Hello, everyone! We know that we didn't put an author's note at the beginning of Chapter 13, and we apologize. :)All we can say is that one took a lot out of us, and we just...forgot, sorry. We want to thank everyone who reviewed. We always welcome your comments and suggestions. We hope that you'll like this chapter just as much as the last!

Yours, as always,

butterflyswest and Erin Allen

14

They left the hospital in a silence so heavy that Neela felt suffocated by it. She kept glancing at Ray, willing him to look at her, but he kept his attention on whatever was going on inside his head. With a sigh she followed Emily into the car that Carter had called for them, barely seeing the evidence of Carter Family money in the posh leather seats they sat in. Emily did, and examined everything with a discerning eye that was at odds with her years.

"This year is so much nicer than the one Dad has," she said almost smugly, running her hands over the leather next to her. Neela almost cringed at the animosity in the look Ray gave her. He said nothing, but his message was clear. Don't talk about him…

Emily, as usual, ignored the warning and continued to chatter away, even engaging the stone faced driver in a conversation about the differences in this car or that one. Neela would have smiled had she not been so on edge. Emily was the type of girl that would never be subdued for long. She was child with all the resilience that went with it, but the knowledge of experience to temper it. An amazing combination in one so young.

Neela only wished that Ray could follow her example. But then, he'd been suffering far longer than she had.

When the car pulled to a stop in front of their apartment building, there was only one patrol car parked at the curb. One officer approached them while his partner listened to the rantings of a madman standing beside the car. Neela was only half surprised when she got a good look and discovered that it was Brett yelling at the top of his lungs.

"There you are!" he said, trying to get around the second cop. "Will you tell Tweedle Dee and Dum here that you know me?"

"Its all right," Ray said. "He's here to help us get our stuff."

"See? I'm here to help," he said to the cop, who looked as if Ray was just as insane for knowing someone like Brett. He stepped back, allowing Brett to pass.

"You'd think that I was the one that broke in," Brett muttered under his breath as he straitened his clothes with exaggerated gestures.

"You have. Numerous times," Neela reminded him as she followed Ray up the steps and into the building. Brett made a face at her.

"Having a key is not the same as breaking in," he retorted. Turning to Emily, he settled his arm around her shoulders. "Hey there, Brat! Had some excitement today I hear?"

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" she asked, ducking out from under his arm.

"Yep," he said cheerfully.

Neela glanced at him over her shoulder.

"Don't tell me that you quit already?"

"Nah. I'll probably get fired after this. I couldn't stay away after I heard what happened. So what do you think, Barnett? You think it's too late for me to go to medical school?"

Ray shook his head and continued up the steps to their floor without a pause. Neela frowned at his back, and she could see that Brett was just as puzzled by it.

"Don't you have to be able to read to get into med school?" Emily asked with a smirk and took off up the stairs as Brett made to grab her. He sighed and shook his head in mock disgust.

"These kids today," he said with a sigh as he caught up with Neela at the landing. She raised an eyebrow.

"Being of the same mentality, you would know."

"True enough," he admitted without remorse. "But why waste time growing up?" He paused, pulling her to a stop. "Speaking of grown-ups, what's wrong with Ray?"

Neela bit her lip and glanced back down the hall.

"I'm not sure exactly," she said softly. She turned away then, unwilling to let him see how worried she was. She didn't have the answer to his question. Only Ray could answer that, and he wasn't speaking at the moment.

When she entered the apartment, she didn't have the time to think about it anymore. Shock burned away any thoughts she might have had as her gaze traveled over the wreckage in the front room. She heard Brett whistle softly behind her, but even that was distant to her numbed senses.

The living room was utterly destroyed. Sofa cushions were askew or on the floor. Her books and Ray's CD collection were laid waste across the floor and every other available surface. Several loose pages lay like broken butterflies near the bookshelf. She glanced into the kitchen to find shattered crockery on the counter and in the sink. The fridge stood open and, without thought, she went over and quietly closed it. She returned to the living room, wondering where Ray had gotten to.

She didn't have far to go. He was kneeling on the floor, the broken pieces of a CD in one hand, and the shattered remains of his acoustic guitar in his lap. Neela covered her mouth with her hand, a stab of anguish clutching at her heart. She could only imagine the agony he was feeling at the moment.

"Ray…Oh, God, your guitar…"

He nodded and shoved the instrument away from him to jump to his feet. For a moment, his eyes met hers, and the pain in them nearly tore her in two. Then his expression went dead again, leaving her cold as ice. He backed away from her, as if the sight of her was more than he could stand.

"We'd better pack up what we have left," he said tightly, and headed for his room, leaving Neela standing in the middle of the room.

"Jesus," Brett breathed, stepping gingerly over the detritus that littered the floor. "I've never seen him like that before." He rounded the couch, saw the guitar lying in a heap of broken wood and steel strings, and his jaw tightened. "No fucking wonder," he growled, bending over to pick up the pieces. He examined them carefully. "This is…was his prized possession," he told her, anger coloring his voice. "B.B. King played this guitar."

Neela had no idea who B.B. King was, but by the awe and fury in Brett's tone, she could guess that it was someone important, someone Ray would know and care a great deal about.

"Can it be fixed?" she asked quietly.

Brett shook his head, letting the remains drop to the floor.

"No, it can't. Even if it could, it wouldn't be the same."

Tears sprang to her eyes, and she brushed them away impatiently.

"I should go see what was touched in my room," she told him as she passed, heading down the hall to her room.

Emily was already there, stuffing clothes into a large gym bag she'd dug from the bottom of Neela's closet. Her lips were thinned with anger as she worked, jamming clothes indiscriminately into any nook or cranny left in the bag. She looked up as Neela entered, but went just as quickly back to her manic pace.

"Did you see that shit?" she asked, though she knew that Neela would have seen it just coming through the front door. "I can't believe this. That bastard!"

The last was said through clenched teeth, but Neela still flinched at the profanity coming from the girl.

"Emily…" she began, but cut off as a brush flew across the room to land in the corner.

"Why won't he just leave us alone, Neela?" she suddenly burst out. "Hasn't he hurt us enough without this?"

Neela crossed the room and took her into her arms. Emily turned toward her, clutching at her coat with both fists and crying as if her heart was about to break. Neela muttered soothing words as she held her, just letting her cry. Neela didn't have the answers to those questions either, and felt the lack. A noise at the door drew her attention, her heart stopping when she saw Ray standing there. He placed a hand on the doorframe and closed his eyes as he lowered his head. Neela watched the muscles in his jaw work for a few seconds, before he turned and left the room without a word. Tears came to her eyes and this time she let them fall. She could feel his pain, could feel Emily's pain and it broke her apart that she couldn't just fix everything. She was a doctor. It was her job to make the pain go away, but she couldn't do it this time.

Finally, she pulled away and wiped Emily's tears, helping her get their things together for an extended stay at Carter's. She wasn't sure how long this was going to take, but she refused to take chances and packed nearly every article of clothing the two of them owned. They dragged the suitcase and gym bag into the living room just as Ray and Brett left his room with two garbage bags bulging at the seams.

"Do you have everything you'll need?" Ray asked, his voice strangely devoid of emotion. "We're not coming back here until this is finished."

Neela nodded mutely at the freezing tone. It was as if he had died inside. That all of this had killed whatever spirit he'd been able to claim. He didn't even look at her as he passed her, heaving the bag he carried over his shoulder. Neela gave Brett a beseeching look, but he could only shrug helplessly. So Ray hadn't even opened up to his best friend. That was not a good sign.

The driver helped them with their things, managing to keep his expression blank at the sight of the garbage bags. Brett took the time to stare at every part of the car with a greedy expression of awe.

"Nice wheels," he remarked to the driver. "What's under the hood?"

The driver looked at him blankly, his expression never changing. If Neela didn't know better, she would have believed he'd been turned to stone.

"Don't worry about him," Emily said. "He's touched."

The chauffer nodded sagely and slammed the trunk shut, doing his best to ignore Brett. He did a remarkable job, settling into the driver's seat and slamming the door in Brett's face.

"Well, that was uncalled for," Brett said as he backed away. He glanced over at Ray and pointed his finger. "I'll follow you over."

Ray frowned.

"You don't have to come with us."

"Yeah, I do. I want to check out where you're gonna be staying. If this guy has enough dough to afford this car, then I have got to see his house."

Ray cursed under his breath and settled in the car beside Emily. Neela delayed getting in as long as she could before she too slid in. She was not looking forward to another silent ride with Ray. Damn it! If he would only talk to her! But he seemed to think that he couldn't. Or he just simply wouldn't. She slumped in her seat as it pulled away from the curb, feeling her failure to help him in every strained beat of her heart.

By the time the city streets gave way to affluent lawns and trees, she was ready to scream. All she could think were the words "talk to me" in a silent plea for him to just open up to her, as he'd done since they had started living together. But his face remained stoic and still as he stared out the window at the neatly mown lawns passing the windows.

When they finally pulled into the blacktop circular drive of Carter's home, she was ready to escape the crushing silence. She barely waited for the car to come to a stop before she jumped out, pulling great breaths of cold air into her lungs. She turned to watch as Brett's van pulled in behind them, looking like a cockroach in a champagne glass. She was sure that the rattling frame could be heard all the way back to their apartment as he bounded out and slammed the door. He ambled around the front of the van, his eyes missing nothing as he looked around.

"This is nice," he drawled as he turned slowly in a circle.

"I'm glad you like it," Carter said from the front steps. "And you are?"

"Brett. Good to meet you."

"John Carter."

"So what does something like this cost?" Brett asked as he neared the steps to shake his hand.

"Brett!" Neela admonished, before she turned to Carter. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she took the bag that the driver handed over. "I thought you were on duty."

Carter smiled and came toward them, eyeing Brett, who was again begging to look under the hood, with an amused smirk.

"I thought I'd help you get settled in.

"That wasn't necessary," Ray said, as he took one of the garbage bags and heaved it to his shoulder.

Carter gave him a strange look at his sharp tone. He narrowed his eyes, but said nothing as he turned toward the house.

"Follow me, and I'll show you where you'll be staying."

Ray started for the house behind Carter with Emily a step behind, clutching the gym bag in both hands. Neela sighed and hefted the suitcase, holding her arm out for balance. Brett managed to stop pestering the driver long enough to take the other garbage bag.

"Dr. Neela," he said quietly as they neared the door. She turned to look at him, surprised by his tone, which was more than subdued. He sounded downright worried, a first for Brett.

"Listen, I know I act like an ass most of the time, but I want you to know that…Ray's my best friend. I don't know what's going on with him right now, but it isn't good."

"I know," she choked out.

"Promise me that you'll ignore him acting like a jerk and help him." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his shoes as if uncomfortable. "He needs you more than he wants to admit."

She swallowed hard and nodded. She didn't trust herself to speak at the moment. She could only watch as Brett returned her nod and entered the house. She looked at the sky above her, broken only by the bare skeletons of tree branches and blinked back tears. She hoped to God that she could fulfill that promise.

With a deep breath, she turned to follow Brett just in time to hear him say, "Can I play your stereo? I have a CD in the van that I'd kill to hear on these speakers."

She rolled her eyes, closing the door behind her. At least Brett recovered quickly. She only prayed that she could help Ray do the same.

000000000000

Darkness was falling before they were settled. Carter had given them an entire wing of the mansion he called a home, telling them that he didn't use it anyway. Even Brett had gone silent with awe at the opulent surroundings, and Neela was almost pathetically grateful. He was starting to grate on her already raw nerves. When he finally left, she breathed a sigh of relief at the sudden silence.

"You have…interesting friends, Barnett," was all that Carter could say once he was gone. Neela smiled behind her hand, remembering what Emily had said just a few days before. She got the feeling that Carter was amused by Brett's antics.

"Yeah," was all Ray said. Neela looked at him sharply as he pushed from his seat. "I'm going to bed," he said in that emotionless tone that was all he'd been able to muster since they'd left the apartment. "Thanks, Carter. For everything."

"No problem. Get some rest and we'll talk more tomorrow."

Ray nodded and headed toward their room without looking back. Neela exchanged a glance with Emily and could see that the girl was just as upset by his behavior as she was.

"Is he mad at me?" she asked uncertainly.

"Of course not," Neela assured her. "He's just had a very trying day." She stood. "I believe that I'll go to bed too," she told them. "Don't stay up too late, Emily."

She left the room amidst mumbled good nights and went in search of Ray. She was at her limit with his behavior. If he wouldn't talk to her, then she would bloody well bully him into it. Almost one full day of the silent treatment was making her daft. She stopped at the door to the room that she and Ray were sharing and resisted the urge to knock. This was her room too, after all. Bracing herself for battle, she opened the door.

The room was dark but for the moonlight from the window. As her eyes adjusted, she found him sitting at the window seat, staring out at the grounds. He was nothing more than a silhouette, but she couldn't miss the hard set of his jaw or the rigid line of his shoulders.

"Ray?"

He didn't answer her, continuing to stare out at the nighttime landscape as if he would find there the answers to his questions. She crossed the room to stand beside him, taking the seat next to him as she looked into his face. Her heart lurched in her chest at the absolute misery she found written there.

"Ray, talk to me. Please."

He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I can't."

She frowned and scooted toward him, taking his hands in hers.

"Please, Ray. I can't help you unless you talk to me…"

He yanked his hands away and shoved from the seat to back away from her.

"Don't you understand, Neela? I can't talk about it. I won't. Its bad enough that Emily knows…"

He blew out a breath and laced his hands in his hair. His back hit the corner post of the bed as he retreated. His knees gave way, and she leapt to his side as he slowly slid down to sit on the floor.

"I don't think I can take this shit anymore," he whispered, and the pain in his voice broke her heart.

"Tell me what's wrong, Ray. Something happened today…"

"Do you know why I finally left, Neela? Do you have any idea?"

She remained silent when he raised his head to look at her miserably.

"I finally left because I'm a coward." He spat the words bitterly, letting his hands fall to his sides. "And Emily knows. I couldn't protect her then. I can't protect her now." He turned his head to look at her, his eyes burning. "And I can't protect you."

"That's not true, Ray," Neela said quietly, but he just shook his head.

"Look what happened at the apartment, Neela! What if we hadn't decided to take Emily with us? What if you had been there?" He swallowed and shook his head. "If anything happens to either of you, I couldn't take it."

"Ray, nothing is going to happen to us. We're safe here…"

He gave a short bark of laughter. "He offered Weaver money to fire me."

Neela froze, her breath catching in her throat. "What?"

"He sent that lawyer to Dr. Weaver and offered to donate money to the hospital if she would fire me." He sighed and leaned his head back against the bed. "It's happening all over again, Neela, and there isn't a damn thing I can do to stop it."

"Ray, I don't understand. What..?"

"He did the same thing when I went to med school. Offered to build a new wing if the president would expel me."

She clamped her lips together and could only listen in mute horror. She wondered just how such a monster could live in this world. Shesaw things in the ER everyday that had made her want to cry, but she had never heard of a father trying so thoroughly to destroy his own son. It was enough to make her stomach turn and her heart break.

"Do you want to know why I really left, Neela?" he continued slowly. "Why I never went back? It was because I was afraid, OK? I was afraid that he would kill Emily, and I was afraid that he would kill me. The night I left for good, I let him have Emily rather than die. How's that for brave?"

Neela shivered, her blood suddenly running cold. He'd said it so…matter-of-factly…as if this sort of thing were commonplace. All the words she could have spoken dried to dust in her mouth, choking her.

"Tell me," she finally managed to say, though she struggled to breathe.

Ray glanced at her, taking in the sight of the moonlight that danced across her skin. She was so beautiful that it hurt to look at her. Especially knowing that, once he told her, once she knew his darkest secret, she would leave him. He clenched his jaw against the agony that that idea brought on, but maybe that would be for the best. If his father didn't know that Ray cared about her, then maybe he would leave her alone. He slid his hand from hers, his heart already aching, and crossed his arms on his knees.

"I told you that I tried to take her away once. What I didn't tell you was that I tried to kill the bastard when I did."

"W-what?"

He winced and pushed on, determined to get this out once and for all.

"She started crying when I got her out of bed, and he heard. I was halfway down the stairs with her when he came at me. Mom grabbed Emily, and I thought she took her upstairs. I was wrong about that, because she knows what happened. I was too busy dealing with him." He snorted derisively. "Not that I could do much. My arm was broken, and I had three cracked ribs from the day before when he'd told me that he should have done the world a favor and drowned me at birth."

He saw her turn her head, biting her lip at that. A small sound escaped her lips that sounded like a sob, but he couldn't be sure. He was deep in his memory now and there was no turning back this time. He was going to tell this or he would go crazy. He'd been on the razor's edge since Weaver's office. If he didn't get rid of this, then he was going to fall, and he didn't know if he could ever come back. He took a deep breath.

"I remember going for the fireplace poker. I could barely hold it because of the cast. He laughed at me. Said I didn't have the balls to hit him. Then he turned his back on me. Like he knew that I wouldn't do it. Mom came in, crying, holding the phone in her hand. She was talking so fast that I couldn't understand what she was saying. He grabbed the phone out of her hand and threw it against the wall." He frowned and squeezed his eyes shut. "I remember her screaming at him to stop, please stop and then she looked at me and told me to just go. Leave. The son of a bitch turned around and smirked at me." He laughed harshly. "There I was, just standing there with this thing in my hand. I couldn't even hold it right. I don't know what the hell I thought I was going to do. I could hear sirens in the distance and panicked. Mom had called the police. That's why I think he stopped. If she hadn't called, I really think he would have killed me."

He turned to look at her. She was sitting beside him; so close that their legs touched, but she might as well have been a thousand miles away for all that he felt he had the right to touch her. Her hands were over her mouth and tears spilled freely from her eyes unchecked.

"You see now, why I haven't gone back to get her. I was afraid. And now, he's going to come here. I've already proven that I can't protect her from him. He's been doing to her exactly what he did to me. I didn't do a thing to stop it. I just went on with my life, playing gigs, drinking beer…"

"Saving lives," Neela broke in. "You've saved so many lives, Ray."

"But what did I do for my sister?" he suddenly shouted. "I didn't do a damn thing for her when she needed me. If I had just…"

"What could you have done, Ray?" she shot back, heaving a great lungful of air. "Killing him wouldn't have solved a bloody thing."

"If I had, I wouldn't be worrying about how to keep her safe now. I wouldn't be worried about what could have happened if you had stayed home today…"

His breath caught, and he stopped speaking then. His chest tightened painfully. It was all he could do to breathe just thinking how close he had come to losing her. If she had stayed home with Emily…

She touched his arm, and he couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't know why she hadn't just run as fast and as far as she could when he'd told her the truth, but he wasn't about to question his good luck. With a low groan, he pulled her into his arms and held her as tightly as he could. His eyes burned, and he blinked them, surprised when he felt hot tears slide down his cheeks. He couldn't seem to stop and buried his face in her neck; letting her hands in his hair and her soft voice soothe him.

"I wouldn'tlive through itif anything happened to you," he said, tangling his fingers in her hair. "It's the one thing that would break me."

She pulled back to look in his eyes, her heart pounding at the sight of the tears on his face. Framing his face with her hands, she leaned in to kiss him.

"You're not going to lose me, Ray. He can't hurt any of us anymore."

He searched her eyes, wanting to believe, needing to believe what she said.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"Because, you silly oaf, I love you. We'll take care of each other."

That afternoon, he would never have believed that he could laugh again, but he did now. Gathering her close, he let the tension of the day seep from his body. His ugly secret was out, and she was still here. She still loved him. The guilt he'd been carrying around all these years was slowly fading with each day he spent with her. It was more that he could have thought possible.

"Neela."

"Yes?"

"He has a lot to pay for."

"I know."

"That guitar was worth a fortune."

She shoved him back, her mouth agape, before she saw the grin on his face.

"You are insufferable!" she said, trying to look shocked, but not quite managing.

He stood, pulling her to her feet beside him. He stooped, lifting her into his arms and tossing her onto the bed.

"I'll show you insufferable," he growled, as he followed her down.