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Chapter 20 - The Skylar Case.
June 1996 - Sommerset District - On the edge of the beach.
- Stilwater.
It is on the seaside that Jack had chosen to take his pose to smoke his cigarette in company of Sonny and Asher, two young people with whom he had worked for a few days at the Freckle Bitches of Sommerset.
The clarification with Troy was not in vain, since Jack questioned himself a lot since their discussion. He was aware that he was gradually getting into situations from which he would not recover unscathed and decided to curb his bullshit in the neighborhood ...
With classes over, he had some free time to earn his own living and thanks to a little help from Troy, he got a job at a fast food restaurant in town. He could have gotten a job at Mission Beach, where there was also a restaurant of the same franchise, but he couldn't see himself serving the gang without them openly laughing at him.
They probably wouldn't understand, so even if he had to work, Jack chose the restaurant near the sea, so he could enjoy the summer a little.
- It's fucking time, guys," said Asher, looking at his watch.
The three young people threw away their cigarettes before getting up, in their red, white and yellow outfits in the colors of the restaurant.
- Lazy … Sonny sighed. When I go home at night, I stink so much of gravel, it disgusts me to no end!
Sonny was a young man of nineteen, very mannered and effeminate. But he was funny and so incongruous! He was not from the neighborhoods, anyway, with such a style, no doubt that the guys would never have let him take a single step quietly without coming to bother him. Sonny had the good idea to use his parents' bank card to buy some clothes - indispensable - according to him, provoking the father's anger when he learned that his son's purchases contained - among other things - make-up and feminine clothes. Sonny swore it was for his girlfriend, whom he obviously didn't have, and he escaped his father's wrath only because he promised to work all summer to pay him back.
Of course, the girlfriend only existed to calm the wrath of his parents, Sonny's taste was boys and he didn't hide it.
Asher was a neighborhood kid. Angry, rowdy, dry and nervous, he was nonetheless honest and just wanted a little money to enjoy with "his buddies. He was fair as long as you were fair to him, but his cunning knew no bounds when he felt he was being denigrated or in danger. He was nice, but had this annoying tendency to swear with every sentence he spoke.
Jack put his suit back on and resumed his place in front of the counter at Freckle Bitches where he was holding the cash register.
He really wasn't that excited about it, but he wanted to make the effort to get back to what felt like real life, away from the problems and the easy money. He wouldn't be with the Saints forever, and while he'd probably make a fair amount of money working at NASA, it would never reach the heights he did with Benjamin King's drugs. He took it as a life lesson, if not really motivated by this thankless job in the Rollerz district, which is more than a little bit of a hassle.
- Freckle Bitches, hello...
- I would like a... A... You know a Chicken Bazoom, but with beef, said the customer.
- The principle of Chicken Bazooms is to be chicken ...
- But you can't make it with beef, seriously?
- I'll check with my supervisor for a minute.
Jack turned to go to the kitchen.
- Guys, some asshole wants chicken bazooms with beef.
- Fucking hell. Is he serious?
- Apparently so.
- Wait, damn it, I'll make him beef, he'll see.
Asher cleared his throat as much as he could before spitting into the breadcrumbs that he wrapped around the chicken nuggets. He cooked the whole thing before spitting one last time and closing the box.
- Tell him it's the special recipe for this mothafucka.
- It's disgusting, it works, I pass it on.
- Break the balls, those jerks...
Jack smiled politely at the customer and dutifully put everything in a bag before handing it over.
- Have a nice day, sir," he said without getting an answer.
The customer almost snatched the bag from his hand and left without a hello, a thank you or even a goodbye, like most of the restaurant's customers.
At closing time, the employees were quietly finishing the cleaning, far from the rush of the evening.
- What a shitty job," whispered Sonny, who was disgusted by all the grease.
- I'm fascinated by people's disrespect for us," said Jack, cleaning a grill.
- I'd throw them all in the fryer if I could!
Sonny continued to sweep before he came upon a mouse. He let out a shrill cry that startled his colleagues before they laughed, seeing him in total panic.
- Kill it! Kill it! he screamed.
- Catch her, Asher!
But no one could catch the poor mouse, who was cornered and jumped headfirst into the fryer to end his short life.
- Oh damn! It fries! Said Asher who took the opportunity to throw some breadcrumbs on it.
- But what a horror! The poor thing! She must have suffered, sympathized Jack.
- She is unrecognizable. Fucking hell. Poor thing, I wouldn't want to be in her shoes.
Sonny continued to shout "Oh my God, Lord Jesus Christ" over and over until the household was finished.
With his shift over, Jack took the streetcar back to Saints Row. On the way, a young girl was bothered by a gang of noisy youngsters in blue, the Westside Rollerz, and he couldn't help but see that everywhere, the problems were the same...
The arrival of the ticket inspector allowed the young girl to escape quickly and the Rollerz were all fined for not having a ticket, despite vain protests and screaming racism.
It was late when Jack returned home. His days were long and not necessarily very exciting. Julius was very surprised when he told him he wanted to work legally, and with Troy's support, he didn't object, as long as he was available on his days off to help the Saints. After all ... His job with the Kings was over and the neighborhoods were under control.
Jack took a quick shower before seeing what was left in his fridge. Not much, except for the Freckle Bitches food, which he had been stuffed with for several days. He preferred to lie on his bed, smoking a cigarette, with the TV on mute. To relieve his boredom, he sent a message to check on Johnny, who told him in very rough spelling and grammar that Aisha was getting on his nerves about a dark story that he didn't quite understand.
He couldn't help but have a little smile when he imagined poor Johnny, bogged down in his relationship problems, and hesitated for a moment to call one of his female colleagues from the Saints, to share a little moment of the night.
After all, without Dee-Dee, he was free to date whoever he wanted and many were the young female Saints who had given him their number, hoping for a date. While he was hesitating between Wendy, a pretty redhead, and Amara, a half-breed for whom many Saints would shamelessly damn themselves, his phone vibrated in his hand.
- Yeah? he said, blowing out the smoke from his cigarette.
- Jack?
- Yeah?
- It's Anouk, do you remember me?
It's hard to forget...!
- Of course, you're Skylar's sister.
- That's right. I'm sorry to bother you so late, but Julius said it shouldn't bother you.
- No, it's not. What can I do for you?
- I'm don't kown how to tell this... Basically, Skylar is not doing well at all and I'm really worried about him. I don't know what to do anymore...
- What do you mean you don't know what to do? Is he sick?
- No... I mean, not physically. But it's been weeks that he hardly eats, that he doesn't go out anymore. I hear him crying regularly too... But he doesn't tell me anything. I know that you were kidnapped with him by those awful guys and that you were all very shocked, but I think Sky can't get up... I don't know what to do to help him get out of this...
Anouk's voice was broken and Jack realized she was making a superhuman effort not to cry.
- I can come by tomorrow night after work if you want.
- Would you mind? Thanks Jack! Maybe he'll be more talkative with someone who has been through the same thing! Thanks, I'll even buy you dinner if you want.
- No promises though, but I'll stop by.
- Thanks Jack! Thank you!
Jack put the phone down on the bed and put his hand behind his neck.
This VK mishap had done a lot of damage... Eazy-E hadn't been able to get up either and as soon as he got home, he had hung himself and his mother found him several hours later lifeless.
Diego was still in the hospital in serious condition. Visits were forbidden, but his mother had confirmed between sobs that her big boy was condemned to a wheelchair for the rest of his life...
Johnny was the only one who had really recovered, probably thanks to the love of his mother and Aisha who filled him up every day. He never talked about it and didn't seem to suffer from it, at least not in any way.
But Skylar's case was indeed a concern. It wasn't the first time that people had heard about his disturbing mental state, and no one had seen him since his torturers had killed him. So Jack promised himself to go see his friend as soon as possible.
At Freckle Bitches the next day, everyone joked about the new imaginary mouse burger and dreamed of serving them to the 90% of the customers who were rude and boring.
- But I swear, I had nightmares about it! Sonny complained, still traumatized.
- But stop being a faggot, it was just a mouse," Asher retorted.
- But I AM a faggot, darling. Jesus Christ, I'm meant to be a Queen, not rotting here," he said.
The boys giggled, at least Sonny was getting the mood going. Especially since today he had arrived with pink wedges and everyone was waiting for the fateful moment when he would be slapped by the manager who didn't like this kind of eccentricity.
- Guys, some asshole is giving me a hard time because his burger is cold and he wants another one," Jack warned them through the connecting window between the kitchen and the counter.
- Tell him to go fuck himself! Asher shouted.
- Yeah, but make me another one. He's a real ball buster.
- I'll put the mouse in his fucking burger, I swear!
- If you want, but hurry up.
- Jack dear. We're maxed out here," said Sonny.
These two funny guys amused Jack a lot and he returned to the counter trying not to laugh too much. He took in the disgruntled customer without knowing if the famous mouse was in his burger or not, and when he looked up, he found himself almost face to face with a whole gang of Rollerz.
The Rollerz and the Saints were not yet officially at war, but the clans knew it was only a matter of time before one of them claimed the city. In his Freckle Bitches uniform, no one made the connection between Jack and the Saints, who really hoped his fleur-de-lis tattoo would go unnoticed. The Rollerz, on the other hand, were all wearing dark blue and had tattoos mostly related to the car world, including a kind of rim, symbol of the gang, of a more than doubtful taste...
- Freckle Bitches, hello ... Said Jack.
- Twelves The Fist in bundle box menu, six The burgers Twins, six Chicken Bazooms by twenty and three fun bag.
- That'll be 262 dollars and ninety-eight cents.
- WHAT?! Offended one Rollerz. You got it wrong there, didn't you?
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
- No, the bundle is 16 dollars, the chicken Bazooms are 6.52, the Twins are 3.19 and the fun bags are 4.24.
- Where do you get the fun bags from? You think I'm a kid?
- Dude, you ordered this.
- I swear, I'm going to kick your ass. Get that out of my face!
- Okay, okay..." said Jack, taking it all in. That'll be $250 and 26 cents.
- Why on the board is the Fist $5.47!
- Because it's the burger alone and you took the bundle box.
- What's the bundle box? Hey, you're going to go right back down, man, are you trying to screw me ?
- I'm not screwing you, just be clear in your order.
- I want the $5.47 burger you smart ass!
Jack pursed his lips to avoid telling him what he was thinking and took the order from that insufferable Rollerz.
- Okay. 12 Fist, 6 Chicken Bazooms and 6 Twins, are we good?
- Yeah, we're good.
- Then that'll be 123 dollars and 90 cents please.
Grudgingly, the Rollerz tossed some bills almost in his face and Jack cashed it.
- Guuuuyyyys ... Special order," he said in the kitchen.
- Understood, said Asher while clearing his throat under the horrified eyes of Sonny.
It is all smiles that Jack gave the bag to his customer.
- Wishing you a good day, sir, he said with pettiness.
The Rollerz gave him a glare and left with his order.
- What was that asshole? Asher asked.
- A son of a bitch, don't worry. It could have been worse, Jack rationalized. I'm taking my break, I have to go smoke one before killing everyone. Are you replacing me, Sonny?
- It's only because you have a nice ass! Go on.
Jack winked at him and Sonny almost blushed as he made a graceful little hand movement. Behind the restaurant, he sat down on the sidewalk and lit his precious cigarette for a few minutes of peace.
What a shitty job... And to think that some people had to put up with this all their lives...!
Jack sent a message to Skylar to let him know that he'd be coming over to his place around 8pm for a little chat and put his cell phone in his pocket. His cigarette was only halfway through when he was intrigued by high-pitched shouts coming from the restaurant. He recognized Sonny's unmanly voice and unless another mouse had appeared in the restaurant, it wasn't normal, so Jack threw his cigarette away and went back inside.
His hunch was right, because at the counter, the Rollerz was back and had just thrown Sonny to the floor.
- What's going on? Jack was surprised.
- That's him there! the Rollerz pointed at him.
Several Rollerz, rushed at Jack who was thrown to the ground next to Sonny who was bleeding from the lip.
- What the fuck are you doing?
The Rollerz pulled out a blade and put it to Jack's neck.
- You tried to fuck me, you fucking whore.
- I beg your pardon? he said without understanding.
- No fries, no drink. What did you take me for?
- What, that's what all the fuss is about...?
Jack took a right kick in the nose that made him bleed instantly. The customers of the restaurant fled without trying anything and those who were a bit reckless were quickly calmed down by the gang who threatened them.
- What the hell is your problem?
- I hate it when people make fun of me.
- I took your order you dumbass!
- Why didn't I have fries?!
- Because you didn't want the bundle box!
- Dude, you didn't take the bundle? said another Rollerz.
- Of course I did! lied the other one.
- But you're not going to leave us for fries, are you? said Sonny.
- Hey, check out his shoes! said a Rollerz to his colleagues.
It must be said that Sonny's look did not go unnoticed between his eccentric look and his long nails painted in turquoise. He was tall and thin, clearly not cut out for combat and what's more, he was terrified.
- Oh but guys, but look, we found « the cage of madwomen » there!
- What the hell is this thing? Said another Rollerz with a look of disgust.
- It's a faggot!
The Rollerz forgot about Jack for a moment and went after Sonny for free, surrounding him with a threatening look. The poor guy shrivelled up, he was used to it already...
- Did you think you were at the carnival, you dirty faggot?
- You degenerate, added another Rollerz.
- I didn't do anything to you! Sonny moaned in terror.
- But still happy, you faggot. Now you're trying to fuck us over. Let's take a little walk around the neighborhood, what do you say?
Sonny quickly understood that this meant a full-scale beating in a place where the police wouldn't go. He tried to get up, screaming, but the Rollerz controlled him without any trouble.
- Let go of him, you motherfuckers! shouted a voice from the kitchen.
By the time he turned around, a Rollerz had a charred Chicken Bazoom in his face. A little caught off guard, Asher had no other idea than to fry up as much of the thing as possible and use it as a projectile to help his colleagues. Although not very effective, this gave Sonny a reprieve and the attackers turned away to fight Asher, who was still very angry.
- How long does it take you to order some fucking fries," a female voice suddenly said as she entered the restaurant.
All eyes turned to the new group of Rollerz who entered the restaurant and Jack's blood ran cold when she saw Lin, dressed in blue with the enemy gang. She had a moment's hesitation when she saw Jack, but immediately pulled herself together, not letting on.
- Look what we found, Lin! A Rollerz said proudly, pushing Sonny with his foot.
- You're a pity. You just had to bring us back some food and even that is too much to ask, she hissed, displeased.
- But it is this white-ass which served me badly, I cannot do anything there.
- Come on, let's get out of here, anyway, the food is disgusting, we don't care.
- But I paid !
- Let's go! Lin insisted.
Reluctantly, the Rollerz blindly followed Lin, apparently already an imposing member of the group. They glared at Jack and Sonny, both on the ground.
- We'll be back for you, don't worry," swore one Rollerz, without anyone really understanding who he was talking to.
The guys in blue disappeared as quickly as they had arrived, much to the relief of the employees. Jack readjusted his outfit before standing up. His nose was bleeding, but it didn't look too bad. He made the mistake of sniffing and felt as if all his blood went straight to his brain, which threw him off balance for a moment. Standing up, he put his shirt back in his pants before moving towards Sonny, whom Asher was helping to get up.
- Lord ... Lord ... He repeated over and over, shocked.
- It's all right, man, those wankers are gone," Asher reassured him.
- But they're coming back for me, you heard them, right?
- They're just fucking loudmouths.
- No, they're coming back for me! Did you see how they despised me? They're going to get me, that's for sure! Those guys can't stand guys like me!
- Why don't you dress normally anyway ? suggested Asher, naively.
- Normally? NORMALLY? offended Sonny. Can you explain to me how I'm less normal than you?
- Well, I don't know, buddy, but you're wearing girl's clothes. It's like putting red in front of a bull. It turns people on.
- So because I dress less conventionally than you, people can beat me up for free?
- I don't know!
- I'm dreaming... If even you judge me...
- We don't judge you, Sonny, Jack assured him. They're just stupid.
- I just want to be myself. That's not a crime, is it?
Jack didn't answer. He didn't think it was a crime, of course, but he too came from the neighborhoods and this kind of attire was not tolerated on the streets, for some strange convention where men had to be manly, macho, and very straight or they would be harassed, sometimes to the death for the other "males" in the neighborhood. Sonny was the exact opposite of the street banger, and therefore, an easy prey. In the Stilwater of the 90s, it was unimaginable to be gay, happy and especially to show it in the open. Besides, young people didn't ask themselves that much of a question, they all claimed to be straight and those caught in the company of a member of the same sex would invoke a momentary mistake or sudden and inexplicable curiosity, never anything more.
- I'll walk you home if you want," Jack offered his friend, who gladly accepted.
Much later, after making sure Sonny got home safely, Jack skated across Mission Beach in a black tank top and jeans. He had tied two purple bandanas around his left wrist and around his head to show that he belonged to the Saints. More than ever, Julius had asked them to show themselves, to make it clear to everyone that Saints Row was in the hands of the Saints.
A little before eight o'clock, Jack showed up in front of Skylar and Anouk's building, whose front door was smashed. The smell of rancid piss still permeated the place and the elevator was once again out of order. So Jack took the stairs to the third floor and knocked on the door. After a few seconds, Anouk opened the door and looked relieved to see him.
- Oh Jack, thanks for coming!
- I told you I was coming by. Is Skylar here?
- Yes, he's in his room. He always is, actually.
- I'm going to have a little talk with him.
Jack allowed himself into the Meijen apartment and as he passed Anouk, she grabbed his arm.
- Jack ... What have they done to my little brother?
- You know very well what they did.
- No, he didn't tell me everything, I can feel it. It's something else, you have to tell me.
- Anouk. We saw our friends die before our eyes. Isn't that reason enough to be shocked in your opinion?
- Yes... Of course... I can't imagine what you went through.
- Skylar needs help, but let's not make him say what he can't say, okay?
Jack was sure that Skylar had not told anyone about his rape. It was the ultimate humiliation, the one you never get over, and Jack probably knew something about it...
He politely got out of Anouk's way and went to his friend's room. He knocked politely before entering slowly.
- Sky? It's Jack, can I come in?
The room was dark and had a rather unpleasant musty smell. Skylar was sitting on his bed, hoodie up, smoking, and didn't notice when he saw his friend sitting next to him.
- I brought you some food from FB. Sorry, it's cold, but one blast in the oven and it'll be perfectly edible, Jack assured him.
- Ok... Thanks man.
- That smells good, what are you smoking?
Skylar took a long pull on his joint before handing it to his friend, who in turn pulled on it.
- Where did you get it? It's good!
- I don't know. A guy down the block. There are Haitians still in green who have settled there, they are good.
- I like it, if you order again, can you get me $50 worth? I'll pay you, of course.
- If you want, yeah.
The discussion quickly died down, with Skylar staring into space as he took a drag on that joint. He lit another one as soon as he was done.
- You know Amara gave me her number?
- I don't know who it is.
- But we were all fucking drooling over her. She's got a great ass, you can't forget that, believe me.
- Nah, I don't know anymore, and I don't give a shit about chicks.
Definitely...
- Your sister's worried about you, Sky. And rightly so. What the hell are you doing here all alone, going over and over?
- Ah, that's why you're here... because she asked you to come.
- No, man. Of course not. You're my friend, you don't come to church anymore, I'm worried and I miss you too! That's one less player on the basketball team, which sucks. I need you to be a great player on my college pro team. You know I'm going to be on the alternate team? Sure, it's not the ultimate in prestige, but it's a pretty good start.
- Hmm.
- At Harvard, I probably wouldn't have been able to join a high-level sports club, so I'm doing pretty well in the end.
- Good for you...
At his friend's lack of enthusiasm, Jack took offense...
- Smoking pot all day isn't going to bring anyone back to life.
- I'm not trying to bring anyone back to life, don't worry.
- Then what?
- Then nothing Jack. Nothing.
- I don't have to work tomorrow, you want to do something?
- Shit Jack, don't bother! You're all boring me with your shitty benevolence, but I don't need that! Do you get it? I just want to be left alone!
- Whaaa ... Don't get excited ... I came as a friend, not to annoy you.
- But I don't need a friend right now ! I just want peace !
- Yeah, well, that's fine. I didn't come here to be spoiled. If you want to talk, I'm here, in the meantime, I'm alive and I intend to enjoy it.
Unsympathetic, Jack got up and opened the bedroom door, ready to leave.
- You don't know ... Started Skylar before taking a pause. You don't know what it's like... to have been forced to do what I did to that filthy pig.
So that was it... Traumatized, it was the rape he had suffered that had destroyed Skylar. Jack stopped, still holding the door handle, and closed the door without turning around.
- Yes, Sky. I know what it's like ...
- No, you don't. He barely touched you.
- I'm not talking about him," Jack admitted, turning around.
In the darkness of the room, the two teenagers looked at each other for a long time with a serious look.
- You ... You were also ... ?
- I was a child," Jack explained at once.
- Your father...?
- No, it wasn't in the family.
- So wha...
- If you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about it. I just want you to know that it happened to me too and I know how disgusting it is.
- I'm sorry for you," Skylar said sincerely.
- It's behind me, and I've never told anyone. I'm telling you today because you're the only one who can understand.
- Did you also have to do...?
- I've had everything, and repeatedly. But I don't want to talk about it.
- Oh...
Jack took his place on Skylar's bed and leaned against the wall.
- That's why I said we wouldn't die. It's still really gross, no matter how old you are. But you see, today I'm here, alive and well. Your attacker and mine are dead, and I don't want him to rot my life forever. I'm not saying it's always easy, but we can get through this.
- I can't do it Jack... I think about it every day and I tell myself that it's not possible, why did he choose me? And why did I do it in the first place? I hate myself for it, you can't imagine how much!
- You did it because survival instinct is stronger than anything.
- But I should have said no!
- Eazy-E said no. That didn't stop anything.
- But I did! In front of everyone! All the VKs and all the Saints saw me accept his offer!
- Skylar! You didn't fucking accept anything! He had a gun to your head!
- I'm disgusted... Skylar began to sob.
- But it's not your fault ... Fuck, Sky ... He would have put a bullet in you if you hadn't agreed.
- Guys are probably laughing at me right now, right?
- Are you kidding me? Everybody thinks it's disgusting, nobody said anything!
- Even before, the guys kept saying that I had a problem, that I was a fag...
- But they all say that! It's their favorite insult!
- And if it was true in fact? Maybe NVK had perceived it and felt that I would accept without making a fuss.
- You really need to see someone to make you feel better Sky ... This son of a bitch didn't perceive anything. He just wanted to humiliate us with his creppy cock. It's easy to force someone to do something they don't want to do at gunpoint! You know you would never touch a dick on your own so stop beating yourself up about it.
- I had sex with a guy the other night.
- Did you...? The fuck? Jack was surprised, not expecting it at all.
- I needed to know why he had chosen me. So I went to a bar and made friends with a guy and gave him a blowjob on the street.
This revelation left Jack speechless. He didn't really see the connection between the legitimacy of the assault-if there was any attempt at it-with Skylar's supposed sexuality.
- Okay ...!
- And I didn't think it was disgusting in person. But it was so humiliating, I don't know... I found it terribly exciting. Afterwards, I fought with the fucking faggot.
- Why?
- Because he was a fag.
Jack didn't make any sense of it.
- But ...? But you like guys?
- Not at all! Skylar took offense.
- You're going to think I'm stupid, but I don't really understand it anymore.
- I just needed to know if I had been chosen because they thought I was born for it or if I really liked it.
- I think you're mixing everything up... You don't become homosexual because you're a rape victim! It has nothing to do with that! Do you have any idea what you're saying?
- Why did you get raped?
- Why!? Said Jack almost choked. Because I was the easy prey of a sexual pervert! I was a child! I had no sexuality, my only interest at that time was robots! Get help Sky ... I don't know ... Maybe you could see a shrink or something. There's a lot of people out there who'll be able to help you get through this.
And without warning, Skylar jumped on top of Jack and kissed him on the mouth, which sent him into a tizzy.
- But WTF man! Jack snorted as he came to his senses.
- I just need to be sure...
- But sure of what!? You don't become gay if you get touched by another guy, you're freaking out!
- Maybe I was already gay before.
- But what do I know! I'm not gay, you're completely out of your mind!
- I'm completely lost... Skylar cracked. I don't know where I stand anymore, I just need to be reassured ...
Skylar had no logic left and Jack sensed his distress. So he allowed himself to take him in his arms.
- It's okay, Sky... it's just a bad patch.
In his friend's arms, Skylar collapsed and began to let out torrents of tears. For a very long time, Jack had the patience to hold him so he could get it all out.
- It's going to be okay... He whispered to him at regular intervals.
They stayed in each other's arms for a long time, without a word, and night fell on Stilwater.
- I don't want this to ruin my life," Skylar finally said in a whisper.
- Then make sure it doesn't.
- I don't want it to disgust me for the rest of my life...
- No, you can't," Jack said in a whisper.
- I need my brain to associate this with something positive.
- Yeah...
Skylar's hands suddenly became bolder and he stroked Jack's back, making him feel suddenly very uncomfortable.
- What are you doing...?
He didn't really need a drawing when he felt Skylar's lips on his neck.
- Sky...? He worried about it.
- Something positive... It has to be positive... He repeated.
Caught off guard, Jack didn't really know how to react and swallowed hard when he felt his friend's hands caressing his crotch through his pants.
- Sky ... ? What are you doing...?
But in reality, Jack was more confused than shocked and his breathing became heavy and rapid. Everything got mixed up in his head and he realized that he was with a boy. But instead of being repulsed by the idea, he just felt the pleasure of the caresses on his body and the well-being it gave him.
Jack needed love badly, so he wanted to take what was given to him, and when he met Skylar's eyes, it took them only seconds to kiss. Both boys were as confused as each other, but the situation and the particular context made them want to touch each other. The darkness of the room also had its effect and only the bodies became a landmark.
Jack knew all too well the indescribable power of rubbing his body against another and felt exactly the same as if he had been with a woman. He just wanted to be touched, no matter the details.
The two boys kissed and left the awkwardness behind. They took off their shirts each on their side before sticking to each other. The human heat definitely set them on fire and it was Skylar who took the initiative to lay his partner on his bed, never stopping kissing him.
When he heard the buckle of his partner's belt open, Jack imitated him. He couldn't see him very well in the dark, but he could guess what he was doing, and they were soon naked.
- Can I...? Skylar offered.
- Can you what?
The hands that caressed Jack's buttocks were quite explicit.
- No, no. No. I think... I think I'm not ready for that.
- Okay," Skylar didn't insist.
- I..." Jack stammered, completely caught off guard. I don't know how to make love to a boy.
- Neither do I," Skylar replied sympathetically.
In reality, he wasn't sure what he really wanted. Jack had never really thought about his own sexuality, since there was only one option acceptable to his peers: that of being a straight man.
But by simply rubbing up against Skylar, he immediately understood that the reality would be much more complicated to assume.
The night was short and in the morning, waking up naked in another boy's bed, Jack felt a deep sense of shame as well as a strange sense of well-being that he had just exchanged touches with another willing and receptive human being.
He was troubled that he didn't feel disgust or rejection when he saw Skylar, asleep naked next to him.
He realized that for the first time in his life, he had had a sexual relationship - admittedly chaste - but consensual with someone else, without money or coercion, and the sensations were just incomparable to anything he had ever experienced.
Jack did not linger in his thoughts and found his stuffs scattered all over his friend's room. He tied his purple bandana around his wrist and wondered what Julius would think of all this...
- Are you leaving? Skylar asked, half asleep.
- Yeah, I've got stuff to do today.
- You'll come back?
- Maybe," he said, fastening his belt.
- Okay, cool. See you then.
And for the first time since his attack, Skylar smiled again.