[A Stalker, Lawyer, and Sadist walk into a carnival...]
Something fell through the chicken coop, creating an idiot-sized hole on the ceiling. Kain Reynolds, who was wearing a clown costume, stared at the sky through the hole he made.
"That was the worst plan I ever came up with." He said as a chicken sat on his chest and laid an egg on top of him. "Yeah. I was not prepared for today."
[Earlier that Day]
"I am totally prepared for today!" I finally got past all those annoying war-crime paperwork! Ugh! That was a scumy move I had to pull back in Veronica. But it was the only way to reestablish the guild. I hope that doesn't bite me in the but later. Oh, who am I kidding?! No-no. Now I can come to the guild that morning and not have to look at a stupid pile of paper covering half his office!
I opened the doors—
"AAAH!" "WATER!?" "JUVIA, QUIT IT!"
Aaannnddd there goes my good pants. Splendid. At least I'm only drenched from the knees down. I activated my armor and slogged through the water to spot Juvia crying a river. Literally. Elemental magic must be a pain to emotional people.
"Juvia." She's still crying. "Juvia!" No dice. Okay, if powers are getting me into this mess. They'll probably get me out of it. I grabbed the back of her shirt and lifted her up slowly with my armor's wings.
"Alright, We'll just go outside for a bit. Mira, can I please get a smoothie when you're ready?" I yelled even though I was already on my way out with Juvia. I heard a small yes before I exited.
I carefully put Juvia down near the waters for her to continue crying. However, she soon started to 'melt' into her water. I doubt I can find her again in the sea, so I picked her back up by her collar.
I really don't want to do this since it might be mean, but I need her to stop crying for a second. "Yo, Gray!"
That did the trick as Juvia looked to where I waved. "What!? My Beloved?!" However, when she did look, all she saw was Ignis' stable.
"Juvia," I let her down gently on the shore after she stopped crying. "What's the matter?"
She started to sniff again. "G-Gray's been avoiding me!" And there she goes, crying again. To be fair to Gray, Juvia has been stalking him in a very unsubtle and obsessive fashion. I know animes have quirky characters, but this does seem... well... I'm not a fan of it if I read or watched this. So I'm definitely not a fan of it live. But Juvia is her own person despite her quirks.
"Really?" I lowered myself and tried to sit atop a rock. "Why don't you tell me about it?"
I powered down when she looked over to me. Her crying slowed down. She then started to explain to me that she believed that Gray was avoiding her. I asked her if she accidentally hurt his feelings aside from stalking. Juvia just cried louder and said she didn't know.
I thought about it for a second, and a rather mundane thought came to my mind. "Juvia, why don't you just approach Gray and ask him?"
Her crying stopped, and she looked at me as if I suggested sacrificing baby goats to another fallen god. "I can't do that!" She then started to sputter and ramble about how she had no courage to ask of her great beloved and such.
I powered down my armor as she stopped crying. I can understand not wanting to do something that looks easy. It sounds easy for others, but I do not know Juvia's personal feelings towards the action itself, and I would like to take that into consideration. I think I might go a different route for this. "Juvia, can you tell me about how you fell for Gray?" She looked at me as I spoke calmly, "I want to hear it."
She paused for a second before telling me her life story. She's always struggled to control her rain magic to the point of hating herself. But Gray was the first person to really like her despite what she saw as a humungous flaw. (I could tell it helped that Gray was easily the most handsome man in Fairy Tail if not Magnolia.) She was absolutely smitten with him because he was nice to her. Granted, everyone in Fairy Tail is nice, but I don't quite like the idea of obsessing over someone over something really nice. But hey, what do I know about love? They say it makes people think irrationally in the first place.
However, I do know about being a slave to my emotions. How do I do this? Maybe we should just stick with the mundane. "I do have a way for you to get closer to Gray."
Juvia looked to me with her hands clasped and her eyes shining.
"You could go on a date with him."
"D-D-D-D-D-D-"
I walked up to the continually stuttering girl and calmly grabbed her shoulders. "Juvia, breathe. It's alright. There's a magical carnival that is set up near Magnolia Outskirts. I can ask Gray to join you for a day while you two hang out there."
"How naive!" I looked up the cliff to see Laki Olietta. I forgot she cut her hair shorter during Laxus' take over. Wait, why did she shout out naive?
I stepped back as Laki front flipped over to land in front of Juvia and me.
"Do you think a love like that can blossom over something so small!?" She screamed love before pointing over to me. "Juvia needs cosmical succor to achieve dual unity!" And now she's shining light like a lamp while posing. I thought her magic was wood-based?
"Really!?" Juvia gasped and seemed more enamored with Laki's esoteric wording than my simple advice. "How does one achieve this cosmical success?"
I blinked. "Juvia, she just said that you need help in your—"
"Silence, virgin! " Laki cut me off before grabbing Juvia's hands with sparkles in her eyes. "It's time that a true maiden of love took over!"
"I am in your care, master!"
... Well, that's what I get for trying to solve things in a calm and normal way.
[At this point, why even bother?]
"Okay, Laki, there really is no need to stalk them. Can we go home now?"
"Shhhhh!" She motioned me to slip through the crowds in the carnival as we followed after Gray and Juvia. Despite being strong-armed, Laki still wanted Juvia to go on my idea of going out with Gray. The problem was that Juvia and Laki made a back-up plan while I wasn't there. And they only told me, and I quote, "For love emergencies only!". I swore I spotted them try to hide a vial.
At this point, the only reason why I'm sticking around is to make sure Gray's safe and to protect any innocent souls from the combination that is both Laki and Juvia.
"Why haven't those two started talking!? It's been five minutes and they've just been walking around!" Laki complained while we hid behind a tent.
"I admit silence is not a good way to start a date, but you shouldn't force..." Something or someone caught my attention. "Is that Macao and Romeo?" I felt Laki looking in my direction as Macao, Wakaba, Wakaba's daughter, and Romeo were playing a carnival game. Correction: the kids were watching their father fail horribly at an obvious scam of a game.
"This time for sure!" "Ha! Face it, old-timer, your sight's failing you!" "Says the guy who's getting out of breath! What's the point of being a smoke mage if your lungs are already making you short of breath!?" Second correction: Wakaba and Macao were too into their pride to notice being scammed.
I looked back at Gray and Juvia, only to see Juvia was sneaking up on Gray and holding the vial she and Laki bought. Whatever that was, I wasn't going to let her use! There are PSAs where I come from about that!
But luckily, or not, two clowns ran between Juvia and Gray, accidentally knocking the potion into the air... and landing on a nearby table that was filled with the same exact vial shape and liquid color!?
Laki and I ran over to the table while Juvia looked panicked. Laki and I motioned her to stay with Gray as he started to walk in the opposite direction.
"Come one, come all!" A circus man cried out as he slid in front of the crowd and in front of the table. I quickly looked back at the table, but I lost track as to which one of those was Juvia's potion! "Behold the best fizzy drink in all of Fiore!" The circus man waved his wand as all the drinks started to fly in the air. Before either Laki or I could react, they all poured into a cauldron the mage-clown put in front of him. "By the power invested in me, Fizzy, The Bubbly, I pronounce this drink to be the best that ever was!" As he pointed down on the cauldron, it started to unleash an explosion of bright light. It caused me to shield my eyes.
When the light died down, the vials returned to the table. "Now come! Free bottle for those in need of a fizzy drink!" The crowd of people reached the table at the sound of free drinks. I was too shocked to realize that Romeo and Wakaba's daughter took some of the drinks!
"NO!" I screamed. I powered up and instantly slapped the drinks out of the hands of the two kids.
Romeo looked up at me, and his eyes widened. "Big Bro Kain? What are you doing!?"
I turned around and shouted to the crowd of people. "Do not drink... !" I was caught off as I realized that warning came too late. People already drank before I slapped the vials out of the kids' hands. This was going to be messy. If they used some kind of love pot—
"I'm sick of you always being taller than me!" "I'm sick of you always being smarter than me!" "Curse you, fruity afro! How dare you be more bright and colorful than my future!"
... What?
I turned to the wood-make mage. "Laki, what was your emergency plan, again?"
"Juvia told me it was a love potion!" The purple-haired girl exclaimed before motioning to the group of people now trying to pick a fight with strangers, friends, and inanimate objects.
Because fate just loves to prove me and everyone I care about wrong, all of the ones who drank screamed and pointed at each other at the same time. "YOU ARE MY RIVAL!" They shouted before the circus started to look more like a regular day at the Fairy Tail guild.
"A... Rival Potion? I have never heard of that before." I took care to make sure Romeo and Wakaba's kid were safe before stepping between them and the chaos.
"Kain, what's going on?" Romeo pulled on my cape. Wakaba's... You know, I don't think I've ever heard her name around the guild before. What is the name of Wakaba's daughter? Wait, not the time!
"Umm, just some adult problems that I'm trying to solve..." Being an adult is hard. Being the only sane and responsible adult among peers that have super powers is a Triathalon that never ends.
Crack!
I turned as I saw some mage throwing a fireball right at the drinks! By instinct, I grabbed the kids and flew to the sky before the area exploded with a cloud of dark smoke. ... I forgot Laki, didn't I?
"Uhh, I'm dropping you two off the guild first. There are more adult stuff I need to take care of." A few seconds later, I dropped the two kids in front of the guild and looked over to Mirajane cleaning some of the outside tables.
The moment I dropped them, I turned back. "Hey, Mira! Watch Romeo and this kid for a bit!"
"Wait, Kain, her name is—" Really, Mira!? You say that as I fly just out of earshot?! Ugh! Nevermind, mini-crisis first!
As I flew back, I noticed the smoke cloud was gone around the area, which was good. What wasn't good was now the potion spread around the area, and everyone was fighting everyone!
"You there, Carnival Game! How dare you be so deceptively hard and swindle people out of their hard-earned cash! Your vile days of treachery are at an end! To do so, I will win all your prizes so that many good souls will not fall to your dark temptations! Begone, my Rival!" Aaaannnddd that's Erza over there. Right. Avoiding her. Where's Laki? She's not in the same area as I left her.
"There ya are!" I turned to see a clown gripping a plank of wood like one would a weapon. "It's not fair! We clowns live an honest life for others smiles, but everyone thinks knights are cooler! All you do is walk around in shiny junk, and everyone thinks your the best thing since bread! OOOhhh! That's it, you're my rival!"
Uh oh. "Sir, please, I don't want any trouble."
Behind the clown, I spotted a clown car the size of a shopping car drift to a break behind the first clown. A clown car? How many people are crammed in there? 5? 10?
Then 30 or more clowns jumped out.
Right. Magic combined with carnival tricks. AAaaannnnddd they all have blunt objects and makeshift weapons. Swell. I mean, I've got super armor, but who wants to get beat up by a mob of clowns!?
"YOU ARE MY RIVAL!" The crowd of clowns shouted before rushing at me.
Before being attacked by clowns, I at least hoped that Gray and Juvia's date is going well.
[Juvia is not crazy, but she's a bad listener]
Juvia and Gray's date was going terribly. The two still haven't spoken a word to each other even as the noise of the carnival grew.
The water mage was mentally panicking to the point where she assumed her beloved Gray would hate her for all eternity.
"So," The water mage's eyes widened before looking over to Gray. "Do you like Carnivals?"
Juvia was happy her beloved Gray spoke up. However, she didn't know what to reply to! As her own thoughts failed her, she wondered what Master Laki might say!
"Love prevails through all! Perish, Perverts!"
That sounded more real than she thought it did. Juvia decided not to say that; she was also too focused on her thoughts to hear Wood-Make Spells being shouted and cast. Gray wasn't as unfocused and started to look around while mentally swearing that he heard a familiar voice.
"Juvia!" The Water Mage's eyes widened. Why was she hearing Kain's voice? "You can do it!"
Why was she hearing his voice?! He didn't have anything to offer her! And why did the voice in her head sound like he was whispering?
She heard a muffled sigh. "Have you ever thanked Gray for helping you control your rain magic?"
Kain's voice quieted many of Juvia's other thoughts, even the panicky ones.
"No, I've never been to a carnival before," Juvia responded as Gray looked over to her. Juvia looked up to the clear blue sky. "I couldn't really control my magic when I was young. As such, whenever I wanted to go to one, the rain would always ruin it before I got there."
The water mage turned to Gray. "Gray, thank you." She said with a sincere smile.
"Why are you thanking me?" Gray stopped and raised his brow.
"It's thanks to you that I can go to more carnivals from now on. So once more, thank you." Juvia, at that moment, gave a smile that the old her would never have been able to pull off.
Gray flushed a little at the smile. He rubbed the back of his head. "I don't know how I helped with that. But you're missing out. Carnivals are pretty fun. My old teacher brought me and another to a traveling one once. Come on, the food's bad for ya, but most of the time, they're surprisingly good. I'll treat ya to some cotton candy." Gray motioned to a nearby stand, and Juvia found her feeling like she was on cloud nine.
Kain popped his head out of the stand he was hiding from. He was no longer in his armor but wearing a clown disguise that he stole from a random carnival tent to avoid the mob of knight-haters. He watched Juvia and Gray talking normally to each other.
"There we go. That's much better." Kain's smile turned to a frown before sighing. "Now, how the heck do I deal with a Rival Potion?"
"Did you say, Rival Potion?" Kain turned and was surprised to see a former Eisenwald mage, the fortune-teller, walking past Kain.
"Oh, you found work here?" Kain stood up before he fixed his afro. "I'm happy for you! But uh, sorry to be a bit rude, what do you know about rival potions?"
"They're hilarious." The former Eisenwald mage responded while holding his crystal ball.
"Yes, well, to people outside, I'm currently trying to stop them!" Kain screamed out.
"You could wait like an hour? The potions don't last long."
An explosion and several angry screams rang in the distance while a mob of clowns searched the area. Kain, with a deadpan, asked, "Can the carnival survive that long?"
The idea of losing his job did not appeal to the former dark mage. "Alright, but the other way to stop a Rival Potion is kinda esoteric."
The lawyer raised his brow. "How Esoteric?"
[We'll make a long story short: it involves Ferris Wheels and an angry mob of magical clowns using stilts.]
"That... never make me go through that again." Kain spat out a chicken feather before he slowly got up. Who knew clowns could pack such a punch? On the plus side, the cure was dispersing through the carnival, and everyone should be returning to normal soon.
Kain climbed out of the chicken coop. When he did, he spotted something that was a sight for sore eyes: Juvia and Gray. From not even able to look at each other, they both had huge smiles on their faces.
Kain leaned at the doorway. Despite his weary form, he gave a soft smile for the two. He briefly wondered if he would ever find love?
"What!? Who caused all this damage!? ... Those guild marks! Fairy Tail, we'll sue you for destroying public property!"
Kain felt his blood pressure rising as he overheard angry carnival shouting to what sounded like Macao, Wakaba, and Erza. If love never found him, trouble would never leave him.
{Elsewhere}
"Are you sure about this?"
"Relax, guys! This is one of Oracion Seis' old storehouses! With their Guild Master dead, everyone's been raiding whatever Oracion Seis gear that has been scattered all throughout Fiore! This is one of them!"
"And how do you know this?"
"One of my so-called family was a henchman in their last job. The fat bastard finally gave me a hint by telling me coordinates to a weapon cache Brain's been hiding. Rumor has it that this cache has bones of dead Zeref Demons!"
The lead of the group exclaimed as they found a cave hidden cleverly by the heavy moss in the side of the cliff.
When they entered the cave, they spotted a light in the end. As it came closer, they found what looked to be an underground bunker... but...
"Hey, why is the door already open!?" "Crap! Don't tell me others are already in there!?" The thieves all raced into the bunker.
When they did, they were briefly stunned at what was inside the bunker. It was a mix of both a museum and a laboratory. There were many fantastical things that looked older than their family history. And there were strange devices that would take more than several lifetimes to understand.
Yet, what was weird was that even though the door was open, there was no sign of anyone around.
"Does anyone see anyone?"
"Nope." "Nu-uh." "Nada." "Clear over here!"
One thief scratched his head. "Guess Brain must have left the door open or somethin'." He turned around a corner, but then only saw orange.
"AAHHH!?"
The thief's scream made his group members run to where they heard it. However, when they arrived, they saw no sign of their companion.
"Where'd he go!?" "There's no trace of him, not even a body!" As they continued to scream on finding or escaping, they heard a loud slam. It sounded like a bunker door being... locked...
"Who's there!? Show your... hey, where's Yavin?" Even though they were in a group, one of their numbers disappeared without a sound.
"We're getting picked off!" "The bastard just probably wandered off to find the other!"
Slowly but surely, more and more of the thieves were picked off without anyone even sensing the disappearance of their peers. Some tried to attack wildly, but they were quickly subdued by an invisible force.
Eventually, one poor soul was left hyperventilating, rising his magic levels in some pitiful attempt to defend himself.
"Show yourself, you bastard! Fight me like a man!"
"A man," A new colder voice echoed around him. "What is a man? A miserable pile of-"
"I've had enough of your complaints, let's get this over with." The moment that the second new voice ended, the last thief felt darkness come over him.
Jellal Fernandes stood over the last thief while he held Zero inside Kloda's former staff.
"Pathetic," Zero within the staff spoke as the skull's eyes glowed orange. "We'll need to accelerate our time tables here before moving to the next safe house. We'll have to assume all of Brain's safe houses are compromised."
Jellal sighed. "Why was this the first safe house we went to?"
"Brain lent me some of his mind's analytical prowess before we separated. This safe house has a specialized forge with just as unique materials." The staff looked up to the former Wizard Saint. "Jellal Fernandes, how would you like the idea of wielding the first magical-crafted weapons forged from the bones of Demons of Zeref?"
Jellal Fernandes had his eyes widened. A small smile appeared on his lips. If Brain's warning rang true, he was going to need every edge he could get since he was hunted by both illegal and legal forces.
It was weird that he was finding a close ally in Zero, who was trapped in a staff. Jellal had a feeling this would be the beginning of a very bizarre, but interesting, partnership.
[Author Notes]
I made a very short chapter to ease everyone. I realized I never tackled the rival potion episode, and I really enjoyed that one episode. However, I couldn't do much with it because I was trying to shorten everything.
There's also a little worldbuilding. We find out what Jellal and Zero have been up to. (If things work out, we're going to be seeing them after a fair amount of time.)
On the bright side, I'm really really excited about the upcoming Edolas Arc. This one is super important!
Thanks for all your support so far! See ya soon!
{Sneak Peek}
Despite his best attempts, Mystogan limped down the dirt road. "No. Nononono. That Crimson night undid every attempt in Sealing Anima. It's opening up faster than before." Of course, he should have seen it sooner. Just when he thought he was finally making progress, a fallen god had to reappear out of nowhere and unwittingly destroy all his hard work.
It was beyond frustrating; he failed everyone.
As he felt power surging in the air, he looked over the hill he had to climb.
Mystogan bit his lip. So many innocent lives ruined because he couldn't succeed in his mission.
"Ivan, forgive me."