SEEKING TRANQUILITY
Four weeks. Four long weeks.
Hitomi was surprised she'd managed to keep count after the first six days. After that everything was a white blur. This whole month had been agonizing for her; forced to lie in a bed that wasn't her own.
It was a hospital bed. And the smell in the air was horrible. She couldn't describe it, but it reminded her of a dentist's office: blood, metal, and peroxide. It reminded her of him. And how his actions had given her the wound on her side. The wound that was now a scar covered by a bruise.
When Hitomi had arrived back on earth, the exact spot she had left from--which had been her room--she found that she'd only been gone for two days. Thankfully no-one had been home at the time, so she had enough time to change out of her clothes and take a nice relaxing shower. Boy did that ever feel great. She felt like she hadn't had one in forever.
By the time she'd finished looking halfway decent, her mother, brother, and father arrived--all at separate times of course. When her mother asked her where she'd been, she lied and told her she had spent the weekend at a friends house studying and what not. And even though Hitomi knew her mother knew she was lying, she still didn't feel ready yet to tell her the truth. And she didn't think she ever would.
It had been another one of the few times--mostly when she came back from Gaea-- she had to lie to her parents. Not only that but she had to explain the huge gash in her side! When her mother had suspected something--it was so obvious with the way she'd been walking around the house with a limp--her whole family had rushed her to the hospital to get her medically cared for when they saw the injury.
And that's how she got stuck here. In this room, in this bed, with nothing to do but think of that ungrateful jerk back at Gaea who probably didn't even care she was gone!
I hate you Dilandau...I really do... The sad part was she couldn't get him out of her head. Every time she slept she dreamt of him. Dreamt of her time back at Gaea with him. Sure it hadn't been a pleasant experience, but there was just something about him that drew her to him. His personality, his strength, his determination. Everything she never really had.
Sure she was a determined person, getting good grades at school and still having time for track, but it was for all the wrong reasons. She only did good because she couldn't let her parents down. And she only joined track because Amano-sempai had been in it. Another stupid silly crush of hers that didn't last more than a month.
How did she go from perfect Amano with a nice personality and loving nature, to the psychopath Dilandau who needed a trip to a therapist right away?
Maybe it was her with all the problems. She was the idiot who fell in love with him. And then actually told him! Argh! She couldn't believe she'd told him!
"I'm such an idiot," She sighed, shutting her eyes and blocking out the voices down the hall of the nurses and doctors. She hated this place. It made her feel weak.
Weak...
You're weak... He'd told her that right before she'd come back. And the bad part? It was all true. She was weak. Weak for letting him use her and not doing a thing about it. Weak for letting her emotions get the best of her--like they always managed to do.
"Well I'll never see him again!" She croaked, opening her eyes to glare at the ceiling. She squeezed the white sheets in her fists. She wondered what would've happened if she'd stayed and not left. Would he have laughed at her?
Hah, most likely. He loved making her feel like a complete fool. A worthless fool.
Am I going crazy? Why am I still thinking about him! Argh. Stop itHitomi. Get over it. You'll never see him again.
Never.
Dilandau stopped on his trek to his room at the same door. Like he did every night before he went to bed. It was a habit, and like they say: old habits die hard. He couldn't stop himself from looking into the room every day, hoping that maybe, just maybe, she would be there, smiling at him.
Keeping his face impassive, he continued down the hall. It had been three months. Three. Months. And not a sign nor hair of her. No-one spoke of her after the first week, even Chesta stopped asking where she'd gone, and now it seemed like her existence to them had died. Passed on.
He smirked. Heh, what the hell did he care? He was glad to have the nagging bitch off his back! He didn't need her. She was nothing more than a thorn in his side.
He entered his room and slammed it shut behind him, most likely waking or startling anyone in a mile distance, but he could care less.
He stepped over the pieces of glass across his room and sat on the edge of his bed. Earlier today he'd had another of his fits, breaking two mirrors in his room. But this time he didn't bother having it cleaned up. Leave the mess there. What did he care. He hated mirrors to begin with. Hated them because everytime he looked into them he saw the very reason she had left.
With a rough yank he pulled open his collar. She was weak anyway. Running off back to the mystic moon like some damn, scared little mouse. Without so much as a warning! Damn it, he could have stopped her, done something to keep her here! And not because he cared, or needed her. She was nothing to him. He just wanted her to come back so he could have someone to slap and yell at.
She was just a doll after all. Something meant to entertain him and do his every bidding. He laughed, the sound shaky and off tune. Well to hell with her. If she loved him so damn much why hadn't she come back?
WHY?
In another angry fit, he stood and started ripping and tearing the sheets on his bed, screaming and laughing all the while.
Stupid little...
Shred. Tear.
Worthless...
Tear.
With the last remains of his strength, he threw the mattress across the room and into the wall where it collided with another mirror.
Mirrors.
He hated them.
"Ow," Hitomi winced and bit her lip, looking away as the nurse injected her arm. She didn't know what it was, but they gave it to her often. It was probably some kind of narcotic to numb the pain in her side.
She felt the effects of it begin to work after a good ten minutes while faintly aware of the nurse patting her arm with a cotton swab. Ugh, she could smell it. Peroxide.
The drowsiness hit her like a ton of bricks, and the pain was almost completely gone. "How much...longer?" She managed, eyes shutting--at least she could still talk.
The nurse seemed to understand her as she stood and began cleaning up. "A few more days and then you can go back home." She smiled, but Hitomi didn't see it. "Now just rest up sweetie."
Hitomi nodded. Yeah. Rest. That sounded good.
"Dilandau-sama! What happened?" Rushing in, Chesta eyed the room. Torn sheets everywhere, glass everywhere.
"What did I tell you about bothering me?" Dilandau screamed, standing from his crouched spot over the shattered glass.
Had he been looking at himself?
Before Chesta could explain that he'd just been concerned--it was his duty to look after Dilandau--a hard slap sent him stumbling into the door he'd come in from, and onto the floor of the hall where some slayers had gathered in curiosity.
Dilandau shot the onlookers an icy glare. "Get the hell out before I cut your damn heads off!"
The slayers rushed off quicker than lightning. One thing was for sure, never take Dilandau lightly. If he said something, he meant it.
Chesta remained on the floor, his hand covering his cheek that stung and throbbed with the lightest touch. You'd think he'd be immune to the slaps by now.
"Come in here like that again and you'll regret it." Dilandau spat, walking up to him and sending a kick to the boy's side. He smirked when Chesta doubled over in pain, clutching his ribs, but not making a sound. If he did, he knew Dilandau would only beat him more.
"Pathetic." He laughed, turning and walking back into his room.
"It's because of her isn't it? Hitomi!"
The name froze Dilandau in his steps. Why? Why did her have to mention her name? He'd done so well to never say it. Never hear it, and now...
"Hitomi?" He repeated, bitterly laughing out the name so casually and calmly it seemed as if it hadn't affected him at all to say it. But on the inside he was aching, on the brink of losing it completely.
"What of her?" He asked, in the same calm and clipped voice. Like he didn't care.
"You miss her...don't you?" Chesta asked, warily standing and keeping a good distance between him and Dilandau. It wouldn't be smart to get too close to him when they were talking about Hitomi. Ever since she'd left the subject had been rather sensitive to mention.
Dilandau laughed. "You idiot! Why would I miss her?"
"I miss her." Chesta blurted, turning his back on Dilandau, forcing the tears to keep at bay. It wouldn't do to go off crying. If Dilandau saw, he'd beat him good and hard. "She was the only one you kept." And he walked off, staggering slightly in his steps.
Dilandau grinded his teeth together. What would he know? Only one he kept? Hah, what a damn joke! The only reason he let her tag along was because she was bait.
That's all she was: Bait.
"You're pathetic. Just look at you. You're nothing."
"Why?"
"You're worthless. No-one wants you. Not even him."
"Him?"
"You think you're special? Well you're not. You couldn't even get him to look at you. What a fool. You're nothing but a weak fool."
"Why do you say those things?"
The response was a laugh, low and deep. " Because you're nothing, and I don't want you either."
Hitomi shot up. "Dilandau!" She fell back against the bed when she realized she'd just had another bad dream. With him in it again no less. She wiped her sweaty forehead and calmed her breathing. What did the dream mean? She'd been having the same one for the past few days. Did it mean something?
It's just a dream, Hitomi. Get over it.
"Yeah, just a dream." She agreed, turning on her good side to stare at the open door to her room, the hallway empty and dark. What time was it anyway? She looked around to find no clock in sight. Sighing out loud, she rolled over on her back.
Great, now she couldn't get back to sleep. Why did this always happen to her? Suddenly, the most craziest thought occurred to her.
The pendant! She stopped searching her robe. Ugh, it's probably in my clothes. Honestly, what was the point of putting her in this ridiculous thing? It barely covered her thighs, and the material was like plastic.
Hmm, I wonder... She sat up and looked around the bed, only to spot her clothes clean and neatly folded in a chair in the corner.
Quietly, she tossed the blankets off her and climbed out of the bed. Ugh, what a relief. That thing was as hard as a brick. What kind of hospital was this? The Torture Hospital?
Weakly, she walked over to the chair and picked up her clothing. Sure enough it was there, buried deep in the pocket of her pants.
Carefully, she clipped the pendant back around her neck. After she did, the first thought that came to her--as stupid and as crazy as it was--was
Dilandau.
Hitomi.
There, he'd said it. No big deal. Standing abruptly, wanting to get her off his mind, Dilandau decided to go for a walk. And, who knows, slay a few men. After all, he was bored, and he needed to keep himself busy.
Walking down the hall, he found his feet stopping at the door to the room that belonged to her. Hmm...one of the slayers must have closed the door. Those damn idiots. He told each and every one of them not to touch anything in the room, including the door.
He pushed the door open with a sneer. He'd find out who did it and slice their head off.
Hitomi fell to her knees, suddenly feeling dizzy and disoriented. All at once she started having flashbacks of her and Dilandau together. Zooming by so fast she started to get a headache and feel nauseous.
A white light enveloped her, and she felt weightless. When she looked down, she realized there was no floor beneath her. A black pit.
"Ahhh!" With a scream, she felt her body being hurled into another dimension. Like on a roller coaster she felt her stomach turn inside out and literally jump in her throat. The experience was all too real, and that's when she realized it. I'm being sent back to Gaea!
The voice of an elderly woman filled her head. It was the psychic her and Yukari had gone to see before all this had happened! Before Gaea, Van, and Guymelef's.
When two minds connect, they will be reunited.
"Oof!" She felt her body collide into something big and hard. Was it? Opening her eyes she realized it was a bed. But it wasn't just any bed. It was the bed to her room back in Gaea.
She swallowed hard. Oh God. I'm back...with Dilandau.
Dilandau started to move away from the door when he heard it.
"Oof!"
His whole body trembled. He'd recognize that voice anywhere. Quick as lightning, he rushed back and threw the door open all the way, only to stare face to face with Hitomi.
Hitomi jumped, startled, when the door flew open. She made a frightened sound when she saw Dilandau. He looked horrible, like his life had been sucked out of him. She gulped. Now that she was back, what would he do to her? After everything that happened...
"I love you okay!"
Oh God no, she had to get out quick before he asked--
"Hitomi."
She was surprised he'd called her by her name. She remained silent, unsure what to say, both mad and confused.
How did I get back here?
The voice of the psychic rushed back at her. "When two minds connect, they will be reunited."
Just what did that mean?
Reunited?
Two minds?
Connect?
She jerked away from him when he reached out to touch her. Was he going to hit her?
Dilandau grimaced. "Stay still damn it!" He ordered. He had to make sure, make sure he wasn't...
His cold fingers brushed against the warmth of her cheek. She was real. Not a dream.
She avoided eye contact and did not speak. What was wrong with her?
"Three months." He murmured.
She stared at him in wonder. " W-What?"
"What the hell are you wearing?" He demanded, eyeing her wardrobe.
Hitomi realized he'd said something else, but didn't bother pushing the subject and settled for answering him. " It's...a hospital gown." She blushed in embarrassment--she hadn't even have time to change her clothes.
"Why are you back?" He asked, his voice so low she feared he was in another one of his psychotic stages.
"I..." She swallowed. What could she say? She hadn't come back on purpose. It all just happened. And she still had no clue why! "I don't know." She answered finally.
He laughed, and it reminded her of the times he'd mocked her. "How can you not know!" He screeched, leaning forward and grabbing a chunk of her hair, pulling on it fiercely, forcing her head to jerk up and face him.
She slapped his hands away. "Don't touch me!" She scurried off the bed before he could grab her again, falling off the edge without realizing it till her back painfully landed on the floor.
He laughed, but it had no humor in it. "Idiot."
Standing up and ignoring the ache in her lower back, she warily stepped toward the door, before stopping her advance when he spoke lowly and threateningly.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you."
" I didn't come back to be your stupid rag doll, Dilandau!" She shouted, flustered. "The last thing I wanted to see was you!"
She saw him flinch, before a smirk stretched across his face. But that was impossible right? Dilandau really didn't care what she thought, right?
"You can't escape." He whispered, watching her with such intensity it made her legs shake. "You'd never make it out alive." His smirk grew wider. "Not past my men."
"What use do you have for me?" She demanded, losing her patience. "It's been a month--"
"Three." He corrected sternly.
"A month back on earth." She snapped. "And you still need me to get Van? You can't be serious! Haven't you got another plan that doesn't involve me?"
"No." He answered simply. He stepped forward, without her knowing it, until she was within his reach.
Hitomi blushed and squeaked in horror when his hand started lifting her gown up. "W-What are you doing?"
He ignored her and continued to pull the material up until her side was revealed. He let his cold fingers trace the scar. Hitomi winced from the touch, before she stared at him in wonder. Dilandau? Being gentle?
"It doesn't hurt anymore." She didn't know why she told him that. But she felt she had to. His face just looked so...lost. She shook her head, shutting her eyes in the process. I've got to be imagining things!
"When I got back home I was taken to a hospital. I've been there the whole time since I left, recovering." She pushed her gown down, forcing his hand to move away from her side.
He sneered. "I could care less."
She sighed. "Look Dilandau, I know we left on bad terms, but can we just forget everything that happened? I'm really not in the mood to argue."
He glared at her. "No."
"What?" She blinked green eyes at him. "Why?"
"Didn't you hear me?" He snapped. "I said no."
God, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. "What's gotten you in such a bad mood?" She grumbled.
"Let's go. We're getting you out of those disgusting clothes." He grabbed her arm in a painful grip and dragged her out of the room and down the hall.
"Hey! I can change on my own you know!" She screamed, whacking his hands away when he started undoing her hospital gown.
"Shut up!" He ordered. Hitomi's mouth clamped shut. He looked...really mad right now.
Blushing, she felt his hands slide the garment off her, before his hands started tracing her sides. His touch was soft and careful, shocking Hitomi who watched, stupefied.
Why's he being so nice? Sure he still ordered her around like some dog, but he was being physically nicer.
She leapt back a good ten feet when he started tugging her panties off. "H-Hey! I said I can change alright! I don't need your help!" She didn't even want to be here. With him. It was torture seeing him again. The stupid...gorgeous...jerk! Argh!
She looked away, blushing, a frown on her face.
"Are you ashamed?" He purred, coming up to stand at her side, one hand on her shoulder and the other wrapped around her waist. He pulled her close to him. Despite how much he wanted to deny it, and hate her for it, he enjoyed this. He felt truly...alive. After three long months he finally felt at peace. And the gaping whole in his chest seemed to vanish.
He shoved her away. "Take a shower. You reek."
"HEY! You jerk! I do not!" Flushing, she stomped off toward the bathroom nonetheless. She barely realized they were in a room she didn't recognize.
She stopped to stare. "Whose room is this?"
"Hitomi?"
Whirling around toward the door, Hitomi was shocked and overjoyed to see Chesta.
"Ch-Chesta? Is that you?"
He blushed, keeping his head down. "I-I'm glad your back .For whatever reasons...I'm glad."
She smiled. "It's good to see you too Chesta." She frowned. Why wasn't he looking at her? He was staring at her like she was...
EEP! I'M NAKED! Okay, so maybe she wasn't totally naked, but still, she only had her bra and panties on! How embarrassing!
For some odd reason, she was relieved to find Dilandau stepping in front of her, blocking her from Chesta's view. Not like the boy was looking or anything.
Chesta looked up and caught the look in Dilandau's eyes. With an audible gulp he walked off.
Hitomi blinked wide green eyes. What was that all about? Dilandau didn't even say anything to him. She blinked again. Hmm, maybe Chesta just got embarrassed and felt like leaving.
If he's embarrassed, I should really be ashamed! Her cheeks flamed red.
"What are you waiting for!" Dilandau's voice cracked.
Hitomi bowed her head, not looking in his eyes. "Now I remember why I left in the first place." She walked off, but his hand on her wrist stopped her.
"You don't want to anger me." He spat, before he caught himself.
Hitomi broke his grip and hurriedly walked out of the room.
"Where do you think you're going?" Dilandau demanded, following her.
"I was stupid enough to let you step all over me before, but I'm not going to let you do it again!" Hitomi hated herself when she felt the tears leak from the corner of her eyes. Why did she have to cry? She quickened her pace.
You're on track. Come on, girl! You should be able to out run him and all his slayers! You can do it Hitomi!
But her side still hurt, and it slowed her down a great deal, now that she had to limp to avoid feeling the pain. She tripped in her haste to get away, but Dilandau caught her around the waist before she collided into the ground.
"Itai!" She shouted, feeling his armor dig into her ribs.
He loosened his grip immediately, but kept his hold on her. "I won't let you go. Not again." He hissed, burying his face in the crook of her neck.
Hitomi was overwhelmed. Don't believe him Hitomi, he's just tricking you. He's using your feelings to get the best of you. Don't let him win!
"I'm not stupid Dilandau. I won't fall for the same lie twice." She whispered.
He laughed against the skin of her shoulder. "Who said I was lying. And have you forgotten you're in nothing but your undergarments?"
Hitomi blushed. EEP! "Please let me go Dilandau. I didn't want to come back. I just want to go back home." Her lack of clothing was something she was surprisingly not concerned with at the moment. She just had to get away before she lost it completely. Feeling him so close to her was breaking her apart inside out.
"Why didn't you?" He demanded, whirling her around, forcing her to face him.
"Well?" He screamed, sending a slap to her face. He realized his mistake too late.
Hitomi did nothing, not bothering to turn her head back--as the slap had sent her head to the side with its force. "Looks like you already know." She whispered.
He gritted his teeth. "It's not..."
"Not what? Why don't you just leave me alone and use someone else for your stupid bait!" She wailed, turning around, ready to flee, but he held onto her, managing to grab her after she turned.
"LET ME GO!" She cried, struggling, but she was still weak, and she still felt drowsy from the injection at the hospital from before. She sobbed uncontrollably. Have to get away. I have to get away!
"Shut up and stop fighting me!" He screamed back, bringing her tightly against his body, holding her close as her back collided into his chest.
The name seemed to just come out, and she couldn't stop it. "Van! Van! VAAAAN!"
"Don't say his name!" He screeched, and before she knew it she was being slammed up against the wall, Dilandau's mouth on hers.
Hitomi gasped, her cries dying down. He was kissing her! She stayed completely still, unmoving, eyes open and wide in shock. She shut her eyes tightly. No! No! NO! He's just doing this to keep me from leaving!
"Mmmpth!" She tried screaming at him and fighting him off but he held her arms firmly at her sides, his mouth not allowing any coherent sound to escape her lips.
He finally pulled away when her felt something warm and wet fall on his cheek. Startled, he pulled back to see her crying, looking helpless and vulnerable.
"V-Van..." She cried hoarsely.
"Why do you still call his name!" He demanded, before a cruel and hateful smirk lifted his lips. "He doesn't even love you, so why do you call his name instead of mine?"
Hitomi gasped in shock. So he remembered her confession..
I love you okay?
She shook her head furiously. "Because Van treated me like a human. Despite him not loving me back, he treated me good!" She shouted.
He sneered. "So you'd rather be with him than me?"
"At least he loves me as a friend. You don't even look at me like I'm a human! You treat me like some disease! And you can't even love me! That's why I left!" Everything just seemed to be coming out and she couldn't hold it in. She couldn't stop herself.
"Being with you just makes it more painful. I feel like before, when I loved Van. He never looked at me the way I wanted him to. It's the same again! I told you how I felt, and all you do is toss me around like some used up rag doll!"
She got in his face. "And I'm tired of it!"
He laughed, looking like he didn't care, but he did. Why couldn't he just express himself right? He was so damn messed up. "Then maybe you shouldn't have come back."
"I didn't come back, I already told you!" She jerked her head to the side.
"Don't lie. You missed me. Admit it." He purred, caressing her earlobe with his lips, a smirk on his face.
More tears fell from her eyes, confusing Dilandau who stopped his actions. "I--I did. Maybe it is my fault I'm back here." She sobbed.
For once he looked startled, surprised even. His smirk widened. "Couldn't get me out of your head could you?" He mocked.
She avoided his gaze. "Just stop itDilandau. I gave you my heart but you didn't re--"
"I'm not giving you up, not to him." He hissed, interrupting her.
"It's not your choice is it." She snapped.
"You gave yourself completely to me when you confessed your feelings." He smirked. "Nothing will change that."
"Well I take it back! I don't love you! I hate you! I could never love someone who--who treats me so cruelly!"
He glared heatedly at her. "You can't take those words back. It's too late."
"I can take them back whenever I want! And who knows, maybe I'll get with Allen or something!"
He slammed her into the wall so hard she felt like her breath got knocked out of her, literally.
"Allen Schezar?" He laughed the name. "He would never love a petty little thing like you. He's a knight, with a princess whose in love with him, what reasons would he have to go to you: a scrawny little girl with nothing special about her?"
Hitomi gaped in surprise. How did he know about Millerna? She shook her head. "You know what Dilandau? Your words mean nothing to me now! I was an idiot to actually let you get to me. Well I won't now!"
And without a second thought, she sent him a hard slap to the face.
Dilandau grabbed his cheek in horror.
"Now you know how it feels to be slapped around, Dilandau." She said, looking almost guilty about her actions. "I really am sorry Dilandau. I wish we could've been on better terms, but you just can't be nice, can you?" She hurriedly walked off.
Dilandau held his stinging cheek. Is this what she felt every time he'd hit her? Startled, he realized he'd gotten sidetracked in his thoughts, only to look up to see her gone.
"HITOMI!" He bellowed. Not again. Not again, damn it! It was all his fault. Why the hell did he have to go and say all that?
Not wasting another minute, he ran off down the hall at full speed.