What Becomes of Dreams?
Disclamer: I don't own any of the MASH characters, sadly but they hold a special place in my heart.
Part 1: The Flashback
The medical staff of the 4077th had finished up a long 17 hour session in OR 10:30. Afterward they retired to the Officer's Club for a belt or two before going to bed. Hawkeye left the Officer's Club at about midnight. He went to the Swamp, where he quickly changed and went right to sleep.
Everyone at the 4077th was asleep by 1, ready for a goodnight's sleep. The only people who were up at 2:30 in the morning were Nurse Kelley and Klinger. Nurse Kelley was on duty in Post-Op and Klinger was on KP duty until 4am.
Hawkeye was sleeping across the compound lost in his dreams. He was dreaming about Margaret, the only thing he dreamed about every night…
(Begin Flashback)
After that night in the burned, abandoned hut Hawkeye had grown very fond of Margaret. He always enjoyed her company ever since coming to the 4077th, but that night she stirred something in him. He found himself watching her at a distance, grateful she was so near, grateful for her friendship. Hawkeye kept how he truly felt for Margaret between himself and his best friend. BJ had gotten Hawkeye to confess the night after they got back because he could see it in Hawk's eyes that something was bothering him.
Hawkeye told BJ how he felt about Margaret and what happened between them when they got lost on the way to the 8063rd. BJ looked at Hawkeye and asked him what he would do. Hawkeye was lost in thought and came the his conclusion and said to BJ,
"Beej I love her and I have no idea why." BJ turned sympathetic eyes to his friend and said,
"Don't worry Hawk, I'm sure she'll grow fond of you too. After all you're the only one she turned to as her marriage to Donald dissolved. If you stop and think about it you're the only person Margaret's ever really turned to for just about everything."
Hawkeye thought for a moment and saw what BJ meant.
"Yeah I guess your right." He said to BJ with a smile.
" I'll drink to that." BJ said offering Hawkeye a nightcap before going to bed.
Hawkeye took the glass and raised it saying,
"To good friends." Smiling at BJ.
"To good friends." BJ echoed and smiled back.
BJ would never fully know how much Hawkeye had come to be grateful for his friendship. To Hawkeye BJ was the brother he never had, and he was eternally grateful for his friendship and advice.
(End Flashback)
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Part 2: Before its Too Late
Margaret was asleep in her tent dreaming of Hawkeye and how much she loved to be held in his strong arms. Her dreams were taking back to that night she and Hawkeye were in that burned down hut. She was dreaming about how he had been there for her in the hardest part of her life. She noticed that as the walls of the hut fell apart so did the structure of her marriage, but so did the walls of her heart. She decided she would allow Hawkeye to change her, she would no longer hide and try to protect herself. She would just be herself.
Her dreams of him gave her strength and comfort. She was dreaming of how he had gotten injured trying to protect her from the shellfire outside. He had gotten a piece of wood stuck in his leg and she was trying to get the piece of wood out of his leg, but it wouldn't come out. He tried to be brave by showing he needed no morphine, but she and he both knew how wrong he was even though he would never admit it.
She worked at getting the piece of wood out of his leg for over an hour and noticed how pale he was getting. She noticed he was losing a lot of blood and she had nothing to give him. She finally gave the piece of wood a good yank and it finally came free. But as she pulled it out she ended up pulling on the hamstring muscle causing Hawkeye to pass in and out of conscienceness.
This scared Margaret she didn't know what to do. Hawkeye told her to stop the bleeding. She tried but no matter what she did his leg wouldn't stop bleeding. He grew paler and paler. Margaret started to cry, but kept it quiet. She didn't want Hawkeye to she her like that, weak and vulnerable, and needing his help.
Hawkeye had shallow breathing and Margaret was scared for his life. With his last ounce of strength Hawkeye looked Margaret straight in the eye and said to her,
" Margaret, I love you. I love you very much and I have for a long time. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
Margaret stared at Hawkeye in surprise. She had always suspected he liked her, but this was what she had been waiting to hear for a long time. She looked at Hawkeye and said,
"I love you too Hawkeye. I only wished you had said something before I got married." She smiled between her tears. Hawkeye smiled and said he wished he had too.
Hawkeye closed his eyes and sighed heavily. Margaret looked at him and then fearing the worst she checked his pulse. Nothing. She took Hawkeye and held her in her arms and she kissed his head and wept bitterly. Her best friend was gone…
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Part 3:The Nightmare
Across the compound Hawkeye was sleeping peacefully dreaming about Margaret. His dreams were taking him to Crabapple Cove where his father was, where there was no war. He was dreaming that he had come home from the war and Margaret had come with him.
Hawkeye had asked Margaret to marry him while they were in Korea. She was driving away and he realized he couldn't live without her. So he yelled after her, proposing as he yelled. She heard what he yelled and she had the driver stop the jeep. She got her stuff ad ran to Hawkeye in tears shouting,
"Yes, yes, yes, I will, I will, I will, Yes, I will!" Hawkeye looked at Margaret and said to her lovingly,
" Thank you Margaret for making me the happiest man on Earth." He smiled at her and held her in his arms never wanting to let her go again. She hugged him back affectionately and said to him with tears of joy still streaming down her face,
" Your welcome, Ben."
When she said his name Hawkeye leaned forward and kissed Margaret on the lips. He kissed her long and he kissed her lovingly. When they came up for air they hugged each other and they took the jeep to the landing pad to take the chopper to Seoul. They took a plane from Seoul to San Francisco, from San Francisco to Portland. Then Daniel Pierce would get them at Portland and take them to Crabapple Cove where they got married.
(9 months later)(Hawkeye is still dreaming in reality)
Hawkeye rushed Margaret to Crabapple Cove's local hospital, Cove Mercy Hospital. Margaret was going into labor with their first child and she was in a lot of pain.
(15 hours later)
Margaret was still in labor and she had finally given birth to a stillborn baby. While giving birth she had lost a lot of blood and she passed out. The nurse and Hawkeye tried to revive her, but nothing happened. Hawkeye checked her pulse. Nothing. He did heart massage therapy and checked again, still nothing. After five minutes he gave up.
In less than 10 minutes Hawkeye had lost his family and all that he loved was gone. He sat in disbelief; the reality of what just happened was sinking in. Everything around him was starting to dissolve…
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Part 4: Just A Dream
Margaret sat bolt upright in her bed. She was breathing fast and she was shaking all over. She thought Hawkeye was dead. Then thought, " No, wait a minute it was just a dream, just a nightmare. But it was so real." She told herself. She sat on her bed reassuring herself that Hawkeye was fine and it was just a nightmare.
"But it was so real." She thought.
Margaret decided she would go check on Hawkeye just to make sure. Margaret got up, put on her bathrobe and left her tent…
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Part 5: Reality Realized
Hawkeye woke up in the Swamp in a cold sweat. Everything seemed okay; nothing was dissolving like it had been in his dream. Then he remembered his dream.
" It was so real, so vivid. I could have touched it, the dram of home was so real." he thought to himself.
He then thought about Margaret and how she had died in his dream. The thought made him sick to his stomach. The dream Hawkeye had hoped would one day become a reality without the horrible ending he had dreamed about.
Hawkeye checked his clock and it read 4:30 AM. Four hours before he had to get up. He knew going back to sleep was useless. Useless because he would just lie there thinking about Margaret replaying that dream in his mind over and over again. He decided to avoid that he would go for a walk to help settle his mind and calm his nerves.
He quietly got up and out of his bed, put on his famous red bathrobe, and walked out the door of his tent. He opened it to find Margaret walking toward him with a worried look on her face and tears shining in her eyes…
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Part 6: Walking In The Open
Hawkeye approached her with open arms and she collapsed into his embrace. He held her; glad she was in his arms.
"What's the matter?" he asked her softly.
" Nothing really." She replied trembling.
" Well, actually its kind of funny now that I think about it. I had a dream that ended up being a nightmare." Margaret explained to Hawkeye. Hawkeye squeezed her tighter and let go saying,
" I had the same thing happen to me.'
" You want to go for a walk and talk about it?" He asked Margaret hoping she would come.
" Yes, I could use the fresh air." She replied with a smile. Hawkeye grinned and they walked toward the mess tent together.
" What was funny about your dream?" Hawkeye inquired turning toward Margaret.
" Oh that." She said with a laugh.
" I had a nightmare that you died." She laughed again. Hawkeye was taken aback.
" My death is humorous?" He asked downcast.
"No." she said.
" I'm laughing at myself! I was so worried I got out of bed to make sure you were alright when I knew you were okay." She smiled at him happily.
" I get it." Hawkeye said easily amused.
They walked in silence for a few minutes enjoying each other's company. They walked past the mess tent, past the OR and back. Hawkeye broke the silence and asked Margaret,
" What happened in your dream? How did I die?"
" Well I was remembering that night adventure we had in that abandoned hut, and how we had gotten lost on our way to the 8063rd and we had no where else to go." She replied.
" What happened?" Hawkeye asked curiously.
Margaret answered,
" Do you remember how you had that piece of wood stuck in your leg when there was shelling near the hut?"
" Yeah, what about it?" Hawkeye asked.
" Well in my dream," Margaret continued,
" The piece of wood wouldn't come out of your leg, you grew pale and your breathing grew shallow. You were losing blood fast and you knew you were going to die. Hawkeye you looked me right at me and you said…"
Margaret's voice trailed off. Tears started to well up in her eyes. She wished her dream about Hawkeye were true without the bitter end it had that made it a nightmare.
Hawkeye turned toward her sympathetically and asked Margaret quietly,
" What did I say that made you cry?"
Margaret turned toward Hawkeye and hugged him tight. Still crying, she replied in almost a whisper,
" You told me that you loved me and you have for a long time." She buried her face in his chest crying all the more. Hawkeye hugged her back and kissed the top of her head wondering what he should do.
Hawkeye held Margaret and they were quiet for a while. He then pulled her back a little saying,
" I had a dream jus like you did."
"You did?" Margaret questioned drying her eyes.
" Did it start out well and end horribly?" she asked.
" Yes that's exactly what happened." Hawkeye replied.
" What happened in your dream?" Margaret asked as she and Hawkeye continued their walk around the compound together.
" Well, in my dream the war had ended and everyone was going home. We had said goodbye to everyone but each other, and then we hugged and kissed each other goodbye lovingly. You were driving away and I felt so empty about your leaving, I realized I couldn't live without you. As your jeep was driving away I shouted a marriage proposal to you and you heard me and you got off and ran to me. You said you would marry me. I was so happy.
We left on the chopper and I took you home to Crabapple Cove with me. You and I got married and 9 months later my dad and I were rushing you to Cove Mercy Hospital. Margaret, you were in labor with our first child and you were in a lot of pain. You had a long 15 hour labor and you were tired and in pain." Hawkeye's voice trailed off.
Remembering this part of the dream made him feel sick. He didn't like thinking about Margaret being in pain and there was nothing he could do to help her. He remembered how vivid the dream was and it made him shudder at the thought of it.
Margaret saw the fear in Hawkeye's eyes and she gave him a quick hug and she quietly asked him,
" What else happened in your dream?"
Hawkeye sighed and quietly responded slowly,
" You, you gave birth to a still born baby. You lost a lot of blood and you passed out. I checked your pulse and got nothing, I was scared I was going to lose you so I did heart massage therapy. I did it for five minutes, but in the end I got nothing. In less than ten minutes I had lost my family and all I held dear to me.
I sat down in total disbelief and the walls started to dissolve. Everything around me was dissolving. That's when I woke up in a cold sweat and remembered I was still in Korea. The dream was so real it scared me. How about you?" Hawkeye questioned.
Margaret stood by Hawkeye's side lost in thought at what Hawkeye had just told her. She tried to imagine life after the war, but she just couldn't. Hawkeye noticed the far off look in Margaret's eyes. He quietly spoke her name to her,
" Margaret, Margaret. You okay?" He asked concern in his voice. Margaret snapped back to reality and looked at Hawkeye and replied,
" I'm fine Hawkeye. What was it you asked me before I got lost in thought?" She calmly asked looking Hawkeye directly eye to eye. Hawkeye said,
" I asked you if your dream scared you." Margaret answered as she thought of her dream,
" Yes. Yes it frightened me very much. It scared me so much I left my tent to make sure you were alright." She replied with a smile.
" Your okay now, right?" she asked hopefully.
" I'm fine now that you're here." He replied returning her smile. He took her in his arms and pulled her into a warm embrace whispered.
" Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for being there for me when I always needed you. Thank you for caring."
Margaret pulled away a little and looked him in the eye with tears in her own eyes. She said quietly,
" Your welcome, and thank you for being a true friend to me, even though I didn't deserve it." Hawkeye hugged Margaret again and asked,
" What do you mean you don't deserve it?"
Margaret replied in a low voice,
" I mean I don't deserve your kindness. You're always so warm and welcoming to me and I turn and give you the cold shoulder, I'm sorry." She started to tremble and Hawkeye held her tighter and reassured her by saying,
" We all act that way sometimes. It just goes to show that were human."
Margaret nodded in agreement and dried her eyes. Then she reached up and kissed Hawkeye on the lips lightly saying,
" Thank you for understanding."
Hawkeye returned her kiss with a long, loving
one and said,
" Your welcome, Margaret."
They hugged each other and they walked to the mess tent together to sit down and enjoy each other's company over a cup of coffee. They talked the rest of the night each grateful for the other's company. Three cups of coffee late, they hugged each other and went back to Margaret's tent. They had a restless night, but they didn't mind. They were just glad they had each other.
Hawkeye and Margaret fell asleep in each other's arms and they didn't wake up until noon. Each grateful for the other more than the other would ever know.
THE END