"To study at the University."
Shizuru's words hung in the air between the two girls, almost resonating in the growing silence. The muscles of Natsuki's jaw tightened as she clenched her teeth together, trying to keep her temper in check. It would do no good to get angry. It never did with Shizuru. Rather, it had always seemed her anger just provoked the older girl.
"That's all?" Natsuki finally broke the silence. "That's the reason you just up and left without telling anyone? Without telling me?"
"Yes." Shizuru said. Her smile was gone now, but her face was still as blank and unreadable as ever. Natsuki hated that about Shizuru. How she could never know what the other girl was thinking. How while Shizuru could easily penetrate any defenses Natsuki could ever erect, her own defenses were as solid as concrete.
There was a whispering within Natsuki's mind then. Telling her that she should just leave things at that. That pushing Shizuru further, that prying deeper into the matter would only lead to ruin. That, if Natsuki continued, that box deep within her heart that she had been so desperately trying to hide away would open.
Natsuki had never really been one to heed words of caution though.
"Why are you always like this!" She exploded. She took two steps forward and grabbed Shizuru by the shoulders. "You left without even saying goodbye! You expect me to believe that the only reason was because you suddenly felt like going…"
Whatever Natsuki had intended to say was cut off at the sudden presence of Shizuru's lips against her own. It was a gentle kiss, just the barest brushing of their lips together, but a kiss nonetheless. Letting go of Shizuru, Natsuki stumbled backwards a few steps, her eyes wide in shock.
"S-Shizuru…"
"I love you, Natsuki. That is why I left." Shizuru said, the barest trace of a sad smile on her face.
The box was opened. The thing that Natsuki had so desperately tried to deny for the past two years was bared. The memories of what had happened between the two of them during the HiME Festival rose up again in her head, bringing with them a fresh wave of emotions.
Natsuki had known all along. The reason why Shizuru had left, the reason why she should have never stayed. Yet, she had tried so hard to find a different answer because she had not wanted to face it. She was the one who had driven Shizuru away. Because Obsidian Lord or no, Shizuru's feelings were still real and still so deep and powerful that Natsuki was frightened by it.
Love was scary. No matter what Mai may have said, no matter what anyone might say, Natsuki was terrified of the idea of love; the idea of harboring such deep emotions that seemed so volatile and irrational. She didn't even think she was capable of handling it.
So she had lied to herself, desperately tried to think of other reasons why Shizuru would have left that didn't involve such a sticky emotion as love. Deep down inside, she had hoped that Shizuru would have come up with some plausible lie that Natsuki could content herself with. It was pathetic really.
Because the truth was…the truth that she had finally realized was that she loved Shizuru too. Maybe not with the same depth and devotion, but somehow she knew that it was the same type of love. Different from the love that someone had for family or friends, it was the love that someone held for the one person they wanted more than anyone else, the one person who mattered above all.
"Shizuru…" Say it. That's all she needed to do. Explain it to Shizuru and then things would be okay, wouldn't they? "I…"
The words caught in her throat. Everything would change if she said it and there would be no turning back. Emotions jumbled inside Natsuki's head, making her mind spin. There were so many "ifs" and "buts." She couldn't…she had to…but…
In the end, the only thing Natsuki could do was stand there looking at Shizuru, tears welling in her green eyes.
---
Of course she had broken it, Shizuru realized then with complete certainty. She had done it again and this time there were would be no reprieve. Yet, she could not have stopped herself. Natsuki being so close after all this time…how could she have stopped herself?
Looking at Natsuki now, standing silently with tears in eyes, Shizuru felt a pang of guilt. She had hurt Natsuki again. Violated her and forced her feelings on her without thinking of the consequences.
Natsuki would know now, and she would not regret it when Shizuru left again. It was better this way. Or so Shizuru told herself in her head.
"Forgive me…" Shizuru said. She reached out a hand to wipe the tears away from Natsuki face, but then drew it back. No, her touch was unwanted. "I should not have done that."
There was no answer, and why should there be? Shizuru had known the answer before even having to ask the question. Natsuki could not love her. She had said as much two years ago, and even now, the reaction was almost exactly the same.
This time though, Shizuru would not lose control. She would give Natsuki finality and closure.
"I know that you cannot return my feelings, I know the love you have for me is not the same as I have for you." Shizuru said slowly, the words ripping their way out of her heart. "It is to be expected."
"Shizuru…" Natsuki began, but Shizuru pushed on. She already knew what Natsuki would say. That it was okay. That Natsuki was happy that Shizuru loved her, but…
"I thought it would be okay. For me to stay near you, to be close to you. But I was wrong." Shizuru explained. She had to say it now. She needed to say it now, even if it hurt. "A year ago, when I left, I was too afraid to talk to you. No, rather deep within my heart, I never wanted to leave. But I've changed now…I can say what I should have said then…
"Goodbye."
Shizuru gave Natsuki one final smile, and turned and walked away, wiping the tears from her own eyes. She heard Natsuki call her name, but she couldn't turn back. Not now, not ever again. This time was really the final farewell.