in place. When she was satisfied, she waved her hand towards us dismissively.

"Alright, that's all I need. You two can leave now."

Tarmeed muttered "finally" under his breath and we both left, making our way back towards the center of town. Each day, after we finished each task, we would report back to Strongfang. He was keeping track of everything that was finished as well as all the things that still needed to be done, and would assign us our next job. We were supposed to be leaving for Warfang in the morning, so he had been in a bit of a frenzy today, checking and double checking every little detail to ensure nothing was out of place. As we walked, Tarmeed turned towards me and began talking, which was unusual for him and it startled me.

"So, first time eh?"

"What do you mean?"

"First time traveling to Warfang."

"Yeah, I've never been there."

He chuckled dryly and shook his head.

"You're in for a treat then. And when I say that, I don't mean it in a good way."

"Why?"

"You'll see when we get there, and I know you're a… human or whatever, but that doesn't make a difference to them. You're close enough for it to not matter."

"I think I'll be fine. I'm not planning on sticking around for long anyway."

He gave me a shrug.

"If you say so. But if I could give you a word of advice, don't stand out. The last thing you want to do is draw attention to yourself. You'll live to regret that if it happens."

Well that sounded cryptic. What the hell kind of place was Warfang? Shimmer had nothing but praise for the city, so could it really be as bad as he was making it out to be?

"Is it really that bad? From what other people have said, Warfang is a good place and has the only people I can go to for a solution to my problem."

Tarmeed let out a hollow laugh.

"Says those who are treated differently. Believe what I say or don't, I could care less. You can form your own opinion when you get there, but remember what I said."

I glanced over at him, unsure of what to think.

"Why tell me all this?"

He shrugged again and smiled at me.

"You may not be an ape, but I'd rather you be aware of the reality than blind to it. I don't want a kid like you to get into trouble, especially since you're practically on of us."

I didn't really share the sense of unity with him, but he didn't need to know that.

"Yeah. Of course."

He gave me a wide smile but didn't say anything else. I was glad for the reprieve and we remained quiet until we found Strongfang. He was sitting on the edge of the fountain in front of town hall with a paper and pen in his hands. I could hear him mumbling and muttering to himself as we approached, and he looked up when we were a few feet away then addressed us both.

"Are ya finished helping Sheilah?"

Tarmeed spoke for us.

"Yeah, we're all done, she's ready to go."

"Good, that only leaves a few more merchants. Tarmeed, ya can head out for the day. Kiran, stick around. I need t' talk t' ya about the trip."

Tarmeed grinned victoriously and gave me a wink as he started to walk away.

"I'll see you later Kiran! Good luck with the talk! Haha!"

Strongfang patted the bricks next to him, motioning for me to sit down.

"Have a seat and we'll discuss what ya need t' know."

I nodded and slid over to him, then sat down on the stone. I clasped my hands together and shifted back and forth a few times because I was feeling a bit uncomfortable sitting next to Strongfang. It was hard to get a read on what he was feeling and I wasn't sure what he thought of me yet.

"So, ya can handle yerself well."

He turned and made direct eye contact, further adding to my nervousness.

"But can ya take care of someone else?"

"You mean… like an escort?"

"Yes, just like that. When we leave Farleigh, we'll be takin' a direct path back to Warfang. We have been attacked on that road before and I need t' know if you'll be able t' keep the merchants and goods safe. What do ya think?"

I couldn't help but be thankful we were talking about a subject I was familiar with. I'd already been on many missions with a similar nature and I was confident, despite the most recent one being a failure.

"I can. I've worked with a team to keep items safe before, so I get the gist of it. Keep an eye out for dangers, rotational watches at night, priority on the safe delivery, yada yada. Moles and cheetahs can't be that much harder to protect."

Strongfang smirked ever so slightly.

"That's where yer wrong. Objects are predictable. Moles, cheetahs, apes… not so much. Ya have t' be able t' keep them safe when they are actin' like the world is endin'. When they panic, they don't make good decisions. Yer job is t' protect them in spite of themselves, Understand?"

"I do."

"Good. I'll be assignin' you to keep an eye on Shimmer and a mole named Heimer. The rest of us will be split up and be assigned t' a few wagons and merchants. There's about fifty total, but only twenty of us. We've got our work cut out for us if anythin' goes wrong and my gut is tellin' me there's something brewin' in the woods."

"How long will it take to get to Warfang?"

"Three days. We'll be stoppin' t' rest for two nights along the way and we'll be takin' turns on watch when we do."

"And what should I be looking out for? Anything specific?"

"If somethin' seems odd, then let me know. My… less agreeable kin aren't the best at bein' aloof. Strange noises, lack of natural sounds, a scent in the wind… those are all signs that they are preparing to attack. Just be mindful."

"I will, you can count on me."

"Good! That's what I like t' hear!"

Strongfang stood up as a few other apes approached.

"I think that we'll be headin' out in the morning, but I'll make sure t' let ya know tonight. For now though, ya can go ahead and leave early, but ya should make sure t' have yer affairs in order before we leave. I'd recommend letting Leah know that yer leavin' soon."

I winced when he mentioned Leah. I didn't want to have to talk to her but now I guess I didn't have much of a choice.

"Alright, I will. See you later, Strongfang."

He nodded and then turned to talk with the new arrivals, each of them confirming that another merchant was loaded and ready. I watched them chat for a few seconds before I started walking.

"Well, now what do I do?"

The day was still young, I had some unexpected time to myself and I didn't want to go talk to Leah just yet, so I decided to take a walk around town to see if I could find Shimmer. I figured that if we were both free, she could give me an idea of what to expect when we reached Warfang. I knew that she hung around town hall during the day, and she wasn't there right now, so I decided to wander around town until I found her. It was a bit busy on the main paths through town, due to all of the merchants preparing for the trip, so I cut across someone's yard to a dirt path that had been carved from years of feet and paws stomping the grass into dirt. I put my hands into my pockets as I walked, and I couldn't help but start comparing Farleigh with my home.

One of the major differences was the amount of people that were out and about. Unlike my home, people seemed to be more than content with milling around in public spaces or just spending time outside. There was a general sense of ease in the people and I hoped that someday my home would be the same.

Along with the people, the town itself was alive and thriving. Farleigh was designed to gather resources like wood to send throughout the Dragon Realms. At my home, a big issue was the lack of trade due to the dangers of travelling and the restrictions put in place by surrounding countries, resulting in a struggling economy and lack of resources. Without trade, many shops and occupations dried up or sought work elsewhere, leaving parts of town empty or dying.

I had to stop suddenly as a young mole darted out from behind a house and almost ran into me. He brushed by, made a shocked face when he realized I was there, and shouted a quick apology as a young cheetah darted out from the same and chased after him. I had to stifle a laugh as the cheetah caught up to the mole, tackled him to the ground, and began to tussle with him. There were a lot of kids running and playing, something that I didn't think I would ever get used to. Where I was from, most children were too busy to be playing because they were either helping out the adults or being trained to be a ninja like I was.

It was hard for me to admit, but it was… nice to see such a carefree atmosphere here and I stopped walking to watch a mix of kids playing some kind of game with a ball. Dragons, cheetahs and moles alike were kicking around a rubber ball towards holes that were on opposite sides of their playing field. The kids were totally engrossed in their game until one of them kicked the ball in the wrong direction and it rolled towards me. It came to a stop just a foot away and they all froze and stared quietly at me. I could hear a few of them as they began to whisper.

"Hey… it's the human!"

"What's he doing here?"

"My mom said that he's just like the apes."

"I heard he isn't an ape."

"You're lying!"

"W-why is he standing there…?"

"He's gonna attack! Apes always stare before they attack!"

"No way! You're just being a baby."

"I bet Jade could take him!"

"Why'd you kick the ball over there anyway!?"

"Way to go, Yarvin."

"Shut up! It was an accident!"

I rolled my eyes at some of their comments and gave the ball a small kick to send it back to them. A few of them mumbled out a small "thanks" and began playing again, but a small green dragon continued to watch me warily. I didn't like the look and couldn't help but ask him why he was staring.

"What's up?"

The young dragon balked and ran away to his friends. I smiled at how silly he looked as he ran and decided to keep walking. I didn't want to bother them more than I already had and I had a bit of jealousy growing in my heart towards their freedom. It would be nice to not have to worry about fighting or missions, and I know Luna would have-

I stopped myself before I could think about her and quickly decided that now would be a good time to head back to Leah's house. The chances of finding Shimmer were slim at best and there were things I needed to discuss before leaving. I sighed softly to myself and began the walk back to her house. It was nice to reflect on some of these things, but the reality was that my home was stuck in a war and I had responsibilities. My loyalty was to the village and that had to come first, before any of my own desires.

I soon found myself back at my temporary home, knocked quietly and opened the door. I saw Leah inside, knitting together some type of clothing on her couch. I sighed, not really wanting to do this, but forced myself to walk inside. She gave me a quick glance as I walked into the living room and sat down in a chair across from her.

"You're back early today, are you finished with work?"

"Yeah, Strongfang let me off early. Looks like we might be heading to Warfang tomorrow."

"Mm, That's good."

"Yeah... "

I clasped my hands together and twirled my thumbs around each other nervously.

"I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you. I didn't- I mean-"

I let out a heavy breath.

"I felt bad about how we ended our last conversation and I didn't really want to address it. I should have apologized sooner."

Leah stopped her knitting and looked over at me with the same heavy eyes as before.

"It's forgiven. I know you have things that weigh on your mind, but it isn't my place to pry or force you to speak. All I ask is that you take my advice into consideration, Kiran. It can be a lonely and difficult life if you keep things bottled up inside."

I understood that she was trying to be supportive, but I couldn't let something out. If I did, everything that held me together would unravel, and that would make me worthless to my village, and to myself. I needed to be able to function if I wanted to make it home. No distractions. No excuses. Everything had to be pushed away if I was going to survive. With a short nod, I gave Leah an answer that I hoped would satisfy her.

"I understand, and I'll take your words under advice."

Leah gave me a soft smile and set down her needle and thread.

"Thank you. On a brighter note, I have a few things for you. I had some extra time over the last few days, so I decided to make you some clothes."

I felt a stab of guilt in my chest.

"For me? Why?"

"Well, you should have more than one set of clothes. You'll wear those out too quickly otherwise."

She then turned and grabbed a backpack that had been leaning on the opposite end of the couch and handed it to me.

"For your travels."

I took the pack from her and looked over it quietly. It had a few sets of clothes stuffed inside, along with a warm blanket and an internal pocket filled with tea. I gripped the straps tightly and felt guilt rise up inside.

"I can't accept this. You've done more than enough for me and I'm guessing that this cost you a decent bit of money."

Leah sighed and gave me a stern glare.

"Take it. It's a gift and I chose to spend my money in a way that I wanted. I won't take no for an answer."

"But why?"

"Because you needed some help, and I don't mind being that help."

There was a brief pause in the conversation before I growled with an unspoken accusation.

"People don't do things like this without a reason."

She looked at me with pity in her eyes and that sparked anger inside of me. I didn't know why exactly it made me angry, but I could feel the fire beginning to burn inside of my chest and Leah defended herself by asking me a few questions.

"Do I need a reason to be generous? Do I have to have an ulterior motive when I give a gift? I think the real question you should be asking is this; Why are you so suspicious and distrustful of my intentions? Haven't I proved myself to be trustworthy?"

I couldn't form an answer right away. All I could think of, in defense of my suspicion, was the truth of the world that I had grown up in, where trust led to betrayal, and generosity led to exploitation. This was the harsh reality that I lived with, and not even the people that I should have been able to trust were an exception. Letting your guard down and allowing yourself those luxuries was a sign of weakness that could spell the death of yourself and your comrades, a lesson that I had to learn the hard way.

Despite my internal reasoning, it fell flat against Leah's sincerity and her obvious concern for my welfare. Questioning why didn't seem to fit in this instance, and my inability to easily accept her kindness rattled me to the core. I was in a different world, with different rules, right? Shouldn't... I be able to lighten up a bit then? I avoided her eyes and looked down at the floor, both angry and ashamed with myself for not knowing the answer. Leah sat silently, observing me sulk, until I managed a weak response.

"I-… I don't know."

"Then take the time to sort out your thoughts and consider all the advice I've given you. That's all I ask as a friend."

She picked up her knitting materials and resumed her project, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I focused on the last thing that she had said, realizing that it was the second time I had heard someone use the word 'friend' since I had been here. It wasn't a word I would have used to describe my relationship with anyone aside from Luna, and even then, I might consider that a mistake after everything that had happened.

I bit my tongue and pried my mind away from Luna. That wouldn't help right now, and once my thoughts were contained, I reflected on the thought that Shimmer and Leah considered themselves my friends. They weren't, not by my definitions, and I would only be here for a little while longer anyway, so there wasn't any reason for me to become attached to them. Doing so would only cause me more grief in the future.

I sat there in that spot for several minutes with my mind reeling until I concluded that I wasn't going to find any peace mulling over this. I had managed to come here and apologize to Leah, which was my original goal, so there wasn't much of a point in staying here. With nothing else to do, I decided that it would be best to pack my things and then go check in with Strongfang.

I grabbed the pack and headed into the kitchen where I stuffed a variety of snacks into the pockets. I hadn't gained any personal possessions during my time at the village, but Leah had been kind enough to say that I could take some food for the trip to Warfang. Once I had finished that, I also tucked away a canteen and some basic supplies for travel that Leah had also given me. I frowned at how dependent I was on her help, but didn't linger on it. When everything was set, I put the pack into my room and aimlessly began wandering around the village again, in the general direction of the town hall. It was a lonely walk and I made it about halfway there before Shimmer flew down from above, landed and then greeted me. I sighed internally and hid the frown that I had on my face before she noticed it.

"Hey Kiran! Did you hear the news yet? We're leaving tomorrow!"

"Oh yeah? Who told you that?"

"Strongfang did! I bumped into him earlier when I was by the fountain and he said that we're all set for the morning. Are you ready to see Warfang?"

"More than ready. I can't wait to finally go home."

"Yep, I'm already packed and Leah knows I'm leaving. I can't think of anything else I need to do to prepare."

"Aww, I bet you'll miss her! Don't worry though, Warfang will make up for it. There's a whole bunch of things that I can't wait to show you! There's-"

I cut her off before she could overwhelm me with her long list of activities.

"Don't forget that I have to see the council, that comes before anything else. I know you're excited, but if all goes well I won't be here in the Dragon Realms for much longer, and I don't want you to be disappointed if I leave before you show me everything you had in mind."

She visibly dropped her entire body and looked at me with guilt inducing disappointment. I hated making her upset but I couldn't keep getting distracted.

"Are you sure…?"

"I'm sure. I know it's hard, Shimmer, but this is important. I need to go home."

She groaned sadly but then got a twinkle in her eye and perked back up.

"Fine. If you can't do things in Warfang, then you have to at least meet my drakefriend before you go! You don't know the city well, so I can take you where you need to go. We can stop by and see him on the way!"

I gave her an exasperated look, but she responded with her own pleading stare. She eventually won out and I conceded with a groan of irritation and crossed my arms.

"Okay, okay, you win. I'll meet your drakefriend, but right after that I have to go."

Shimmer danced on her front paws in glee and squealed happily as her tail waved back and forth.

"YES! Oooh, I can't wait for you to meet him! You two are gonna get along great!"

"Mhm, sure."

Now that it was confirmed that we were leaving tomorrow, there wasn't any need for me to talk with Strongfang. I had a few hours left before dark and wasn't sure what to do now. Shimmer seemed to pick up on this and tapped me with her tail.

"Want to hang out for the rest of today?"

"No, not really. I think I need some time to myself."

"Well, okay. I guess we have three days together, so I'll see you bright and early tomorrow!"

She prepared to take off but stopped just before flapping her wings.

"Oh, one more thing! Meet by the south entrance, that's where we'll be gathering to leave."

I gave her a thumbs up and began to walk back to Leah's house. I watched as she waved and then flew off towards her own home until she was out of sight. It was a short walk back and thankfully Leah wasn't home when I entered the house. I managed a few steps before stopping and found myself standing silently in the living room with a bittersweet feeling growing inside of me. I hadn't been here for very long, but I could already tell that I was going to miss the few people I had met here.

They may not have been friends, but Leah, Feldspar, Shimmer, and Strongfang had been kind to me and helped me with my problems. I had tried to keep myself distant from them, but it seemed they had wormed their way into making an impression on me. I cracked a slight smile, and then frowned immediately after. I didn't like this feeling of loss, as if I was letting go of something I cared about, because I knew I wouldn't be staying from the get go.

I put my hand onto the bridge of my nose as my thoughts began to flutter and then did what I had grown so accustomed to do. I took everything and bottled it up further inside, understanding that it wouldn't help me. My lips began to tremble as I did so, but I held strong and left the house again, not wanting to be there anymore. I spent the rest of my evening outside of the village and away from everyone, practicing different forms and positions with my shortsword in an attempt to feel at peace again. When it finally grew dark, I went home, cleaned myself once more and then went to sleep, focusing on the idea that soon, I would be home.