Lord of the Rings: Gone Rum—Of Gimli & Gambling

"AHHHHH!" shrieked Gimli. "It's hideous!"

"I know," laughed Legolas. "Isn't it great?"

"No," answered Gimli. "I never want to see it again for the rest of my life!" Screaming like a howler monkey, he threw down the mirror and raced pell-mell out of the room.

"Sheesh," said the elf. "I didn't know Gimli was such a sissy. You'd think that he would have seen his own reflection before!"

At that moment, a teensy-weensy spider crawled on to Legolas' shoe. "YEEEEEE!" shrieked Legolas." Get it off me, get it off me! AHHHHH!" He ran around the room screaming like a crazy lunatic.

Aragorn looked at him and busted out laughing.

"What are you laughing at, Doi?" asked Legolas indignantly.

"You," giggled Aragorn, pointing. "You look retarded!" That was, unfortunately for Aragorn, the last straw.

"No one calls me retarded!" Legolas screamed, hurling Gimli's ax at the smelly man. It sheared Aragorn's mohawk off, flew into the wall, and was left vibrating.

"AHHHHH!" shrieked Aragorn. "My hair! Look what you've done to my hair! Waaaaaaa!"

Aragorn scrambled out the door to find his daddy. Legolas sneered after the fleeing man and turned to Sam.

"Do you want to play cards?" he asked, pulling a deck of cards out of his pocket.

"All right," said Sam. "Let's play solitaire."

"No, even better," said Legolas. "Let's play poker!"

"Poker?" said Frodo, curiously. "You're a gambling man—I mean, elf?"

"You better believe it," answered Legolas.

"All right," sighed Sam, "let's play poker." Legolas shuffled the deck beautifully and dealt the cards.

"Oh…" groaned Sam as he looked at his hand ruefully.

"Ooooo…" said Frodo with glee as he picked up and arranged his cards.

"This blows!" exclaimed Legolas. "That's what I call a losing hand. So, who's betting first?"

"I will," said Frodo confidently, laying a loathsome looking stone on the table. "I'll bet my lucky rock."

"Ewww," said Legolas. "Disgusting! Well," he sighed. "I suppose I'll bet my comb." He placed an ornate, golden comb on the table.

All eyes turned to Sam. He shrugged.

"I guess I'll have to bet poor Bill, the pony."

"Are you sure about that?" asked Legolas as he laid his cards down. It was two kings and two queens.

Sam smiled.

"Oh, yeah!" he laid his cards down. It was four aces. He won.

"No!" said Legolas in astonishment. "My brush!"

"Oh," said Sam thoughtfully, "you can keep your brush. All I wanted was Mr. Frodo's lucky rock."

Finis