Chapter 2
She ran into the apartment and into her room, happily she started to jump on her bed.
He walked in carrying her suitcase "Sasha...honey?"
"I get to stay here with you now?" with each word of the question she began to bounce higher.
"I...get...to...stay...here?" higher, and higher, and higher, it made him nervous in that familiar way of parent's.
"For a little while," he said "hey stop that okay?"
She stopped her bouncing and plopped down on the bed. She smiled at him.
Her cheeks were flushed and happy and for a second he forgot about Lisa completely.
But just for a second and then it passed.
He took a deep breath "Sasha. Let's talk about Mom okay?"
Her smile faded. She stared at her shoes. "Can I watch cartoons?"
"Later. First let's talk."
She looked up at him then sighed and said "Okay."
He sat down at the end of her bed. "Well I've been talking to you Mom and she told me that you two have been having problems."
Sasha still wouldn't look at him. All her focus seemed to be on her pink, untied, sneakers.
"No, problems." she said.
Slowly Toby leaned over and pulled off one sneaker. This forced her to look at him and manage a weak smile.
He pulled off her other shoe "Don't want you to fall." he said.
They were quiet for a second and for just a second Sasha pretended that this is how it would always be. Just her and her Dad. But just for a second and then it passed.
"No problems Daddy." she said.
"Mommy seems to think you're mad at her." Toby replied "Are you saying she misunderstood?"
Now in her shoeless feet Sasha began to fidget and she bit her bottom lip. She wasn't really sure how she could possibly explain this to her Father. How mad she was at her Mother. For leaving her Father all alone. For changing everything. And how she was just now starting to realize that her life didn't have to be this way. Only bits and pieces of her Father. Him with his sad eyes. She was only now starting to understand that it didn't have to be this way. her Mother, her Mommy, had made it this way. She was only now starting to realize that and it made her chest hurt.
It hurt to be so angry at her Mother all the time.
And she couldn't make her Father understand that. She didn't have the words to make him understand.
And besides he wasn't mad at her Mother he never had been...no matter how much he liked to pretend. So how could he ever understand?
"She misunderstood." Sasha said. She had been looking at her socks but now she was looking at her Father.
"I'm not mad at Mommy. Can I go watch TV now?" she asked.
He would have said no but there was a look in his daughter's eye, like getting away from him and the conversation they were having was very, very important to her and if he didn't let her leave at that second she would cry.
And had never been the kind of parent who could make his child cry. They'd have a whole week to figure out The Lisa situation. So he let her go.
"Yeah," he said "okay."
And she ran out of the room quickly before he could change his mind.
He stare at her retreating figure and when she was completely gone he sighed and laid down on his back on her bed.
He held her right shoe in his hand and watched the ceiling fan turn lazily.
Suddenly he was very tired.
Sasha had turned the TV on in his bedroom and he heard some kind of loud explosion.
"Nothing violent..." he mumbled "watch something nice."
He hadn't really believed Sasha had heard him. But all of a sudden the explosion went away.
"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea...?"
He didn't remember closing his eyes, or his breath growing even.
But all of a sudden it was five years earlier. He had a house. He was coming down the stairs. But he wasn't really walking down the stairs. It was more like he was...gliding...floating?
And then he was in the kitchen.
Sasha was in a high happily munching on cheerios.
Lisa was staring at her looking sleepy and serene holding a cup of coffee in a worn out purple bathrobe she would discard for a red silk one two years later.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey," he replied.
He looked over at Sasha and smiled.
"Look at us," Lisa said grinning "all domestic and pleasant."
"Yeah." he said.
She looked into her coffee and then looked up at him "Cherish this. It won't last forever. You never learned to cherish things did you Toby? You never learned to hold on to things not really."
"What?" he asked "What did you say?"
"I said," she stood up yawning and began to walk up the stairs "change Sasha for me. I have to take a shower. I haven't had one in like two days I reek."
"What is it about having kids and never getting to shower?" she said running up the stairs.
He opened his eyes then.
It took a second for his eyes to focus in the now pitch black room but soon he was able to make out the glowing red numbers on Sasha's digital clock.
8:45.
"Jesus..." he mumbled. He had fallen asleep in a very uncomfortable position and now his neck hurt.
He walked into his room still gently rubbing it.
And there was Sasha. Passed out on his bed. Remote control still clutched in her tiny hand. The glow of the TV on her face.
He picked her up gently, carried her into her room, and tucked her in.
He kissed her on the forehead.
"Goodnight honey," he whispered.
"Hmmm?" she mumbled and then was silent.
He walked into his room, took off his shoes, and crawled into bed.
Usually he would stay up until at least eleven watching whatever was on. But he had to get Sasha up for school in the morning.
So he turned off the TV and withing moments he was asleep.
And this time it was even deeper and dreamless.
And that was how they spent the first day.