"Say it." AluKame said
"Fuck you." Najenda refused
"After you say it~~" AluKame said
"Okay are you two really going to have sex or not?" Leone jokingly asked
"Leone I SWEAR." Najenda threateningly growled
"You're REALLY going to force me on this?" Najenda asked
"I'm at HALF MAST! I. NEED. To Hear This." AluKame said
"Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Half Mast?!" Tatsumi gasped in shock
"Is she Jerking off to the fact she was right?!" Mine yelled
"That's Gross!" Sheele squeaked while covering her face
"FINE! YOU WERE RIGHT!" Najenda yelled
"...HHhnn-hnhnhn-hnhnh-nhnhnnnn." AluKame made some...Very sexual noises after hearing that.
"...Oooookay what are we watching now?" Bulat asked with a sweat drop
"Stop! Just Stop!" Chelsea yelled
"YOU'RE SO DISGUSTING!" Mine yelled
"How can being right about something be arousing?" Lubbock asked
"Maybeeee...because The boss is admitting it!" Leone guessed
"Shut up Leone!" Both Akame and Najenda yelled
"JUMP UP YOUR OWN ASS AND DIE!" Najenda yelled as she slammed the phone back down!
"...Aaaaaaah Houston," AluKame said, After coming off her ''called it'' boner.
"We have Nooooooo problems."
"...Jinxed." Akame calls it.
"HHYA!" Then, Esdeath kicks the door down shocking both Mine and Tatsumi!
"Called it." Akame said
"OK, Girl, I just_I just finished, I'm gonna need, like, five minutes to recharge_" AluKame said
"Recharge after Jerking off that is!" Mine yelled
"Just how much did you go at it Akame?" Lubbock asked
"I will kill you in your sleep lubbock." Akame said, Shutting lubbock up.
But then! both AluKame and Esdeath punched each other in the face at the same time!
"_Never mind! WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS!" AluKame excitedly cheered as she pulled her guns out and aimed them at Esdeath!
Esdeath also summons two ice swords in return!
"Back to usual then I suppose." Susanoo said
"I got her!" Mine yelled before Esdeath threw an Ice sword right next to her scarring mine!
And on the sword, there was a paper on it too.
Mine was seen with her legs shaking because of the shock
"Oh GREAT, and now she's Triggered!" AluKame said while Mine fell on her knees
"Could be ALL day with it."
"Hey I almost got stabbed in the face alright?!" Mine yelled
"But you still got triggered tho. Which I think means you got so scared that you started shaking." Tatsumi said
"...That's what it means right guys?"
"I think so." Susanoo answered
"Probably." Leone answered
"I'm Not quite sure myself." Sheele said
"The good lord has handed down a blessing to you FILTHY HEATHENS as a sign of good will." Esdeath said as she wiped off the blood that came from her nose when AluKame punched her in the face.
"A Small private Vatican jet."
"...With a 9-year-old boy chained to it too?" Leone asked jokingly
"LEONE!" Tatsumi yelled
"What~?" Leone innocently asked
"TOO SOON!" Tatsumi yelled again
"Yeah. Too soon sis!" Lubbock agreed
"T-Too much T-T-Too soon!" Sheele agreed too
"Stop with the pedophilia already! It's disgusting!" Mine angrily yelled
"Alright alright! Sorry." Leone apologized
"Now, If you would be so very Christian like to ship your sorry pale-vampire-ass out!" Esdeath continued and turned o Mine who was still recovering from the shock
"And TAKE YOUR TRIGGER-HAPPY HARLOT WITH YOU!"
"HEY!" Mine angrily yelled
Then, Esdeath turned to Tatsumi
"AND THE OTHER WOMAN TOO!"
"...Say what?/Say what?!" Tatsumi and his other self both said at once, with tatsumi yelling while Tatsumi was just in disbelief
"She thinks you're a girl?" Sheele said
"That...Really doesn't make any sense. How could she think that?" Bulat said
"Yeah. Tatsumi is the FURTHEST Thing from looking like a girl." Leone agreed too
"...Maybe I punched her too hard." Akame said
"HAH! good one!" Leone laughed
"Man, I don't know which one I find funnier: The catholic church strong-arming you into helping us," AluKame started, Until she dropped a VERY big bombshell on Esdeath
"OOooor the fact that you obviously haven't seen what I did to where the long dead Partas clan used to liiiiive~~~~~~"
"0_0..." Everyone looked shocked or scared.
"...What did she do?" Lubbock asked
"A-Akame what did you do!?"
"I don't know!" Akame answered
"Did you burn it?!" Mine asked
"It was ALREADY Burned tho." Tatsumi asked
"Then what did you_" Najenda started to ask, but then
Scene cuts to a snowy field, where Esdeath watches with a twitch in her eye as a banner was set up where her old tribe used to camp in...
...And the Banner said
[420-YOLO-SWAG-4-DE-ROASTED-YOOOOOOOOOO]
"...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
And right after, Esdeath began to scream in rage in order to probably commit vocal suicide.
"...AAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!"
After that, Leone started to roll all over the floor while laughing very very hard, while also tearing up because of the laughter.
Everyone else was just staring at the banner AluKame set up with sweat drops and eyes all shadowed, not knowing what to say.
Akame however, was trying her best not to slam her head against a wall repeatedly out of frustration.
And After Leone had finally managed to catch her breath again and not die of laughter, They kept watching.
Then the scene cuts to a meeting room
"The Banner won't-a come-a down! We think it's a construction sign." Syuras assistant told him as he was sitting down in the meeting too.
"Please take it down before Esdeath commits mass genocide." Tatsumi pleaded
"It was still really funny tho!" Leone said
"And Stupid." Akame said
"And very very gutsy." Bulat said with a sweat drop
"Wha-What-Whatdyu mean you forgot the song?" AluKames voice could be heard from behind the door
"...What is she going to do Now?" Najenda asked herself
"Okay Screw-Screw it, Screw it Screw it! Just-Just take my phone and hit random! No, Just hit Random!" AluKames kept talking
"Alright, three! Two..."
Then as she kicks the door open, a very catchy song starts to play
~I'M A BITCH! I'M A LOVER! I'M A CHILD! I'M A MOTHER! I'M A SINNER! I'M A SAINT! I DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED!~
"...What. The. Hell." Mine said in disbelief.
"OH MY GWAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAA!" Leone started to laugh uncontrollably again.
"...Whhyyyyyy." Akame said as she rubbed the middle of her eyes, very tired of AluKame antics.
"Yeah, Ok! Turn it off, Turn it off!" AluKame ordered as Mine turns the music off
"It didn't work. It Did not work."
"FUCK YES IT DID! HAHAHAHAHHAAAA!" Leone yelled while laughing
"Sis calm down and just BREATH!" Tatsumi said
"I CAN'T! I JUST CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!" Leone said almost tearing up again
"Following your example?" Najenda asked
"Oooooh Catty." AluKame said
"Oh shit! is that Lenny!?"
"Who's 'Lenny'?" Lubbock asked
She started to walk toward where the queen was sitting, and two of the guards got in her way
"Excuse me miss, You're gonna have to_"
*SNAP!*
"Get outta my waaaay." AluKame casually said as she walked past the dead guards that had their necks snapped out of nowhere.
"You didn't have to kill them you know." Bulat said
"Agreed." Susanoo said
Then, AluKame was standing right infront of the queen.
"...Well, Well, Well."
"...Wait...that sounds like..." Sheele said
"If it isn't Allie." The Queen said, who was revealed to be an old lady...with blonde hair and golden eyes.
"...OH SHIT THAT'S ME?!" Leone gasped
"Wait, I'M THE QUEEN?!"
"WHY is Leone the QUEEN?!" Mine yelled
"She's, Like, NOT QUEEN METERIAL AT ALL!"
"Well it IS an alternate universe, so it isn't far-fetched to be." Susanoo said
"Still tho, Sis being a Queen of a nation...sounds kind of unbelievable." Tatsumi admitted
"B-B-B-But LOOK AT ME!" Leone said
"I'm...OLD! And full of wrinkles! And... Somehow I still manage to be busty?"
"Even as a hag your chest looks like a pair of melons." Mine said
"Your skin is still as smooth as the day I felt it on my own." Leone said as she gently placed both hands on AluKames face.
"...Wait what does that mean?" Mine asked
"You know it. Reminds me of the time I'd keep your bed warm during the blitz~" AluKame said
"...Say what?" Leone asked
"Oh god..." Akame said feeling like vomiting.
"Those were better days. I as younger, Beautiful," Leone kept talking with her old tired voice
"Oh shut up you old hag! I'd still wreck you A LOT MORE than I did to The First Emperors Wife!" AluKame said
"...First Emperors WHAT?!" Everyone beside Leone and Akame yelled
"Hahahahaha! Oh, you know EXACTLY what to say to moisten me up." Leone said
"WHAT?!" Sheele yelled with a mad blush on her face
"EEEEWWW!" Mine yelled disgusted
"That's HOT but also DISGUSTING!" Lubbock yelled
"...Akameeeeee..." Leone called out
"Leone please don't." Akame pleaded
The Leone looked at Akame with a sassy smile
"Awwww You really think of me like thaaaat~~~?"
"Leone just STOP." Tatsumi pleaded next
Leone just pulls Akame closer to herself
"Am I REEAAAAALLY that Eye catching to you even as an old lady?~~~~"
"L-Leone please let go." Akame said blushing
And then, Leone started to Cuddle into Akame cutely
"You're reaaaaally nice~~~"
And then leaned closer to her ear and whispered
"Makes me wanna actually do it with you~~~"
Akame then swung her hand toward Leone who pushed her head back to avoid being slapped
"LEONE!"
"Ahaha! Okay okay! I'll stop." Leone said and sat away from Akame
"...For now~"
"GAH I CAN NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN!" Chouri yelled
"NO ONE ASKED!" everyone yelled
"AluKame, If you please." Najenda said
"You're right. Enough focusing on the past." AluKame said as she stood up and turned around
"Instead, LET'S FOCUS ON THE PAST!"
"But What's the difference?" Sheele asked confused
"Back in World War II, Lubbock and I were Part of a top-secret government operation Called ''Operation: Kraut control''." AluKame started explaining
"Lubbock was much Younger, And I'm pretty sure if I'm remembering correctly..."
"Lemme guess, You were a little girl?" Mine asked
"...I was a 15-year-old girl...With a Red hood that made me look like a combination of both little Red Riding Hood and the Grimm Reaper, wiiiiiith an oversized foldable SCYTHE that was ALSO a GUN." AluKame Explained
"...WHAT?" Everyone asked in confusion
"I was a WHAT?" Akame asked
"Do...anyone here recognize anyone with that description?" Tatsumi asked
"No?" Lubbock answered
"nope." Leone answered
"I don't think so." Sheele answered
"Never in my life." Mine answered
"No." Bulat answered
"I'm sure we'd remember someone like that." Chelsea said
"I agree." Susonoo said
"Me too." Najenda answered last
'...A 15 year old girl with a red hood and a scythe that is also a gun...' Akame repeated the description in her mind
"But wait, If that is true then that means the Queen is_"
"INTERRUPT MY STORY AGAIN REGGIE! SEE WHAT HAPPENS!" AluKame yelled in anger
"Please don't interrupt her." Lubbock begged
"...SO YEAH! We were under orders to stick it sideways to a group of Empire scientist whackjobs interested in creating a Vampire Army." AluKame continued
"And Did we!"
"seems you missed a spot~" Najenda pointed out
"Are you-Are you gonna do this right now? Infront of EVERYBODY?" AluKame asked
"Yes I am~~~." Najenda said sassily
"The point is, enough members have survived and are planning on finishing their mission." Najenda explained
"They established a base in Brazil, And are still using their official title: The_"
"The Empire!" Someone said
Everyone looks over in shock and notice a very young boy with cat ears standing by the interrace!
"Wait I know that guy!" Tatsumi pointed out
"He's...Uh...Heeeee iiiiis...Oh FUCK come ON! I-I KILLED him MYSELF, I should at least remember who he is! He was_"
"Nyau." Akame said
"Yeah him!" Tatsumi nodded
One person next to Syura pulled out his handguns with Tatsumi pulled out his own revolver and they both aim at Nyau
"WHOA HEY! How do you say, uh, 'Do not shoot the messenger'?" Nyau said as he walks forward with some sweat drops with his hands held high.
"Ah~. The Return of the Why-Boner~" AluKame said
"...What?" Akame questioned
"WITH A VENGENCE." AluKame Finished
"...What?" Akame Questioned again.
"How did he get in here!?" Najenda asked
"We had over a dozen guards." Lubbock pointed out
"Those were ours?" AluKame asked
"GOD DAMN IT!" Mine yelled in frustration
"Dang it WHY?!" Lubbock said
"How did she not even notice whose those were?" Bulat asked
"uuuuugh" Akame groans in annoyance and embarrassment.
"Oh I-I mean Oh my god! How did he get through the Guuuaarrrddsssssseseses?" AluKame soon changed her words
"UUUUUUUUGh" Akame Groans louder
"Oh don't Even TRY to dodge your way out of this one!" Mine yelled
"My commanding officer: The prime minister, would like to personally introduce himself along our wonderful organization." Nyau explained while placing some kind of screen on the table.
He then pulled out a remote control and pressed a button...and nothing happened
"...What?" He then pressed some other buttons again
"...Did you plug it in?" Lubbock asked
"Perhaps the controllers' batteries are drained." Susonoo suggested.
"...Nyau?" The Prime minister called out from the monitor
"I-It's not working Minister!" Nyau said
"Did you click TV then power?" The Prime minsiter asked
"Um, Try turning it Off and then on again?" Tatsumi asked
"Maybe Kick it once?" Leone said
"Check the cables." Akame Suggested
"Oh wait I'm on Video 2." Nyau found out
"No no no! Video 1!" The Prime minsiter said
"...OOOOOOooooooohhhh." Everyone said after finally understanding the problem.
Then the screen finally starts working and the Prime Minister is revealled!
"Got it!" Nyau cheered
"Hello!" He greets
"...HahaHaHaHAHAHA! HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" AluKame started laughing hard
"What is she laughing about now?" Chelsea asked
"HE'S STILL SO FUCKING FAT!" AluKame yelled almost out of breath
"...How is that funny?" Tatsumi questioned
"I fail to see the humor in her statement." Akame said
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! He's like The empires version of 'Danny Devido'!" AluKame joked as she kept laughing
"NO NO! An empires version of BOB!! BOB FROM TEKKEN! HAAHAHAHAHAAHHAA!"
"Ah~ If it isn't the memorable AluKame." The minister said
"Wish it was UNMemorable." Mine grumbled.
"Her provider Sir Najenda, The bean counters, And of course, very interestingly to see by the way, MY SON and the Vatican!" Honest boasted while greeting Syura last.
"How does it feel to work with your sworn enemies, Syura my boy?" The minister asked
"Not as painful as your obnoxious voice." Syura said with annoyance
"Oooooh got 'em!" Lubbock said
"Oh come on! Me and you being family aside, We used to be friends with the Vatican!" The minister said
"Remember how you aided us in our escape from the capital?"
"WHAT!?" Everyone gasped in shock
"R-Run us by that again!?" Mine asked
"Uh oh...I guess they weren't suppose to know that..." The minister said
"So THAT'S how you knew about them." Najenda said
"Uck,Um..Uh...UUUUGh...Yeeeesss..." Syura admits it in defeat.
"I'd like to say he deserved that." Lubbock said while everyone else agreed.
"I'm sure you're chomping at the bit to find out what we have in store for you all, no?" The minister said
"Vampire army." Najenda said
"...Wow just, Kill all the fun! Put the fun in camps why don'tchu." The minsiter grumbled
"Yeah you fun nazi." AluKame grumbled too
"Oh don't YOU take his side!" Najenda yelled
"GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!" Najenda yelled
"Well, Mind e if it seems a little too American for you, But At some time, some place, something will attack you." The minister started explaining
"...Maybe. Probably. Could be happening right noooow~~~~"
"well I'll admit, Not knowing when and where you'll be attacked is pretty terrifying." Bulat said
"Fingers crossed!" AluKame said
"Ugh, Of course she would." Mine frowned
"I don't think asking for and attack like this is wise." Sheele said
"Of course it isn't." Susonoo said
But while the minister kept talking, Nyau noticed Mine
"Hey pinky. Pinky. Pinky! HEY PINKY!"
"Okay okay fine! Just answer him!" Mine yelled
"Oi." Mine said
"...We would make beautiful children." Nyau said
"..." Everyone remain silent with some sweat drops
"...EEEwwwwwwwww" Lubbock was first to groan in disgust
"That was just nasty!" Tatsumi said
"Yes. very nasty." Akame agreed.
"...And also random."
"...I can't wait to see you get your brains blown off." Mine said darkly.
But then, AluKame shoved one of her guns into Nyaus mouth and!
*BANG!*
Blew her brains off!
"WHOA WAIT WHAT THE HELL!?" Mine yelled in shock while everyone else was shocked and confused too
"Wh-Why'd she do that?!" Tatsumi asked
"Was that Boy/Girl Bugging you?!" AluKame asked
"...Wait what?" Mine asked
"...Awwww She did that for Mine!" Leone said happily.
"Honestly, He kinda deserved it after what he said." Bulat said
"Well uh...Thanks Akame. for...That." Mine said with a slight blush
"...Your welcome." Akame said
'...I guess My vampire self isn't really all that terrible.'
"And like that, The war begins!" The minister said
"Whoops! did I accidentally a war?~" AluKame Asked
"Yes you did." Akame said
"But it was worth it."
"Heck yeah it was." Mine agreed
"Police girl." Najenda ordered
Mine shot and destroyed the monitor.
"Huh. They would have looked rather nice actually." Mine mumbled
"NO THEY WOULDN'T!" Mine yelled
"Alright now, AluKame. Clean that u...uh..." Najenda went to order her to clean the body...but they all noticed that the body was gone.
"...OH."
"...What?!" Tatsumi gasped
"Where'd the body go!?" Chelsea yelled
"Oh wow! Looks like he was self cleaning!" AluKame said
"...And/or magical."
"...After what we've seen so far...It's not really impossible that it was actually magical." Akame said
"Najenda? AluKame?" Queen Leone spoke up
"Yes, Sugarlips~~~?" AluKame asked
"uuuuuugh STOOOOOOP!" Akame begged in frustration
"Awwww How Sweeeeet of you~~~~" Leone teased
"When you find him, And when you kill him, I want you to record it, so I can fall asleep to it every night~" Queen Leone ordered
"...Holy crap sis." Tatsumi said in shock
"Whoa Leone, When'd you get so much more sadistic than you already were?" Lubbock asked
"It doesn't seem healthy." Susanoo said
"Meh. I take the good in the bad of the messed up." Leone said
"OOOOH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I'VE MISSED YOU!" AluKame yelled
"HEY!" Syura said
"Oh shut up." AluKame said
"No, YOU need to shut up." Akame said
"Ah Minister, I think that went well!" Stylish said
"You 'think' it went well?" The minister asked
"Doctor, I was there! And much like our former leader,"
Sudden cut to the child emperor screaming in terror while being eaten by Zombies.
"...I KILLED it!" Minister boasted.
"It's actually impressive the minister we know hasn't done that yet." Chelsea admitted
They then enter a room.
"Lets hope our dear Minister doesn't end up the same." Nyau said while sitting on the ministers chair
"We don't really have the freezer space for the incidental leftovers!"
"Wait what!?" Tatsumi yelled
"He's alive!? and...ALREADY THERE?!"
"he was JUST shot and was miles away." Sheele wondered
"So magical it is then." Akame said
"Ah doctor, usually it's not really appropriate to give a pet to your superior as a gift, But I LOVE him!" Minister said
Stylish grabbed Nyau by the back of his clothes and angrily raised him up from the chair
"Minister! I am SO SORRY for his disrespectful disposition!"
"Ah, don't worry. I much enjoy some playful cattiness in my staff." Minister said
"Cattiness being a very subjective word here considering how much of a monster that lil shit it." Tatsumi said
"Nonetheless, it is time for phase two of our operation. Our Dear empires excursion to the English Channel." The minsiter said before it cuts to somewhere else!
"Sir, there's an inbound helicopter trying to land!" a Crewmate of a ship said
"That seems odd. Commander Violet, do you know_" The captain asked as he turned to commander violet only to see him showing his fangs
"Oh god, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE PURPLE!"
"Dumbasses." Lubbock frowned
And so, the helicopter lands and a...very familiar looking female steps out of it that shocked Akame.
"Th-thats..." Akame said
"You know her?" Tatsumi asked
"...Tsukushi..." Akame said
"this is my favorite kind of ship! Running with blood And se(a)men." Tsukushi said
"...What?" Everyone said
"What?" Commander violate said too
"THE GAAAAME!" Tsukushi said
"Game?" Tatsumi asked
"What Game?" Lubbock asked too
"Are they playing a game now?" Sheele asked
"What game?" commander violate asked
"YOU LOOOOSE~~~!" Tsukushi said
"LOL. I'm so Rand0m111"
"...Oh...She's just stupidly random." Sudanoo said
"Um...Akame? Was the Tsukushi You knew this...well..." Tatsumi asked
"Of course not. she was a very nice and kind person. Not...like this...Random person." Akame answered
"...Uh, so, the ship is now under your command, Miss Tsukushi Van Winkle." commander violate said
"Ah, excellent job, Captain! Tell me, how did it feel slaughtering your kinsmen, turning them into Zombies, betraying your family and country, all for the selfish desire to become an immortal vampire?" Tsukushi asked
"...Now that she puts it like thaaaaaaat...weeellllllllll..." Leone said
"...Wow, uh, when you put it like that I feel like kind of a cunt." Commander violate admits
"Oh you don't say!" Mine yelled
"At least they're now aware of their crime now." Bulat said
"Oh, but you know what might make you feel better, Captain?" Tsukushi asked
"Uh, What that?" Captain violate asked when suddenly, Tsukushi pulled out her massive gun and aims it at his face
"EH?!"
"Checking your privilege~" Tsukushi said with a sadistic tone before firing!
"...I kinda like her." Chelsea said
"Me too!" Leone said too
Then the scene cuts to the Hellsing mannor
"Lubbock, If I may confide in you." AluKame said
"This will either be great or terrible." Lubbock said
"I temper my sense of decency in expectation." Lubbock said
"He knows AluKame very well then." Mine said
"I am positively throbbing over these guys returning." AluKame said
"Well, if it lasts for more than four hours..." Lubbock said
"And That's just disgusting." Mine said
"Still funny tho." Leone said
"Let's hope it lasts for only four hours then." Lubbock said
"Lubbock, do you know what my top three favorite things I've killed are?" AluKame asked
"Third is the Ginyu force, second is the empire. Can you guess the first?"
"...Your parents?" Lubbock asked
"WHAT?!" Everyone yelled
"NAILED IT!" AluKame Proudly said
"WHAAAAT?!" Eveyone yelled louder
"You...killed your parents?" Sheele asked
"...To be fair...Didn't they sell you and your sister to slavery because they were poor?" Lubbock asked
"...Well yes but..." Akame said
"Then I suppose for AluKames case, it is somewhat justified." Susanoo admits.
"Well I mean...If they didn't sell you two to the empire a LOT of stuff could have been avoided." Bulat said
"...I think."
"This is also an alternate reality. Does it really matter here to us?" Tatsumi asked
"Obviously not." Najenda said
'...I would have liked to at least see my parents for once.' Akame thought to herself.
Cut to a scene with dozens of dead bodies.
"I see! So Now it's open season for these heathen swine!" Esdeath said over the phone
"Sister Alexandra, While I mirror your favor to lay waste upon these soulless jowls of the hellsing and such, We have a much bigger foe knocking at our door." Syura warned over the phone
"The Vampire Army led by the minister obviously." Susanoo said
"They knock at the door of hellsing, And as the wolf huffs and puffs, We shal skewer these pigs ourselves!" Esdeath said
"And of course they want to betray us in the end. Who could have seen that coming." Najenda sarcastically said
"...I don't get the metaphore that you're drawing, but regardless, We must set aside the Quarrels of our houses and unite under the same banner of god." Syura said while several soldiers close in on Esdeath
"Ooooh I see! So this...is a CRUSADE!" Esdeath excitedly said
"Whoa what?!" Tatsumi gasped
"Isn't a crusade TOO MUCH?!" Lubbock yelled
"No! No nononono! We don't say that anymore. we're calling it...damn, what do the American dogs say?" Syura asked
"...Peacekeeping?" Esdeath answered
"Of course that's what they call it." Akame frowned
"Freakin' politics!" Mine frowned too
"Right! Now, shall we...Keep the peace?" Syura asked
"FOR THE EMPIRE!" The soldiers asked while opening fire on Esdeath, but she easily kills every single one of them.
"Only until it's time to slide in the knife." Esdeath said with a sadistic tone while standing over the dead bodies.
"We lost contacts with the vessel 18 hours ago. currently it's resting in the Atlantic 300 kilometers off the coast of Pauling." Chouri explained
"Yes, We all saw that." Mine said
"Have you acquired visual Via Satellite?" Najenda asked
"Yes, and they left a rather...Cryptic message that we've yet to make sense out of." someone else said
Then, Najenda held up a photo of the deck of the ship that had something writen in blood
It said [THE CAKE IS A LIE]
"...Really? Seriously? For real?" Mine deadpanned
"Wow. HOW ORIGINAL!" Lubbock frowned
"Yes! The cake ISN'T A LIE!" Sheele then yelled
"We've just never been allowed to have it!"
"...Sheele, that's retarded." Mine said
"B-But it's true!" Sheele said, sticking to her claim
"I...I don't get this." Najenda said
"I don't get it."
"None of know what it means either!" Chouri said
"That's just portal tho." Tatsumi said
"Is it a Reference or something?" Najenda asked
"Uh, Yes it is?" Tatsumi said
"Of course there's another shot we had...Which looks like some one sitting in the middle with a yellow parasol." Someone else said
"Seems a tad random if you ask me."
Shots to Tsukushi in the sunlight with a Yellow parasol
"Rainbows! Tacos! Doctor Who! Homestuck!"
"WHY IS SHE SAYING ALL OF THAT?!" Mine yelled
"Okay. She is WAY too random even for me." Chelsea admitted\
"This person looks like they're begging for attention." Najenda said
"You have no idea." Lubbock said
"And they're about to get it!" Chouri said
"The special air service has deployed 2 platoons via helicopter! They'll have visual any moment now!"
"...3, 2, 1..." Akame counted
"Ma'am?" Lubbock called out
"Wait for it." Najenda said
"WE'VE LOST BOTH HELIS!" A guy by a monitor yelled
"There it is." Akame sighed
"Should have expected that one." Bulat said
"I did." Chelsea said
"Oh and that was portal by the way." The same guy said
"That's...Portal. That's...Where it's from..."
"Well at least one guy got it." Tatsumi said
"Well this has been fun." Najenda said
"Always nice playing audience to this Menagerie you call a military."
"Roasted." Lubbock joked
"Since it seems like you have this on lockdown I'll leave you to it." Najenda said as she stood up
"WHOA Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa!" Chouri said
"Uh, Based on new information that has been presented to us, uh we've decided that we require the Hellsing Organization and their services."
"You know, it's amazing how much time and people we could save if you just ask us in the first place." Najenda said
"If AluKame doesn't screw it up most of the time that is." Chelsea reminded
and with that, Both Najenda and Lubbock left the room.
"We're talking a hefty game Miss Najenda." Lubbock commented
"300 kilometers into the Atlantic and they seem to Annihilate anything we send at them."
"Ad we can't send an underwater attack, it could be a death charged showcase down there." Najenda said
"Can't go at it from the sides, can't go at it from below." Lubbock reminded
"...That only leaves one option then." Najenda said
"So our only option is to hit that son of a bitch from above." Najenda said
"Exactly." Najenda agreed
"But anything from above will still get shot at." Tatsumi said
"Not if it's something fast and quick." Akame said
"...and by ramming it right into the ship itself."
"With what? Not even an air mantra is that fast." Chelsea said
"Well, We do have one option," Lubbock said
"Which is?" Bulat said
"however it was decommissioned back in 1998." Lubbock said
"The DEATHWING." AluKames voice was heard, as she appeared from the shadows beside them
"The Advanced Earth-Warder Dragon with metal and Cybernetic enhancements to its jaw, wings and spine, capable of Mach 3 and an altitude of 135,000 FEET!"
"...Hoooooly crap..." Tatsumi said in awe of what he just heard
"...Now THAT's a Dragon." Leone complemented
"Agreed." Susanoo said
"Sounds really badass too!" Lubbock said
"...I want that." Akame said
"...You sure seem to know a lot about it." Najenda said
"DO YOU EVEN READ MY CHRISTMASS LIST!" AluKame yelled in anger
"AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAHA!" Leone started laughing out of control again.
"STOOOOOOOOOP!" Akame yelled in anger too at her other self
"~A full commitments what I'm thinking oooff~" Tsukushi sang
"...She's singing now." Lubbock said
"Yup. Still random." Leone said
"~You wouldn't get this from, ANY OTHER GUUUY~" She kept singing
"The hell is she singing now?!" One of the crewmates questioned
"I have no idea. I think it was popular a couple of years back?" Another crewmate answered
"At least she's no longer about the ponies and the friendship and the wrapping up of winter!" another crewmate said as he was very annoyed
"Thank god they didn't show that." Mine sighed
"...Hey wait..." Tatsumi said
"...I think the song she's singing now..sounds...kinda familiar..."
"~NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UUUP! NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOOOWN! Never gonna run around and, DESEEERT YOOOU~"
"OH GOD IT'S THAT ONE!" Lubbock yelled
"Someone shut her up OR SO HELP ME!" Mine angrily yelled
"~NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRRYYY! NEVER GONNA SAAAY GOODBYYYYE! Never gonna tell a lie, and HUUURT YOOOU~"
"Oooooh the CRINGE!" Chelsea said covering her ears
"Hey it's not THAT terrible." Sheele said
"Yeah come on guys. It's Cringe now, but not enough to kill anyone." Leone said
"Wait I know! Do you guys wanna hear some good ol' ACDC? It always hits the spot." Bulat suggested
But then, Tsukushi fell on her knees and looks up in terror
"I-It's HER! LIKE THE MINISTER SAID!"
"...Um, Miss Tsukushi, the-the song was nice," Someone said
"NO IT WASN'T!" Mine yelled
"so you don't need to_"
"PREPARE FOR COMBAAAAT!" Tsukushi screamed
"IT'S ALUKAMEEEEE!"
Then in the Sky, AluKame is seen sitting on the gigantic DEATHWING, and...she had her phone up too
"Time to fuck some shit up." She said as she pressed one of the musics...and SHOOT TO THRILL By ACDC started playing While AluKame smiled sinisterly.
"Huh. Speak of the band." Bulat said because of the ironic part that he just manssioned ACDC.
"OOOOOH This is gonna be AWESOOOOOME!" Leone said with excitment!
"Focus your fire! We are going to TEAR THAT MONSTER APART!" A crewmate ordered while AluKame flew closer to the ship on the DEATHWING
As the DEATHWING flies right down on the ship, AluKames phone plays the song loud for all to hear
~~~SHOOT TO THRILL! PLAY TO KILL! TOO MANY WOMEN AND TOO MANY PILLS, YEAH! SHOOT TO THRILL! PLAY TO KILL!~~~
"they say no man can kill you AluKame?" Tsukushi asked as she aimed her gun at the dragon
"That's because they don't send a REAL WOMAN to do a WOMANS JOB!"
"Real woman?" Chelsea said as she remembered the time her other self fought AluKame too
"W-Wait HEY!"
"HAH! ROASTED!" Mine laughed
And then she fired at the DEATHWING!
~~~I GOT MY GUUUUN ON THE READY, GONNA FIRE AT WILL!~~~
Her bullet hits the DEATHWING! But it just roared in anger and just dives down on the ship faster!
"WHAT?!" Tsukushi gasped
~~~CAUSE I SHOOT TO THRILL! AND I'M READY TO KILL! AND I CAN'T GET ENOUGH, AND I CAN'T GET MY FILL!~~~
"Here she comes!" Lubbock said
The DEATHWING rams itself on the ship, Starting a lot of fire!
All the crewmates die as one of them screams in pain before the DEATHWING stomps on it, killing him right away before roaring into the sky!
Then, AluKame stands up from all of the fire, her long hair waving around in the wind like a flag much like to Akames.
~~~SHOOT TO THRILL! PLAY TO KIIIIIIILLL!~~~
"THAT WAS SO AWWWEEESOOOOOOME!" Leone cheered
"Now that's what I call an entrance!" Bulat complemented
"...okay, it was fine." Akame complemented too
"...How is her hair not catching on fire tho?" Sheele asked
Tsukushi was keeling down in fear as she was whimpering even.
"...So."
She then looks back as she sees AluKame talking to her
"...Nice ship you got here."
"I...I-I am Tsukushi," Tsukushi pulled her self together
"And I command your respect!" She then aimed her gun at AluKame
"No, You Demand my ATTENTION." AluKame said as the DEATHWING kept going on rampage on the ship
"Oooooh got her there." Leone said
"I have a feeling that She's about to get it tho." Tatsumi pointed out.
*BANG!*
"Ow." AluKame said as the bullet Tsukushi shot pierced through her
"Ooh!" And again
"I don't have to take this from you!" Tsukushi said as the bullet she shot kept hitting AluKame over and over again
"You racist, Cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, misogynistic BITCH!"
"You forgot FUCK MOTHERING VAMPIRE in the list~~~" Leone jokingly said
"Leone no!" Akame yelled
"Leone YES!" Leone Laughed
*CHOMP!*
And then, Tsukushi gasped as AluKame catches the bullet with her teeth!
"Ya know, Tha phunny phing ish..." She said before crushing the bullet with her teeth.
"Oh she's screwed now." Lubbock said
"In any other circumstance, you might have had a point there." AluKame said as she walks toward a terrified Tsukushi
"Except my boss is a woman, I was a little red riding hood with a giant scythe that was also a gun in the 40s, I hate EVERYONE EQUALLY, There is NO ONE ALIVE that can comprehend my SEXUAL PREFERENCE,"
"Please don't give us any ideas!" Mine begged
"You cannot FATHOM the AMOUNT of DEADMEN Behind me BEFORE I even became a Vampire in the first place,"
"...Well...I can't fathom the amount of victims that I've killed too so_" Akame tried to speak
"I Actually killed and shed blood for the freedom and the future of this country, but I was the one that was BETRAYED by the VERY people I fought for because Apparently, by their own words 'I WAS A LOOSE END',"
"...W-What?" Akame asked
"Then I was EXECUTED after 3 FUCKING YEARS OF TORTURE,"
Everyone looked shocked at the words she was speaking now
"And after I became a Vampire, my own damn lil' sis KILLED herself because she was TERRIFIED OF ME while I was trying to PROTECT her loli ass,"
"K-Kurome did what?!" Akame asked in terror
"And her boyfriend and old team tried to start up a crusade against me, which ended with me parading their naked, beat up and gutted CORPSE around the capital as a symbol of what happens when someone crosses me!" AluKame finished as she finally got face to face against Tsukushi
Now, everyone was even more shocked at her words
"So in other words Missy," AluKame then pulled her fist up
"CHE-CHE-CHE-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE~~!" And then Punched Tsukushi away!
She then took Tsukushis gun and grabbed her by her throat and slammed her against a wall, and slowly pressed her gun on her chest
"W-Wait...What are you..." Tsukushi gasped
"Oh? Haven't you heard the new sensation sweeping the nation?" AluKame asked as she pressed Tsukushis gun agaisnt her chest more
"BITCHES LOVE CANNONS."
"Damn straight." Leone joked
*PIERCE!*
*SPLASH!*
"GRAAAAAAAH!"
And then it shots to black when AluKame stabs Tsukushi with her own gun.
Then, The scene cuts to the prime minister and his army.
"Gentlemen, Operation Bait Van Winkle is a rezounding success." The minister said
"Did he say...Bait?" Tatsumi asked
"...Uh oh." Leone sweat dropped
"AluKame is now EXACTLY where we need her to be so we can move forward with our little...Surprise."
"Well shit." Najenda sighed
"They just got had." Lubbock said
"However, before we begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet." The minister spoke
"Some of you have come to believe that I like var. I wish to dash these rumors! I do not like var. I. LOVE. WAR."
A chill went down everyones spines as he finished his words.
"Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in the morning, you get into your shitty car, and you see a rich CEO, who works half as hard as you do, drive down the street in his Bugatti. Class War."
"...That's...Not really...how Class war works tho." Bulat said
"You make it to work, und you find out that the annual drug test is today, and you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife's awful parents. Drug War."
"Wow. I'd hate to be THAT guy." Lubbock joked
"But then, you find out that the only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. Race War."
"That's not how Race war goes!" Mine yelled
"Then, you try und post about it on your Facebook, but then all your friends start arguing about what's right and what's wrong. Flame War."
"That has NEVER been a thing." Tatsumi said
"You finally get home, und you decide to relax by watching a program about: Who gets the box? What's in ze box? 'How much is what's in ze box worth? Storage Vars."
"Okay, I'm convinced that he's just making it all up just to make a stupid point." Chelsea said
"What I am telling you, my empyrean army of one thousand vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over the years, we are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I want a simple var. No Class Vars, no Drug Vars, no Race Vars, no Flame Vars, and CERTAINLY, NO COLD WARS!" He suddenly yelled
"...Blue Balled for 40 years..."
"Wow. How tragic." Tatsumi said with sarcasm
"Boo hoo lemme Cry for you." Leone said with sarcasm too
"But cold wars are also wars." Sheele said
"Don't side with him Sheele." Mine said
"What I Want is a War That only We can bring. A true var! A WORLDWIDE WAR!"
"...World...Wide?" Najenda said
"Wait, Does he mean..." Susanoo said
"...Oh no..." Leone sweat dropped
"The sequel you've all been Waiting for!"
"Oh god he means!" Chelsea gasped
"Don't you say it. Don't you Fucking dare say it!" Tatsumi said
"...He's...Going to say it." Akame said
"I! WANT! WORLD! WAR! THREE!"
"GOD DAMN IT!" most of Night raid all screamed.
And so, ALL of the Vampires in the room began to hail. and then we cut to Zeppelins all flying over the capital.
Then, Cut too all the main characters of the story, feeling the upcoming storm of death and blood.
And finally, cut to AluKame with the Deathwing, it's wing far too damaged to fly again, stuck on the ship.
And she clearly knew what was going to happen now.
"...Heh...hehehehehehehehehe..." And then, AluKame began to laugh in madness
"heehehhhahahahahahahhahaha! HAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
'...She's actually enjoying all of this...' Akame thought to herself, watching AluKame with hate and disgust
'How...How can someone like this...be ME?'
"...I better not miss a Damn thing..."