White Pony: Hello, all! I've finally graduated high school and I get the summer to write the parodies and work!
Disclaimer Dude: You... are weird...
White Pony: Proud of it! Disclaiming time!
Disclaimer Dude: White Pony doesn't own Poke'mon, Oscar the Grouch, soap operas, the Energizer Bunny, Spam, Girl Scout Cookies or Saturday Night Fever.
White Pony: And those who were worrying about Jake, there's no need to worry.
Chapter Thirteen: A Shocking Match
Jessica, Purge, Bazaar, and Rita would've gone inside the Vermilion City Gym, but there was a thin tree blocking their path.
"I need to think of some brilliant scheme to get by...," Jessica began to think REALLY, REALLY hard, "I know! I'll climb over it!"
Jessica was about to climb over the tiny tree, but she couldn't figure out how to climb it because she never climbed a tree before.
Rita was amused. Purge and Bazaar compared theories on the meaning of life. Rita sat in a chair that had materialized out of nowhere and enjoyed a bowl of popcorn as she watched Jessica try to figure out how to get by the tree.
Next, Jessica tried to dig under the tree with a plastic spork, but it broke. Then, she jumped into the water next to the tree and attempted to swim to the other side, but the rabid Tentacruel threw her out of the water. Jessica's final attempt was using herself as a battering ram and hoping to knock the tree down. Bazaar was fed up and he used Cut to cut the tree down.
"Thanks, Bazaar!" Jessica exclaimed, then she ran inside the Vermilion City Gym with Purge, Bazaar, and Rita at her heels.
"Man! It stinks in here!" Rita cried and she plugged her nose. The entire Gym had garbage cans everywhere! There were piles of trash lying around. It was like a landfill!
"Pi Pi Pika?" (What is that noise?) Purge looked around.
"Bulbasaur!" (Over there!) Bazaar pointed at a single trash can with his vine. Something was inside the trash can, singing.
"Oh, I love trash! Anything dirty or stinky or dusty! Hehehehehe!" Then it came out. It was Oscar the Grouch.
"Hi!" Jessica screamed in Oscar's face.
"AHHH!" Oscar yelled, "What's your problem, kid? Scram!"
"Okay!" Jessica bounced around the Gym looking for the Gym Leader.
"More randomness," Rita sighed.
Jessica eventually found two switches and the electric doors unlocked.
"Yay! I opened them!"
"Good for you."
Inside the room, Lt. Surge was wearing a lavender bath robe while sitting in a fluffy chair in front of a television set, watching soap operas and eating bonbons.
"Roderick, no! She'll betray you like last time!" Lt. Surge yelled frantically at the tv.
Suddenly, Lakota came out of her Poke'ball and scarfed down the rest of the bonbons.
"Noooo!" Lt. Surge fell to his knees.
"I'm so sorry!" Jessica apologized to the crying Gym Leader. The sobbing Gym Leader paid no heed, "Excuse me."
Jessica tapped Lt. Surge's shoulder and he leaped in surprise, turned off his television and disposed of his lavender bath robe, "Intruder!"
"No, we came for a battle!" Rita growled.
"Welcome to Vermilion City Gym! I shall zap you into paralysis just like my enemies!" Lt. Surge struck several poses. A sound of a cracking whip was heard with each pose.
"Yay!" Jessica exclaimed, "Go, Purge!"
"Pi-ka!" (Whoo-hoo!)
"Go, Raichu!" Lt. Surge cried out as he released his electric Poke'mon and stuck another set of poses at the sound of the cracking whip.
"Raichu!" (Raichu!) The large mouse's body was energized with electricity.
Then a pink bunny came marching in. He was pounding a large drum while a voice in the background mused repeatedly.
"It keeps going, and going, and going, and going, and going, and going...-AHHHH!"
The rabbit thrust one of its drumsticks in a random direction and it seemed to have speared the guy who was doing the annoying background voice. Everyone, except for Jessica who was staring blankly and drooling, was baffled by the complete randomness. Then the pink bunny exploded, filling up the Gym with blinding black smoke. Not to mention choking black smoke. Everyone began coughing, and coughing, and coughing, and coughing... you get the idea. Finally, a familiar tune began to play.
"Pre-cough-pare for-cough-trouble!"
"Cough- And make it-cough cough-double!"
"To pro-cough-tect the world-cough-from danger-cough-ous freaks-cough cough-!"
"To-cough-pelt them-achoo!-all with-quack!-smelly-wheeze-meats!"
"To relinquish society-cough cough cough-of junk-cough-mail!"
"To go to the-cough-mall and-cough-see what's on-cough-sale!"
"Cough-Jean-cough-!"
"Cough-Roy-cough-!"
"Team-cough-Rocket blast off with-cough-speed and-cough-might!"
"Cough-Surrender now or-cough-prepare to-cough-fight!"
"Farfetch'd!-Ack!-Dat's right!"
"Bulbasaur!" (Hang on!) Bazaar was the only one who had a mineral mask handy. His vines came out and felt around the trash-filled Gym for the door. Bazaar found something and grabbed it.
"OUCH!" Oscar the Grouch cried out in pain, "THE PAIN!"
"Bulba!" (Sorry!) Bazaar sweat dropped and he felt around the smoke-filled room for the door again. Finally, he found it. Bazaar opened the door to let the smoke out, but not all of it went outside.
"Cough- Pidgeotto!-cough-Whirlwind!" Rita let out her Pidgeotto.
"Geo-cough-tto!" Pidgeotto flapped her wings fiercely and blew the clouds of smoke outside where it was devoured by a Koffing. The Koffing later passed itself off as a disco ball and was donated to the local disco club. The Koffing's poisonous gases suffocated the dancers during Saturday Night Fever. That's how disco was no more. Fans of disco formed an angry mob and went after the Koffing. It went out with a bang. Literally. Knowing that it had done the right thing, the Koffing used Selfdestruct on the spot. The mobsters were injured and killed while the Koffing is slowly making a recovery. Enough of that. Back to the crazy story.
"Thanks, Pidge. Return," Pidgeotto was withdrawn into her Poke'ball, "Dang Team Rocket!"
"Hey, Jean! When I breathed in the black smoke, I coughed! Isn't that weird?" Roy said excitedly, but only got a bashing in the head with Jean's rubber chicken.
"Quiet! Grab Pikachu!" Farfetch'd ordered.
"Pikachu!" (Stay back!) Purge's cheeks glowed with electrical charges.
"Purge is not your Pikachu!" Rita snarled.
"Purge is to my Pikachu!" Jessica said to Rita in a bubbly tone.
"I wasn't talking to you, Jessica! I was talking to Team Rocket!"
"Team Rocket? When did they get here?"
They face faulted.
"Let's grab Raichu too!" Jean, Roy, and Farfetch'd began to advance on Purge and Raichu.
"Fear the wrath of domesticated objects!" Lt. Surge roared as he brandished a stainless steel frying pan, "Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"
Team Rocket shrunk back in fear.
"You have won this round!" Jean bellowed and she, Roy, and Farfetch'd blasted off at a sudden explosion that was caused by nothing.
"Let's begin our battle!" said Lt. Surge.
"Alright!" Jessica roared in excitement, "Purge, use Quick Attack!"
Purge's Quick Attack was too fast for Raichu to avoid, but it didn't do much damage.
"Rai!" (Tee!) Raichu giggled as Purge rammed into his tummy.
"Pika?" (What?) Purge cocked her head in confusion.
"Raichu Rai Rai," (You're ears are short.) Raichu replied. Purge fumed.
"Pi... ka...," (Why... you...) Purge shook in anger, "Pika Pi Pikachu!" (No one makes fun of my short ears!)
"Raichu! Thunderbolt!" Lt. Surge ordered and he struck more poses. The cracking whip accidentally struck him in the behind and he leaped in the air and howled in pain.
"Raaaaiichuuu!" Raichu fired his powerful electric attack and took out a small portion of Purge's hit points.
"Chuuu!" (Owww!)
"Purge, use 'Spam'!" Jessica ordered, "Or is it Slam?"
"It's Slam," Rita corrected.
"Thanks, Rita! You're really smart!"
"Heh, thanks," Rita smiled.
"You're welcome!" Jessica turned back to Purge, but her Pikachu had already finished the battle with a series of Slams and one Thunderbolt of her own, "Hey, we won!"
"Pika Pi Pika! Pikachu!" (I am a woman! Here me roar!) Purge roared as she pounded her chest like a dominant amazon.
"That was a 'shocking match'!" Lt. Surge waited for someone to laugh at his pun, but he only got a chorus of chirping crickets, "Just take the ThunderBadge, the TM that contains Thunderbolt, and get out of my Gym!"
"Thank you! Bye!" Jessica, Purge, Bazaar, and Rita left the Vermilion City Gym with a new badge. After Bazaar used Cut on the tree that had grown back so quickly, he was withdrawn into his Poke'ball.
Then the tree individuals were stopped by a strange lady who Jessica had mistaken for a Girl Scout.
"Can we get some Girl Scout Cookies, Rita? Please?" Jessica asked her annoyed friend.
"I'm sorry, but I don't sell Girl Scout Cookies," the lady sweat dropped, "But... OH! YOU HAVE THE THUNDERBADGE?"
Jessica, Purge, and Rita jumped at the sudden outburst, "Then you must be a good trainer!"