Chapter 8: A Resolution, of Sorts

"You filthy mongrel!"

Two clouds of metal collided between us as Saber and I charged the King of Heroes. No matter how many golden gates he opened, my world was easily able to produce an immediate copy of the weapon to meet them.

The king's frustration was laid bare on his face with every step we took. Ripples of gold shimmered into existence at odd angles, Noble Phantasms cascading over us in a seemingly endless barrage.

I continued forging them, the weapons launching themselves to crash into shards with their twins. Saber flowed across the battlefield, her incredible speed bringing her before the king who had drawn a strange weapon. In the brief moment I focused on it. However, unlike every before it, its history was nonexistent, its entirety nothing but an abyss. That weapon didn't exist.

Ea.

The weapons of immense power collided as any other weapons would, ringing out across the endless horizon. There were no furious waves or dancing movements as with the other duels I'd seen in the war, but simply two warriors holding their ground against each other.

I ignored their clash, trusting Saber to finish him. I knew that, so long as she kept on top of him, he wouldn't have time to activate the weapon's full power, meaning it was my job to make sure it stayed that way.

I lost track of how many weapons I created as Saber relentlessly attacked the Golden King. As more and more openings appeared in his armor, his rage only grew more, likely all the more so by the fact that he could do absolutely nothing to stop it.

"How dare you make me waste my treasures!" his rage cried out as a distorted globe of portals surrounded them, each firing a weapon simultaneously and far too close for me to send a copy in reply.

I desperately reached out to my mind, searching for a way to counter the attack. In that instant, though, I noticed a gap in the constant barrage against myself. Saber had to avoid the attack herself, but I could use that moment.

I projected the black bow Archer had used, a spiraling sword appearing in my hand as I quickly took aim. I had never used a bow, but it felt as natural as any weapon I projected. I drew back the arrow as Saber was bombarded. Gilgamesh leaped backward as Saber met the weapons with her own, a rapid flurry of motion as they shattered against her defensive swings.

The segments were already spinning, lashing red energy beginning to whirl around the length as torrents blazed from the hilt. He drew it back, his bared teeth opening as he prepared to activate the weapon's true power. As he did, his eyes caught sight of my form, widening in pure hatred.

"You…!"

He wasted his chance.

"Caladbolg!"

I loosed the projectile as more Noble Phantasms rained toward me. The world distorted around the spiral, the incoming weapons twisting off course as it spun past them. The King of Heroes couldn't even declare another injustice before it made contact.

The ground around me erupted in dirt and force as the King was engulfed in an earthshaking explosion. Saber bounded away from the wave of destruction as I lowered my bow. If Caladbolg could kill Berserker, then it was enough to…

My legs nearly gave out from under me as a halberd tore through my back to impale in the ground in front of me, the shaft long enough to remain sticking out my back. I could barely process the immense pain before two swords impaled in my back, my knees hitting the ground.

"Shirou!"

I couldn't make a sound as my body began knitting together, rather unfortunately around the halberd's length. I forced my right hand to rise, intent on breaking the shaft until more weapons pushed me down further, my face centimeters from the blade as I barely caught myself.

I struggled to maintain consciousness as my back burned in a blazing fury. I jerked my head up defiantly, watching the clearing cloud from the explosion. Gilgamesh stood there, his armor still intact with only certain sections now shredded. His face, on the other hand, bore a single wound seeping with blood running from temple to jaw. His previously fiery red eyes had become an inferno that bore into me.

Saber was rushing to me but was forced to retreat by an onslaught of weapons. I tried to project my own, but the pain cut through and marred any focus I could muster to counter.

"This… atrocity is at an end!"

Ea once more began whirling as energy wrapped around it.

"This affront of a world will be erased!"

Saber tried to close the distance, but more portals appeared to hamper her progress as Gilgamesh drew back the weapon once more. He was right. This was the end, but one thought pierced through the fog of pain.

If he wins, everyone I care for will die.

"Saber!"

My hands dug into the dirt; the last command seal alight as I forced my will into it. My voice was so weak, I almost doubted she could hear me, but her eyes glanced my way for the briefest of instants.

"Enuma!"

"By my command seal!"

I gritted my teeth as red light flared across my vision from two different sources.

"Elish!"

"Move behind him now, and finish this!"

Suddenly, Saber's form vanished, and The King of Heroes thrust the weapon that didn't exist forward. Before my view was obscured by the indescribable torrent racing toward me, I got the satisfaction of watching a golden blade jut out the chest of the oldest hero.

The world froze over, becoming like a picture frame placed in front of my eyes. Stranger more, footsteps sounded from behind me, out of my periphery. Soon, a familiar face ducked in front of my eyes, white hair waving in front of her face.

"You must feel so weak right now."

Illya smiled at me, but I knew this was wrong. It was her eyes. Had this been the first time I'd seen the abyss in those eyes, I would've have flinched away from them. Technically, it was the first time.

"Angra Mainyu."

My voice didn't sound like it had when I called out to Saber. By that same token, neither the halberd still lodged in my chest or my heavy back continued their fiery assault on my senses.

"You can still think of me as Illya."

She twirled toward the unmoving wall of convulsing energy, peering at it with a tilt of her head.

"I can only exist through another, after all."

I tentatively tried pushing myself up. Sure enough, I was easily able to stand and take a few steps back to extricate myself from the halberd. I don't bother trying to remove the swords still in my back. I doubt I could reach them all anyway.

"Planning to offer me a wish?"

I moved forward as she spun to face me.

"Normally, but I can tell you'd be like Emiya."

She shook her head with a sigh.

"It's annoying to have another victor who won't accept their wish."

Suddenly, she was in front of me, staring up with eyes that weren't Illya's.

"I can grant it, you know. You were wrong when you said the Grail couldn't."

"How many people will have to die to grant it?"

She smiled brightly.

"Which is why you won't accept it."

She poked a finger through the unclosing hole in my chest.

"I could heal that wound, but you can do that too. The only thing you might wish for right now is..."

She gestured at the frozen swirl.

"But you won't do that either."

She pouted irritably, her hands resting on her hips.

"You're really obstinate, you know that?"

In Father's memories, Angra Mainyu said they needed a template to interact with the victor. Despite those eyes, this was still Illya.

I asked what felt like an obvious question.

"What now?"

"I don't know."

She gazed up at the clear sky of my world, white clouds suspended overhead.

"I guess I'll have to wait until the next war. But, before that…"

My eyes widened as she wrapped her arms around me, her head resting directly below the hole in my chest.

"Thank you for showing me around Fuyuki."

She pulled away, a content smile on her face.

"She wanted to tell you that."

I tried to find the words. What was the right thing to say in a situation like this? I quieted that part of me. I knew what I wanted to say.

"I'm glad you had fun, Illya."

The smile grew into a grin.

"Goodbye, Shirou."

And, just as suddenly as she appeared, she was gone.

I stood there, surprised that the world remained still now that she was gone. I gazed at the swirl emanating from Ea. There are worse ways to die. This would probably be painless, and at least I took him with me. Now…

"You better not lose. Otherwise, I'm never letting you out of my sight."

It rung in my mind as though she had just said it. She wouldn't, would she?

There had to be a way. I searched my mind again, discarding everything that popped up. There must have be something I missed. All I had was weapons. Everywhere I looked was weapons! Swords, spears, axes, and daggers. That's all there was!

I couldn't run away. All I could do was block it, but all I had was weapons. No weapon can stand up to that power, no matter how much energy the pendant gave me. I was trapped, a swordsman without a shield.

Something blazed in the field of swords, burning brightly and seeming to wipe away the weapons. I stared in momentary shock at it before immediately sprinting toward it. A chance. That's all I needed. It had to work. I didn't know why or how, but it had to work.

I reached out and took hold of the golden scabbard, and my world was consumed by starlight.

My body ached as I lay on what felt like soft grass. I managed to force my eyes open, staring up at a familiar face that cradled something in her arms.

"Archer?" I asked, pushing it out between sluggish lips. It really was surprising how tired I felt.

"He is gone."

She knelt down beside me, and I recognized the small girl she held, Illya's hair falling over silver armor.

"I finished it."

Despite the dull ache in my limbs, I got my arms under me and pushed myself to a sitting position. I gazed at the sleeping face of the girl who fought to die.

I turned my eyes upward, the void in the sky continued to spill black mud down into the lake and onto the ground to scorch whatever it touched.

"Only one thing left," I said as Saber followed my gaze to the hole in the world.

A mix of emotions had set into her features, mingling together in those jewel-like eyes of hers.

"Archer told me of the Grail… and of its contents."

Saber kneeled and gently placed the bare girl next to me, narrowed eyes staring at the dark muck.

"Then you know why we need to destroy it."

Saber's right hand clenched into a fist, and a thought passed through my mind.

"What was your wish, Saber?"

She looked at me in surprise. I didn't blame her. I had never bothered asking her before just as she had never asked me. I had never asked because I only needed her strength, and she had not asked because I had shown no interest. That, or due to Kiritsugu Emiya and whatever had happened between them.

I'd seen Emiya's dream through Father's eyes. A pure wish, and one that could never be granted by that corrupted vessel. Not in a way Emiya would have accepted, just as Illya said. Father believed him to be a fool, but he seemed more childish than anything, as ridiculous as it sounds. A world where no one cried. Such an innocent wish from a brutal man.

That was likely the reason I wanted to know her wish. In the end, she was forced to destroy the Grail and give up her wish. Now, she would lose it again, only that it would be her choice this time. Even if the Grail never heard her wish, it still deserved to be heard as much as Emiya's.

She closed her eyes, bowing her head slightly before answering.

"My only desire was to save my country."

She looked into my eyes as she spoke, a somber resignation in her voice.

"My inability to do so served only to confirm my doubts. On that day I drew the sword from the stone, there must have been someone else more suitable to be king. Had they been there rather than I, perhaps they could have saved the country I could not. That was my wish."

I took in these words for a moment before responding.

"Do you regret your life, Saber?"

Saber's eyes remained fixed on mine, a steel entering them.

"No. To do so would dishonor those who put their faith in me. Still, they deserved a better ruler than I was to them."

"Perhaps you're right, but who can say for certain? All we can do is move forward on the path we chose. We may change where we're going, but we can't change where we've walked. You may have chosen to draw the sword, but your people chose to follow you. It was their choice as much as it was yours. At least, that's how I see it."

Saber's eyebrows knit together in thought. I had spoken without thought, but those words felt right. I don't know what Saber would do with my words, but I had the feeling she wouldn't discard them. I didn't think they would change her mind, but maybe those words weren't only for her.

Saber's face slowly relaxed, but whatever had run through her mind she kept to herself. Instead, she asked me a question of her own.

"What is your wish, Shirou?"

I almost immediately responded as I always did, saying that I didn't have any. However, I knew that was wrong. I had always known that was wrong. I just didn't want to admit it.

"I want to be strong enough," I looked down at the girl beside me. "To protect what's important to me."

And, apparently, a girl I only met three days ago. I get attached too easily.

"I wish I had your strength, Saber."

The silence between us was only broken by the splashing of water as more mud coursed down from the void. Finally, Saber stood once more, facing the cursed vessel of the Grail.

"During our time together, it never once crossed my mind that you were weak."

I watched, pulling Illya a little closer as a golden sword appeared in Saber's hands. I brushed my senses against the pendant around my neck, and little over a quarter had been used, though it was now being drained faster from sustaining Saber all on its own. Still, there was plenty left for this.

"You are strong, Shirou."

She raised her sword overhead, the same light I saw in the scabbard burning of the blade and rising into the sky.

"And I am proud that you were my master."

The pillar of light grew in intensity, lighting up the night in brilliant gold. I felt a smile slide onto my lips, though Saber couldn't see it, focused solely on the void.

"Thank you, Saber."

I reached out and cut off the thread connecting Saber to the pendant, removing her final anchor to the world. The ray of starlight fell downward, slicing through the void and casting massive waves to either side of the blast. The gold was joined by a wave of coiling vermillion that exploded in a dazzling array of color.

I watched the awesome display until the light finally died away. Water rushed to fill the sudden gap, the evil muck that had been sloshing into the lake nowhere to be seen. Saber's form had already begun evaporating, the majority of her lower body practically having faded away.

"I hope you find your answer."

Saber's face turned toward me, a smile on her face.

"Same to you, Shirou."

She shimmered and vanished, the final Servant leaving this world and moving to the next.

The Holy Grail War was over.

I trudged through the gate in front of the Tohsaka mansion, the girl in my arms wrapped in a thin blanket I had projected. Hadn't projected something besides a weapon for a long while, aside from the whistle. My body ached in a very familiar way but one that hadn't lingered like this the last few days. I'd miss that.

I was attempting to maneuver my hands to open the door when it swung open on its own. Rin stood there, a look of relief coupled with a curious gaze at my still sleeping companion.

"I won."

I gave a broad smile that was soon returned by her.

"What did you wish for?"

"Let me inside, and I might tell you."

She seemed to consider it for a second before moving aside with mock reluctance.

"Guess I have no choice."

"By the way," I crossed into the building, glancing at Rin. "Do you still have some clothes she can wear? She doesn't have anything on under this."

To her credit, I was glad she didn't make any comments on the situation, especially considering what remained of my shirt barely covered my body.

"I'll take a look."

She then moved off to where the workshop and, at times, storage room was while I headed for the stairs.

By the time I had tucked Illya into my bed, gotten a new shirt, and was heading back down the stairs, Rin had brought up a small bundle of clothes.

"I'm honestly surprised I still have these," she said as we passed each other. "Remember this?"

She pulled a mint green and white coat from the bundle, displaying it as best she could with one hand.

"I thought you hated that one?"

"I never hated it," she said as she began taking the stairs in twos. "It was just too green for my taste."

I moved over to the sitting room where my body finally gave out, causing me to collapse, my back falling onto the couch. Illya didn't weigh that much, but, without Avalon's healing, I was finally starting to feel the wear from tonight's events.

I lay there, staring up at the ceiling until I heard a door open and the thumps of steps approaching. Rin appeared in my view before lowering to sit between the couch and table. Her head tilted back, placing the back of it against my side.

"You killed him."

With that simple statement, a dam inside broke open, unleashing a torrent of emotion to roar out into me. There was no other way but… Dammit! I killed him! I… He…

It was a sudden flash. That's all it had been. Its intensity had already begun to lessen, but the emotions still hummed steadily.

I killed him for someone I hardly knew. He almost killed me for an answer to his existence, one he'd been searching for his whole life. One deserved to win more than the other, but that feeling was overshadowed with the fact that I was the one who killed him. My own father.

How was I supposed to feel, especially with all I now knew? He murdered Rin's father. Murdered Kiritsugu Emiya, the one who saved me. Is responsible for the fire that killed every person I knew and took immense pleasure in that fact. He raised me. He taught me almost everything I knew. He introduced me to Rin. He both took away and gave me everything. And the worst part?

I remembered the resistance as the knife slid into Tokiomi Tohsaka and the rush of satisfaction as he stared at me, aghast in his final moments. The joyful torment of Kariya Matou, a pitiful man who didn't even want to participate in the war. A wish for suffering and entertainment leading to a desire for an answer through the birth of a being of pure evil. They were as real as any of my other memories.

And a part of me enjoyed them just as he did.

I wasn't crying as I was before, and I couldn't tell why. Maybe I was just lying to myself again. All I knew for certain was that I hurt. That I was tired.

A hand fell on my own as the weight of her head lifted, and I realized how tense my body was now. Like every part of me was straining against something.

"I won't try to say you did the right thing," she said in a familiar soothing tone. "But you did what had to be done."

It didn't make me feel better, but it was the truth. It's laughable that I went into that fight with such a minor reason compared to what would have happened had he lived.

"Would you have done it?" I forced my neck to face her as I spoke, the effort greater than it should have been.

"I would've avoided the fight altogether," she said, gazing through slightly closed lids. "That is, if I could."

"Answer the question!"

My hand unconsciously gripped down hard on hers. I wanted answers, dammit! I was finally finding my own, then I get all of Father's questions added on top. I can't even process them right now. I can't even process how I feel about him. I…

"Shirou."

I was crying now. Hot, angry tears were sliding down my cheeks. I needed to think. I needed time. Just a little time.

"I wouldn't be able to do it. I couldn't take another father from you."

Her expression hadn't changed despite the vice I had on her. After several seconds, I managed to pry my fingers away only for her to return with a softer grip of her own.

"Didn't stop me."

She reached over and tugged the pendant out of my shirt, rubbing the gem between her fingers.

"Then we can talk about that tomorrow, as well as what we'll do with our guest. Tonight, it's time for you to rest."

She was right, like so many times before. As she moved her hands away and began standing, my eyes slowly drifted closed. They sluggishly opened a second later when I felt her arms curl under and lift me up.

"But not on my couch."

I saw the smile on her face before my eyes closed once more.

A bed would be nice.

My eyes flitted open to see rays of sunshine cast through the windows. I tugged the covers off before making my way down the ladder to the floor of the dorm room. I took a moment to mentally run through my day, remembering I had an order to fill. I glanced over at the small box I'd set on the counter next to the sink, already filled with the gemstones I'd projected the previous night.

I quickly got dressed, slipping into my forest green jacket, placing the box into a pocket, and slipping my bag over my shoulder. I left, locking the door behind me before heading toward Rin's room a few doors down.

I unlocked and entered the room as I had done many times before, taking in the familiar room. It was nearly identical to my own, save for the fact that Rin's occupied bed was on the floor rather than overhead.

Rin, as usual, was still asleep. For the umpteenth time, I wanted to project the whistle and jolt her awake, but I doubted our neighbors would take well to that. Instead, I went about the daily routine of making breakfast, taking a moment to look at the red apron on the coat rack Rin had gotten specifically for me. I rolled my eyes at the overly bright shade of red, knowing the image of me wearing something so loud was more for her than for me. I put it out of my mind, going back to the task at hand.

It wasn't long after I cracked the eggs that she began to stir, her long hair falling like a sheet as she propped herself up. She brushed hair from her eyes to get a better look at me.

"You're not wearing the apron I got you?" she asked in a disappointed tone.

"I don't need an apron for every meal," I replied while chopping a tomato.

"Why do I let you stay here, if not for my amusement?" she asked with a shake of her head.

"I paid for this dorm room," I said, setting the knife down.

"And I made you my apprentice," she moved to the edge of the bed. "So, listen to your master, and put the apron on."

I threw a tomato slice at her which she promptly swatted out of the air. The fruit plopped to the ground pathetically, and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"That was a waste of perfectly good food."

I caught the pillow hurled at me for my sarcastic remark.

"You're the one who threw it."

"And I assumed you'd catch it, not slap it to the floor."

I shook my head before stepping away from the counter and kneeling down to pick up the discarded slice. I didn't react as a second pillow whumped into my face.

"You're just lucky I can't use the whistle," my voice came out muffled by the pillow.

We walked through the Clocktower hallways, natural light bleeding in through large windows lining the walls of the building. Students and even a few teachers roamed past to their destinations, all so used to the routine that there was no need to hurry, especially considering it was lunchtime.

It'd been little over two years, and I still had a few passersby glancing at me. A magically below average apprentice to a prodigy from an esteemed family didn't seem to sit right with people, especially considering my reputation. Despite my perceived inhibitions, I still managed to excel in my studies, especially in martial or magical self-defense, the latter of which seemed to surprise people the most. It was just fortunate I never fought Rin in the latter.

I became aware of two figures approaching that noticed us as well. The drill-haired woman practically dashed toward us while her slightly shorter companion continued her strolling pace, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Shero!"

Luviagelita Edeflfelt stopped in front of me, her eyes gleaming in the same way they did in our duels. She had become one of the only repeat challengers, only fighting me in martial self-defense as a means to "defeat me where I was strongest." If she knew the extent of my projection, I wondered if she'd change her tune.

"Not today, Edelfelt," I give an apologetic smile. "I have a lecture in the Lore Department I want to attend."

She looked slightly disappointed but moved past it easily.

"While disheartening, it's not the reason I was looking for you," she continued as Illya walked up to join us.

I nodded, reaching into my jacket and pulling out the small case.

"I assumed we'd do this later, but now is as good a time as any."

I handed her the case, the excited aristocrat opening it to reveal the multi-colored gems within.

My projections were capable of far more than the typical magus, the magecraft's origin being more than enough proof. When I had the realization that I could replicate gemstones with the same magical properties of the originals, I found I could provide a profitable service for mages, especially ones proficient in gem magecraft like the Edelfelts. Rin also found this to be very useful, though she berated me for not discovering it sooner.

"Excellent, as always," she picked out a green gem and gave it an approving look. "Unfortunately, I don't have your payment with me at the moment."

"I have no doubt you'll get it to me."

"I think she should pay up front," Rin said with a smirk. "She wanted it so badly, you'd think she'd have the money ready."

"There was no guarantee I would find him," Edelfelt turned her attention to Rin. "It would have been a bother to bring the payment for no reason."

"Besides," Illya spoke up, looking knowingly at her friend. "Now, she can invite him to dinner to make up for it."

"Well, it's only polite," Luvia replied without a hint of shame.

One of the original reasons that led me to my gem racket had been funding the search for a means to prolong Illya's life. Due to Illya's and Rin's involvement, my services gained more credence, and inevitably a larger consumer base. Luvia had taken particular interest, even making a trip to Fuyuki herself, though she was rather annoyed that one of her family's mansions was now someone else's property.

It had surprised me how well the two of them had gotten along. It wasn't long after they'd met that she began helping in the search. Anytime a magus told us it was impossible, the aristocrat only seemed to become more determined to prove them wrong.

"There are simpler ways to ask," I said with one eyebrow raised.

"But you'd be hard pressed to refuse now," she moved past with a final smile directed my way. "I'll await your answer after classes have ended."

"You think she'd give up by now," Illya commented before following after her friend.

"She's more persistent than he deserves," Rin said, waving goodbye and giving me a sidelong look.

"Master or not, I can stop paying your rent anytime," I told her as I folded my arms.

Rin shook her head before glancing after them.

"How many times have you rejected her?"

"Too many."

I once more began walking.

At first, Luvia's advances had seemed to almost solely be an attempt to get under Rin's skin. Somewhere down the line, notably after they formed an almost begrudging friendship, her flirting began to take on a more genuine feeling.

"So, are you going to dinner with her?" she asked in an expectant tone.

"It'll be simpler if I do," I stated, looking over at her. "Which means you'll have to cook your own dinner tonight."

"How ever will I survive?" she asked in mock despair.

"I should be the one asking that question," I looked over at her. "Two years, and she still refuses to pronounce my name correctly."

"If it makes you feel better, she's definitely doing it on purpose now."

I sighed as she smiled, my gaze wandering out the passing windows.

Two years since that fateful week. Once more, I moved through life aimlessly. That is, after I dealt with Zouken Matou, another thing I'm grateful I learned from Father's memories. Still, I couldn't help but be enamored by what I felt at that time.

And yet, here I was, still working to reach heights I may not be able to, working twice as hard to be on terms with those who find it natural. However, that incessant urge to prove my strength wasn't as strong as it was before.

I glanced back to Rin, a smile on her face as we walked side by side, unaware of my gaze.

I still didn't truly know what I wanted for my future, but I knew what I wanted then. I wanted to keep walking beside the most amazing and impressive person I knew. Somewhere down the line, we may separate. I may finally find what I wanted on a path leading away from hers. But, until that day comes, I was going to follow her for however long I could. So long as I could do that, I was okay living…

True End: Without Purpose

ED: Prayers [Clazziqual]