First off, let me apologize for the lack of updates. I'm truly sorry that I kept people waiting. Since it's going to be summer vacations soon, I promise that I will update more frequently.
Second, there are reviews I want to and should answer. But at this point, I realize that I should just go on with the story. If there's something important that anyone wants an answer to, ask me again, and next time I'll answer. XD
People are seriously going to kill me after this chapter though…you've been warned…
Ch. 27: Unrequited
"Here's your food Lucia." Ray entered the room slowly, leaving the tray on a small table next to the bed. Lucia had her back turned towards him, ignoring his presence. Sighing, he closed the door behind him on his way out. He almost jumped backwards when he found Cagalli standing right in front of him.
"Mind if I talk to you?" Cagalli asked, not caring if she sounded blunt.
"Oh…you want to talk to me?" Ray started to scratch his head nervously. What could she possible want to talk to him of all people about?
"Yes."
"Right here, right now?" Ray asked, looking back and forth.
"Yes, unless you have a better place and time in mind."
"Well, not really…"
"How are you and Lucia so different?"
"Huh?" Ray remarked, taken off guard by the random question. What was she trying to get at? "What makes you think we're so different?" He asked innocently.
Cagalli glared at him. "You know what I mean."
"Well…" He started fidgeting. "It's not as if we had that many different friends, parents, upbringing, society…I actually don't know."
Cagalli looked at him directly in the eye. He did seem…sincere, she supposed. "What makes a person who he or she is? What constitutes truth? Is it their environment? Or genetic makeup? What makes a person different from another? And what is it about living things that uses differences to compete against one another? Maybe it's something else that's completely different…" She had been addressing the questions to Ray, but it soon became evident that she was also asking those questions again to herself.
Ray shrugged in response. "Who knows? Scientists, philosophers, and practically everyone had asked and tried to solve those questions. And so far, no one has come up with an ultimate answer."
"I suppose." Cagalli broke out of her reverie. She seemed to have made a decision. "Well, thank you for your time Ray." With that, she went on her way.
Ray's eyes narrowed slightly, as he watched her retreating form. "You have no idea just to what length desperate people would go to search for the answers."
"What are you doing Kira?"
Startled by the sudden presence behind him, he jerked up, almost falling out of the chair. He looked up to find Miriallia laughing at him. "That wasn't that funny you know…" he grumbled.
"Aw…are you mad? Poor, poor Kira…" She mocked.
The two of them stared straight at each other, blinking twice. "Okay, that was just weird."
"Anyways, what are you doing?" Miriallia asked, trying to get rid of the awkwardness.
"Huh?" Kira stared back at her, suddenly panicking. "Um…uh….nothing! Yea, nothing…"
"Hm…are you sure?" She asked grinning, moving around him to reach the table. "Then what is this?" She remarked, picking up a map of the city that had been on the table.
"Um…nothing…" Kira stammered.
"It doesn't look like nothing to me," Miriallia pointed towards the pile of pamphlets and flyers currently occupying the remainder of the space.
"Well…if you really want to know…" Kira turned red with embarrassment. "I was trying to plan something for Lacus's birthday…"
"Oh, that's right! It's only a couple days away!" A smirk began to form in her mouth. "So, the depressed, passive Kira Yamato is finally taking an initiative to plan something for his girlfriend?"
"Um…I guess…but I don't know if you should call her my girlfriend just yet…" Kira stopped, and stared out the window.
The two stayed silent for awhile. Kira continued his gazing, and Miriallia sat down on a nearby chair, going into a reverie of her own.
"You know…we never really talked after the war…" Kira started, taking a deep breath.
"No, we didn't." She replied, matter-of-fact.
Silence filled the room once again, as the two contemplated on what to say. They both sat down awkwardly, and continued to fidget.
"Is…is she still on your mind?" Miriallia whispered.
Kira continued to stay silent, musing over the idea. "Not in the same way as before." He stated, seeming resolved. "I guess I can never completely forget her, and I guess regret might come forth once in a while…but it's not something that I brood on constantly anymore. It's all just a part of my memories now."
"Then where does Lacus stand?"
Kira sighed, "I'm not sure yet." He expected to see Miriallia look back at him in contempt, but instead he found interest in her eyes. Seeing this, he continued, "I am, definitely attached to her. There's no point in me denying it anymore. But…I don't know if it's love…and if it is, I don't know if I'm ready for it yet."
"It's not so easy to fall in love again, is it?"
Kira glanced up, surprised at her statement. "You…"
Miriallia laughed, seeing Kira's reaction. But her smile soon took an ironic turn. "People expect us to forget and move on. They nudge us, telling us that it's all in the past. And they are right, in the sense that we need to accept the present and move forward." She sighed. "But when they expect us to move on, in the sense of falling for someone else again right away, I don't think they really understand what they are asking."
"Because truly falling in love again takes time." Kira answered for her.
"That's right." Miriallia smiled. "If it were otherwise, it would be considered a rebound." She shook her head. "Each relationship is different from another. To start another one right away is to just try and fill in the gap. It's unfair to both sides. In order for the new relationship to last, it can't be exactly the same as the previous one. So the hurt person must heal, be able to stand on his own, and then perhaps enter into another relationship."
"It seems that you have been giving this a lot of thought." Kira remarked.
"Well, I guess so…and what about it, huh?" She glared back at him.
"I'm just curious about what brought on this development." Kira smirked.
Miriallia couldn't do anything but gape for a few seconds. "You better not be implying what I think you're implying." She warned him sternly.
"And what if I am?" Kira teased, before he ran for his life.
Dearka walked through the corridors, towards Miriallia's room, when he picked up a faint sound to his right.
Enchanting smell of the lilac breeze,
Tranquility composing its soft melody.
The rhythm of my heart pounds,
Waiting for the familiar rustle.
Someone was humming a tune. Intrigued, Dearka followed the sound.
The last rays of the sun beam down,
Reflecting my shadow on to the ground.
Yet sometimes I can't recognize my own
Waiting for another to come by.
A few steps away from him stood a dazed blonde girl, who continued to look absent-minded at the setting sun. So absorbed was she that she didn't notice his presence until he had tapped her shoulders several times.
Crickets take their positions
Ready to sing their midnight chorus.
The last of the breeze comes by,
Saying goodbye to the lilacs for now.
"Oh, hello." She managed to say, although her eyes looked bewildered.
"Hey you, I haven't seen you for quite awhile. It's almost as if you don't live within the same building anymore." Dearka joked, attempting to get a reaction from her. She only nodded in response. "Um…okay…" Dearka shook his head, fazed by her action, or rather, the lack of it.
"How are you and Miriallia doing?"
W..Wh…What!" Dearka stammered, taken aback by the sudden question.
"It's a simple question." She stated plainly.
"Well…I…" Dearka sighed, resigned. "It's pretty evident that I have feelings for her. But…"
"When the feeling is unrequited, it hurts, doesn't it?"
"Why…yes…" Dearka replied back bitterly, although at the same time taken off-guard by her statement. And taking into account just who he was speaking to added to his surprise and curiosity.
"Can I ask for your opinion on something?"
"Not that I have a choice in the matter…" he thought to himself. "Sure."
"Tell me, does it hurt more to have unrequited love, or to have mutual feelings yet due to circumstances have to push each other away?"
Dearka looked at her curiously. Of all questions for her to ask, why did she have to ask that specific one?
"I don't know…" He scratched his head. "I've never been in such situations."
"I see…" She then proceeded to stare back outside.
"Um…alright…I'll see you later Elise!" Sensing that she wanted to be alone, Dearka nervously made his exit.
Elise sighed.
I free my final sigh,
Withdrawing from the meadow,
Yet always hoping,
Perhaps we'll meet another day.
"Yzak, have you seen Kira?"
"No."
"Well, could you tell him that I'm looking for him, if he happens to come this way?"
"And what does that have anything to do with me?"
Suddenly, Yzak came face to face with a mildly annoyed Lacus Clyne (if it's actually possible for her to be annoyed, that is). "Is that a way to treat your, perhaps former, idol?"
"Who…what!" Yzak jumped back, alarmed. "Who told you such nonsense?"
Lacus had on a slight smirk. "I have my ways…"
"You actually believe such rumors?" He attempted to laugh it off, but that didn't convince Lacus.
"Oh, really? Then is it just coincidence that your former teammates have spotted all seven CDs of my platinum collection on a very visible part of your desk?"
"Um…that was long time ago!" Yzak retreated, by this time, fully embarrassed.
"If you say so…" Lacus replied, although she didn't buy his explanation. Seeing that Yzak had returned to his sulking mood, she decided to approach him about it. "You know, just go and talk to her…"
"Again, I have no idea what you're talking about." Yzak cut in, not caring how blunt he sounded.
Lacus sighed, "If both of you continue to go on like this, it's only going to be more and more painful as the days go by."
"Why don't you go and tell that to her?" He grumbled.
"Regardless of how she's acting, it's still your responsibility too to do something about it." She replied calmly.
"Hmph."
Lacus backed away slightly, giving him some space. Then she put on her best smile, and said, "Could you at least give it a try? This is a favor from your idol, you know…"
Yzak just glared back. But after a few seconds of the glaring contest, he sighed, "What do I have to do…"
She had no choice in the matter.
Day by day, she's been slipping.
And she had been told that they will be after her, and use her, if she didn't act now.
"Pray to eternity that…" She stopped, sensing the irony of the statement. Pray? As if that word and thought could ever be used in light of the situation…of the deserted colony that had been the foundation of so much bloodshed…But then again, the name was an irony itself. The discovery of one that had been devoted to his faith…that discovery which eventually came into clash with the things that he believed in.
"Pray to eternity that my decision would prove to be the right one."
She grabbed her coat, and slipped into darkness.
"What are you doing here?" Cagalli and Yzak yelled in unison.
"Well, what's it to you?" Cagalli retorted. "It's not like I'm not allowed in this room."
"Then why are you asking me the same question?" Yzak sneered back.
"Just…just because!" Cagalli retorted. "And if you must know, I've been looking for Athrun."
"Figures," Yzak remarked, ignoring the death glares Cagalli sent his way.
"Well then, why are you sneaking around?"
"I'm not sneaking around! And I'm looking for someone too!"
"Good for you!" With that, Cagalli turned around. "Since Athrun's obviously not here, I'm going to go somewhere else." Seeing that Yzak was also trying to leave, she gave him a glare. "Don't follow me."
"Who said I was?" Yzak smirked, leaving Cagalli infuriated.
Athrun stood outside the door, making his final decision. He had been contemplating the situation the whole day, staying alone to gather his thoughts. Taking a deep breathe, he proceeded to knock on the door. Point of no return.
"Come in."
Slowly, he proceeded inside. He found her sitting down, twirling her chess pieces, absent-minded. However, upon spotting Athrun, she immediately left them alone, and proceeded to approach him.
"Athrun! What a surprise! What can I do for you?"
"You know, I used to play that a lot." Athrun pointed at the pieces. "And it was always amusing to see Yzak throw a tantrum every time he lost to me."
"Hm…really?"
He saw her smile, and his resolve started to falter. What he was going to say would most likely change her demeanor. He could just lie and be on his way. But he had come all this way…
"Tell me how it's like being half."
"I just realized that I checked everywhere but her room." Yzak confessed.
Cagalli looked at him in contempt. "You're an idiot."
Arabella froze. Her knuckles turned deadly white as she grasped the head of a nearby chair firmly. "How…how did you know…"
"Lucia." He replied simply.
"I…I see…" She struggled to gather control over herself. "Does everyone else know?"
"Yes."
She hesitated before asking the next question. "And…how does Yzak feel about this?"
Athrun shook his head truthfully. "I don't know."
Arabella swallowed, finally getting back her composure, although it was evident that she was still shaken up a bit. "Would you like to sit down first?"
Athrun nodded. The two proceeded to sit on a sofa, next to each other.
"Why is it that you want to know?" Arabella asked softly.
"It's because…" Athrun stammered not able to look at her directly in the eye. "I want to know…just how hard and painful it is. I want to know just how hard it is for the parents to realize that they created a friendless life for their child. I want to know how it feels for the child to always know, that they are different…that they're not one or the other. And if it's too painful…for everyone involved…too much of a price to pay…if unhappiness eventually rules over momentary bliss…I think I might give up on…"
He could have never guessed the slap coming his way.
"So why are you following me again?" Yzak asked, staring at Cagalli.
"I'm not following you."
"Right…"
Athrun stared back at Arabella in disbelief. Did she just…
"Don't you dare even THINK about doing something like that, Athrun Zala!" She glared at him, enraged. "Don't use something like that as an excuse to leave her! It's not fair to her, or you, or anyone else that might come along."
"But I don't want to hurt anyone, especially Cagalli, and perhaps our future…"
Arabella sighed, starting to calm down. Or trying to, at least. "Alright, you wanted an honest opinion, right? I'm going to give it to you. It's not easy being half. Many times I become so lost as to who I am, and just what I'm suppose to accomplish. A lot of times, I feel miserable, not knowing just who to turn to. And it's a stab to the heart when people turn their backs on me because I'm different." She paused for a second before continuing, "But, never in my life had I blamed my parents for these problems."
"Why…why not?" Athrun asked, confused. "After all, the only reason you have to deal with those issues is because of them…"
"My mother loved my father. And he loved her just as much. Because of that, they had given me life. They had given me the chance to experience the joys of living, even though pain came along with them. Of course, there had been times when I did want to blame them. But then I always knew, that it wasn't them that caused the tragedies…it was the people, the people that were prejudiced that caused the pain. And with their last dying breathe, they did all they could to protect me. Because of the promise I made to them then…I learned something worth learning…that I should understand the pains that people are going through before I judge and abhor them. That I shouldn't let blind prejudice cloud my judgment. And that, to rule this state with that in mind, even if it meant self-sacrifice…"
She suddenly stopped, causing Athrun to wonder what had just transpired within her mind. "I…I guess I haven't lived up to that, have I?" She suddenly looked away, ashamed. "I…I guess I shouldn't be the one lecturing you…"
Feeling compassionate, Athrun reached out for her hand.
"I hear voices…I guess she's in here…hm, that sounds like Athrun."
"Where?" Cagalli rushed towards the door, which had been left slightly ajar. Yzak followed soon after.
But both came to regret it, wishing they had not witnessed the sight before them.
"Don't go blaming yourself." Athrun assured her, still holding her hand. "I for one am glad I had this talk. If it weren't for you, I would have been haunted with the dilemma for a long time, and seeing how stupid I can be sometimes, I might have made the wrong decision. And I could see that you truly try to honor your parents' memory. You are one of the most effective and accomplished princesses I've ever known."
"Thank you," she replied, smiling back.
They suddenly became aware of two other presences within the room. Presences with angry eyes.
"Cagalli!" Athrun called, happily. "I was just going to go and look for you…"
"To tell me that it's over?" Cagalli spat angrily, and then ran out of the room. Yzak followed soon after, with the same menacing death glare.
"What in the world…" Then realization hit them both.
"Oh no…you don't think, that they think…"
Done.
Sigh…my writing has deteriorated significantly. Tempted to bang my head on the table.
And please, don't kill me for what I did to this chapter…as much as I hated to do it, it just had to be done…I know, I want to go and cry too…so much misunderstandings…
And as to why it ended up being Arabella (and no, it's not because I wanted to promote my main OC): Lacus would have been a good candidate, but the problem is that it's been overdone. I wanted something a bit different for once. Miriallia…we don't even need to go there…seeing how this story is turning out, it wouldn't have been believable. Lucia…please, don't make me laugh…And Elise…well, she has other things occupying her right now…and there are other reasons, and the role she is to play…you'll eventually find out…So, much as I would have liked to put the spotlight on someone else, I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter...
I had put in MANY subtle hints in this chapter.
On a side note, the Kira and Miriallia section is dedicated to one of my friends, who is currently having a hard time dealing with a similar issue (similar, not the same), and the Dearka and Elise section is dedicated to another friend of mine. Not that any of them would read my fanfiction anyways, but that doesn't keep me from dedicating sections to them. XD
Oh, and the poem is mine. I know, it sucks, and I should be ashamed to claim it, but oh well…
Next chapter…hm…tension everywhere…it's going to get very interesting and ugly…you wouldn't want to miss it (that is, if I manage to do a half decent job in writing it…ugh…need to improve writing…).
Thank you for reading! XD