Angela had spent the better part of her morning driving around aimlessly before parking her car at a local conservation area and taking to one of its many charming paths on foot. 'I love Tony' she reflected in amazement. The shock didn't come from her admission, she had suspected for some time now that she loved him, but this was different. Not only had she just admitted it out loud for the first time in Dr. Bellows' office and made it real, but this was the first time she had ever allowed herself to acknowledge this truth and the weight of all the different emotions she was experiencing was almost unbearable. 'So … now what?' she thought, 'what do I do with this?' she asked herself, feeling lost.
Walking along the tree lined path, she attempted to make sense of the complicated web that is their relationship. They'd spent their entire summer stepping all over blurred lines which had subsequently led her to this crossroads and it all began with her resolve to blow out the pilot light on the stove. 'Why are we so incapable of communicating with each other like normal people?' She let out a deep sigh as she allowed herself to dive into her memories of that night, remembering the events that transpired after Tony made the decision to move back into the house.
XXXXXXX
As they sat at the kitchen table catching up over tea Tony suggested they watch a movie before bed. Feeling tired, Angela instinctively looked at the time but knowing tomorrow was Sunday and she had nowhere to be, she accepted his proposal.
"Only if you let me sleep in tomorrow." she negotiated.
"Angelaaa," he whined, "I don't wake you early on weekends."
"Not intentionally you don't, but I hear you get up for your runs in the morning." She explained.
"Point taken. I will go for my run tomorrow afternoon." He winked and she responded with a smile. "I need to run back to Mona's and grab my toothbrush, you find us a movie and I'll be right back."
When Tony returned from Mona's apartment he quickly ran his things upstairs to his own bathroom while Angela put on a movie. She was already yawning but happy to forego sleep for another couple of hours in order to spend some time with him. Tony made his way back down the stairs just as she got the movie queued up and they watched "The Way We Were". Well … Tony did, Angela fell asleep before it was halfway through. Tony knew he should wake her and send her up to bed but he had missed her so much that he didn't want her to leave. So instead, he put his arm around her and gently slid her onto his chest knowing it would be more comfortable for her to sleep on than his hard shoulder.
"Ange" he whispered, "Angela" he said again, but she didn't move. Tony softly ran his hand along her cheek but instead of waking up she smiled in her sleep. Tony swallowed. 'I wonder what she's dreamin' about,' he mused. 'God she's beautiful' he gushed as he planted a soft kiss on the top of her head. "Angela" he tried again, this time a soft whisper in her ear and she began to stir.
After taking a moment to wake up, Angela realized that she had fallen asleep in the middle of yet another movie and she felt terrible. "Oh, Tony. I'm so sorry" remorse evident in her tone.
"Ay oh, Angela, you have nothing to be sorry about. I knew you were tired, to be honest I'm surprised you made it as long as you did." He chuckled.
"Then why did you suggest we stay up and watch a movie if you knew I was going to fall asleep?" She whined. She was tired and annoyed and it was evident in her tone, but that was about to change.
"Because I like it when you fall asleep on my shoulder." He admitted, his gaze intense. "I've missed it," he added, now looking away.
Angela smiled timidly. "I've missed you too Tony."
He looked at her and gave her a soft smile, "You go on up to bed, I'm gonna lock up okay?"
"Okay," Angela said, her eyes still on him, "Good night Tony" She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his cheek before standing up and making her way upstairs.
When Angela walked into her room she immediately noticed the familiar yellow hue pop against the pink of her flowered pillow. She smiled. Of all the silly tactics they'd come to depend on for communication in order to avoid actually sharing their feelings with one another, this was definitely her favourite. Although she was kicking herself for not having thought of this idea when she was trying to come up with a campaign for them. 'They would have eaten this up,' she thought.
She casually walked over and reached for the note …
'I want you to know that Mona's kitchen window looks right into ours' - she smiled when she noted his use of the word 'ours' and not 'yours' before continuing to read, not yet having realized where he was going with that statement - 'and I watched you blow out the pilot light.
T.'
Angela's jaw dropped. 'Busted.' She giggled before biting down on her bottom lip. Reaching over into her night table drawer, she added the note to the existing pile that she kept safely hidden in there and grabbed the pad and marker sitting next to them. With a mischievous smile on her face she quickly scribbled her own message, then waited until she heard Tony in his bathroom before running across the hall, placing her note on his pillow and running back into her room. Angela then washed up for bed and went to sleep.
Tony walked into his room shortly after to find his own slice of humble pie waiting for him on his pillow.
'Philly stopped by on his way out … said you tried to get him to watch "Little House on the Prairie" was it? … Oh and he also asked me if you and I were doing the horizontal mambo. I'm still a little unsure of what he meant by that, perhaps you could explain it to me later.
Have a good sleep ;)
Ange.'
"Damn it Philly!" Tony growled before adding the note to his own collection and falling onto his bed. It wasn't long before his face began to soften into a smile as he thought about how wonderful it felt to be back home.
XXXXXXX
Angela smiled at the memory of Tony's face the next morning, she had never before seen him blush so hard. She decided to make her way over to a pond and walked around its perimeter and noticed that off to one of the sides, originally hidden from her view by trees, there were two swans. She paused for a moment admiring their grace and beauty. Her thoughts now back on Tony and Frankie, 'She really is perfect for him, I bet they will end up mating for life just like these swans. Her eyes were sad, she felt defeated. 'He makes me feel like there is more between us than just friendship, but then if that were true, how could he be at home right now considering marrying a woman he just met a few days ago!? … okay well they didn't meet a few days ago … I guess he did always have a crush on her … why is he so confusing?' Lost in her thoughts, Angela kept on walking with no real sense of direction. Looking across the pond she saw an older gentleman walking what looked to be a dalmatian in the distance and she was once again lost in memories of that summer.
XXXXXXX
She had been working away in her home office since early that morning, it had been a particularly challenging week at work and she had some things that she needed to catch up on. There was a time when she would have gone into the city in order to better concentrate on her work with fewer distractions, but over the last couple of years that routine had become less and less frequent. Angela had used her home office more in the three years that Tony and Sam had lived there than all the years she had lived in the house before their arrival.
Tony knocked lightly on her door announcing his entrance, "Hey Ange, how's it going in here?"
She sighed, grateful for the interruption. "Oh Tony, I'd be lying if I said it was good."
Tony walked over to her desk with a plate in his hands, "I brought you some fresh cookies."
"Tony Micelli, you sure know how to distract a girl," she giggled and his eyes lit up.
"Look Angela, it's almost two o'clock in the afternoon and you were already in here when I came down this morning. I know you've got stuff to do but don't you think it might be better to take a break and come back to it? You're exhausted and I can't imagine your brain is capable of being all that creative on such little sleep."
"I know you're right Tony but …" Tony cut her off.
"Angelaaaa." he sulked and she nearly melted, she knew he was just looking out for her.
Fighting back thoughts of biting his pouty lip she conceded. "Okay, okay. If I take these cookies out to the swing and eat them under the oak tree will you let me come back in and finish my work when I'm done?"
"Deal." He said, his smile big.
"You're lucky you came with cookies." she joked.
They sat on the swing together eating cookies and Angela began to feel the tension melt away almost immediately. "You know Tony, as much as I hate to admit it you were right. I already have a fresh idea that I think might have been the answer to this campaign all along."
"I know." He gloated. "I don't know what it is with you and sweets Angela, but the power of the cookie - it's a real thing with you." He laughed. They sat in a companionable silence for a few minutes before Tony spoke again. "Hey Angela, I know you've been busy but I was thinking …" he looked over at her "it's been two weeks and tonight is the last night the 101 Dalmations is playing …"
"Oh Tony, I completely forgot! We were supposed to go last Saturday weren't we? Why didn't you say something last weekend I could have …" Tony interrupted.
"Angela, I knew you had a lot on your plate and I understand. I will also understand if you can't go tonight either but I thought I'd ask."
"No, Tony, I'd love to go!"
"Yeah? Are you sure you're gonna be okay with this work stuff?" He wanted to be sure he wasn't adding stress, his goal was to help take some away.
"Well, what time is the movie? Can we watch a later show so that I can have the rest of the day to work on my storyboard?" She negotiated.
"How will you stay awake if we go to a late show?" He teased.
"I thought you said you like it when I fall asleep on your shoulder?" She mocked back playfully.
Tony tried to swallow back his embarrassment but his blush deceived him, she had him there. "Let me grab the paper so we can check the showtimes," he replied as he stood up to get the newspaper from inside the house.
They decided they would eat an early dinner and aim to catch the eight o'clock show. The six o'clock was too early, she needed more time to work and the ten o'clock "You don't have a prayer in hell of making that one Angela." Tony laughed.
"Alright then, it's settled." Angela said as she stood up to head back to her office, "Let me get back to work and I'll see you at six for dinner, and Tony …" she waited for him to look up at her "stop distracting me with sweet things." She said with a wink, leaving Tony intrigued as he watched her walk away.
After having dinner with the family, Tony and Angela left the kids with Mona and headed out to the movie theater. Tony was always eager to get to the theater early as he hated being rushed. He needed ample time to find parking and wanted to get the best possible seats, grab his popcorn and drinks and have plenty of time to settle in his seat before taking in the trailers. They usually sat in the dark theater for so long before the movie actually began that most times Angela was ready to fall asleep before the movie started rolling - and tonight was no exception. They were so used to watching movies alone at home after the kids had gone to sleep that extending their routine out to the movie theater was a relatively easy transition to make. There was no awkwardness between them and the whole experience was one that they were already comfortable with … or at least they were … until Angela, after another exhausting day, inevitably fell asleep on Tony's shoulder before 101 Dalmatians even began rolling.
Tony smiled amused by the fact that she had fallen asleep before the movie even started. He didn't have the heart to wake her from her much needed slumber so he grabbed his popcorn from where it was sitting on the seat next to him and made himself comfortable as bursts of black dots began to draw dalmations all over the big screen. He alternated between watching the movie and watching Angela. His heart began to swell with love as he became enamoured of her, thinking about how hard she works and his overwhelming desire to protect her, make her take time out to relax and enjoy life a little, 'or just Sleep properly' he thought with a smile. He watched the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, her soft lips, 'I adore you Angela Bower' he thought to himself before he mindlessly leaned forward and turned his head to kiss her forehead just as Cruella made her boisterous entrance. The onscreen commotion woke Angela and as she slowly opened her eyes she saw Tony moving towards her. Still groggy from her nap, Angela instinctively leaned her head back and closed her eyes again. It all happened so fast that Tony didn't react to seeing her open her eyes and lean back and instead of kissing her forehead he connected with her lips. Tony froze, eyes still open, but he didn't pull away. Angela now realized that Tony was probably leaning in to wake her up and not to kiss her and she opened her eyes wondering why he hadn't pulled back yet. She breaks contact just enough to be able to clearly focus her eyes on him and when he didn't show any sign of regret Angela leaned back in and kissed his lips again. For several minutes, the two of them became lost in each other and completely unaware of their surroundings, but then Tony came to his senses, broke contact and apologized.
"God Angela I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I don't know what I was thinkin'"
Angela nodded, "It's ... it's okay Tony. Me too … me too that, I'm also sorry I mean. I … I think I was still a bit groggy and wasn't thinking at all." She whispered back disappointed.
They turned back to the big screen in front of them and that kiss was sublimated deep into their subconscious along with the rest of their repressed feelings for each other.
XXXXXXX
Angela had no doubt in her mind that they were no longer in an employee and employer relationship and she felt that what they shared at this point went beyond friendship too. They had tiptoed around the notion for some time before that, but that day sealed the deal for her. When Tony kissed her on her birthday 'we were drunk' she reasoned. Inspiration point 'he felt sorry for me' she concluded. Even when he told her he loved her in the hospital 'he was very heavily medicated' she admitted. But this was different. This was a moment of weakness. There were emotions that were exposed before that kiss, 'I saw it in his eyes the same way I saw it in his eyes when he told me in a roundabout way that he loved me after that poker game and he was not drunk or medicated then either.' Angela knew she felt more coming from him 'So why is it that after all this he is sitting at home right now contemplating marrying Frankie?' She sighed in frustration … 'Geoffrey' she thought suddenly. 'I already had feelings for Tony when I was considering marrying Geoffrey. I didn't say no until I saw Tony in my window … maybe he is waiting for me to stop him just like I wanted, and waited for him to stop me!'
XXXXXXX
"So," she began after a brief lesson in Italian hand gestures 101 "what made you decide to share your advice with me at the last minute?" Angela asked.
Tony nervously licked his lips. "Well … you know Angela … I just ..." he paused. 'I'm starting to have these feelings for you that I can't make sense of and I wanted to stop you so that we can have some time to figure this out' he thought, but didn't dare speak. "I didn't think you sounded convinced, when we spoke in the kitchen, that marrying Geoffrey was what you truly wanted."
"Oh, really?" she questioned.
"Yes." Tony stood firm.
"So then, what is it that I truly want?"
"I don't know Angela, I think that's a question for you not me."
"Okay then …" she paused and looked up to the ceiling contemplating how she might word this. She knew what she wanted to say was 'I want you Tony' but she also wouldn't dare. "To be honest Geoffrey checked off a lot of boxes." She saw the disappointment on his face almost immediately but that didn't stop her. "He respected me as a professional and was not intimidated by my success. He was charming, and witty, and he certainly loved me." Her eyes now glistened as she realized that she was back to being alone. 'It was so nice to be in a committed relationship again. To feel loved and wanted … the intimacy' she thought. "But," she continued, pulling herself back to the present, "there were also some very important ones he didn't check."
"Oh yeah? Like what? … you forgot obsessive by the way" he sneered.
"Funny," she mocked. But then her tone turned very serious. "As I told you before, for me to go down the bridal path it has to be with the right person."
Tony swallowed, "and who might that be?" he asked cautiously, unsure of whether or not he was prepared to hear her answer.
"Well … He would have to be caring, charming, funny," She thought of Tony and smiled before continuing, "ambitious." She sat down on the edge of her bed, Tony remained standing. "He would have to love Jonathan as much as I do and have a solid relationship with him and Jonathan would have to love him too. I know Jonathan didn't love Geoffrey but I thought he might grow to love him. But when I suggested that he spend some time with Geoffrey and listed off some ideas of things they might do together, his response was that he already did all those things with you … and, I couldn't argue with that." She looked up at him now, searching for a reaction but there was nothing on Tony's face to be read. Disappointed, she decided to close off the conversation, knowing he wasn't going to open up about any of this today. "So, in closing" she giggled now, trying to lighten the mood … "I guess it would have to be someone just like …"
"Don Gummer?" Tony asked, now looking at her with an affectionate smile on his face.
Angela took a sharp breath in, her eyes now glistening with unshed tears.
"Yes," she whispered and her lips curled up into a soft smile, "somebody just like him."
XXXXXXX
Thinking back to her conversation with Dr Bellows that morning, Angela could think of nothing else but the words 'Angela, I think you might lose him' as they echoed over and over again in her mind.
"I have to tell him!" She sprung into action and began to make her way back to her car.
As she drove home she kept replaying how she was going to tell Tony that she loves him. She didn't want to have to beg him not to marry Frankie, but at this point she was thinking she may not be above it if it came to that. She was full of confidence and ready to face this head on … right up until she parked her car at the back of the house. At that moment, she was sure she couldn't go through with this. Hoping not to cross paths with Tony she quietly entered the house through the back door and quickly tiptoed her way across the foyer and through her office door ten feet in front of her. She knew he would eventually see her car but hoped it would be a while before he went back to the kitchen sink and looked out the window. She sat at her desk and debated back and forth on whether or not she was going to confront Tony. She was so conflicted she started to make a list of reasons to tell him versus reasons not to.
'Pro - I love him. Con - I am his boss and he said he'd never do anything that stupid. Pro - we are already such a perfect family this wouldn't really change much. Con - if it didn't work out we would lose this perfect family … this is stupid! You don't think these things, you feel them …'
She paused, remembering Tony's words just a few months ago when she was debating whether or not to marry Geoffrey - 'You don't think these things Angela, you feel them'. She felt, without a doubt, that her heart told her she loved Tony. She knew there were layers of complications but she also knew that if he felt the same way about her they would be able to figure this out … together. With that Angela tore up the list and threw it into the trash can that sat at the side of her desk. As her eyes followed her discarded debate into the garbage Angela saw a few old post its in there and suddenly she knew exactly how to tell Tony how she was feeling. 'It's perfect!' she thought, 'if he doesn't feel the same way or doesn't want to discuss it right now then he won't have to. It will be banished into the depths of our subconscious with all the other things we've declared in these notes that we don't ever discuss. But at the very least, it might buy us more time to figure this all out and right now that's all I can really ask for.'
She grabbed the familiar yellow pad of paper and, after taking a moment to think about how to express her feelings, allowed her pen to do the talking.
She stared at the note for a few minutes, her heart racing. 'No. I can't do this!' she told herself with tears in her eyes. Frustrated, Angela pulled at the top sheet, crumpled it up in her hand and dropped it into the trash can before running out of the house and back into her car. As the little yellow ball holding her confession made its descent from her shaking hand, it hit the rim of the garbage can and bounced out onto the floor beside it. Angela was in such a rush to get out of there that she didn't notice.
Back at the house, Tony was going around from room to room gathering laundry. With a half full laundry basket resting on his hip, he walked into the kitchen for the tea towels that were hanging on the stove. After that he peeked into Angela's office from the door to check if she had a sweater hanging on the back of her chair and was not surprised to find two. Tony paused in the doorway. Taking a deep breath in, he couldn't help but to wonder if he was imagining her scent. He could almost swear that it smelled as though she had just walked by. Shaking the thought from his head he walked over to her desk chair, grabbed the sweaters and threw them in to join the rest of the laundry which now filled the basket. Tony didn't see the little yellow ball until it was flying across the room, after he inadvertently kicked it with his foot. 'She's lucky she's cute because my God she is so messy,' he mused as he bent down to pick up the post it and then tossed it from his position in the middle of the room into the trash can ten feet away. Much to his surprise, he missed. He walked over to the trash can and picked up the post it once more to place it into the bin and noticed his name was written on it. Curiosity got the best of him and he opened it up.
'I think I'm falling in love with you. Tony please don't marry Frankie. Can we talk?
Angela.'
Tony's jaw slackened as he read the note and the egg timer went off in the kitchen before he could even process it. His mind now reeling from Angela's confession, it took him a minute before he realized what that sound was and he quickly made his way into the kitchen to turn off the oven. He placed the laundry basket on top of the kitchen table, pulled the casserole out of the oven and left it sitting on top of the stove to cool. He went back to the kitchen table, picked up the note and read it again. 'She's in love with me?' Tony couldn't believe what he was reading. He needed to process this. Taking the basket with him he went to his room and sat on the corner of his bed with the note in his hand trying to make sense of it all. He was so out of it he was still holding up the laundry basket in the other arm. Unable to make heads or tails of his thoughts, he decided he'd be better off if he was moving around so he buried the note under one of Angela's sweaters before making his way back downstairs to busy himself. Ensuring that the oven was now cool, he placed the covered casserole back in 'ready to be warmed up again for dinner' he thought. He grabbed the vacuum and took to the main floor still deep in thought.
He sat on the couch winding the cord back up before putting the vacuum away again and the doorbell rang, snapping him back to reality. He walked over to the door and opened it to find an eager Frankie awaiting him.
Once again, Angela drove around aimlessly, her thoughts conflicting. On the one hand she kept telling herself she couldn't confront Tony with this, but on the other Dr Bellowes' words repeated on a loop in her psyche telling her that she might lose him if she didn't. Angela decided that there was really no other way to go. She was afraid to lose him if she said something but ultimately she knew she would lose him if she didn't. Knowing the kids would be home from school soon and her window of opportunity was growing shorter by the minute, she turned the car around and headed home again.
When Angela walked in the door, Tony was making his way down to the laundry room. Surprised to see her, he subtly moved the laundry basket back to his hip and away from her, remembering that the note was still in there. When Angela shared that she had played hooky from work he joked around with her asking if she was feeling okay and touched her forehead in jest pretending to take her temperature. His touch sent shivers through Angela which only further encouraged her to follow through with her plan to come clean. She told Tony that she wanted to speak to him regarding a private matter and Tony decided this would be a good opportunity to tell Angela that he had just seen Frankie and that he was not going to marry her. He wanted to go first because he felt like she should know he stumbled upon the note and read it, he felt terribly guilty for having invaded her personal thoughts. But Angela was so persistent that she began speaking, "Tony I … wait a minute, did you say you wanted to go first?"
"Yeah Angela but it's okay go ahead" He motioned for her to continue. At this point, Tony suspected she might have changed her mind about discussing what was written on the note. Having had the afternoon to react and think about where he would like to take this conversation he was ready for her admission and if he told her about Frankie now, he knew she wouldn't come clean. It was the same thing that happened with Geoffrey - he wasn't able to stop her until he knew he had no other choice. But he was ready to have this discussion so he persisted until she continued.
"Tony … I …" Angela couldn't tell you what happened after that other than the fact that Samantha stormed in the door at that very moment. Her mouth was moving but Angela didn't hear a word that was coming out of it. She stood there in shock, unable to believe Samantha's timing and her own bad luck. At one point, the intonation in Sam's voice signaled that she had asked her a question … Angela just nodded and smiled. Her eyes followed Sam as she bounced up the stairs and she threw her arms up in defeat. Years had led her to this moment. Countless hours of her day spent on trying to make it just right because there was so much riding on this conversation and in thirty seconds Samantha had just derailed the entire thing.
"The course of true romance never did run smooth" Tony yelled up the stairs after her, amused by his daughter's teenage dramatics.
"Love," Angela corrected. But Tony didn't know she was correcting him, he thought she was completing the sentence she had begun before Sam walked in. Upon hearing her say it out loud, Tony panicked. Up until that moment he had been ready to hear her admission, ready to have the discussion they should have had when his appendix burst. But hearing the word love come out of her mouth only sparked fear in him. Suddenly he was terrified. 'What if it doesn't work out … what if we lose everything … how will this ever work, she is my boss?' thoughts were spiraling around in his mind and all he could feel was panic. "What?" he asked her mindlessly, trying to stop the voices in his head that were becoming too much to bear.
"The course of true love never did run smooth. It's Shakespeare, Midsummer Night's Dream" she replied and relief coursed through his body.
Knowing he was not ready to broach the subject with her he took the lead and told her that he had seen Frankie and that he wasn't going to marry her.
Bewildered, Angela asked "Why not?" before listing off all the reasons that Frankie was perfect for him. All but one.
"But I don't love her and uh … love is important" He answered openly and honestly without hesitation or equivocation willing her to read between the lines.
"Oh," Angela replied knowingly, "it is." She added.
Tony felt relieved, he had played with the proverbial fire that was threatening his composure only moments ago and the burn really didn't turn out to be as bad as he had anticipated. With renewed confidence he urged Angela to finish what she was trying to tell him before Sam had come in the door. She hesitated for a moment, but after a deep breath she told him that it was just something about her not wanting to lose him.
He knew that there was more to it than that and he was a little disappointed, but in his heart believing that perhaps it just wasn't the right time. "That's good," he said, "cause I didn't wanna get lost." he admitted before suggesting that the two of them have these private talks more often.
Picking up the basket he remembered her note and the words she had written on it - I think I've fallen in love with you and the word think gnawed at him. Hoping she had read between the lines during his earlier confession of not loving Frankie and wanting to know if she was still unsure of what she was feeling, Tony used the pretense of questioning her knowledge on Shakespeare and asked her if she was sure it was love.
His wide eyes exposed him, as did her confidence in the fact that Tony would never question the accuracy with which she was able to quote Shakespeare. Had it been any other play - maybe, but not Midsummer Night's Dream, he knew that was her favourite one. Angela's heart swelled with love as she replied, "Positive" with unshed tears welled up in her eyes.
Tony nodded and smiled back lovingly. He turned around to make his way down the hall to the laundry room and as he turned Angela happened to look down and saw a small square in that unmistakable golden yellow hue she had come to know so well through the wicker basket. Her heart leaped for joy. She turned around and walked into her office in disbelief and she immediately noticed her sweaters absent from the back of her chair further supporting her suspicions - which were put to rest when she found no trace of her previously discarded note.