Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Cardcaptor Sakura (no matter how much I want to) and the additional characters are my own creations.

Some of the characters portrayed may be out of character.

Chapter 5: Release

The room was huge. Its rich furnishings were nicely set off by the numerous vases placed carefully around the room, the scent of roses and orchids permeating every corner of the room. The windows were opened fully to allow the cool crisp air of morning to enter, and the sunlight made everything seem so bright, casting shadows which seem to outline the objects more distinctly. The heavy drapes around her bed were pulled back, leaving only the faint transparent layer to fall down gently around the sides, as if shrouding her in a misty haze.

She sighed. Looking around at the sun-flooded room, she chose a rose from a vase next to her bed and slowly held it up to her nose, her hands trembling slightly. He always used to give her flowers. Going into a sudden bout of coughing, she tried to stifle it with a handkerchief. When she took the handkerchief away from her mouth, she wasn't too surprised when she saw the blood on it. She knew that she didn't have much time left. All this pain…it would all go away soon. All she wanted to do was to set her things in order, that was why she had asked for her husband and son to see her. She would hang on until then. She drifted off into an uneasy sleep, the familiar dream swirling her under again.

------Flashback--------------

Oh god, please, not this. Anything but this.

"Miyuki, I'm serious. I want you to break up with Fujitaka immediately. The consequences for all of us are dire if you don't marry the prince. Don't you understand? Our family's honour will be tarnished, years of honourable history besmirched, and not only that, all of us could be banished. I hope you understand, Miyuki. This is for everyone's own good."

He turned away from her, not wanting to let her see the tears standing in his eyes. He knew she loved Fujitaka dearly, and he fully approved her choice. He had promised her hand in marriage to him, after all. But for the sake of everyone in the household, they could not afford to turn down the prince's request for her hand in marriage. He had to do this.

She wanted to scream. For everyone's own good, but not for her and Fujitaka. It was futile to rebel, but…but they had been engaged! It had been so long…Ordinarily, it would have been an honour of the greatest kind to be favoured with the prince's attention. But for her, it was torture. The prince probably didn't even know that she was engaged, it wasn't his fault…Yet she hated him. Hated him for unknowingly tearing up her life. The king had most likely kept the information that she was engaged a secret from the prince, because from their last meeting, the prince was unaware of that very fact.

"Father, at least…grant me this last visit. Let me tell him personally. It would mean…a lot to me. Please.

"Alright…"

--------

He waited below the Sakura tree patiently, his hands idly fiddling with a bouquet of red roses. He knew that these were her favourite and had specially bought them for her. His white suit was simple but elegant, and was expressly used for informal activities. His dark eyes peered seriously around him as he tried, without success, to smoothen his hair which had been tousled in the wind. An hour. She was usually very punctual, but yet it had already been an hour and he was getting worried. Perhaps he had better look for her.

He had barely started walking when he caught sight of her slight frame in the distance. Her light green dress swirled around her ankles as she walked towards him, her eyes downcast. Her usual lively spark had totally gone from her eyes to be replaced by unseeing, glassy eyes, which unnerved him greatly. Even at this distance, her tense posture and expression told him that something was seriously wrong. Her handmaiden walked primly beside her, holding out the umbrella to shield her from the sun, and she had a coat slung over her free hand in case her lady should feel cold. Watching this little procession, he felt as if he had been doused with a bucket of cold water. What was wrong?

He hurried up to her and stood before her, his demeanour showing his concern for her.

"Are…are you quite alright, my lady…?"

His voice struggled to remain calm and he had to force himself to be formal in the presence of the handmaiden, who was looking at him with a look of pity. In a voice so soft that it could hardly be heard, she told her handmaiden to leave them alone for a while. The petite girl bowed slightly and retreated a few paces, allowing her to speak privately with him while being close enough to be at her service at the first notice.

"Miyuki, what's the matter?

"Are you alright? You don't look so well…Are you sure you wouldn't like to rest, Miyuki? Dear gods, you're crying! Is it something I've done? I…" He was in a state of agitation now. She only cried harder upon hearing his words and he was really at a loss for what to do.

"No, Fujitaka…it's not your fault. It's just that I…My father…My father wants me to stop seeing you…"

"But…"

"No, please listen to me. I...My father got a request from the prince for my hand in marriage. He tried to explain that I was already engaged, but the King…I'm sorry, Fujitaka."

She dissolved into tearing sobs that seared his heart again. A request from the royal family for her hand. He understood the consequences that the whole family would have to bear if she did not obey. She might have to live a life of a vagabond, implicating her whole family as well, despised by others in this traditional society. Being cast out was regarded as one of the most shameful thing ever to happen, and people looked down on those who rebelled against the tradition. He could not ask that of her. It tore him up to make this decision, but he knew what had to be done. There was only one decision that could be made, but he hated himself for choosing it. He wanted to be selfish and ask her not to leave him…And hated himself for harbouring such thoughts.

" Miyuki…I understand. I…just remember that I always loved you and you'll always be in my heart. I er…got to go. Oh, and these flowers are for you. And may you be happy."

He thrust the red roses into her hands and turned to walk away, not bearing to see her cry any more. Any more and he would take her back into his arms and beg her not to leave him.

"I'm sorry it had to turn out this way, Miyuki."

And as he walked away, he heard a soft whisper amidst the sobs that rend his heart so.

"I love you too…I'm sorry."

He concentrated on walking away, putting his steps one in front of another. Who would believe that what had been built up over so long…could be broken in a matter of seconds. It was so abrupt…he had hardly time to fully register anything.

It was over. Their engagement, their years together…It was all over.

------back to the present----------------

She woke up at the sound of a gentle knock. She tried to sit up properly but her arms could not fully aid her up. Even that slight exertion left her arms trembling and sent her into another bout of dry coughs. Outside, the handmaiden heard her mistress cough and hurried into the room, pouring a glass of water for her lady.

She looked up, her attention caught by a youth girl who had entered the room and was now fixing her with a worried look. My god…She looked the splitting image of someone she knew once a long time ago. But hadn't she...hadn't she died? She was so distracted that she didn't even notice Sakura bob her a little curtsy, her wide eyes fixing themselves on Sakura as she hurried to her bedside.

"Nadeis..ko…?"

Sakura, who was busy trying to take her majesty's pulse, froze. Her wide, disbelieving eyes looked up at her majesty's, and an unbidden question just came out of her mouth.

"Your majesty…you knew my..mother?"

"Your mother? Oh, I see…yes…I knew her. You must be Sakura Kinomoto then…?"

"Ye..Yes."

She could hardly believe it. Fujitaka's daughter, looking just like she had imagined her to be. Her agitation caused her to cough yet again, her hand in Sakura's trembling all the more.

Sakura's eyes widened. No…This looked like…The suspicion grew as she noted the usual symptoms of the illness…It had to be. The very same illness that had plagued her mother.

"Please, get me the herbs on this list and prepare them immediately", she frantically scribbled a list of herbs she needed and a complex set of instructions, "and some cold water and a cloth. Please hurry!" She turned her attention back to the queen, trying to evaluate how far her illness had gone. No, don't let her die. She had to save her.

" I'd go with you. I know how to prepare some of these herbs." All unnoticed, Tomoyo followed the handmaiden out the door. Occasionally giving her cousin a hand in some of her treatments, she knew the rudimentary techniques of preparing the herbs.

It was then that his majesty and the prince entered the room. The both of them immediately rushed to her bedside, hardly giving Sakura a second glance. Lord Fujitaka and Syaoran both hung back at the doorway, unsure of what to expect, when they finally saw the queen with Sakura kneeling by her side. Lord Fujitaka hung back, aching so much to see if Miyu-…no, if the queen was alright, but he feared that his very presence might cause her pain. It would be better for her…not to see him. But he needed to stay, as if some compulsion had taken hold of him. He wanted to be there for her at the end…even if she did not know it. Syaoran backed into an unobtrusive corner and stayed, his need not to be seen by Sakura outweighing his concern for the queen. There wasn't anything he could do; yet something made him stay in this room too.

She looked up from Sakura's face to see both her husband and her son standing there by her other side, and gave them both a wan smile.

" Eriol? Nakajima? I…I might not be able to hang on for very much longer…I'm so sorry. I just wanted…to see the both of you again…" Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. Yes, they were her life. Her son which she loved so dearly, and her husband. She had resented him at first, and though she did not love him…She had grown to depend on him as a very valuable friend and companion. He had understood that she could not love him and was content with simply being able to be with her, and she valued that trust.

"Eriol…just remember that no matter decision you make, you must choose the one which is best for everyone. Perhaps you or others may be upset or regret after making the decision… but as long as you know that the decision is the right one…Everything will turn out alright at the end…Be happy Eriol…"

"Mother…" He tried to stifle his tears but could not stop them from flowing out. No, this couldn't be happening…

"The doctors…they will…" But even as he said it he knew that it was impossible.

"Nakajima…thank you for being so understanding all these years…" Another tear slipped out of the corner of her eyes. " and for loving me. It has brought me more joy than you could have imagined…and I cherish the times I spent with you. Thank you…" Saying, she reached out a trembling hand and picked out a branch of orchids from her bedside. Pressing the branch into her husband's hands, she smiled...

The king stood there, his eyes brimming with unshed tears, as he looked upon the love of his life slowly slipping away right in front of his eyes. He could not cry. Not yet. It was as if his mind could not register the fact of her laying there so still before him, labouring to breathe every step of the way…He closed his eyes, a single tear leakedout of the corner of his eye. And remembered the times they had together. That was the person he had known…and it was the only gift he could give her now, to let her know that he would remember her for all time. His hands, clutched around the branch were white and trembling.

She coughed once more, violent spasms shaking her body as Sakura frantically tried to settle her. But without her herbs she could do little but watch her and pray. Her bout of coughing passed, but her breathing remained laboured…the hoarse sound of breathing filled the room, the unsteady sound joining with the crying sounds of Eriol forming a discordant harmony.

"Miyuki…"

She looked up once more…and saw Nadeisko. She was in a white dress and looked just as benevolent as when they had last met. Her long hair gently framed her face, her amber eyes gazing gently into her own, understanding.

"It's time to let go, Miyuki. It's finally time…"

She unconsciously relaxed. She was so tired…

"No…please, hold on. Please!"

A new voice joined that of her pleading son, and she turned to smile at the horror stricken face of Sakura. Sakura's hands clutched at hers protectively, as if knowing intuitively that she was going to leave them, Sakura's eyes looking straight into her own tired ones, yet she could see that the young girl was trying to deny the truth to herself. She smiled, trying to bring the words forth despite the pain she was feeling.

"It's time for me to let go…It's useless to fight it any longer. I am content."

Tears were flowing down Sakura's face, yet she seemed not aware of the fact. Her eyes still lost in the memory, she seemed once again, the little child sitting by her mother's bedside. "No…please don't leave me again…please…"

She closed her eyes…and let herself relax. In her mind's eyes, she reached out her hand to Nadeisko's, their hands touching together…a comforting light enveloped her…and she knew no more…

"The herbs are here!" The handmaiden burst in along with Tomoyo and the rest of the court physicians…and stood looking at the scene before them. The head physician bowed his head and approached the bed, looking for all the world like the old man he was…and reached out and closed her eyes. They were too late. They bowed and filed out of the room solemnly. There was no need for words.

Sakura remained kneeling by the side of the bed, her eyes unseeing. Transported back to that time when she had been there…laying there peacefully in the same position…Her lifeless hand clutched in her little fist, as she cried and begged her mother to wake up, to open her eyes once more…

The sound of Eriol's keening filled the room. Lord Fujitaka turned and walked out of the room, his tired frame clutching a single red rose unconsciously from one of the vases. His face remained in the shadows…not letting anyone read anything from his face. It was with some regret that he realised that this chapter of his life was closed forever…and that that same illness that had clamied Nadeisko's life had claimed Miyuki's as well. Syaoran was about to leave after him when he saw someone enter the room that made him stop in his footsteps.

He entered the room, his instincts telling him that something momentous had happened. Dressed in the soldier's training gear, he looked frantically around the room, as if searching for someone. He looked up as a man approached the doorway where he was standing, and his eyes widened.

"Toya...?" Fujitaka's shoulders just seemed to droop, but his voice was warm despite the tired tone belying his words.

"Yes, father. I'm back…How's Sakura? I felt her, she seemed in so much pain…"

"Go to her, child. She needs you more than ever now…"

Fujitaka merely bowed his head after saying these words and pointing to the bedside, and left the room.

Touya looked at his father's stooped frame and understood his need to be alone. He rushed to Sakura and enfolded her in a hug, oblivious to anything happening around him except her. The pain in his chest was unbearable.

"Hush…it's alright Sakura…it's alright…I'm here…"

Sakura turned her glassy eyes to stare up at him, and suddenly seemed to collapse out of her rigid state. She dissolved into tears and encircled her arms around him, seeking comfort in his embrace.

"I let her die, onii-chan…I let her die again…"

---------to be continued------------------------

I'm so sorry that I couldn't fully bring out the scene that I had in mind when writing this chapter, I just couldn't find the words for what I wanted to express…Hope that this little chapter of Miyuki's life could be rounded off to a finish now… Was pretty melancholic when I saw the scene play out in my mind…

Many thanks to all who read and reviewed the story thus far...it was your support that made me continue to write this story…and to yuet ping, many many thanksbest of luck in your exams

It may be a little while before I post the next chapter because of my exams again, two very major exams and another round of term examinations to go through which I'd have to work very hard for, so probably won't be able to write very much until then…