Update!
I know I promised a quick update, but having a full-time summer internship takes away a lot of time…
And here I am not answering to reviews again…mostly because I haven't checked my email for awhile and when I finally decided to, it was packed…
Should go sign that petition too…but I'm sure it's pretty late by now and there are already 200 signatures. XD
Anyways, on to the story…
Ch. 28: Unveiling Truth
Cagalli rushed back into her room, not looking back. She refused to acknowledge the protests being yelled from somewhere behind her, as tears streamed from her eyes. Not caring who heard, she slammed the door, locking it securely. Soon, she heard him outside, banging on the door, begging her to open. She refused to do so. Instead, she rolled into a ball, and sat quietly in the middle of the bed.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to break things. She wanted to beat him to a pulp. She wanted to…
But she felt so helpless. She shook her head, trying to shake off the confusion in her mind. When…when were they so close? Sure, they talked, but he was always with her, and Arabella was always off doing her own things…
She wanted to believe that she had been mistaken. And in all rationality, that seemed to be the case. But something…just something was holding her back. She couldn't describe it. Or maybe, she just didn't want to believe that there was nothing going on at the scene that she witnessed.
But that didn't make sense! Why would she want to purposely believe in something that will end the relationship she had with Athrun for good?
She just wanted to get away…to end all of this…
"Cagalli! Open up!" Athrun yelled at the top of his lungs. He continued to bang on the door, wanting to just break it open. Just when things could have started to get better, another nightmare made itself a reality. But he just couldn't understand…how could she misunderstand what went on?
He felt confused. Just what went through her mind when she witnessed the scene? Sure, if the girl was insecure, she could have mistaken the friendly gestures as something else, but Cagalli wasn't the insecure type. At least…she didn't appear to be on the outside. Throughout their stay in this place, he started to find out more and more just how vulnerable Cagalli really was…and how she hid that side of her by overexerting the rash side of her.
He felt guilty. Even though he was happy that he received such an uplifting response from Arabella, he should have refrained from acting out his gladness in such a way. Sure, all he did was hold her hand and stay a bit closer to her than he normally would have, and he didn't expect Cagalli to be there. Regardless, he should have been in control of himself more. He shouldn't have created a reason for Cagalli to doubt herself even more.
He felt angry. Why did she doubt herself? Why did she doubt him? How could she not realize just how much he cared for her? She wouldn't be acting like this, if she was confident that he truly loved her. How could she not believe him? His feelings for her were written all over him. How could she just ignore that and let a simple incident like this shake her so much? What ridiculous thoughts crowded up her mind?
Giving up on making Cagalli open her door, he gave the door one last swift kick and proceeded to lock himself up in his own room. The next instant he turned around and gave the blank walls a swift punch.
"Yzak would be so proud of me now…" Athrun remarked bitterly, looking at the dent in the wall which was usually the trademark of the Duel pilot. But thinking of Yzak only made him shudder, for he realized that he would eventually have to face him.
His mind was so cluttered up…he couldn't keep up his charade of being the perfect soldier, the perfect friend, the perfect boyfriend…
All he wanted was peace…just the state of mind where everything was tranquil…
Cagalli wasn't the only one that cried herself to sleep that night.
"Damn you Zala!"
Yzak stomped across his room, tossing and turning everything in his path. He couldn't contain his rage. The unfortunate items in his room continued to be abused, yet his anger refused to dissipate.
"I HATE YOU!"
He continued to scream at the top of his lungs as he ripped the curtains off the hangers and proceeded to tear the expensive fabric into shreds. That didn't seem to help him much either.
He suddenly got the urge to punch something again…hard. The wall began to seem like a good target.
"Why…" He punched.
"Won't he…" And again.
"Ever…" Again.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" And again.
His hands became covered with his blood, as drops of it slowly trickled onto the floor. Yet he didn't care. That kind of pain he dealt with all the time.
Athrun Zala, the pride of ZAFT. The boy that always managed to take everything away from him. Regardless of what he did, how hard he tried, Athrun would always come out of nowhere, unexpected, and take everything away, making all his efforts and results worthless.
Yet back then he managed to take all of that in. Even to a certain point, he begrudgingly respected Athrun, even though he would never admit it out loud. But this time, the blow was too low…
And her too…
He collapses onto the bed, his hands clutching his head. His old-self smacked him silly for being the current fool that he was. He should have known better. How could he let himself be out in the open like that? How could he let down his guard? He had been the fool, believing that he could attain the happiness and company that everyone else took for granted. And how did he start believing that the line between Coordinators and Naturals can be blurred?
Naturals…they were all the same…even those that weren't fully Naturals. They all have their schemes, spreading deceit, ready to take down the Coordinator race. None of them were truly sincere…they only did things to suit their needs. And yet at the same time, they never could keep things in control. If only that fool of a princess managed keep her "boyfriend" under control, none of this would have happened. Her blubbering and lack of security had begun to sicken him, and he didn't even have to deal with it like Zala did.
Naturals weren't worth being around. Anyone weak didn't deserve to be around. They only ruined the lives of the strong.
He couldn't believe he had fooled himself into believing otherwise.
Yet something kept on nagging him. Something seemed to be calling him back.
"Shut up! Yzak Joule you're an idiot! You fell into their tricks already, and yet you're still looking back!"
He hated everyone and everything. But most of all, he hated himself.
"But they wouldn't do that!" Miriallia and Lacus exclaimed in unison. It was surprisingly a nice day, with the sun shining its rays gently inside, making the inhabitants forget that it was winter. Having heard the racket last night, Lacus, Miriallia, and Kira had decided to inquire just what had happened.
"Are you sure it's just not a misunderstanding? Sometimes if you see something in a wrong angle, even the most innocent of gestures can look scandalous." Miriallia suggested.
"Athrun truly cares for you, Cagalli." Lacus added earnestly. "I'm sure there's a good explanation for what happened."
"Maybe you should talk to him first and try to solve what went on," Miriallia urged.
"I don't want to talk to him now." Cagalli stated flatly.
"But this is why there's always misunderstandings and unnecessary breakups. There has to be communication going on, or everything will be bottled up, and inner resentment grows…"
Lacus looked at Miriallia in surprise. "I didn't know that you…"
"Well, this is why I got along so well with Tolle…" Miriallia gave a weak smile. "It might take awhile before I find someone else like that…"
"Or maybe you're just blind," Lacus wanted to add, but refrained from doing so.
"I'm going to talk with Athrun."
The other three looked in surprise as Kira, who had stayed quiet the whole conversation had suddenly stood up and proceeded out the room.
"Kira, wait!" Lacus chased after him. "Kira please hear me out first!"
Kira continued on his way, but then hesitated, and turned around. "What is it, Lacus?" He managed to smile.
"Well…it's just that…" She started to fidget. "It's probably just a misunderstanding so don't be so hard on Athrun."
Kira couldn't help but grin. "You expected me to go on my 'big-brother' mode?"
"Well…yes…"
"Don't worry about that…Cagalli's my sister, but you have to also realize, Athrun's my best friend."
"So then you believe that this is just a big mess and nothing more?" She spoke, her demeanor brightening. Kira looked away.
"Let's just say…I want to believe that. But I want to talk to Athrun first. I want to make sure that he's sincere towards my sister. And between the two of us, we know if the other is lying or not. He can't hide it from me if he no longer cares for Cagalli, or vice versa."
"I see," Lacus replied, reassured. She placed a hand on Kira's shoulder.
"I put my trust in you."
"Thank you."
"Yzak, breaking all that furniture isn't going to change the situation…why don't you sit down and try to think it over?" Dearka attempted to calm Yzak down. Yet as soon as those words left his mouth, Dearka realized that they were useless. Yzak would never follow them.
"Just shut up and leave me alone!" Yzak continued to look murderous.
Dearka stayed silent as Yzak continued on his rampage. It had always been like this. Yzak would get angry over something, and create a big scene, punching anything nearby. Only Dearka had been brave enough, or cared enough to try to calm him down, or at least drag Yzak to their room and let him let out his rage there away from prying eyes. He had understood why his best friend acted this way all the time. Yzak had no other way to let out his frustrations. To always live with the fact that he would be overshadowed by others…only thing one can do was to scream out in anger. He didn't have very many people to trust, he didn't have many people who bothered to care about him. Resentment built up because of this. If they didn't bother to pay attention to him, then he didn't need them. He spurned them all, publicly displaying his anger all the time, making them afraid of him, hesitating to get near him. Dearka knew Yzak's mind quite well by now. But just this time…
Dearka stood up. He had always let Yzak have his way. But this time, he was fed up with it. "You know what? I've just had it with you and your constant whining and aggression! Instead of going on with this useless nonsense, why don't you actually do something about it?"
"What did you say?"
"You heard what I said. Besides, you know that all of this is your fault." Dearka took a deep breath before continuing. "If you admitted your feelings to her earlier none of this would have happened!"
"I don't have feelings for her!" Yzak stared back, his eyes filled with rage.
"Then why are you so angry?" Dearka retorted back, putting on his own angry face. "Just admit it Yzak! You know, I know, practically everyone knows except maybe her. You're not doing anyone a favor by keeping it to yourself."
"Shut up!"
"You go around calling everyone else fool or idiot, but you're the biggest fool of them all!"
"I said shut up!" Yzak suddenly grabbed Dearka by the collar, ready to pummel him.
"Let me go!" Dearka had been surprised by Yzak's actions. As much as Yzak had gotten angry before, he had never laid a hand on him. But he was going to stand his ground and not let Yzak know.
"I dare you to say that again!"
"I will! You're an idiot for always keeping to yourself, and scorning everyone that even tries to help you!"
"You have no idea what's going through my head right now!"
Dearka pulled back, getting out of Yzak's grasp. "I don't know what you're going through you say? Is that what you tell yourself all the time? Maybe it's you that don't know what everyone else is going through." With that, he turned away and headed towards the door. "Since you won't listen to anything I say, you deal with this on your own. I have my own love life to deal with."
It was midday, with people scurrying about the place, putting things in order, taking care of the matters of the state, going through their daily routine. Arabella refused to get out of bed.
She really didn't have the strength to face the reality that waited for her outside the safety of her room. After that incident…after Athrun ran after Cagalli…she just collapsed there, covering her head. She didn't even bother running after Yzak. After all, why should she? It wasn't as if they were together. But the way he glared at her, somehow, it just pierced her, causing her to be a nervous wreck. Why did she feel guilty towards him? There was absolutely no basis for it. Yet she did, and she dreaded facing him again. He made her feel as if she was the most debased person in the world. Why did he have such control over her? She knew that putting herself in such a position was dangerous. Yet she seemed to have willingly let herself be set up that way. Guilt…it wouldn't go away…
Cagalli…
Now there was a legitimate person to feel guilty towards. She knew that Cagalli and Athrun's relationship wasn't at the best point, and that the incident just ruined the progress that the two of them were slowly making. Sure, she could blame Lucia for causing the situation in which Athrun ended up deciding to speak to her, but that still wasn't excuse enough. She could have just stopped after giving Athrun his advice, but she just had to start talking about herself. Of course, Athrun being the person he was, felt sorry for her, and continued the innocent gesture which ended up being misinterpreted by Cagalli. There were so many times that she could have stopped from making this situation occur, but she had been careless. Now the ball has rolled, and it will continue rolling, until either the situation becomes resolved, or everything goes crashing.
Athrun…
She felt guilty towards him too. He had come to her for help, but instead of help, she ended up ruining things for him. As if he didn't have enough problems to deal with already…
Athrun must be suffering…Cagalli must be suffering…
They were all suffering…
Arabella forced herself to get up. She would have to face them eventually, so she might as well get it over with.
"Cagalli…"
She froze when she heard that voice. Even though she knew that it was inevitable, she still didn't want to deal with it. "Yes?" She replied coldly.
"Um…can we talk?"
"You're talking to me already." She retorted matter-of-fact.
Arabella recoiled, surprised at Cagalli's bitterness. Had she created this side of Cagalli? Sure, Cagalli wasn't always the happy-go-lucky Cagalli, but she wasn't…biting. If she was angry about something, she would say something, and do something about it. She would take care of it, not caring if she seemed rash and out of place.
But now she was bitter, letting it all boil inside her, while putting on an icy exterior. That wasn't Cagalli. Arabella hadn't known her for very long, but she knew enough to know that there was something really wrong going on. And realizing that she had been the cause of all of this did not make it any easy on her.
"Cagalli, there's a huge misunderstanding going on. Athrun and I…there's nothing going on between us. I mean, we barely know each other! He just came by to ask me some questions about…well…what would eventually happen between you two."
"And what makes you think I'm just going to say okay and just go on and believe you?"
"Cagalli…"
"You know what? I'm actually not surprised." Cagalli suddenly stood up barely inches away from Arabella. Her gaze went straight towards Arabella, who seemed quite uncomfortable with the arrangement. "I'm actually not surprised that he would fall for you. After all, it all makes sense."
"Huh? I…I don't know what you're talking about…" Arabella stammered, confused.
"You just don't get it, do you?" Cagalli mocked. "Athrun's been with me all the time. He's seen how clumsy, how outspoken, how unfit I am as a ruler."
"But…that's not…"
"And then he sees you," Cagalli continued, "he sees the perfect princess, one who can take control of her country regardless of how chaotic it is. He sees just how caring and concerned you are, and how much you sacrifice…It's no wonder his feelings changed!"
"So that's how you think of me!"
Now it was Cagalli's turn to recoil. She expected Arabella to look away, to apologize, or do something along those lines, but not get angry back. "Well…what else did you expect?"
"This is why I refuse to let people see the real me!" Arabella glared. "Everyone assumes that I'm the perfect example, the all innocent, poised princess that can do anything and everything. They expect me to accomplish the impossible, and leave no room for mistakes. As if I'm not human! They put me up on a pedestal, expect me to be the perfect mechanical doll that do as they wish, not leaving me room to decide for myself just who I want to be, just what I want to do. They forget that I'm human, wanting to be free, just wanting to rest…" She paused for a minute, forcing a smile on her face. "Truly Cagalli, who do you think Athrun Zala loves? Who does he expect to love him back? It's obvious, isn't it?"
"I…"
Arabella continued to keep the smile on her face, although it turned bitter. "Something mechanical can never love…or be loved in return. It's obvious that he'll choose you over me any day." She started to walk away, her back towards Cagalli. "I can't make you trust me…only you can do that." With that, she left, leaving Cagalli to think on her own.
Cagalli sank back into the chair, trying to register everything that had happened.
"I…I'm sorry…"
"I want the truth Athrun."
Athrun sighed, realizing the inevitable had come. Big brother Kira.
"What do you think is the truth?" Athrun sighed, turning around to face him.
"What I think isn't as important as the answer you're going to give me."
"The truth? Isn't it obvious? I love Cagalli!" Athrun yelled, exasperated.
"Is it really?" Kira walked closer to him. "Is that what you really think?"
"Yes."
They both stared into each others eyes, each bearing his soul out. Athrun, desperate to be understood, and Kira, torn between his sister and his best friend, and who to believe. Time stood still for awhile, as these two friends contemplated.
"I believe you."
Athrun stayed stunned at Kira's words. "I…I…thank you."
Kira sighed. "Now if only Cagalli can believe that…"
"You trust too easily Yamato. Now get out!"
The two turned around, surprised at the third person that entered. "Yzak?"
"Yes, that's who I am. Now if you're done, I suggest you get out."
Kira looked, worried about his best friend. "Don't worry, I'll be fine." Athrun reassured him.
"You better be…at least for my sister's sake, if not for mine." With that, he left the other two to battle it out.
"I hate you!"
Yzak lunged at Athrun. Fortunately, Athrun saw it coming and dodged at the last minute. The Venetian vase next to him ended up taking the blow instead, as it crashed into the floor.
"Yzak, can't we just talk about this?" Athrun pleaded, dodging his next blow by flipping over to the other side of the chair.
"There's nothing to talk about!" Yzak yelled, as he continued his rampage. "Now stay still so that I can throttle you!"
Athrun wanted to avoid having a fist fight. But Yzak left him no choice. As soon as Yzak got close, he swung, causing Yzak to recoil back due to the blow.
"How dare you!" Yzak grabbed Athrun, and tossed him to the other side of the room. "You always took everything away from me, and I let you. I even tried to respect you. But you took her! As if you didn't take enough already. This time you went far too low and I won't let you go that easily!"
Athrun got up, and socked him again. This time, Yzak was on the floor. Athrun held him down, trying to keep him still so that he will at least listen. "Look, I know we haven't exactly been the best of friends, but I thought that we at least had an understanding." He stood up, letting Yzak go. "You can hate me forever. I can't do anything about that. But stop making yourself miserable in the process." He dusted himself off, and proceeded to leave. "And for the record, I don't love Arabella. You do."
"We need to talk." The two of them said in unison.
"You first." Cagalli insisted.
"Well…I…Cagalli, it's all a misunderstanding!" Athrun pleaded. "I didn't mean for it to look like it did. Only thing I wanted to do was to ask Arabella if I would be hurting you more by staying with you. And she told me to stop being an idiot. Nothing else happened." He got on his knees. "You believe me don't you? And please…could you forgive me?"
Cagalli stood still. What should she say? Could she really believe him? Arabella's words came back to her. "Remember…he loves you…"
"So…" Athrun continued to look at her, practically begging her.
"Yes…I believe you…but…I just don't know…"
"What does…so you mean…"
"No! That's not what I mean!" Cagalli protested.
"Then what…"
"I…I just don't know…I really want to trust you. My mind tells me that both you and Arabella are sincere…but my heart…it still worries. I just need some more time to think about it."
Athrun got up, not completely happy, but still having hope. "So, what about now then?"
"We'll try to stay on friendly terms meantime." Cagalli suggested. She turned to leave, when Athrun suddenly grabbed her hand.
"Thank you for giving me another chance."
"Where's the princess?"
Kira, Lacus, Miriallia, Dearka, Cagalli, and Athrun had all gone to the parlor, trying to patch things up, and hopefully forget about the misunderstanding. Unfortunately, they had no idea where Yzak and Arabella went off to, and just hoped that the two of them would pass by the parlor. Instead, a panic stricken Nora came by.
All of them where surprised. The usual well-kempt lady looked disheveled, and her calm eyes looked wildly across the room. Her usual jovial self had been replaced with one of concern and worry.
"I…I don't know…she came to speak to me, but then, she disappeared. Have the rest of you seen her?" Cagalli said, and the rest of the group shook their heads.
"Why? What happened?" Lacus asked, growing concerned.
Nora flinched, coming back into reality. "Elise…Elise is missing!"
"You!"
Arabella had just opened the door and entered the room, when she came face to face with Yzak.
"You get away from me now!" Yzak commanded, getting ready to push her out.
Arabella's face grew pale, but she was determined to stay her ground. "Why in the world are you acting this way? What did I ever do to you?"
Yzak laughed maniacally. "What did you do? How dare you even ask that question?"
"I'm asking because I don't know!" Arabella retorted back, equally frustrated.
"Oh, you really want to know, do you?" Yzak started closing on her. "All you do is confuse me! You like to play games, don't you? Let's play one now then!"
"What…what are you talking about?" Arabella stammered, taking a step back.
"I want to find out what else is going on in your filthy half-blooded mind."
Arabella stopped. "Oh, so is that what this is about?" Now it was her turn to get angry. "You could never change, could you? It's people like you, that can't see through the prejudice that causes all the pain in the world! I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but I guess I made a mistake. You're a cold-blooded elitist that refuses to see the truth. You care only about yourself, your pain, and refuse to care about anyone else!"
"Shut up! I don't want to hear you talk anymore! You Naturals and your lies! Your inferior minds can't understand what it is that I go through…" Yzak stood barely inches away from Arabella, who had been driven into a corner.
"If we're so inferior, then how come you bother to even pay attention to what I say?" She grasped onto the walls, trying to figure out a way out of the corner of the room that she found herself in. "Why do you care about what I do? Why do you care about who I see? Why do you care about who I love? I'm just a half-blooded filth to you!"
"That's because you're MY half-blood!"
With that, he grabbed her, and put his lips on hers.
Done!
This chapter was…um…definitely long overdue, but other than that…
Well, there was a lot of fighting…hopefully it wasn't overdoing it…
And about characters being in character…um…let's not go there…
Oh and yes…finally! I know, it might seem a bit weird, but I never expected Yzak to get all soft on his first kiss. Maybe later on, but not in the beginning. So I tried, although the way it ended up might have been overdoing it.
And Elise! Hm…one has to wonder…
Next chapter…
Everyone's panicking because of Elise. And hm…what is Ray up to? What's this? Why would Arabella say that?
Oh and btw, I said before that the number of chapters would be somewhere around mid-thirties, but after losing my outline for the third time, and rewriting it, AGAIN, I have absolutely no idea how many chapters there are going to be. Just wanted to let you know. XD
Until next time then! XD