CHAPTER 19

Later that night, Marcus lay on the living room sofa, silently reflecting on the events of earlier that night. He hadn't said a word since he had left the park, as his brain couldn't formulate a single thought. It was frozen. Frozen on the image of Quinn, and the flash of confusion and hurt on her face as he turned around and walked away from her. He couldn't get that look out of his head, and it burned a hole through his very soul. His whole body was still stabbing with guilt at what he had done. At the fact that he had agreed to go on the date in the first place. That he hadn't ended it immediately. All he had done was cause Quinn and himself more pain.

It was pitch-black in Marcus and his father's small house, as Marcus' father was already asleep, but Marcus couldn't bring himself to do the same. He lay on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, his mind still racing too fast for him to stand even a chance of sleeping anytime soon. Just as well too, as all of sudden, the loud ring of the doorbell shrieked through Marcus' silent house. His head shot up from the arm of the chair and he slowly sat up, his eyes furrowing in confusion as he looked at his watch. 11:59 pm. Who the hell was coming to his place at nearly midnight?

Marcus proceeded to walk to the door with caution, slowly pulling it open. However, before he had even opened the door fully, he felt it roughly being shoved open and a blur of blonde stormed into the house, turning to face him and scowling daggers at him.

"I want to know why!" Quinn snapped. If looks could kill in that moment, Marcus would not only be dead, but he'd have been obliterated to smithereens.

"Q-q-quinn?" Marcus stammered.

"You want to walk away in the middle of a date and end it without warning? Fine. But you at least better tell me why!" Quinn was practically hysterical as she yelled at him, her piercing jade eyes filled with hurt. Not that Marcus noticed though, as he avoided her gaze. In fact, he wasn't looking at her entirely, as his head snapped towards the staircase behind him. He was praying his father hadn't been awoken by Quinn's sudden appearance, as if there was one thing his father hated most in the world, it was being disturbed while he was trying to sleep after a long, hard workday.

"Look, Quinn, can we do this tomorrow please?" Marcus begged her, but she shook her head at him vehemently.

"Why?! So you can just turn around and walk away from me again?! No! Let's talk about this now!"

Marcus nodded and continued to look over his shoulder nervously.

"Fine. Let's talk outside though." Marcus murmured, and he practically pushed Quinn out the door and onto the front porch. He could tell Quinn was about to explode again, so he made sure he quickly shut the door, before sitting down on the front stoop and gesturing Quinn to sit down beside him. She did, and the two sat there for a moment in silence, Quinn staring at him expectantly but Marcus did not bring forth a response. At least not at the start. It was only when Quinn opened her mouth, ready to interrogate him further, that Marcus finally began to speak.

"Today, in Glee earlier, some of the guys noticed me messaging you, so they decided to tell me a bit about you before we went out." Marcus began. "They told me how sweet you are. How caring. They didn't even need to tell me for me to know how beautiful you are."

"I don't get it. How's that bad?" Quinn asked, confusion taking over her anger for a moment. Marcus sighed.

"It isn't. But it's what they said after that really stuck with me. They said that you're a flight risk. That one moment, we could be happily together, and the next moment, you're gone. No warning. Nothing."

"And you're just going to believe them?!" Quinn exclaimed. Marcus made eye contact with her, finally looking at her face to face, and raising an eyebrow.

"You're telling me that's not what happened with Finn, Puck and Sam?" Marcus asked. Quinn could feel the blush beginning to rise to her cheeks, as her response got caught in her throat. She couldn't bring herself to reply as she realized that he did indeed have a point. That was how her last few relationships had ended, how all of her relationships had ended.

"Still though! You're just going to take their word?! Not even consider the possibility that between you and I, it could be different?!"

Marcus looked down again, unable to look her in the eye as he continued. He took a deep breath. Time to be honest with her.

"I wanted to, Quinn. I really, really wanted to. That's why I went on the date in the first place. After all, you've been the best person I've met since I arrived at McKinley."

"So what's the problem then, Marcus?" Quinn whispered, tears threatening to creep up into her eyes, but she forced herself not to let them fall. Marcus too was holding back tears.

"The problem is I've been through this before. I've been down this road. I've gotten really close to someone, only to feel the pain of them being ripped away without warning. And it damn near nearly killed me."

"I thought you said you haven't da… oh." Quinn's voice trailed off as she realized who he was talking about. It wasn't about a past flame. It was about his mom.

"It nearly killed me, Quinn. It completely tore me apart. I just can't go through that pain again because I think if I have to again, I won't be able to survive it this time. You're an incredible girl, Quinn. And it truly, genuinely kills me to not be able to be with you. But I just can't risk it. I can't risk getting hurt like that again."

The pair both went silent for a while longer, Quinn processing the words Marcus had just told her, and Marcus not sure what else to say. For Quinn, she was confused. Something didn't quite line up. His mom had supposedly died when he was really young, too young to remember it, but he was talking about the pain like it was still completely fresh. That wasn't something she pondered on for too long, as with everything else going on, her judgement and emotions were still completely overwhelmed by the situation.

Eventually, after what seemed like an interminably long silence, Quinn finally spoke.

"You know what? Maybe this is for the best." Quinn murmured quietly. Marcus's eyes slowly flickered upwards to look her in the eye, and he cocked his head slightly, confused.

"Huh?" He grunted tiredly.

"Thank you, Marcus. When I met you, I got distracted about what my mission for this year was. But now, you just helped me remember. I want to focus on myself, and not get caught up in guy drama. I wanted to fly solo for a while, and not let myself get sucked into another relationship too soon. You just saved me from doing that, so thank you."

Marcus didn't really know how to reply, so all he did was slowly nod at her. At least they were in agreement about the fact that they were probably better off apart than together. Quinn left shortly after and only after Marcus watched her car go streaking down the street and out of sight, his eyes following it with longing until the very last moment, did he finally turn around and walk back inside the house.

As he stepped inside and leaned against the front door, the tears finally fell. They trickled down his cheeks, the dam finally broken and the stream unable to cease. The heartbreak and misery, despite not even officially getting together with Quinn before they split up, wracked his system and scalded him like he was being burned with a hot poker from the inside out. His emotions consumed him like a tidal wave, and it was only when he heard footsteps approaching the entrance way of the house that Marcus snapped himself out of the emotional breakdown and quickly wiped his tears and sniffled. Just in time too, as moments later, his father walked into the doorway, annoyance and exhaustion visible on his face.

"Now who the fuck was ringing our fucking doorbell at this time in night?!" Marcus' father snapped.

"Sorry. It was a girl I was out on a date with." Marcus murmured. Marcus' father scowled at him.

"Well next time, tell her to call you rather than ringing the bell! Some of us have fucking work to get to tomorrow morning and need our sleep!" He grumbled. Marcus nodded.

"Sorry, dad." He replied. "Anyways, there won't be a next time. Things didn't work out."

Marcus' dad raised an eyebrow a little, and it was then that he noticed the tear tracks on his son's face.

"Now Marcus, don't you go crying like a little bitch. You know crying is only for little girls and gays." He told him, Marcus wincing slightly at the offensive comment, though it was nothing new and pretty common with his father's gruff, blunt persona.

"Yeah, I know." Marcus mumbled. His father nodded.

"Good. Now, be a man, toughen up and by tomorrow, you forget all about her. Anyways, I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight."

With that, Marcus' dad turned on his heel and walked out of the room. As he walked away, Marcus thought about his father's words. 'By tomorrow, you forget all about her', he had told him. Yeah, that's easier said than done, dad, Marcus remarked to himself as the image of Quinn's face burned through his brain. Easier said than done…