Lord of the Rings: Gone Rum—Elves Always Win
"Oh, I'm so pretty. Look at beautiful hair and ears. Oh, I'm so perfect. Blah, blah, blah," mocked Gimli.
"What are you doing?" asked Legolas in astonishment, entering the tent at that moment. "Why are you using my stuff? I told you never to touch my things! Now give me my brush, my clothes, my hair ties, my bow and arrows, my lotion, my hair spray, my shoes, my blackhead strips, my nail file, my fingernail clippers, my lip balm, and my swords!"
After Gimli handed over all of Legolas' items, Legolas snatched the dwarf and lobbed him out of the tent.
"AHHHHH!" shrieked Gimli, falling headfirst into Aragorn.
"Hey, watch it!" growled Aragorn, slugging the dwarf in the nose.
"Oooooo!" said Gimli angrily. "You have just made a serious mistake, my friend." He pulled off his mud-caked boot and whacked Aragorn between the eyes.
"Doi!" said Aragorn, crumpling to the ground, unconscious.
"There," grunted Gimli, "let that teach you to mess with the dwarf!" He stomped away, well pleased with his own brute strength.
Legolas strode out of the tent. Seeing what had happened, he laughed his head off and ran for his life. He soon bumped into Gamling, who was drinking and dancing with Merry.
"Hey," said Legolas curiously, "what are you two up to?"
"Merry is teaching me a song," answered Gamling.
"Cool," said Legolas. "Will you teach me, too?"
"Sure," said Merry enthusiastically. "It starts out like this: 'We rock forever, we stop whenever, we die whenever, we live forever. It's a phenomenon, it can't be stopped now.' "
Legolas, Gamling, and Merry danced for a few more hours, much to the amusement of the entire camp, until it was night, and then went to bed.
The next morning, something very peculiar took place. A small green squirrel started juggling pins and then begged for money.
Legolas, Gimli, Gamling, and Merry soundly refused, saying they donated no money to bums or sideshow freaks. The squirrel chattered angrily to himself, pegged them with acorns, and scampered off into the woods.
"Whew," sighed Legolas. "Glad he's gone. Clowns scare me. Did I ever tell you about the time I…? Oh, do listen to this, this is frightfully funny!"
"Oh, shut up!" said Gimli. "Not another story about the time you joined a circus and were almost eaten by clowns."
"At least I have talent!" Legolas shot back. "Unlike some people I know." He turned an insinuating glance on the dwarf.
"Oh, ho, ho," laughed Gimli. "Talent? Ho, ho, talent! Talent to do what? Strut around showing everyone how beautiful you are, pretty-boy?"
"Grrrr…," growled Legolas. "I was the tightrope walker. I'd like to see you try that!"
"Sure I will," said Gimli. "How hard can it be? Even you can do it!"
Legolas pretended not to hear him.
The next day: Legolas set up a rope over the two cliffs of the Dimholt road. After he had finished, he went to find Gimli.
"Gimli! Gimli!" he yelled through his bullhorn.
"What?" asked Gimli, a bit annoyed.
"I thought you were going to walk the tightrope today," said the elf with a sly smile.
"Oh, I…I am. I can be a tightrope walker if you can," said Gimli, puffing out his chest to hide his anxiety. "Let us be off."
Legolas led him up the cliffs to the rope.
"There it is," pointed the elf. "Now to see if the overweight dwarf can pull this one off."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Gimli, attempting to hide his fear. He turned away from Legolas and stepped onto the thin rope. He seemed to be fine for approximately 1.2 steps. Unfortunately for the dwarf, the rope could not support his weight. With a deafening tweak, the rope snapped, sending Gimli flying for the earth below.
"Eeyaaahhh!" he shrieked, as he fell. Fortunately for him, luck was on his side. He was able to grasp the rope even as he fell and swing into the side of the cliff.
Legolas giggled and strode away.
"I'll get him for this someday," growled Gimli.
Finis