Weekend finally came!
As severus had held his first meeting with Pettigrew yesterday, he was satisfied. They worked on the first potion, and severus told him what he told lily, making the brew a quarter an hour early. Knowing marauders, he would need it and soon.
He was no Lily by any means, but not a total disaster.(he was qualified enough he brewed the base for that despicable potion which resurrected the dark lord). They talked about many things, among them severus allergy to peanuts, and his fear of ducks, of all things.
Now Severus was standing by himself, quite nervous to join prewatts and his trio of friends, to explore the castle.
Frank and Marlene, born to magical families had an idea of what and where. But Charity did not.
They started from bottom, the Slytherin territory, it was quite early, so not to gain unwanted attention to themselves. And not the dorms of course!
Walking in those dim narrow hallways, and dark corners was like a trip down memory for Severus. How many nights he cried in that abandoned classroom by the left, how many secret meeting with Lily they had at that unused potion ingredients store brewing difficult things?
Then they visited the kitchens, they had so much fun playing hide an seek in the elfs territory, which annoyed them to hell but was definitely worth it.
Then they showed the twins how things were in hufflepuff.(with headgirl perfect and professor Sprout permission) All homey, with creamy walls and pale yellowish furniture adorned with black linings.
Then Marlene showed them the door to their dorm which needed answering to riddles to open, and talked animatedly about their library of previous students notes.
Since all of this was not new for Severus, he busied himself with his own thoughts, making him fall behind.
They were about to go to Gryffindore tower, when they encountered Mulcibor and Flint, a seventh year Slytherin.
Mulcibor, had not forgotten his embrassment in flying, snickered at him and in passing, shouldered Severus who was at the back of the group. It made Severus stagger for a second. When the rag tag group of his friend's all glared at the boy, he hurried down to reach his older companion. But shot a hateful glance to his side first. Severus doubted it was their last clash with each other.
At lunch, which was breakfast for many, Lily carefully approached him, it meant two things, first, she wanted to talk alone, and second, she had news to share.
Frank looked at him questioning him. He shook his head and went to greet Lily.
"Hey"
"Hey"
"Congrats on becoming the youngest seeker sev!"
(So no prodigy? Oh Lily, how you were predictable! Jealousy does not becomes her)
" thanks, I heard Slughorn sang your praise too"
"Yeah, but with you...and your new friends.."
(What about them?they were good loyal kids!)
"I thought you don't need me anymore"
"Oh, Lils you'll be always my first friend! You know you have other friends too. That does not mean we are not friends. We can all be friends! "
Lily seemed relieved then, shyly smiled.
"I've got a letter for you, from your mom. I ..mighthavetoldheryougotinhufflepuff?
What?
Lily explained that in her letter, she had sent home via a school owl, she told her own mom about the sorting, and her mom told his mom.
" I can get it if you don't wanna read it now, or with me, or..."
He knows it can be bad to worst. Not wanting to be alone reading it, Severus gives her the letter, " you read it loud, we always do it together, remember?"
And she reads it.
She wants to stop in several occasions, as his mom gets quite nasty, but Severus tells her not to stop.
When it is finished, Severus feels like he is finished too.
She basically told him he is a disappointment, a shame and not a true prince.
How some words hurt more than a cruciatus...
All just because his house.
Lily takes his hand " sev, 'm sorry"
"Not your fault lils, not yours...
Lily awkwardly half hugs him" I swear Sev, if I had a son, a son like you, clever and brave and cute, don't look at me like that young mister, you are cute! If I had a Son , I swear on my life that I would have died before anyone can touch one of his hair"
Severus knows she keeps this promise.
After Lily leaves him to his own devices, because she knows she needs his privacy, Severus takes time to thinks about the women who gave birth to him, Eileen, not quite mom material, eh?
He could remember times when she loved him, kissed him but that changed.when? He is not sure.
So maybe not mom.
Eileen was-is a different kind of story. He can not hate her, no, pitty yes, dislike yes, but not hate.
When people face these kind of situations, domestic abuse, they are always quick to judgement, quick to put the blame on someone.
In some cases, like his,the blame goes to victims too.
There is no question that Eileen was a victim, but she was also the neglectful parent.
Some people say she is guilty because she did not protect her child, because she had magic and did not use it, because she did not ran away and save her child.
They do not know what happens when you are told , every fucking day of every fucking week, that you are a freak, abnormal, that you are weak, that you are less than other people and less capable and ugly and worthless.
First you refuse, resist even, but again rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat...it works well for washing machine, does it not? Why people think this cycle won't brain wash a person?
She was not blameless, no, but she was somewhat, at times his mother.
It was a long time ago.
Since when she had not patted his hair ?
Perhaps from when he showed his first bout of accidental magic. He thought she was jealous of how powerful his magic was. Maybe it was then she finally succumbed to her post Partums depression, that had evolved into existential depression at some point (as Severus guessed from his research on the matter)
Eileen was a strange woman. Ran from the purbloods but not from herself. Her pride was the same, her stubbornness not to get help from people whom she saw as her lesser,the same.
She fell in love with the wrong guy, and stayed in love with him, even with herself and child being abused. She had lots of opportunity to ask for help, run, or make a better life for herself, but she did not attempted it. May be she had Stockholm syndrome, used to her abuser and kidnapper of her happiness.
Eileen did not learn to live the muggle way, she did not learn to live at all.
Severus could remember every time she failed him, even making him feel guilty about himself for not being enough good, and making his father punish him. He grew up afraid and not believing in himself and his abilities. Needy and thirsty for praise. Which finally resulted in him taking the mark.
He remembered that Tobias had broken her wand in a fit of rage when severus letter had arrived at January 9th.
He remembered when her both parents died from the last dragon pox, she fell deeper into the hole she made for herself.
There was a time that at least she used to teach him bits of magic, potions that kinds of things, not after those two incidents.
She lost her last beam of light in her eyes with her parents gone.Not caring about her son, her appearance, her house...
Maybe it was the curse on Prince family. Not everyone could be a master of minds arts, legilimens and occlumece, yes, masters no.
Well, the Princes could.
So her mom was good at that, so good she buried most of herself in her shields, leaving none to spare for her kid.
Just like himself. (He still did not hate her, dislike
(Maybe, he saw so much of himself in his mother to hate her, it meant hating himself too, as his actions were just like her, like his inactivity, his acceptance of Dombledore manipulations, his abusing his power to bully kids)
From the start of second war, he had buried his thoughts, hopes, memories...
When he died, he was just a shell.
Now the Prince family...
The Prince family, was a strange one. They claimed they had relations to Merlin, and they prided in being the last Peverell line, what ever that was.
Yet, they called themselves the Prince's of Persia too. Morgana's tits!were they arrogant!
They sometimes spoke in Persian too, when they did not wanted others to understand what they said to each others.
The Prince family, had no problem marrying into halfbloods, just muggleborn were the exception. They cared about magical power, and having at least anaverage or above heir, not crabble or goyle level ones, thank you very much. Alas they were strict on honoring traditions and arranged marriages.
(That last thing made his mother turn on her family, which doomed them all.)
Once, hopeful idiot he still was,He checked the condition of becoming their heir, Since they had disowned his mom, and technically not himself. But that needed something called the (convention) in which a head of respected light family, a neutral and a dark one would gather along with whomever who gave the last opinion .(too big of a thing for him to manage, even with help of Malfoy)
Another head would have to present the case, whether it be gaining the title of the lord or being denied of one, sometimes it happened with wizengamot seats too( it happened for Potter seats about the time his grandfather did some silly silly thing which couldn'tbe excused at all, While potters liked to say it was because of their not accepting bloodpurity shit, it was not, as longbottoms, Boneses and Prewatts did not agree with that and were still a part of Wizengamot, the pure liar arrogant gits Potters were!) So all 5 should agree on a decision. It had not happened for about 50 years, last instance being installing a halfblood such as Dombledore as the head.
He was no Dombledore. So the point was moot.
Also the Princes had silly notion of (no disfigurement to body), which meant his dark mark tattoo.
Double moot.
Ooh, don't forget that Princes motto
(non serviamus)
We do not serve
به خدمت کسی در نمی آییم
Triple moot.
He inhaled , and exhaled, and repeated it.
It did not made him feel better.
He felt his eyes dampening. Damn his child like range of emotions!
He found himself going blindly, this way, that way, up, down, left, left, right.
He did not know what he was doing in front of the door, this particular door.
But he knocked any way.
Pomona Sprout was taking a nap when her door, her office door was knocked.
It was a Saturday. So most of students, and staff were lazing around.
Pomona, with her habbit of rising early and saying hello to her flowers and plants darlings, did never laze around.
(Also the best time for watering plants was mornings so, yeah)
Who was it? Probably the headgirl? Maybe Minerva finally came to her senses and wabted to apologize?
She went there, and found..
A firsty.
But no regular one.
A firsty, who was the tiniest, the brightest and cute too, to boost.
A one Severus Snape.
Again, with red eyes.
She paid no mind that her robe was crinkled and she did not look too head like or lady like.
She opened the door, kneeled at his sight(merlin her poor knees!) And while wiping the kids face with her napkin asked him his problem.
He looked at her with those mesmerizing obsidin marbles, which told nothing and everything, so much emotion, hurt, an urge to be loved, cared for.
He handed her a crumpled piece of brown paper.
(A letter?)
She took it wordlessly and made a mistake of reading it.
She now understood, if a tiny bit, Minerva behavior of being all protective over Sirius Black. That letter, howler she corrected herself, the kid got...it was only topped by this horrible letter.
She ordered tea and ginger biscuits (no one dis likes them!) And hugged the kid, then lifted him easily and then walked them to her tiny kitchenette to have breakfast.
(She secretly burned the letter)
She was going to urge the kid to say whatever he wanted, yes even curse words!, to that vile creature and send it via owl, or she would gleefully spell it to be a howler.
Severus was much lighter when he left Pomona.
Was a mother's embrace this calming?
He slowly went to owlery, to give a letter full of his thoughts on her mom's , he corrected Eileen, stupid letter to one of owls. Yes his father hated owls, but if he had to suffer Eileen acerbic toungue, so did she. but instead caught Amelia and Ted, whispering.(Quidich? A plan to win the cup?)
He hid behind a statue, eavesdropping.
"No, Meli, no...she's Ganna go marry that oaf, Selwan and I can't do shit, it's March meli, March!"
Amelia tried consoling him" maybe she prefers you, Ted, maybe.."
" maybe what Meli? She's a pureblood witch of a dark family , a Slytherin with good looks and good head above her shoulder,and who am I? I am a puff no one takes seriously "
His own sorrows forgotten, he scheduled to go solve Tonks problem first.
Severus made a plan, he had to help Ted first, his future quests could wait.
In the way down, he saw Pettigrew and Mulcibor talking in a corner, but he paid no mind to that.
He needed info on purebloods customs on marriage, because he had to know what to do to get Ted and Andromeda married.
So He went to Marlene. (Just told her the basics of course, and also frank was to pure of heart to be involved in this things)
Marlene looked at him hard and without blinking, and he was starting to worry, she had said:
" get dirt on the one you don't want the supposed girl to marry, make the one you want seem better option"
"Thank you, bravo genius!, oh, wise ravenclaw, I know that!"
" you know that each pureblood family values different things? Have different moto and prides itself on various kinds of magic that only exists on that family? Potters are known to have two animal forms, in animagus, one is a big animal, another a small one. Rowles have great ability connecting to animals, longbottoms herbology and..."
(God! How stupid he has been! Of course he has to prove they will have a metamorphmagus! Only thing Bellatrix hated was that the only one they had was tonks! If Severus could make Ted take Black as sir name... and nymphadora became a Metamorph again, and a Black...a symbol of their house, also Selwan becomes a notorious sod...will they take it? Maybe if he could offer them the fertility potion he brewed for Malfoys...)
Severus smiled, and then hugged Marlene.
She stood baffled long after he was gone to his own devices.