So this is a very short chapter—there will probably be one up later today. And yes, I'm aware that my chapters in general are short. I don't have much of an attention span.
I decided today that there was nothing left to say.
He was gone. He went to take care of whatever business he had to take care of. It was time for me to get over it.
My new found strength didn't come easy, and I wasn't even sure if one could call it "strength". I sat in front of the fluorescent green phone in my room for hours earlier, picked it up, only to set it back down again. After the late afternoon became early evening, and I still had not called, I decided that maybe it was something telling me I shouldn't anymore. That maybe Tommy was much more dead- on than I had originally given him credit for.
All in all, it was not one of my easier decisions. I cried over it today, threw an almost two year old tantrum laying across my bed, pounding my fists, destroying my bedroom. When that was over, and I curled up into a ball, mellowing out, I had a moment of clarity. Or, as close to one as I've had in about three months. And the way I've been recently, I'll take lucidity of any kind.
I got up from my bed, dried my eyes, changed my clothes, and headed out for the night. I decided that the tears that had just left my eyes, would be the last ones I ever shed over Tommy Quincy.
And even though I could feel myself dying more inside, I thought maybe I was getting a little bit stronger.
Again, there will probably be one more up today, and possibly more before Memorial day weekend it up.