Notes:
Hello there, so yeah this is a chapter I died inside writing this.
I honestly am scared to post this
Why? I did mention in the series description that certain things that Kuroko is going through, though not the same circumstances my family did this all to me.
I mentioned in the previous chapter that I have OCD.
I wish to shed light on certain quirks for lack of a better word that go undiagnosed or are misdiagnosed.
Also, I started this series with Akashi talking to Kuroko's ghost you bet I'm gonna put Supernatural elements my excuse for me blatantly putting it in there is that Kuroko no Basket is pretty superstitious.
So for messages, I was lazy to format them on alternating sides so it's like a Discord chat.
Triggers: Mentions of starvation, implied domestic abuse, mentions of suicide, religious trauma, eating disorders, mentions of self-harm (hair pulling) mention of Sexual assault
Note:
I'm not Christian anymore, honestly, I can write a book about that crap but this is in no way to attack religious organisations,
this was just what I and others have gone through when you mix narc parents or narc families and religion.
Thank you.
Man, this is sad, tell me what you think or if I missed anything while editing let me know. I'm sorry man.
Trigger warning for the end notes: I talk about my influence and what religious trauma I went through there will be a brief mention of SA not descriptive but still.
Just if you stuck around.
Why did I write this?
Kuroko had spent his entire lunchtime at a table, in the library with what he could barely call a sandwich and a list of numbers and the English alphabet, it was odd, he just spent the entire time writing them out row by row over and over again. The numbers listed from one to twenty-six.
Takao was a naturally curious guy, around ten he had become smitten with the Sherlock Holmes novels, which earned him, his mother telling him he had become a particularly prying child. It didn't help that Sherlock seemed to be the coolest guy there. By twelve he had those crime-solving kit things, the one with the gnarly chemicals, which he got from one of the elderly neighbour's kids until his mom threw it away and then explained that the chemicals in it could cause cancer, he was devastated but he understood nonetheless.
"What ya' doin' Tet-chan?"
Kuroko covers the papers as best as he could with his hand, a response he had gotten used to, at this point, it still bothered him at times but after what he had experienced at his house, he was to expect that.
"It's nothing really, I was just familiarising myself with different cyphers, this one is called the A1Z26 cypher, it's pretty easy but can be quite difficult for a native Japanese speaker." Kuroko gradually removes his hand from the paper, a silent way of urging him to look at it.
"Oh, that's so cool!" he exclaims earning a few harsh hushes from the students in the library, "Sorry— but yeah, that's cool, I guess it's the allure of knowing something that others don't, right?"
Kuroko smiles at him, "I guess you can say that, I'm also planning to learn morse code."
"That's sick!"
Earning him a threat to be kicked out of the library.
This situation was what he was waiting for, an opportunity to solve something, so he should be happy but realising what it was, it only seemed to fill him with pure dread. He had somewhat solved the cypher but he wondered, in what state had Kuroko been in when he wrote it, it just seemed to be jotted down almost like he was trying to hide it somewhere, from someone.
He knew who that someone was.
Midorima holds his hand, causing him to yelp just a bit, only a bit.
Knowing why Kuroko had considered even learning different cyphers and everything Mayuzumi had told them and that A1Z26 cypher being Mayuzumi and Kuroko's only way of really talking to each other filled him with enough grief to make him want to dig a hole and throw himself down in it and have someone throw the dirt of top of his raw body.
"Tet-chan mentioned the A1Z26 cypher a long time ago, well about a year before all that stuff with Akashi's fangirls, that's how I also saw S, E, A." He opens the journal to the corresponding pages as Mayuzumi scowls his hardest. Possibly at the harsh words of self-depreciation at every turn.
Mayuzumi picks up Akashi's phone, he plays around a bit, looking at the different apps and games, and different pictures.
Takao is surprised there weren't many photos of himself, it was odd, well maybe not because Akashi disliked selfies. Opening the recent tab he sees the same app in which Kuroko was able to access the forum.
Messages
September 25th 2017
Kage3101:
Thanks for the support maybe I'll hold on a bit longer
You:
Live even if you have to live solely in spite.
By the way, you wouldn't be Yoshikage would you?
Kage3101:
How could you tell?
You:
Well, your profile had a lot of comments on an amateur piano forum giving tips, your name is also a key hint
Kage3101:
I see… your name, I'm making a stretch here, RedSunEmperor10 are you Akashi Seijuuro?
You:
You're right, you are quite perceptive, I'm impressed.
It was the 10 Emperor, wasn't it?
It's getting late, for both of us.
Don't go dying now Yoshikage
Kage3101:
Thank you, keep well Akashi-kun
You:
I'm here if you need to talk.
"Tet-chan and Akashi?" Takao just about almost exclaims.
They just couldn't believe it.
It had made Takao shiver almost; it was almost terrifying how interconnected they both were. He looked at the date, it was that morning Takao had seen Kuroko typing away on his phone, when he had asked what he was typing Kuroko said that he was advising someone who wanted to get better at rhythm games, he brushed it off because it was just like him to do that.
Such a message meant that Kuroko had written something on the Suicide prevention forum, if his hypothesis is correct, it was that very morning.
He picks up the phone and goes to his profile he scrolls through the different forum posts on different games and music genres, and even more posts on the suicide prevention forum, the other posts fill him with even more dread but he wants to see where it all started.
I'm thinking about ending it all but it's a sin am I evil? 25/09/2017
"Kurokochii…" Kise almost laments.
He presses the okay button on the phone.
He takes a deep breath trying to gather up as much courage as he can to get ready to read what was going to be on the post.
I want to post this here because I think I need help, these couple of months the thought of suicide is just constant.
I love my mother, my father is a bit harsh but I think I deserved to be treated as such, I deserve his punishments, it's nothing too harmful I think he has a whip but muscle memory is important, I think my friend is overreacting too.
The only thing I don't understand is why I'm not allowed to see my extended family, I don't know what I did wrong that I am no longer allowed to see my grandmother.
I want to kill myself but my neighbour says that it's against God to take your own life because you didn't give yourself life, I know that my mother will be sad, maybe my father too but I just can't help it, am I evil and against God if I wish to take my own life?
Is it a demon? [10:57]
Takao then scrolls to the comments on the post, stood only three commenters but one name stood out to him, he selects the thread.
RedSunEmperor10:
I don't think that makes you a bad person Kage.
I think that's the effect of what your father is doing, tell me is there more to the whip?
Does he berate you and tell you that you are not doing good enough?
Does he tell you that you're being bad?
You mentioned that you've been isolated from your family as a punishment I do not think this is the right method of any sort of parenting.
You are not evil but your father is.
So, no I do not think you are sinning by thinking like that, however, I don't think that you should take your life regardless of whether it's sin or not.
I think you should live, live to see him crippled or bedridden and laugh in his face when you watch him on his deathbed. [18:09]
Kage3101 OP:
Thank you Red, though I don't think I can laugh though, I feel awful here you are offering me words and I can't seem to shake the feeling that maybe life would be better for people if I just die. [19:23]
RedSunEmperor10:
I don't expect your self-worth to just immediately skyrocket after I told you that you should live.
You don't have to literally laugh don't worry Kage, but your father sounds like an ass, I'm not on the best term with my father as well but he would never do something like that, my father does not own a whip nor does he shout, my father personally can be a bit emotionally distant and so he's also an ass but your father just seems awful, what you need to do is get you and your mother out of there.
Easier said than done I know but hold on just a bit longer.
You can PM me whenever you wish for a special offer just for you.
[19:33]
Kage3101 OP:
I will try however I have a curfew, and even talking to you right now is me breaking the rules, I want to thank you, I will keep you in mind, we will talk Red. [19:39]
RedSunEmperor10:
We will talk, have a good night, Kage. [19:43]
"So… this where it started…" Midorima knits his eyebrows with his fingers and sighs, Takao doesn't need anyone to tell him Midorima was stressed.
"This explains a lot, Honami was a hardcore Christian well a lot of our family also converted to Christianity at one point, even me." Mayuzumi says as he reads through the journal, "that explains the significance of S, E, A, the sea is where our family went to get baptised, the only one who wasn't was Tetsuya."
"What's the big deal of being baptised also wasn't he supposed to be baptised at birth or something?" Takao asks.
"It's complicated we followed an Evangelical church, according to our church what you call that is offering up the baby to Christ, some churches sprinkle the water like in Catholicism, baptism in our church however is the complete submergence into the water to wash away sin to save the soul from eternal torment," Mayuzumi sighs, "just another way his father made him feel like shit I suppose…"
"How is that?" Midorima asked this time "in what way could he make him feel bad for not being baptised?"
"Easy really," Mayuzumi scowls, "the fundamental of our church was if one is not baptised, they are not going to be called up with Christ when he returns, some Christians believe that the unbaptised go straight to hell, some believe that God comes back and judges all who are unbaptised. They believed the latter, just use a scripture like "Spare the rod and spoil the child." and make your child feel they'll suffer for eternity if they don't take your beatings and you got a cluster-fuck of guilt."
They look through the messages between Akashi and Kuroko, alternating between phones just to make sure that they're not missing anything.
Midorima, was distraught, staring at the corner of the classroom, under his breath he was chanting and incantation, he hadn't exactly, heard some of the words finally, he hears the harsh whispers.
"I Banish you, I banish you, I banish you."
He had grown used to this, it was the only other thing about dating Midorima, that he thought that others would consider troublesome, other than his Oha Asa obsession.
"So Midorima-kun can see them too?"
He is not startled by the voice behind him, not when he can see him, but rather he was startled by the words that the voice had said, just what did he mean?
Takao, not knowing how to respond laughs, "What do you mean?"
"There was a woman there… that's what Midorima-kun just banished," Kuroko states as bluntly as ever.
"You can see what they are?" Midorima blurts out.
"Can't you?"
"No… I can't… well it depends." Midorima finally says with his dwindling pride. "I just see the shadows most of the time only a few times do I see their full form, I get sick when they're around, I think it's something to do with my lineage which is why I can say with full confidence that Oha Asa is to be taken seriously." Stated pushing up his glasses, with his as-a-matter-of-fact like, declaration
"You can be quite amazing sometimes Midorima-kun..."
Midorima was about to shout back but Kuroko cuts him off "I don't know what to believe in anymore."
Takao couldn't leave him alone after that so he does only what his body feels is right, embracing him with his warmest most earnest bear hug.
Kuroko went a bit limp in Takao's arms, muffled he asked "So it's common to feel sick or tired around entities like that?"
"I would assume I only know a few people who can see things, you are one of three people I know of that can see the actual yokai." Midorima eyes him up and down, "Kuroko are you tired?"
"A bit I suppose..."
Takao beams, pushing up Kuroko, "I know!" He exclaims "let's have a sleepover, your father's not home anyways so no repercussions I know Tsubaki nee-san won't mind" Takao continues in his ever-sickeningly sweet voice only reserved for when he tries particularly hard to convince someone, "plus Shin-chan's house is not too far plus he keeps paper tassels and all that jazz around so none of those evils can even get in within a ten-mile radius come on Tet-chan what do you say?"
"I don't particularly mind..." Midorima grumbles. "Besides your home from what I understand is quite a long way from here, as far as that fool Kise's."
"Yeah, and you look like you're about to topple over," Takao adds
"I guess... if it's okay with Midorima-kun then I'll call my mother."
Takao pumps his fists as if he had just won a war and Midorima harrumphs.
"It's still a while till basketball practice starts and ends you should take some rest, I must imagine it took quite some energy out of you, you don't have the strongest body" Midorima stops to see Takao smug grin, he stutters "not like I care or anything..."
.
.
.
.
Takao pulls the rickshaw, in it a drowsy Kuroko and mother-hen mode Midorima.
That was the thing that drew him to Midorima, he was a bit uptight and not the most honest with his feelings, but once he had gotten into his mother-hen mode he'd fuss over the smallest thing.
"Kuroko cover your shoulders properly it would be a mess if you got sick, you just recovered from a cold."
Kuroko frowns but obeys no less.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Isn't it difficult how can you even tell if the person is real? Especially if they can touch you and you can touch them isn't that unnerving?" Takao asked
Kuroko shakes his head, "Some of them are but I've talked to some of them, they aren't all bad, some look quite scary if I'm being frank but it's nothing I just talk to them like they're humans, some have protected me even." He says as he coughed.
As if his little cough was a signal in Midorima's head he immediately places his hand on his forehead.
"You still have a mild fever?" he almost scolds "Why did you go to school?"
As if guilty, Kuroko averts his gaze and pouts, yet he leans into the touch.
"Tet-chan, Shin-chan's mom just makes the best Kitsune Udon doesn't she?" Takao gushes, he eyes Midorima's homemade red bean soup, "honestly Shin-chan it amazes me you can drink that every day, you sure it's not an addiction?"
"No." Midorima retorts swiftly.
"Midorima-kun is missing out." Kuroko says.
He glares at Kuroko but eventually deflates when he realises that Kuroko is paying no mind to him.
Not too long after that, he sees Kuroko pushing the noodles with a frown but he takes it into the spoon nonetheless, Midorima realises that he is forcing himself. What had concerned him was just the amount that he was eating, he had already taken a much smaller portion compared to both of them.
"Kuroko you don't have to force yourself."
"I want to eat it," he says with a stubborn proclamation, "I'm just not used to having this many carbs in one night."
"Carbs?" Takao asks, possibly for the both of them, "why do you need to worry bout that?"
"It's… Anyways— the broth is quite filling."
"Tet-chan you didn't answer though." Takao reprimands him, his eyes boring into Kuroko's.
"It's one of those extreme diets isn't it?" Midorima asked.
Though it wasn't a question, it was a statement, he knew the scrutiny public figures go through concerning weight, child prodigies especially those who have childlike features such as big eyes or chubby cheeks are always under the public eyes, the public watches them grow up because of this they suddenly think they have the authority to judge their weight or clothing or even hair styles it was like having the world as overbearing parents.
Though baby fat was normal and teenagers usually didn't finish growing out their features until the age of twenty-five they would constantly talk about their weight or their jawlines, if they had a double chin if their arms were too fat, were their fingers skinny enough? Were they attractive? That much he knew especially being Akashi's friend, knowing Kuroko's father it wouldn't surprise him that his father put him on a starvation diet.
Kuroko couldn't possibly enjoy this lifestyle, right?
He looks to Kuroko, whose eyes are downcast, No he obviously doesn't.
"Your father won't find out, if you enjoy it you should eat it, not like I care or anything."
Kuroko surveys the bowl with impassiveness, at least on his lips but for a second he can almost see that he is trying to convince himself he's in a safe place.
He inhales ever so deeply and sighs.
"Does Kuro-nii hear voices?" his sister asks.
"Shinako?" he can't ask everything he wants to in a cohesive sentence he can only ask her name.
"Why did you ask?" Kuroko's usual impassiveness was replaced by shock as if she had placed a nail on the thumb.
"Shin-nii has OCD"
"Shinako!" Midorima now shouts.
"Let her speak Shintaro." His mother scolds.
"Besides Kazu-nii would've found out eventually anyways" she states as a matter of factly "anyways like I was saying Mizumi, Shin-nii you met her," she sighs at her brother's confusion "My best friend ring a bell?" he nods and she sighs again "I realised she was not eating, her parents and myself took note of that, they took her to a psychologist," she then looks to her brother, she knew what that expression on his face meant 'get to the point' "long story short she described to me that eating disorders can be a sign of OCD she described what she was experiencing from what she said it sounded like Shin-nii's intrusive thoughts."
Midorima coughs. Shinako just rolls her eyes.
"I did some research because the two people I care about the most have OCD and they said external pressure can make the voice stronger." She looks to Kuroko yet again, "can't you and your Mom just move away." Her lips quivered and her voice shaky "I'm scared for Kuro-nii, Mom we've got a big enough house, why can't they stay here?" she continues to reason with her question, "I mean we listen to Yoshikage-san so much already don't we? It would be like having a concert at home every day, besides Kuro-nii has a low presence so does Kuroko-san so they wouldn't be a problem right?"
"Shinako dear," Midorima's mother now answers, "We can but you know it only gets worse for the victim, I spoke to Tsubaki-san anyways I asked her already she declined she then said they'll be out by next year Kuroko-kun will be in the third year."
"I'll be fine Shinako-san." Kuroko tries to reassure her, he places his hand on her head.
She blushes at the contact but she pushes her head further down in retaliation, not wanting to hear for a second Kuroko dismissing her concerns. Midorima sees the cogs turning in her head, to swap away his hand to leave him she doesn't know
At the end of the night, Kuroko manages to finish the bowl with only just a bit of broth left back.
Messages:
October 15th 2017
You:
Will Yoshikage-san ever give me his real name?
Kage3101:
I wish I could but no if my real name is ever revealed my father will punish my mother.
I apologise Akashi-kun.
You:
I see.
That's fine not like you have a choice
Kage3101:
I will tell you a secret I go to Teiko High School in Tokyo.
You:
You're messing with me.
Kage3101:
Huh?
You:
I do too.
Kage3101:
wwwwww
You:
What's so funny?
Kage3101:
I just imagined Akashi-kun's surprised face
You:
I don't get shocked.
Kage3101:
Riiiiiight
You:
I don't.
Kage3101:
Worry not Akashi-kun you are as dashing as ever even with gaping lips.
You:
How do I respond to that?
Kage3101:
I suppose you just do?
You:
I suppose I do.
Anyways how was your day?
Kage3101:
I suppose it was alright my mother carried me to get food after a shoot, it was amazing Maji Burger truly has an amazing vanilla milkshake.
Vanilla is truly a diverse flavour it is just sweet enough and doesn't overpower anything, though it is basic it certainly adds something to the flavour.
You:
wwwwwwwww
Kage3101:
Akashi-kun?
You:
I'm sorry it's just you really love Vanilla.
That's so cute.
Kage3101:
It's nothing special
I'm not
Please do not call me cute.
You:
On the contrary, Yoshikage has big round blue eyes your
black hair makes them stand out more and a slender jaw
But with chubby pinchable cheeks, you're definitely cuter than
the average guy.
Kage3101:
( ； ̀_ ́)
Whatever, when we meet your flattery will not save you.
You:
I would assume Yoshikage-san would've told
me their name by then.
Kage3101:
Perhaps. So by then, we could hang out in person. I estimate by next year. I'm in my second year now.
You:
About 7 to 8 months, I'm counting for both you and me
God, I want you to be safe and want you to get out of there.
Kage3101:
Oh.
Akashi-kun
I gtg for a bit
If I'm not back don't worry I probably had to hide my phone.
and I can't talk
You:
Don't worry about it.
I get it.
Keep safe.
Kage3101:
Thanks.
I will.
He looks at the dates of the direct messages after that, full conversations talking about life and the things they loved were scarce and spread apart and always ended abruptly on both ends. Whether it was Kuroko hiding the phone from his father or Akashi hiding it from him.
12th November 2017
You:
Akashi-kun this is weird but I have the weirdest crush on
you.
Like. I can't wait till we meet.
Let's go on a date once mother and I leave.
March sounds good, like Golden Week.
It's a joke…
You don't have to.
RedSunEmperor10:
I'd love to.
I don't mind I'd be honoured
Anyways Yoshikage-san worry not I also feel the same.
Idea for the date we create a mashup, classical music style.
You:
Seijuuro! That's sacrilegious!
RedSunEmperor10:
Perfect.
I play Paganini you play Liszt.
You:
You are a bad influence.
Though I must admit it's quite an interesting idea.
Rather let's play Axium Crisis.
RedSunEmperor10:
Yes. Become corrupted. Yoshikage.
Axium Crisis as in Arcaea?
I will admit it's well produced do you have an mp3 file of it?
By the way, since you said my name I think I like it when you call me by my first name.
You:
I feel weird calling you Seijuuro, it just feels weird don't laugh
Perhaps, Sei-kun.
Also sure I'll send it.
I like Axium Crisis a lot
Can finally get into other music other than classical.
Don't get me wrong I love classical music.
I love other music too.
I want to try compositions too.
RedSunEmperor10:
Sweet, I like it. Sei-kun, Reo calls me Sei-chan. I don't mind
It's nice being called by my first name sometimes.
I'll support you once you do.
I'm ever waiting to hear it.
If you want to play Axium Crisis together Let's do it
You:
I want to meet you and once I'm out of here the first
the thing I'll do is tell you my name.
We'll meet.
I just hope that the day I give you my name it's not because
I'm in danger.
RedSunEmperor10:
What do you mean?
You:
I'm scared I don't know what my father would do.
To my mother to me.
If I give you my name before March I am in danger.
RedSunEmperor10:
You won't but I promise you I'll be there I will help you.
You: Thank you.
RedSunEmperor10:
My father is coming this way I need to go.
I won't be online for a while if he finds out. Goodnight
You:
Goodnight.
Sei-kun.
19th November 2017
You:
Any tips for bullying?
RedSunEmperor10:
You're being bullied?
Tell me their names.
I will make sure they stop.
You:
I can't.
My father.
RedSunEmperor10:
Fuck.
No Fuck him.
You:
Please. Sei-kun
Just give me tips you know what could
happen it's better this way it will stop eventually.
You know what my father will do if the press finds out
Bullying cases usually make it into the news when the one
Involved is a public figure
I'm sorry.
RedSunEmperor10:
Protect your liver.
Protect your neck and head
Never back yourself into a corner.
If you can try to stop the attack and disengage by running.
Don't look back once you've gotten free.
"I don't know if I should barf or just scream," Mayauzumi says.
"So the reason Akashichii had Axium Crisis as his password. Axium Crisis was a promise of sorts?" Kise asked
"God that's so nerdy, this is too tragic." Takao tried his best to grin but Midorima sees the slight twitching of his lips.
He would've loved to see a world where Akashi and Kuroko knew each other they would get along, considering every two days it would be both of them chatting to tell each other that they were still alive, or Akashi counting down the months.
Yet once they messaged each other with the intention to talk they would go on for hours.
There were also large intervals where they would speak for half hour at a time on voice chats
He just knew though if they had met they would've been amazing friends, Akashi pushing and Kuroko pulling.
The newfound revelation that Kuroko played basketball pained even more.
He could say the same thing Mayuzumi said earlier, possibly for different reasons, Kuroko was so close to getting help, what the hell happened that he didn't get it?
There must've been something.
There was nothing much in texts just Kuroko wishing Akashi a happy birthday on the 20th of December and a voice chat.
Until finally he saw something.
23rd January 2018
You:
Akashi-kun it's me Yoshikage
My real name is Kuroko Tetsuya,
I sat behind you in 2-A
Next year I will be in 3-B I'll be sitting in front of you this year
I need help, no not financially, my father has me locked in the house
My mother is trying her best to get him out but she's at risk
I'm afraid she'll get hurt
I can't go anywhere, I suffered a heart attack two weeks ago apparently I have a rare
condition where my heart skips a beat, it's usually predominant in women
Anyways I'm getting off-topic please report this to the authorities
My father he's restricting me from my friends, Aomine-kun, Kagami-kun
Momoi-san.
I'm sorry I'm just using you.
Aren't I?
I'm sorry I'm awful
But please help me, I'm starving, my fingers hurt, my wrists hurt.
I'm being denied medication,
I can't live like this for too long.
Help me.
Nothing no response for months it was just Kuroko trying to ask Akashi if he was okay, fate had played its game Akashi's phone would have his phone taken away from him two weeks prior to him giving his name and the last message from Kuroko was on the 13th of April, bidding him farewell.
They knew what happened two days later.
What didn't make sense to him was Kuroko saying he doesn't want to be used anymore, that he was filthy he was stained. That he was nothing but a body now.
Midorima almost regrets having both Kuroko and Takao over, though the issue wasn't exactly Kuroko it was Takao, not that Kuroko was a walk in the park but just the lesser of two evils.
Takao would make it a point to laugh about the Shiagaraki Tanuki of all varying sizes while Kuroko would say the most obvious statements known to man.
Like "Midorima-kun truly likes Tanukis"
Kuroko would share his experiences with yokai, it was no secret that Kuroko wanted to be a devoted Christian, in the new century people have been indoctrinated in Christianity while living with the ideals of Shinto.
Though it's not as popular as Buddhism the speed at which people are starting to read about Christianity is truly fascinating. To Kuroko though it's all he knew, he would explain that it was his grandmother who indoctrinated him something that bothered him was Kuroko speaking of obligation, saying that he had felt obligated as if he hadn't perhaps lit an incense stick there was a voice telling him he must go back to do it, he also said that the voice would tell him he wanted to kill his friends he was seeking attention that he had wanted to kill his father. There was a voice that sounded like his father counting every noodle he ate, every sip of his milkshake. He said he tries to ignore it but it gets louder sometimes, angry, berating him, telling him about his body being awful, he described it like it was critiquing everything about him, his eyes, his skin, his hair his fingers, his playing, his everything.
The voice had told him that he had no control and that eating takes control.
"Has Midorima-kun ever ripped out his hair?"
That question made him feel as if there was a bucket of ice water poured all over him.
He does not attempt to lie.
"Yes once kindergarten, it's what lead to my diagnosis."
Kuroko nods telling him he did but Aomine looked at him weirdly so he stopped if he's focused on something like homework he finds himself pulling at the strands and pulling out ten strands at a time.
Midorima picks up that Takao was getting a bit squirmy listening to them so he opted to look at whatever shows or manga he had.
Kuroko picks him apart saying 'I didn't think Midorima-kun would read manga as well.'
The manga was okay, he found himself a little too into Seinen manga.
Though Takao had mentioned his stack of Shounen Ai manga.
It meant nothing, he needed to simply learn the art of confessing, so he simply said it was for educational purposes.
It was a fun night lest he actually admitted it. Kuroko and Takao ended up putting sunglasses on Pengie was almost as much of a highlight as Shinako making Kuroko's face a canvas. He sees it he sees why the media was obsessed at times more so than Kise despite what one may think about Kuroko's face being rather than bland he would beg to differ, his softer jawline and big round eyes dominate the beauty standard for women, his youthful appearance ever accentuated by makeup is what makes him fascinating. He was not handsome but he was beautiful.
Takao had once said Kuroko had the potential to be a shounen-ai protagonist, he finds himself agreeing
Kuroko had made some weird joke about the Arctic and penguins not needing sunglasses because they're so cool, of course with the straightest face known to man and proceeded to snuggle Pengie.
Yet his confessions would linger on for the rest of the night, knowing sadly Kuroko would not likely get any help until his third year.
That worry he had now secluded to the back of his brain, he was right he didn't and he was now gone.
Man proposes, God disposes.
Kuroko and Akashi's interests have aligned more than once.
Kuroko trusted Akashi enough to ask for advice on bullying.
They both had plans to get Kuroko and his mother out of that home and were counting down the days.
Akashi's phone was taken away two weeks before the day Kuroko reached out.
Had Kuroko not been in the hospital he would've been alive.
They would've been alive.
He scrolls more on Kuroko's profile when he sees his last post.
"I have been sexually assaulted two days ago and I have been abused my entire life I feel disgusting I can't take it anymore I'm going to end it all in a bit." 15|04|2018
Takao looks at him, eyes filled with worry.
They were all looking at him.
He looks at the clasped hand he had just pulled out a chunk of his hair.
It made sense though those statements in the last farewell message all the words finally clicked.
End Notes:
So yeah can you tell I have religious trauma.
OCD is different in everyone, I have the type of OCD that when I'm stressed I knowingly or unknowingly just pull at my hair until it comes out of the follicle.
I mentioned that I tend to follow a strict routine when going out.
I have intrusive thoughts mostly about memories or just impulses where my mind sort of puts me in a situation like where I'm on a building telling me I would jump.
It gets very serious.
People pick at their skin, and under their nails, they pick open skin especially when there's a pimple or something and you just can't stop even if you know you're screaming at yourself in your mind but you do it anyways.
There's also guilt whenever you eat and my bipolar ass is at war all the damn time in my brain.
Religion did not make the voice in my brain any better.
Ever since I left Christianity the voices have died down and are continuing to die down.
I went to an Evangelical church, I'm female and it was horrible I went to the Church of Christ, my grandmother swears by this church but I've been sceptical since I started going, I had just come out of the abuse of all kinds by my mother's nephew after she had died. My grandmother brought me to the church of christ around 6, the thing about PTSD.
Once you experience abuse you know abuse.
I just felt like I left one abusive relationship where I had been exploited completely to join another abusive relationship.
I had been SA'ed and it pained me to hear them just talking about me just being female was disgusting while feeling disgusting.
Only made the voice worse.
I'm sorry though man I really be projecting.
And wow I managed to trauma dump.
But if you wondered where this crap comes from there you go.
Either way, now I'm in a better place.
So yeah, the reason Kuroko didn't want to reveal who he was to Akashi is because his father is scummy and legal stuff and honestly fear.
If you wanna know more bout my cult church there's a video called "Is the Church of Christ a cult?" by Owen Morgan (Tell Tale)
Paganini and Liszt were so good at music and music composition people came to the conclusion that they could only be that good because they sold their souls.
'wwwww' means continuous laughter in Japanese text slang.
Akashi's name RedSunEmperor10 is derived from his name's kanji when translated
"conquest, subjugate, attack the rebellious, collect taxes" 征sei, "ten" 十jū and "son"郎rō. 赤Aka "red" and 司Shi means "office" as in government office and the emperor eye thing so essentially he's calling himself the Emperor of Japan.