Chapter 8
"So, uh, what's this number?" Natsuki asked awkwardly, tapping her finger against the large glossy picture book that was lying on the walkway of the gardens.
"Three!" Hana announced proudly, giving Natsuki a toothy grin. Natsuki nodded and cracked a weak smile. She had never been good with kids, and this was not just any child. She moved her finger lower and pointed to another number and after some deliberation, Hana answered excitedly.
They continued the game for a few more minutes until the little girl became bored and decided she wanted to play house. Natsuki nodded helplessly, vaguely confused at the entire situation. She had expected Shizuru's child to be…well a smaller version of Shizuru. In fact, in Natsuki's head during the ride over, she had been simply seeing a tiny version of Shizuru kneeling at the entrance to greet her and whisking tea briskly in a bowl before serving it to Natsuki with a well-bred smile.
Yet, what she had met with, was a bright-eyed, dark haired girl with a dirt-smudged face throwing open the door. Hana's face had visibly fallen when the person at the door had turned out to be a stranger, obviously expecting someone else. For a moment, Natsuki had been convinced she had the wrong household and this was an entirely different child. Then Akito had appeared to invite her inside with a tired smile.
Natsuki in truth, found herself fascinated by Hana. The way she smiled, the way she spoke, the way she moved. She was so…innocent and childish. Natsuki found herself wondering if Shizuru had ever made messy mud pies and laughed so freely; or if Shizuru had ever worn her heart so openly on her sleeve for everyone to see. Natsuki could not picture it at all. In fact, the idea of Shizuru playing in the mud made Natsuki snicker to herself helplessly.
"What's so funny?" Hana asked, setting down one of the pies and giving Natsuki a curious look. Natsuki simply shook her head and bit her lip to keep from laughing as the mental image of Shizuru serving mud pies with her tea kept flickering through her mind.
"Nothing, nothing," Natsuki said quickly. She looked around for a moment, and then decided to ask the question that had been gnawing at her. "Where's your Mother?"
Hana just smiled at her, shook her head, and then offered Natsuki a mud pie. There was the Shizuru within her, Natsuki thought with an almost sad smile. She felt a small twinge of guilt. She had not seen Shizuru since the last time they had fought, and Natsuki was starting to wonder if she had gone too far when they had fought. She sighed, and then declining the pie with the excuse of a full stomach, Natsuki stood up and decided to look around the gardens.
It was a well-kept flower garden. There were a variety of different colored rose bushes, all neatly trimmed. Elegant patches of petunias, lilies and other flowers Natsuki could not identify were also painstakingly arranged around the walkway paths. Trees dotted the garden as well, their wide encompassing leafy branches stretching out and lending shade to the area. It really did feel like Shizuru, Natsuki reflected, looking back to where Hana was enthusiastically pouring water from the can over her pies. As Natsuki turned again, her eyes were caught by a bright patch of pink amongst the dark red of a patch of roses. It was a very small patch of delicate pink flowers, which Natsuki could not name. She knew them though.
"Having fun?" Surprised, Natsuki turned around at the sound of Akito's voice. He had changed into more casual clothing, shedding the business suit for a short-sleeved shirt and khakis. She paused, unsure of how to respond. This entire meeting had not been going at all how she had planned or expected.
"She's very cute," Natsuki said doubtfully. Akito laughed at that, a warm laugh that Natsuki was also not expecting.
"She is. She reminds me a lot of Jun when he was little. Playful, curious and a load of trouble."
Akito smiled fondly in the direction of his niece, and Natsuki found herself entirely disconcerted by the situation. She was not sure how she was expecting the CEO to be. Despite having met him a few times before, she had thought he would be…colder perhaps, more stern and business like in regards to the situation.
"Why did you call me?" Natsuki asked, unable to control her curiosity anymore.
"Shizuru-san," Akito began to Natsuki's surprise, "tries to be a good person. You know this, don't you?"
"…what?" Natsuki mentally forced herself to stay calm, despite her surprise that Akito knew she was acquainted with his sister-in-law.
"Shizuru-san tries very hard to be a good person," Akito said again, then paused. "But she can not raise this child."
"I don't think I quite understand you," Natsuki said carefully, the glanced over at Hana. "Shouldn't we talk about this somewhere else?"
Akito followed her gaze, then frowned and nodded. A few minutes later, Natsuki found herself awkwardly seated in his study, Hana having been left with one of the members of the household staff. Natsuki had been surprised when Akito had telephoned her with the request that they meet at his house; then more surprised when he mentioned that it was in regards to Shizuru and even further surprised when he mentioned that Hana would be there.
"You and Shizuru-san went to high school together," Akito said and Natsuki raised an eyebrow that it was not a question, but a statement. He gave her a small smile, as if he could sense her wariness, then continued. "Yes, I know all this. If I only relied on one source of information, I would never have made a successful businessman. That is not the point, however."
"Then what is the point?" Natsuki never had much patience for lengthy, abstractive word games. How she ever had managed to spend all those years in Shizuru's company was totally beyond her comprehension.
"Do you know why Shizuru-san is living with me, instead of with her father?" Akito asked. Natsuki shook her head. It had been something she had been wondering about, yet the information she had managed to dig up had been vague at best. "I requested it. Begged actually. Yasunori-san is very protective of his daughter, and after Jun's death he wanted to keep her close. He refused me at first, saying that funding the Takasuka Corporation was receiving from the Fujinos would not change a bit because of Jun's death and there was no reason for her to stay, but I pushed the matter until he agreed."
"Why?" The information Akito was revealing confused Natsuki. She had been under the impression that most of this situation had come about for business reasons.
"Jun was my only brother," Akito said softly, clasping and unclasping his hands as he sat behind the desk. "Our family was not doing so well when the offer from Fujino Yasunori-san came. We desperately needed the support to continue our business, and Jun accepted the marriage offer, since he was young and I was not in a position to remarry."
"So?" Natsuki already knew this part and she was getting impatient. Shizuru was missing, Akito was rambling about the past and Hana was sitting in the garden playing with mud pies. It had been a long week and Natsuki was hoping to make some progress regarding the sticky situation.
"Jun and Shizuru had a professional relationship. They respected each other, but there was no love in that union and they both knew it," Akito said, then paused and smiled. It was a very wistful smile, and for a moment, Natsuki could see the pain of his brother's death very clearly in the older man's eyes, and how much it took for him to hide that. She almost felt sorry for him. Almost. "Hana was the only love in that family; Hana, whom both Shizuru-san and Jun adored. They could have made a family perhaps out of the love for their child, but then the accident happened."
"And now what? Because Jun is gone and you're suffering, you're going to take away Shizuru's happiness too? Is that it?" Natsuki asked bitterly as she stood up from the chair. She was irritated. Akito was seemed to be explaining things, but everything still made no sense to her.
"I promised Jun I would take care of his daughter. I meant it. I will see her raised in a happy household, and live a fruitful, normal life." Akito said firmly. He gave her a look that almost seemed like pity. "Do you consider yourself normal, Kuga-san? This…relationship you are engaging in with Shizuru-san? Shizuru does not even trust you enough to tell you about neither her child nor her past. Your relationship is hidden behind locked doors. Do you think this is healthy for Hana?"
Natsuki opened her mouth to hotly retort that it was none of his goddamned business, but the words then stuck in her throat. Despite how surprisingly comfortable Natsuki had become with the relationship, the truth was that Shizuru had not trusted her and Shizuru had not trusted their relationship.
"Hana is not Shizuru's happiness," Akito said softly then. "You are. Convince her to leave Hana with me and you two can live your lives together without any burden."
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Pain was something Shizuru had become quite accustomed to. There were all sorts of pains she knew: the pain of wearing a mask almost constantly, the pain of how heavily the burdens of her expectations wore on her, the pain of unrequited love. Shizuru had thought that all those years ago when she had smiled at Natsuki, told Natsuki goodbye and finally locked away her heart deep inside her soul that she was done feeling pain. She had thought that nothing could have torn her more deeply than walking away then and knowing that she had hurt Natsuki once again with her filthy emotions.
She was wrong.
Loving Natsuki and being loved by Natsuki—being able to hold her, to run her hands along the smooth skin of Natsuki's back, to mark Natsuki's breasts with the heat of her kisses, to lie in bed and listen to the steady beat of Natsuki's heart—and knowing that it could never last hurt more than Shizuru could have possibly imagined.
"Your order, Miss." Shizuru smiled and thanked the florist who handed her a small potted plant, her reverie over. It was the sapling of a new hibiscus bush Shizuru planned to grow in her garden. She had thought that devoting herself to the garden would help take her minds off things, but instead she had found herself wanting to plant more hibiscus. So when they bloomed, she would have more of those pale, pink flowers that would bring to mind images of Natsuki.
The walk home was long, but refreshing. Shizuru kept her thoughts on a short reign. She had a life to lead, a daughter to care for and a brother-in-law to deal with. There was no time to dwell on matters that could not be helped. She would take Hana back to Kyoto soon, and request that all ties with the Takasuka Corporation be cut. Perhaps she would not have to remarry either, though it was a distinct possibility that her father would insist on it. There was no room for Natsuki in her life. Shizuru had chosen her daughter.
She noticed Hana's head peeking out the window when she returned to their yard, and the door soon burst open as her daughter came bounding out to greet her. Shizuru smiled and handed her the plant, telling her to take it into the gardens so they could plant it. Grinning, Hana agreed and bounded off.
As she watched her daughter dart off, a pair of familiar shoes sitting in the landing by their front door caught Shizuru's eyes. She froze slightly, and then examined them closer—dark sneakers, slightly scuffed and worn. Definitely Natsuki's. Shizuru quickly made her way to the garden, where Hana was setting down the sapling.
"Hana?" Shizuru questioned with a smile.
"Yes?"
"Does Akito-san have a visitor?" Hana nodded.
"Yeah, a pretty lady. She played house with me. Uncle Akito took her to his office though." Shizuru nodded, then smiled at her daughter and walked briskly towards Akito's office. She would end all of this now.
"…convince her to leave Hana with me and you two can live your lives together without any burden." Akito's voice floated through the cracked opening in his office door. Shizuru's hand paused a few inches from the doorknob.
It did not surprise her really, that Akito would want to take Hana away from her. Shizuru had suspected his intentions for a while. That he knew about Natsuki, that he would ask Natsuki's help though, that surprised Shizuru. She started to open the door when Natsuki's voice stopped her.
"No." There was no hesitation in Natsuki's voice, no wavering confidence. She spoke clearly and steadily. "How can you think that Shizuru sees Hana as a burden? She loves that girl. You said it yourself. If you think I'm going to try to help you ruin Shizuru's life, you're out of your mind."
"It's not ruining her life," Akito said wearily. "It's helping her be happy. Why else would she risk so much to be with you if it wasn't love?"
"She won't be happy without Hana either," Natsuki's voice had a stubborn edge to it. "Shizuru's relationships have nothing to do with how much she loves Hana, or how much she will care for her. I have nothing to do with that. Why does there even have to be a choice? "
Shizuru stood facing the door, her hand frozen over the knob. For a moment, she felt all her doubts, all her fears, all her reservations recede from the way Natsuki was fighting for her. Natsuki, whom Shizuru had tried so hard to push away and leave, yet continued to stay there and fight.
"Trust me." The voice in her mind was soft, comforting, relaxing—Natsuki's voice. After all they had been through, after all that had happened, was that all she needed to do to get through this?
Was it really that simple? Shizuru stared hard at the knob of the door. She saw Natsuki's smile, felt Natsuki's arms around her waist, heard Natsuki's voice whisper in her ear.
Shizuru opened the door.