Taking hold

Thank you guys for the reviews, glad you like. Here's part 5…more soon I hope

Part 5

Lent against the bonnet of her Tahoe Sara took a long drag from the cigarette she held, allowing the smoke to fill her lungs, and calm her a little.

She'd been crying, any fool could see that, yet none of them fools were foolish enough to say anything to her because they knew Sara of old, and knew that she wouldn't take the concern well. Her eyes were red and blotchy, her hands were not as calm as she would have liked and her mind was running a 100 times the speed it should be.

She'd never wanted anyone to know, let alone her work colleagues…

Maybe some day – she'd have told Catherine but it shouldn't have been today and it really shouldn't have been like that.

Right now what she wanted to do was distance herself from everyone – she wanted to lock herself in her apartment and pretend no one had hared.

She stood in the darkness of the night, taking a drag from the fag it was a welcomed feeling – she'd quit many times and then, something would happen and she'd switch the nicotine patches and gum for the real thing - she'd been into some hard core drugs as a teenager…but this was one habit she couldn't kick. As she stood and tears did in fact start to fall again she was sure that Gil would kick her from the case if he saw her like this. It was true, she'd managed to get through the last two hours but it was all catching up with her. After the talk with Warrick she'd needed to get out of that place for a while and think about everything. Leaving a message to be paged if anything came up she took off to the parking lot and that's where she was now.

Looking through the blurry vision she saw the familiar Tahoe pull into the parking lot. She sighed and then cursed angrily as anger filled her - this was the furthest thing away from what she needed right now.

Turning around she wiped the tears away as best he could – not very well, but it'd have to do. And took the last drag of the fag before flicking it to the floor, her hope however of making it back into the lab before the car stopped and the occupants exited were slaughtered with the sound of her name. "Sar"

She was actually amazed how there was so much love and concern in that one utterance. And it smothered her, she felt trapped. Refusing to turn around, not wanting to show her weakness Sara stayed with her back to them.

"Nick go ahead…give the stuff to Greg I'll catch up" the voice explained.

Before Sara could try and get away she felt a hand on her hand, "Sar baby" Catherine spoke. Reluctantly Sara allowed herself to be pulled around so she was facing Catherine and pinned up to the Tahoe, "God, I've been so worried about you"

"Don't be" Sara mumbled looking to the floor, "I'm fine"

"Yeah…you look it" Catherine shot.

Catherine sighed and as she moved her hand to run it across Sara's cheek - Sara lost it and pushed her hand away a little too harshly "Don't" she growled.

Catherine was shocked and backed up a little, "Sar? Sara honey…" that was it, now Catherine wasn't worried for her girlfriend, she was terrified for her.

"Don't"

Catherine took a deep breath; she hadn't expected to see her so broken. Hesitantly she took another step back and to the side giving Sara the needed space – although the only thing Catherine wanted to do was hold her – she knew she had to be gentle "I'm scared Sara" She explained truthfully – she'd never seen Sara like this. The brunette lit another cigarette, avoiding eye contact, avoiding questions. Questions she couldn't handle and the eye contact she wasn't ready for.

After a few moments silence and a drag of her fag Sara looked to her side into Catherine's eyes, and spoke sadly, "You're looking at me differently now you know – I can see it…its different now." She then looked down cast to the floor.

"No" Catherine shook her head, "Nothings different between us Sara…you're still the woman I love. I'm worried about you is all…I'm really worried" Catherine explained.

"Don't be – just forget everything" she pleaded angrily.

"I can't help it…you're scaring me." There was silence again, Catherine reached forward again giving into the need to feel Sara and she softly ran her hand over Sara's "Please…take a break, come grab some coffee and let's talk – I… need you to let me hold you" Catherine's voice cracked this time. And Sara saw pain she'd caused in her girlfriends eyes. She hated herself for causing that pain.

"I can't…" Sara stood, leaning back on her Denali and backing off again from Catherine pulling away from her touch. Taking a last long drag she threw the still burning butt to the floor and faced the still worried blond, looking at her feet – "I'm sorry" She offered.

"Sorry?" Catherine asked, "What are you apologizing for?"

"For doing this to you…" Sara explained, "I'm pushing you away…I know I am…and I'm hurting you…but I can't deal any other way. I'm sorry" With that Sara took off back towards the Lab.

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"Sidle doing paper work…I must be in the wrong lab"

Sara instantly smiled when she hared his voice, looking up from where she was sat she saw Greg stood, "Hey Grego…how's shift going?" Sara asked softly.

"Better than yours by the look of it" He smirked charmingly yet understanding as he walked further in taking and took a seat next to someone he considered a close friend.

"So I guess the lab found out about the episode in the interrogation room huh?"

"Actually that's where your wrong…from strict instruction from both Catherine and then Grissom and then Catherine again – and a scene with Warrick and Hodge's you are a strictly off topic subject" Warrick explained.

Sara smiled, "So, I'm off topic…well… that I didn't expect." She thought a moment then turned to Greg, "So no one knows what happened in the interrogation room?"

"Only the ones that were on the other side of the mirror" Greg explained, then he turned serious – "I can worry about you right? I mean, I know that I need to keep the flirting to a minimum right now, and I need to lie the fighting for a while… but I can worry, yeah?"

"You can Greg…but it's not necessary" Sara explained, she reached out and took his hand. Something he wasn't expecting, he turned to face her "I'm fine"

"Sar…honey…I know you are trying to make me feel better and not worry but…you can't say I'm fine when you lock yourself in here with Paper work. We know you…and this is not you" he explained.

Sara shrugged, "it's been a funny kind of Day is all" She explained, "The case hit me hard"

Greg left a respectable amount of time before he cut into the silence "Come on, I put some of the good old stuff in the coffee maker…just for you" he winked. Sometimes he was just too sweet "so you can't say no"

She smiled, "Well, who am I to refuse…thanks"

He knew that she was thanking him for more than the coffee. He stood and took hold of her wrist pulling him up with her, "Don't get all soft on me now Sidle" he shot.

---- TBC let me know what you think : )