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My days at Sirius's house were becoming almost… normal to me. Sirius didn't bug me as much as I'd thought he would, and his presence wasn't insufferably arrogant or egotistical anymore. In fact, most of the time he was so pleasant that it was hard to believe this was the same guy who'd I'd spent most of my sixth year hating with the heat of a thousand suns. It was so impossible to believe at times that I was sure it was really Remus masquerading behind this pretend-pleasant Sirius by means of the Polyjuice Potion—but then, of course, Remus wouldn't be Remus anymore.
Though at times… Sirius could still regress and turn back into his annoying self. But despite his little relapses, I still managed to get along well—famously!—with Sirius. I could almost, and I stress almost, feel comfortable with him.
After all, he made me forget. For a while, at least.
But today, Sirius said he would have people over. And I knew who those "people" were going to be.
"Sirius!" I heard a voice roar a second after a thump from the direction of the fireplace. "Padfoot, mate, I'm here! I'm here to check out how you're managing with a maid to keep your mess from overgrowing and taking over this place!"
I knew it was too much to hope that Sirius had kept quiet about my situation to his friends.
I stuck my head out of the cabinet I was currently reorganizing to glare over at James Potter and his flashing glasses and toothy grin. "Always a pleasure to hear your sweet voice, Potter."
James's attention snapped, unfortunately, to me. "Ah, you must be Sirius's maid! Knowing him, you're probably doing more than housework around here!" James winked at me, and I scowled at the implication of his words but went back to organizing the shelf.
"James!"
Finally, the arrival of Sirius to draw attention away from me.
"When's Remus getting here?" James asked.
Oh, joy. The whole crowd was coming over. However, this did provide the perfect opportunity for me to choke-slam Remus for not telling me about the owner of the house. I slammed the cabinet door closed and stalked into my own room, but Sirius's voice called me back.
"Oi, maid!"
I obstinately turned my back on him.
"Ugh, fine. Faye!"
"What is it?" I asked grumpily, striding over to where Sirius and James were lounging on the couch whose cushions I had just arranged and putting their feet up on the low table I had just wiped clean.
"Could you be a dear and fix us something to eat?" Sirius flashed me a smile, all warm and melting.
"Why do you even bother to ask?" I snapped at him. "All you have to do is order."
"Do you think our Siri-poo is that heartless?" James got up and slung his arm over my shoulder, to my annoyance. "He's obviously too obsessed about—!"
His words were abruptly cut off by Sirius's elbow slamming into his gut. Sirius pulled James off me with a scowl on his face and plopped him down on the couch, where James sat with a smug grin on his face. I decided to ignore them as I went into the kitchen and set about making toast. After some practice, I'd finally managed to perfect my toast-making skills to the point where the bread didn't even burn anymore.
Too bad it was the only thing I could make.
"Here." I placed two plates in front of James and Sirius. "Happy now?"
"Where's Remus's?" James asked, a little too innocently.
I clenched my jaw. "I'll go make it."
Maybe I could poison it. Just a little.
It wasn't too long before Remus decided to grace us with his appearance. He popped into the living room right on top of Sirius, who then howled with disgust and threw him off a little too violently.
"Ouch!" Remus yelped as he was satisfactorily thrown onto the ground. "What was that for?"
"For landing in my lap," Sirius replied sourly.
"I was tired, so I Disapparated a little off," Remus replied grouchily. "Anyways… I thought we were going to James's house, since he has a Quidditch field and all…"
My eyes nearly popped out in envy. James was so rich that he had his own Quidditch field? Damn him! Perhaps I could somehow weed some money out of him….
"Oh, that's because I wanted to see how good of a maid Faye is," James laughed, once again propping his feet up onto the table. "She's actually not that bad, especially if you can just sit around and watch her work. She's got nothing on Evans, of course, but…"
"But what?" I asked savagely, sick of hearing him talk about me. Please just leave me alone!
"Nothing."
I held my breath in, trying to stay calm. Calm and collected. Yes. Perfect. Now for Remus.
"Remus." I nodded at him and was pleased to see that he squirmed uncomfortably, a guilty expression on his face.
"Faye. How are you doing?" He smiled a big, fake smile.
"Oh… fine. Just fine. Except for that teensy little fact that you lied to me and lured me into Sirius's evil lair where he's chained me as his slave for the rest of eternity!" Perhaps I was being a little exaggerating, but… still! I'd have thought Remus wouldn't have tricked me like that, using his innocent face and honest air…
"Evil lair?" Sirius said indignantly.
Remus only forced a grin onto his face before pointing to Sirius. "It was all his idea! Don't blame me! He made me promise to do it! Yeah… so it's not really my fault! It's Sirius's!"
Sirius jerked a bit and glared at Remus. "Let's go," he said sharply. James put on a pleading face, but Sirius obviously was unaffected by it, thank god. "Bye, Faye! Take care of the house and be a good girl! By the way, Mr. Frangle might be lurking around, so be careful of that, too."
"Yeah, whatever," I said grumpily, turning my back to them. "Get out of here and have fun at you private Quidditch field."
"I'm glad you don't sound bitter about it," James called over his shoulder before Sirius shoved him into the fire.
I obstinately remained staring at the wall. Once they were all gone, I sighed and slowly turned back around, seeing an empty room. And somehow, even though it was what I had wanted, that sight depressed me. I didn't want to see an empty room; it was just more proof that I was, in the end, alone. Without any family left. And school was starting soon. I wouldn't be able to work. I was going to go into debt and everything…. But after school ended… I'd have nowhere to go. But I wanted to go to Auror school…. But I needed to take care of Melanie. But… but… there were so many 'but's' to deal with.
Suddenly, an inexplicable surge of rage welled up in me. I slammed the dirty dishes in the sink, and I didn't wash them. I stormed off into my little room. So unfair! It was all unfair!
But every rage had its limits. After sitting for quite a while, doing nothing but fuming, I decided I had to get out of the house. I didn't want to be reminded that I was practically indebted to Sirius….
ll----ll
There was only a week left before we went back to school. I drearily cleaned up after Sirius for the second time that day, feeling like a servant. Or worse, a mom. Outside, the sky was rapidly changing from the orange of the sunset to dark blue, and the moon was up. It looked like such a nice night to go for a walk. Sirius, who was sitting around fiddling with his wand, looked up at me intently for a moment.
"What is it?" I asked.
"You look like you want to go outside."
"No, I want to stay inside with you for the rest of my life," I said sarcastically. But of course, the sarcasm just slid right past his shield of self-confidence.
"Then let's go for a ride."
"A ride?" I repeated suspiciously. "On your motorcycle?"
"Yeah, sure!" Sirius laughed at whatever it was that I couldn't keep off my face. "It'll be fun. Have I told you that it can fly?"
"You—you charmed it so it would fly?" I choked out. "But… that's illegal!"
"Come on, Faye." Sirius rolled his eyes. "As long as nobody finds out… who cares? Besides, its not technically illegal to tamper with stuff… as long as you don't intend to use it, it's fine."
"But you are planning to use it!" I pointed out.
Sirius sighed in exasperation. "You want to go have fun or not? You could stay here and clean up a bit more… or have some fun."
Fun…. Fun seemed almost like a betrayal.
"Great, it's settled." Once again Sirius lunged forward and grabbed my hand, upon which I tried to tug it away. But still he ended up dragging me down the stairs and into the garage.
Not again! I had hated the insecure feeling while I was riding the bike before. It felt like I was going to fall off any moment.
"Sirius, I don't think…" I began.
"Good. Don't think. Just do," he said, plopping his helmet onto my head and actually leaning over me to buckle the straps.
I tried again. "I think…"
"Faye." Sirius turned around to look me in the eye. "You're allowed to have fun. No one says you can't. Besides, what's the harm in a little motorcycle ride? And when was the last time you did anything fun for yourself?"
I looked away. "I was too busy cleaning up your mess."
"Well then consider this as repayment." He reached out and caught my arm, and I reluctantly succumbed to his insistence. I felt a bit like a doll, always lugged around to other's preferences. And just what was so fun about a motorcycle anyway?
"Hang on," Sirius ordered over his shoulder once we were settled onto his bike. "You'll honestly like this."
"Whatever," I mumbled. But it was different this time. Sirius revved up the engine and we shot out of the garage. Then, as we were traveling along a dark road, I felt a smooth change under me. I looked down, but my eyes refused to adjust to the darkness.
"Sirius, what did you do?" I shouted into his ear.
He didn't reply. After awhile, I began to notice other changes. Like how we were just about at the height of the streetlight. And how the trees didn't seem so tall anymore.
"We… we really are flying!" I gasped.
"No, we're on a motorcycle that's flying," he replied over the rush of the air, an evident grin in his voice.
Laughing, I punched his back. "This is illegal!" I reminded him.
"So we won't get caught!"
Sirius was unbelievable… but I found I didn't care. It felt good, riding this flying motorcycle, with the cold wind slapping my face and the roar of air filling my ears. It felt free. Closing my eyes, I rested my head against Sirius's back and just let myself feel the freedom. Enjoy the sense of flying away from problems. I opened my eyes when the almost oppressing rush of the wind lessened perceptibly. We were landing.
"Why are we here?" I asked as soon as I took in our surroundings. Sirius had obviously flown this thing a lot, since we were on a thin strip of rocky beach sheltered by jagged rocks on either side, so that people wouldn't be able to see us if there happened to be a road running by this stretch of the coast.
Sirius shrugged as an answer. "Just thought you might like the view."
"It's too dark to see anything." I felt inclined to point out.
I felt rather pleased with myself when Sirius huffed out exasperatedly. "Just… shut up. Don't think."
Even though I would have liked to see how much more frustration Sirius could stand, it wasn't really worth it. Too much effort. Instead, I sat down and stared out into the darkness that was broken by dimly lit stars. Sirius stood silently a way from me—so silently, in fact, that I grew more and more uncomfortable in his presence. Why was it that the few months we hadn't seen each other had changed him so much? Just as it had changed me. We weren't the same people anymore… and I couldn't go on like this, living like this, trying to find words for the feelings I wanted to voice, thinking about ends that never came….
We were there for a long time, and I was almost asleep when Sirius's rustling as he moved around jerked me back to consciousness.
"Eh… what?" I said. I felt a warmth by my shoulder as Sirius sat next to me and shoved me gently.
"You were snoring a bit," he told me.
Even as embarrassment heated my cheeks, a small smile grew on my face. I gave in to temptation and let my head drop onto his shoulder. "I bet you snore louder."
And we stayed like that. The feel of another person… someone tangible, someone like me… the comfort he offered was something I hadn't felt in so long. It was like water in the desert, fire in the winter… it was so much more than what I could ever give. It made me feel small, and insignificant, and unbearably selfish.
I squeezed my eyes closed and ignored the clench in my heart. Even though I knew ignoring it wouldn't make it disappear.
ll----ll
"Wake up, Sirius! We're going to be late!" I yelled, banging on his door. I had already made a scanty breakfast, and packed up my own bags, but I had yet to see Sirius pack his things! Sirius had previously made plans to go over to James's house to stay the night before we all headed back to Hogwarts… and I'd been invited. Though I honestly didn't know what I'd do for the whole days while the Marauders "bonded."
"Don't worry… it's not like something interesting will happen without me," Sirius yawned, slouching out of his room and shooting me a dark look. "And its… SHIT! It's only seven! What in the name of Merlin are you thinking, waking me up this early! James won't even be up!"
I rolled my eyes. "Not everyone sleeps like you do," I retorted. "Besides, you still have to pack everything."
"Already did," Sirius grinned. "I'm so responsible."
"Whatever you say," I said. "Oh, are you sure that it's okay for me to come along? I don't want to intrude…"
"It's fine. I bet James wouldn't even know you were there if you got lost."
I swallowed another pang of jealousy. "Right." I tried not to let Sirius see my face. Since that day on the beach, when I had come so close to crying… Sirius had increasingly put me on edge because of his sudden, uncanny ability to read my face like a book.
PLEASE READ VERY IMPORTANT! FROM NOW ON, THIS STORY IS DISCONTINUED!
All right, this is it. If any of you have looked at my profile, you'd know that I will not be continuing this story or writing any other fanfic anymore. This chapter is the last, even though it's not quite finished. I'm sorry I'm not going to be writing this or A Fossil in the Mud anymore. It's grown tedious and boring, and it's a constant source of frustration and pressure. I can't say how many times I've looked at your reviews and decided I WOULD try to finish it, so thanks to all those people who left such wonderful reviews! I appreciate all the reviews you guys have left me, and I hoped you all enjoyed this story. I enjoyed writing it in the beginning, but it's been two years, and I lost the urge to finish this. It's partly because of the Mary Sue-ish plot and partly because I've lost interest in the Harry Potter world in general. Please don't send me any emails asking me to finish it. I'm sorry to disappoint you guys, but I just can't write this anymore. No more inspiration, no more ideas. In fact, thinking about this story has been such a burden that I stopped writing for months, as you can see from my lack of updates. I've also decided to focus on something original, which I will be trying to publish in a few years. If I drop these fanfics, I can finally get rid of the pressure and pick up writing again. I really think writing these has improved my knowledge about characterization and storyline, which I'm developing right now.
So it's goodbye to fanfics for good. I won't take these stories down from the site. Hope you guys all have a wonderful summer! Thanks to all of you who supported me through this story, and I'm really sorry to have to leave you all hanging. Happy readings!
P.S. Please don't hate me.