"You could stay longer you know," Natsuki commented, watching Shizuru dress in the darkness of her bedroom. Shizuru turned around, surprise flickering across her face as she noticed Natsuki was not sleeping. She recovered quickly enough and favored Natsuki with one of her usual smiles.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Shizuru apologized softly, pulling her hair up into a neat bun. She evaded the issue of staying so effortlessly, Natsuki nearly forgot that she had mentioned it. Nearly. Instead of pursuing the matters though, the detective chose to let things drop. Though Shizuru could seem accommodating and gentle, the truth was she was more stubborn than anyone Natsuki had ever met before. Shizuru generally was known to say the same thing about Natsuki though, as they often found while arguing over what to eat for dinner.
"You didn't wake me, I just couldn't fall asleep," Natsuki explained. She sat up and stretched a little, then realized she was still naked. Blushing, she pulled a sheet up to cover herself. "You always leave when I'm sleeping."
"I never wish to wake you," Shizuru came over and sat on the edge of the bed next to Natsuki. Gently, she reached over and brushed some of the hair out of Natsuki's face. "Besides, you look adorable while sleeping. Even if you do snore."
"I do not snore." Natsuki retorted hotly, as she flushed and turned her face away. Shizuru laughed softly, her hand cupping Natsuki's face as her fingers gently brushed the side of Natsuki's cheek. Despite how familiar it was now, even that simple touch caused the younger woman to shiver slightly.
It had been three months since the start of their…Natsuki wasn't quite sure what to label their relationship as. All she knew was that twice a week Shizuru would show up at her apartment in the evening. Most of the time, she would drag Natsuki out to eat what the Kyoto woman referred to as a proper meal. Afterwards they would return to her apartment where they would talk or sometimes just sit in comfortable silence. Eventually, Shizuru would lead Natsuki to the bedroom, both of them surrendering completely to their desires.
Shizuru was always gone by morning. The first few times she had left an elegantly written note saying she would be in touch, and then it simply became a habit. Natsuki was never privy to information regarding where Shizuru went. Sometimes, Natsuki thought to use her connections and look up information on the other woman, but it had seemed such a breech of privacy that she didn't dare to. Lately though, she found herself more and more curious.
"Shizuru-" Natsuki began, but she was cut off when Shizuru's soft lips covered her own. There was a smoldering look in those crimson eyes that Natsuki recognized all too well. Helpless, Natsuki relinquished herself to the other woman's touch, her eyes fluttering closed as she gave into the sensations.
She awoke several hours later to an empty apartment. Natsuki sighed and lay in the rumpled bed, staring at the ceiling of her apartment. Her sheets still smelled like Shizuru. Closing her eyes, she thought about the past three months. It had all seemed so hazy, like a myriad of dreams so intermixed with reality that she could not say where one began and the other stopped. Recently though, it seemed as though reality intruded more and more into their fantasy.
The more Natsuki tried to pry about Shizuru, the more evasive the older woman became. The more evasive Shizuru became, the more curious Natsuki was. Natsuki tried her best to respect Shizuru's privacy, but it seemed to her that the Kyoto woman was hiding something from her. Groaning, Natsuki decided to get to work and stop dwelling on things out of her control.
The plan to not dwell on Shizuru failed miserably. An hour later, she was sitting in her office staring at the contents of a plain manila envelope that had been mailed to her by Takasuka Akito. It was a request for another job. He had liked the precise, thorough job she had done before with his background checks and now he was requesting that she investigate someone else. The name on the request glared at her, as though it meant to burn her with its image.
Fujino Shizuru.
Muttering a curse, Natsuki reached for the phone.
----
It had been three months, Shizuru reflected with a frown as she stared at the calendar on her wall. That was two months and three weeks longer than she had intended. Yet, how could she stop herself? Every time she opened her mouth to say something to Natsuki, those green eyes would look at her curiously and Shizuru would forget what she had been thinking.
She couldn't concentrate around Natsuki. All she could see was the curve of Natsuki's neck. All she could feel were the silky strands of Natsuki's hair. All she could taste was the warm sweetness of Natsuki's mouth. It took all her self-control to bring some normality to their relationship, instead of simply pushing the other woman into her bedroom the minute she arrived.
She had thought that once she had Natsuki, the feelings would damper over time. She had thought it would have been easier to control. But instead it seemed to make it worse. An addiction was never cured by feeding it, and lately it was getting harder to return home. It needed to stop. Yet the idea of ending it made Shizuru ill.
"Mommy? What's the matter?" Startled, Shizuru looked at the doorway of her room and saw that Hana was standing there, a curious look on the young girl's face. She looked more like Jun as she grew older, Shizuru noticed. Her hair was the same jet-black as his, and her face resembled his too. She even had the same goofy smile. She had Shizuru's eyes though.
"It's nothing. How was school?" Hana tilted her head for a moment, as though she wanted to question further, but chose to answer enthusiastically. She babbled for several minutes about her teacher and her schoolmates. Shizuru smiled and listened to it all, then walked over, picked Hana up and hugged her tightly.
"Mommy?" Hana sounded confused, but Shizuru simply kissed her girl on the top of her head and held her for a few more moments. Hana was the only thing holding her back from giving up everything to be with Natsuki, and Hana was the one thing Shizuru would never sacrifice. Not for anyone.
"Never fall in love," Shizuru murmured softly into Hana's hair before she let the girl down. It seemed a sad thing to tell a five-year-old girl, but it was the safest advice Shizuru could give her.
"But I already love you Mommy," Hana said, looking puzzled. Shizuru smiled and kissed Hana on the forehead.
"I love you too." Shizuru smiled and made her decision. There was no way she could be with Natsuki. The Takasuka Clan would never permit it. They would call Shizuru an unfit mother and while she may be able to fight them, the damage it would do to Hana was something she would not risk. Not even for Natsuki. She had already risked too much as it was. "Uncle Akito is coming tonight to watch you. I'll be back though before you leave for school."
She chose to walk to Natsuki's apartment that night, using the time to strengthen her resolve. She would have to be cruel. She would have to hurt Natsuki as much as she possibly could so that there would be no regrets for her. Natsuki was stronger than she was. Shizuru was sure Natsuki would be able to move on eventually. It would be better for her.
Surprisingly, she found Natsuki waiting outside, a strange expression on the dark-haired woman's face. Natsuki was sitting on the steps outside her apartment, her motorcycle helmet in her lap, staring out in the street in a daze. She didn't seem to notice as Shizuru walked up.
"Natsuki?" Shizuru approached, concerned. Natsuki's head jerked up in surprsie, then recognizing Shizuru, she looked away. "Natsuki? Is something wrong?"
"Shizuru…" Natsuki's voice sounded strained. Shizuru laid a hand on Natsuki's shoulder, but the other woman flinched and pulled away. Natsuki stood up then, and reached into the briefcase resting next to her. She pulled out two folded pieces of paper. Unfolding them, she thrust them at Shizuru.
Slowly, Shizuru reached over and took the papers, then nearly dropped them. They were photocopies. One was of a marriage certificate and the other was a birth certificate. Shizuru's name was printed clearly on each.
"Can you explain these to me?"