Everyday Is Exactly The Same. Nine Inch Nails.

I believe I can see the future...
As I repeat the same routine…

To anyone reading these last few pages of my journal… thanks for not caring.

-Hermione Granger.

I don't need Divination. I know what everyday brings. Everyday is exactly the same. I wake up, and I know I am expected to be "Miss. Perfect." I am supposed to be the girl with the golden boyfriend, the best friends and the perfect grades.

I think I used to have a purpose
But then again...
That might have been a dream…

When I was younger, I always knew I'd make such a difference in this world. Then when I discovered I was a witch, the dream got bigger and better. It was such a wonderful dream. I know now, that that's all it was. A dream. I can't change the world. I cannot influence anyone.

I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound…

I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around again

Oh, no

Yes, it was quite the dream, and I would tell anyone who would listen. Though, over the past few months I have come to realize that no one actually cares, and ever since this epiphany, I have stopped voicing my opinions and dreams. I want people to stop pretending they care. It's the worst thing… I'll start a conversation and they will gladly join in, but not actually caring what anyone else is saying, only waiting for their turn to spit out what they need to say…

Everyday is exactly the same
Everyday is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Everyday is exactly the same…

So that's how it is… Everyday is exactly the same. Just like the muggle song. I can't help but listen to muggle music; it speaks for my soul really…

I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I loose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

I lost it the other day, in Care of Magical Creatures… I tried to talk about how I've been feeling lately, but Ron interrupted me talking about how bad their last god damn quidditch match went against Slytherin. I just lost it. I screamed something along the lines of 'How can you care more about your fucking quidditch match, when I'm on the verge of suicide!' And ever since they've been treating me like a basket case…

I used to be happy... When I was younger and more naïve… Sure there are a few fleeting moments when I am happy… The rest of the time I have to pretend like there is nothing wrong. I'm not actually sure why I really got depressed, but none of it matters now.

I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you might find
I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I am still inside here

Now, my dear journal, I will hide these last few pages on the wall behind my nightstand. Maybe one day someone will find them. Goodbye.

A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know- I don't know what else I can do!

I picked up my wand and conjured up a new razor, my old one just wouldn't produce the 'desired effect.' I started to cut… I knew I needed to head to the bathroom; I needed warm water if I was going to do this right.

The dam that was my wrist has broken, and the blood is flowing like never before. With the help of the warm flowing water, I should have my 'desired effect' soon. The bloody water is everywhere, but I don't care. They can clean it up in no time.

I can feel myself dying. It's nice, I'm not thinking about stupid things anymore, and I know that the sweet end is near… No longer will everyday be exactly the same…

Everyday is exactly the same
Everyday is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Everyday is exactly the same…