Somehow sleeping for almost twelve hours didn't actually seem to make her less tired. She'd gone to bed at eight thirty last night, slept the entire night, and then woke up at seven forty five in the morning. After untangling her legs from the blankets and Midnight, she quickly got dressed. She'd showered yesterday, so she felt that skipping today wasn't a big deal.
She tidied her hair as she listened to her roommates quietly talk as they got ready for the day, and then went into her wardrobe to pack her bag with the books and homework that she'd need today. They had Arithmancy first thing, which meant climbing up seven staircases and she wanted to leave herself plenty of time to do that.
The last thing was her shoes, which she sat on her bed to put on, reaching over to scratch Midnight between her ears. There was part of her that didn't want to go out into the castle. She imagined staying in her dorm all day, curled up with Midnight and her stuffed bunny. She could even go back to sleep.
"Ready?" Millie asked as she slung her bag over her shoulder.
"Ready," Rachel said reluctantly, leaning in to give Midnight a kiss on the top of her head before she got up.
They left the dorm and made their way out into the common room. Theo wasn't anywhere in sight, which meant he was either in his dorm or had gone to breakfast without them.
"Well, another week," Millie said as they walked up the dungeon corridor.
"Yep." Rachel tried to calculate how many more weeks they had until the Christmas holiday. Fourteen, maybe? That seemed like a long time.
"Could be worse. Could be like last year," Millie said after a moment.
Rachel pressed her lips together. Things could definitely be worse. "That's true. Professor Nash seems alright so far."
"She does. I think we should ask her about sponsoring the DA this week so that we can get started. I kind of missed the DA. I liked it a lot."
"I liked it too. Let's talk with the others, maybe we can talk with Professor Nash after class today," she suggested. The DA had been the one good thing about last year and Rachel felt that even though Professor Nash seemed like a decent teacher, they still needed to practice the skills the DA taught. Now more than ever.
The Great Hall wasn't quite busy yet. Plenty of students didn't drag themselves in until a quarter past eight. They found Theo and Blaise at the Slytherin table with the Daily Prophet spread out in front of Theo.
"Anything we should know?" Rachel asked as she sat down.
"The Wizengamot met on Saturday. The article is describing them as being deadlocked. No one can get the votes they need in order to push through anything," Theo said. "Also, people are reporting that there are dementors on the loose, but they're so far unconfirmed."
"Are they attacking people or are people just seeing them?" Millie asked.
"So far people are just saying they're seeing them and only three sightings so far, but that's enough to be concerned about, I think," Theo said, turning the page of the newspaper.
"What's the point then?" Rachel asked. "Why not send the dementors after specific people? Why just let them roam?"
"Spreading fear, maybe? Or he is sending them after specific people and we just don't have enough evidence of that yet. Or maybe he doesn't have as good of control over them as he'd like," Theo suggested.
"I'm really glad we put so much effort into learning the Patronus charm," Millie said as she finished serving herself breakfast.
Rachel was glad of that too, but she also knew not many people had a corporeal Patronus. They definitely had to emphasize learning that in the DA this year. She looked up as Draco, Pansy, and Daphne sat down on the other side of the table.
"Anything in the paper?" Pansy asked.
"Just the usual," Theo said. "Wizengamot deadlocked and there are possibly dementors roaming around."
"Well, as long as the dementors aren't here," Draco said.
"Can dementors attack muggles?" Rachel asked.
It was quiet for a moment while everyone looked at each other.
"I suppose they could. I've never heard of it happening, but I don't see why they couldn't," Theo said finally.
"What are muggles going to do when they see a dementor then?" she pointed out. "Doesn't that break the Statute of Secrecy?"
"I suppose, if they made enough of a fuss about it, they'd be obliviated. Who would believe them though?" Theo answered.
That was probably true. Even if a muggle talked about seeing a dementor, no one would believe them. Rachel filled a goblet with pumpkin juice and sipped at it.
Overhead the room filled with owls delivering the morning post.
"Whoa," Millie said, rescuing her plate as a group of owls lowered a long package in front of Rachel.
A long, broomstick shaped package. Rachel looked at Draco as the owls flew away. "What did you do?"
Draco shrugged. "There should be a note."
Rachel turned the package over and found a note stuck to the bristle area of the package. 'With love, from Sirius. Kick some ass.'
"Draco. I don't need a Firebolt. What did you tell him?" she demanded.
"I told him his goddaughter needed a better broom so that she'd be safe on the pitch," Draco said. "It's the truth, you can't go around on your Nimbus like this."
"You shouldn't have. I'm fine." Rachel grabbed the package and left the table, anger and guilt waging war in her stomach.
"I've got her," she heard Theo say before she heard his footsteps coming up behind her.
Rachel scowled and kept walking. She didn't want company at the moment. It wasn't like she couldn't get from here to her dorm room by herself.
Theo came up to her side and matched her pace. "What's the problem?"
"I don't need a new broom. And he went behind my back! My relationship with my godfather is none of his damn business!"
"You're right, it's not," Theo agreed. "Will you be safer on a Firebolt?"
"That's besides the point." She continued to scowl. Draco had no right.
"Maybe. But I don't think Draco meant to upset you. I think, in his way, he was trying to help you. Obviously he should have talked to you about it first," Theo said, shaking his head. "I can't believe I'm defending Draco."
"How have things been in your dorm with him? And with Crabbe?" she asked, still feeling guilty, though her anger had faded a bit.
"Awkward. Crabbe doesn't really talk with any of us. All of us use wards and alert charms around our beds at night. Draco kind of goes back and forth between ignoring me and trying to talk to me. Blaise will talk with me, but not with Draco or Crabbe." Theo shrugged. "Could be worse."
Rachel was glad her dorm situation wasn't like that. Things were a little uncomfortable with Pansy, but that was because of her parents, not because of Pansy herself.
"Do you feel safe, rooming with Crabbe?"
"I'm not worried about it. Crabbe knows he's outnumbered, and I'm not going to be his target, Draco is."
That wasn't entirely reassuring. She said the password for the common room. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to put this away."
"Alright, I'll be here," Theo said.
Rachel brought the package into her dorm, sat down on her bed, and unwrapped it. It really was a beautiful broom. And it was overkill for a school team. How were the other Seekers supposed to compete with her while she was on this?
Midnight meowed and tried to climb on Rachel's lap.
"It's ridiculous, isn't it?" Rachel asked, half to herself, half to Midnight. "I'd stay here with you if I could. I don't really want to go out there."
Midnight meowed again and started purring as she pressed against Rachel's side.
Rachel stroked her fur and stared at the broom. Maybe she'd fly on it until she was stable again, and then she could go back to her Nimbus until she was done at Hogwarts. That way it wasn't completely unfair to the other teams.
She was going to have to talk to Draco and explain that she knew he meant well, but he couldn't go behind her back for things like this. That conversation could wait though until she wasn't still kind of angry with him. And she needed to talk with Sirius and thank him profusely and explain that she hadn't meant for this to happen.
"I've gotta go if I'm going to make it up to the seventh floor on time," she said, giving Midnight one last pat. She vanished the wrapping from the broom, set her new Firebolt against her wardrobe, adjusted the strap of her bag and left her dorm.
"Ready?" Theo asked.
"Ready as I'm going to get." It was already promising to be a long week.
"For your homework this week, I'd like you to continue to practice non-verbal casting. I know you're working on it in your other classes, but it is a vital skill for Defense. Remember, the less information you give when getting ready to cast a spell, the less your opponent can prepare to defend themselves. We'll work on this more in class on Thursday. You're dismissed," Professor Nash said.
Rachel didn't bother marking the homework in her planner. They were now working on non-verbal magic in Defense and in Charms, and Professor McGonagall had indicated it was a standard she intended to hold them to as well. She slid her textbook and the piece of parchment she'd been taking notes on into her bag and glanced at her friends.
"We're doing this, then?" she asked.
"I think it's a good idea," Hermione said.
"Do you want to be the one who asks her, Hermione, or do you want me to do it?" Theo asked.
"I'll do it," Hermione said, looking determined. "But the rest of you should be there in case she has questions."
Millie and Neville both nodded.
They made their way to the front of the classroom.
"Professor Nash?" Hermione asked.
"Yes, how may I help you?" Professor Nash asked, turning away from where she'd been writing on the chalkboard.
"We represent the Defense Association, which is a student Defense club. In order to operate and comply with school rules, we need a staff sponsor for our club. We meet once a week for an hour, so it's not a large time commitment," Hermione explained.
Professor Nash looked over all of them before refocusing on Hermione. "What sort of activities does your club do?"
"It varies from meeting to meeting, but the overall focus is on Defense training. We practice things such as dodging, shielding, target practice, and learning new defensive spells. We also taught most of our club members the Patronus charm last year. It may interest you to know that almost all of your sixth year students were in the DA last year," Hermione said, giving her a nervous smile.
"That does interest me because out of all my classes, your class performed both the best and the most consistently on my exams," Professor Nash said.
Rachel smiled. It was good to hear that the DA actually had helped people.
"How many members does your club have?"
"Currently, I think we're at about twenty, but we'll recruit a few more before we start meetings again. We generally aim for thirty to thirty five people," Hermione said.
"If you'd like, you can attend our first meeting this year and then make a decision," Theo offered.
"Or we can show you our planned curriculum," Hermione added.
"Is there anything I'm expected to do as the staff sponsor apart from attending the meetings?" Professor Nash asked.
"Not that I'm aware of. We don't need any help running the club, we just need a staff member to be there," Hermione said.
"In that case, I don't see a reason why I can't be your sponsor. You'll let me know the time and location of your meetings?"
"We will. We should know by next Monday at the latest. Thank you. We really appreciate this," Hermione said earnestly.
"Yes, thank you," Theo added.
Rachel nodded, though she was a little surprised it was that easy.
"I have a class in a few minutes, so I will see you all Thursday," Professor Nash said as a few students started entering the classroom.
"Yes, ma'am. Thank you again," Hermione said.
They left the classroom, Hermione practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. "That went well. That went surprisingly well, don't you think?"
"It did. She seems like she'll be an alright professor," Neville said.
"She does. The lesson was actually fairly informative and it sounds like she's going to let us practice with our wands on Thursday," Millie agreed.
Rachel was still waiting to see how things went. She wasn't exactly thrilled that Professor Nash had gone to Severus over her not doing a portion of an exam that didn't even count toward their grades. If she went to Severus with that, who knew what she would tell him.
"I'm a little surprised she didn't want to see the curriculum first. The description we gave her was pretty vague," Theo said.
"Purposefully vague, I didn't think she wanted me to list all of the lessons that we've done," Hermione said quickly.
"Still, you'd think she'd want to know what she was signing up for," Theo said, using his wand to unlock their study room door. "But, we got what we wanted, so we should start planning. Who are we recruiting? Are we going by word of mouth or by invitation?"
"I think we're better off sticking by invitation. I mean, if people ask us if they can come, we can say yes, but I think it's better for us to be the ones asking people," Millie said, settling into her usual chair.
"We should invite Padma, she's the only one in our Defense class who isn't in the DA. And I'd like to invite the Slytherin Quidditch team." Rachel began pulling books out of her bag. Even with only three classes today they'd still received a lot of homework.
"How about the fifth year Slytherin prefects?" Theo asked.
Rachel nodded. "That would be good."
"Ginny probably will want to invite at least some of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. I'm not sure how Dean is going to feel about being in a club for a class he isn't taking," Neville said.
"I wish we knew more of the Hufflepuffs and the Ravenclaws. Maybe we should ask Susan and Terry for suggestions from their Houses," Hermione suggested. "What do we think about for a day of the week?"
"Not Wednesdays, please," Rachel said. She didn't think she could manage Quidditch practice and the DA on the same day.
"Fridays and Mondays probably aren't good ideas either," Theo said. "How about Tuesdays? People aren't worn down from the week yet."
"Sounds good to me. Tuesdays from seven to eight on the seventh floor. We can recruit this week and start next week," Neville said.
"Works for me. Now, can someone explain what happened in Arithmancy this morning?" Millie asked.
"I can, it's not as bad as it sounds. Let's get started, if we get Arithmancy and Ancient Runes done before dinner we can have all after dinner to practice non-verbal magic," Hermione said.
Rachel concealed a yawn and opened her Arithmancy book. She was eager for Hermione's explanation because she wasn't sure she really understood what had happened this morning in Arithmancy either.
"Are you still mad at me?" Draco asked as they left the common room on Wednesday afternoon.
Rachel's hand tightened around her new Firebolt. "I'm not mad at you. I understand you meant well, I just wish you hadn't gone about it like that."
"Why?" he asked.
She sighed. "Well, for one thing, if I was going to ask my godfather for a broom, I would have preferred to ask myself."
"But you wouldn't have asked. I know you wouldn't have asked."
That was true. "But it's my relationship with my godfather. Now I have to talk with him and explain what happened and apologize."
"What is there to explain? I already told him that you needed a safer broom so you didn't break your neck. If you stayed on the Nimbus, sooner or later you were going to fall. I wrote to him as soon as I saw you at practice last week," Draco insisted. "If he hadn't wanted to buy you a broom, then he wouldn't have done it."
Rachel resisted the urge to ask what did he care if she fell. "It's so expensive though."
Draco raised his eyebrows at her. "Do you realize how wealthy he is? He inherited the entire Black family fortune. He could buy a dozen Firebolts and not even make a dent in his vault."
"Still. And a Firebolt is overkill for a school team. How are the other Seekers supposed to compete with me?"
"Well, right now, I think even with the Firebolt you're at a disadvantage. When you're better, if you insist, you can go back to the Nimbus. But for right now, playing on the Nimbus is going to get you killed. I did the right thing and eventually you will realize that." Draco nodded to himself as they started across the grass toward the pitch.
She sighed again. "Next time, before you ask my godfather something about me, talk to me first."
"You're just going to be pissy if you say no and I do it anyway."
"The point is we can negotiate and come to an agreement. We can compromise. Not everything has to be a fight. If you'd come and talked to me about why a Firebolt would be safer, I might have wound up agreeing with you," she pointed out, wondering how much experience Draco actually had with compromising.
"We did talk, and I did suggest it to you. You said Professor Snape would say no, so I found another way."
"Just, next time, before you contact Sirius about me, tell me you're going to do it so we can talk first," she insisted.
"Fine. Fine. He worries about you, you know. All summer while I was there, he and Remus would get into these half conversations about how you were and what they could do to help. You could try talking to him." Draco looked at her and shrugged. "Just saying. If someone cared like that about me, I would talk with them."
"I will talk with him, but I don't really need any help. I'm doing fine." She was fine. Things were just a lot right now. "Oh, we're restarting the DA. First meeting is Tuesday at seven in the usual place."
"I might drop by. Is it top secret again?" he asked.
"No, Professor Nash knows, she's our staff sponsor for the club." It was a relief not to try to carry out the DA in secret this year. One less thing to worry about.
"Should be interesting," Draco said. "Did you hear who Hufflepuff picked as Seeker?"
"I didn't, who is it?" she asked.
"Felix Summerby, he's a fifth year. I haven't seen him fly, but I'm not too worried about it," he said.
"Who did they get as Chaser?" she asked, knowing that Heidi's spot needed to be filled as well.
"Zacharias Smith, also a fifth year. Rumor says he's an ass, so who knows how long he'll be on the team," Draco said as they reached the locker rooms.
"I guess we'll see," she said, heading into the girls locker room. She found Scarlett and Viola inside, Viola being drowned in an oversized Slytherin Quidditch uniform.
"Do you know tailoring charms, Rachel?" Scarlett asked, her wand still pointed at Viola's trousers.
"Yep." Rachel set her broom aside, drew her wand and went to Viola's side. She knelt down and worked on the trousers first so Viola wouldn't have to hold them up. It was a good thing that she'd asked Severus to teach her these charms. "Robe on next, then gear, we might have to shrink them. You're going to need to order a pair of Quidditch gloves. Do you have an owl order catalog for Quality Quidditch supplies?"
"I do. This is so awesome," Viola said as she shrugged on the robe.
Rachel shrank that for her as well and then got her a set of gear from the shelves. "Try these on." She left Viola to that and went to her own locker. She hadn't bothered changing into her uniform these past few practices, but she supposed she should. Her scars weren't all that noticeable now, but she still hesitated.
She could go change in one of the shower stalls, she supposed. After a moment of staring at her locker she decided to just change as quickly as possible and hope Scarlett and Viola didn't either notice her scars or comment on them.
"Is that really a Firebolt?" Viola asked.
Rachel finished pulling her shirt on and turned to find both girls staring at her broom. "Yes, from my godfather."
"It's so pretty," Scarlett said, moving closer. "Look at the streamline."
"Don't they play on these in the League?" Viola asked, following Scarlett over to the broom.
"Yeah, and on the national teams," Scarlett said.
Rachel repressed a smile and returned to changing. Neither of them were going to notice her scars while they were ogling her broom.
"Let's see your gear," Rachel said once she was fully dressed.
"Bracers are okay, shin guards need some help," Viola said.
Rachel knelt again and carefully shrank the shin guards until they fit Viola. "Alright, let's get out there. Viola, you can use the spare Nimbus 2001," she said, motioning to the broom that Timothy had been using last year.
Viola bounded over the broom and picked it up, running her hands over the broomstick. "I've only ever flown on my Comet 220. This is much nicer."
"It will take a little bit to get used to it, be careful on turns and dives for now until you're used to the way it moves," Rachel warned her, leading the way out of the locker rooms.
They met the rest of the team on the pitch, everyone in uniform and holding their brooms. She felt a small burst of pride. This was her team. "Welcome everyone. Before we start practice, I'd like to invite all of you to attend the next meeting of the Defense Association. It's a practical Defense club that my friends and I are running. We're meeting on Tuesdays at seven o'clock in the room on the seventh floor across from the tapestry of the trolls learning ballet. Now, for practice, Chasers, working on passing maneuvers and scoring, Timothy, guard the goal, Beaters, I want you to work on distance and trajectory, but away from the Chasers for now. Viola, you're with me. Questions?"
"Go team! We're going to kick ass this year!" Scarlett shouted before taking off.
The rest of the team, either smiling or shaking their heads, took off after her.
"Alright," Viola said, looking excited. "Are we chasing practice Snitches?"
"No, for today we're just flying. Follow me around the pitch, stay away from the Chasers and Beaters for now. We'll work on Seeking tactics a little closer to the first game, for now, we're just flying smoothly and getting used to our new brooms," Rachel said. She mounted her broom and gently took off.
She could immediately feel that this was much better than her Nimbus. The broom seemed to know that she wasn't trying to turn, even with her hands shaking. Making sure that Viola was behind her, Rachel took off on a leisurely and level flight to start with, wanting to make sure Viola felt comfortable on the Nimbus.
After a few laps she flew higher, keeping half an eye on Viola, and then began doing basic turns, accelerations, decelerations, and changes in altitude. It was basic flying, but both of them needed to get a feel for how their brooms responded to input. Flying the Firebolt was like flying without any broom at all. She barely had to shift her weight or lean to get the broom to adjust the way she wanted it to.
She flew until she could feel her whole body shaking with the effort of keeping herself up and then carefully circled back down to the pitch and sat down on the grass. Checking her watch told her she'd been up in the air for forty minutes. She really needed to work on her endurance.
Viola landed next to her and knelt down. "Alright?"
"Yeah, just need a break. This is one of the reasons we needed a reserve Seeker. I don't think I can keep myself on a broom for a whole game at this point," she admitted.
Viola looked worried. "They said…last year, after you were taken, and they got you back again, they said they didn't know if you were ever going to get out of a hospital bed. People were saying you were going to be in St. Mungo's."
"Well, thankfully that didn't happen," Rachel said, feeling a little chilled. "It's taking a while to get better. I've only been standing and walking for about six weeks now. I think I'll continue to improve."
Viola nodded solemnly. "I'm glad. You're the best flier in the school. What are you going to do if you can't play in the League?"
"Potions mastery," she answered, though she didn't know how likely that was either. She suspected that after she finished at Hogwarts, the war was going to be her full time job until she died.
"I don't know what I'd do. Flying is all I ever wanted to do."
"You've got time. And it's important to pick something to go with it, most League players retire in their thirties or forties. Do you have a favorite class?" Rachel asked.
"Charms. That's the most fun. I like Professor Flitwick. But I want to do something exciting, like tame dragons!" Viola grinned at the idea.
"Then you'll want to take the Care of Magical Creatures elective next year. Charlie Weasley, Ginny's older brother, works on a dragon reserve. You might want to talk to her and see if you can write him a letter about it," Rachel suggested. She thought her only experience with dragons was enough for one lifetime.
"Did you really mean it about inviting me to your club?" she asked.
"Sure. There will probably be some spells you're not ready for yet, but you can still do most of the activities and we'll teach you a bunch of spells. Dennis was in our club last year and he was a second year. He did fine," Rachel assured her.
"I want to come then. But I don't know where the troll tapestry is."
"Let's have Scarlett bring you to the first meeting, she knows where it is." Rachel tipped her head back to see her team above her.
Stephen and Scarlett were sending Bludgers back and forth to each other. The Chasers were taking shots on Timothy. She watched as Timothy made a save and tossed the Quaffle back to Martin.
"I'm really glad to be on the team," Viola said. "You don't know how badly I wanted this."
Rachel smiled at her. "We're glad you're here." She checked her hands, which were still shaking rather violently. "Do you feel comfortable doing a few laps on your own?"
"Yes, definitely!" Viola jumped to her feet and took off before Rachel could say anything else.
Shaking her head, Rachel watched her team and tried to remember that she was making progress and that she'd be up in the air with them soon enough.
Rachel sank wearily onto her bed on Friday evening. It was only eight o'clock but she thought if she laid down she'd go to sleep fully dressed. Unfortunately she couldn't sleep yet. She'd received a letter yesterday morning from Sirius asking if they could speak on their mirrors on Friday night and she had quickly written back that she could. She'd been meaning to speak with him anyway.
She placed her mirror on her bed and leaned back against her pillows, carefully to move her stuffed bunny out of the way so she wouldn't squish her.
There was a small part of her - a very small part - that was wondering if Severus hadn't been right and maybe seven classes was too many. She wasn't entirely sure what the problem was. She wasn't studying more than she was last year. If anything, she was studying slightly less. Yet at the end of every day she was simply exhausted and she was shaking like crazy.
Part of it was probably that she was still getting used to the physical activity of moving around the castle. She'd never really noticed how many stairs Hogwarts had until now. Part of it could be that sleeping didn't seem to do her any good. No matter how much she slept, she still felt tired. If that kept getting worse she was going to find herself back in the hospital wing. And maybe part of it just was that seven NEWT classes was a lot.
All of her classes had been assigning more homework this year. They were keeping up, but there was no real time for independent research. Rachel hadn't even had the opportunity to use the Restricted Section pass that had been sitting in her bag since last Sunday. Maybe she could get some library time over the weekend.
"Rachel? Are you there?" came Sirius' voice.
Rachel picked up her mirror. "I'm here, Sirius," she said, the image shimmering and changing until Sirius' face appeared.
"There you are," he said, smiling slightly. "How are you?"
"I'm fine. Kind of tired. I didn't realize NEWT classes would be so hard," she said, knowing that Sirius would understand that better than Severus would.
"They were pretty tough when I did them and if Remus is right, you're taking a full course load."
"I am. I can't see dropping anything though. They're all important. I would have kept Care of Magical Creatures if I could have fit it in my schedule." She still felt guilty about that. She needed to make sure they went to see Hagrid sometime this weekend too.
"You can only do so much. How is your new Defense professor? Dumbledore seems to approve of her," Sirius asked.
"She seems alright. She agreed to sponsor our Defense club, so that might be good," she said noncommittally.
"You have a Defense club?"
"Oh. Draco didn't tell you about the DA this summer?" She supposed he must have thought it was still a secret.
"No, but then, neither did you," he pointed out.
Rachel shrugged. "I kind of needed to tell Severus first. It was a secret. We ran a secret Defense club all last year. Except Professor Dumbledore did know what we were doing."
Sirius grinned. "That's my girl. And Dumbledore always knows. I don't think there is anything that happens in the castle that he doesn't know about."
She wasn't so sure about that. She could think of a number of things that Professor Dumbledore hadn't known about, the top of the list being Leander.
"What else, tell me everything," he said.
"Well, thank you very much for the Firebolt, but you definitely did not have to buy me one just because Draco asked you to," she said, feeling more stirrings of guilt.
"Is it safer than your Nimbus?" he asked, losing his grin.
"Yes, much," she admitted.
"Then it's money well spent. Consider it twelve years of birthdays and Christmas gifts for when I couldn't be there."
"Thank you," she said again.
"How does it feel in the air?" he asked.
"Amazing. It's like barely being on a broom at all. It feels like it knows what I'm thinking." There was no denying it, the Firebolt was an amazing broom. "I'm not sure I'm going to be able to play in the first game of the season, I'm still working on being on a broom for longer than forty minutes, but I'm hoping I'll see more improvement from the modified Nerve Tonic that I'm taking."
"How is that going overall? You're getting around alright?" he pressed.
"It's alright. I can't quite do seven flights of stairs in one go, but other than that, I'm okay. I think it's just a matter of building up muscles and endurance again." She hoped that's all it was.
"That will take a little bit of time, but you'll get there. You're really alright?"
"I really am. I'm just super busy. Did you hear there's going to be a potions competition this year?" she asked, trying to divert him from asking how she was all the time.
"They're still holding that thing?" Sirius asked.
"Did they have it when you were at Hogwarts too?" she asked.
"They took a team sometime in my fifth year. I know Snape was pissed that only sixth and seventh years were allowed to enter. They're actually holding it at Hogwarts this year or is it a travel thing?"
"Here at Hogwarts. They're having teams from the four other schools come here, which honestly doesn't sound like a great idea during a war. At least it's not the Triwizard Tournament, I suppose." At least there would be nothing life threatening during a potions competition.
"You're trying out for the team?" Sirius asked.
"Yes. Me, Theo, Hermione, and Draco have formed a team. The tryouts are next Saturday. I kind of suspect that Severus won't pick our team. And, honestly, we might not be able to compete with seventh years anyway. It's worth trying though, you never know." She was a little bit on the fence. She did want to compete in the championship, but she was also a little worried about adding something else to her already packed schedule.
"Well, you never know unless you try," he said pragmatically.
"How are things with you and Remus?" she asked.
"Oh, busy. I keep getting dragged into Wizengamot sessions and it's a massive pain in the ass. It's very clear who is being influenced by Death Eaters, but they've got enough votes to stop anything from passing. And there's the attacks, of course, I'm sure you're reading about them in the papers. Usually the Death Eaters are long gone by the time the aurors or anyone from the Order gets there. Right now it's just a balancing act."
Rachel bit her lip. This was probably more a question for Severus, but she was worried if she asked Severus that he'd want her to do it. "If the aurors saw some of my memory from that night in June, would they be able to arrest the Death Eaters who were there?"
Sirius exhaled audibly. "It's possible. They weren't wearing their hoods and masks?"
She shivered. She really hated thinking about this. "They weren't. I'm pretty sure they didn't expect me to live to tell anyone."
"It's tricky. It's very tricky. They're all going to decline to be interviewed under Veritaserum. Your memory would be enough to bring them in for questioning, maybe even for a trial, but they're not going to be convicted by the current Wizengamot. The Death Eaters have enough sway that it's simply not going to happen. I'm sorry." He looked pained as he said this.
"No, it's okay. I just wanted to know if it would help. Can I ask you not to mention this to Severus? I think he would want me to do it, and I really don't want to do it unless it would actually do something." She was feeling kind of sick now and rather wished she hadn't brought up the subject at all.
"I won't say a word. Are you sure you're okay, Rachel? I know this has been hard. It has to be hard knowing they're still out there after what they did."
"I'm fine. It wasn't like we didn't already know that the Death Eaters are dangerous."
Sirius shook his head. "It's not about that. They hurt you and they're just walking free. I swear to you, if I get a Death Eater at the end of my wand, they will pay for what they've done."
Rachel closed her eyes. "Can we talk about something else? Please?"
He was quiet for a long moment. "Sure. How's the Quidditch scene at Hogwarts these days?"
"Kind of crazy." She exhaled and opened her eyes again. The room had thankfully stopped spinning. "The Gryffindor team is a mess. Poor Ginny. Everyone says that the Hufflepuff's new Chaser is a jerk, but thankfully I haven't had any run-ins with him. I have no idea what's going on for the Ravenclaws. They had to replace two of their Chasers this year, and they have three seventh years on their team right now, including their Seeker. Cho and Ginny will still be tough competition though. I'm training Viola to be our reserve Seeker. She's a second year and is just full of energy. I don't think I was ever quite that enthusiastic. Harper is our new Chaser and he seems to be integrating alright. And we have Timothy as our Keeper. He trained with Miles last year, so I'm not too worried. He grew over the summer too."
Sirius nodded as though she'd said something interesting. "When's the first game?"
"October twenty sixth, Slytherin versus Ravenclaw. Usually we play Hufflepuff first, I'm not sure why they swapped them." Honestly, she'd rather be playing Hufflepuff first, but there wasn't anything she could do about it.
"They do that every couple of years to try and mix up who gets stuck going first and last. Let me know when you know if you're going to be playing. I'd love to come see one of your games. Remus too," he said.
"I'll let you know when I know. It's still six weeks away, so we'll see how much I improve by then." She couldn't stop herself from yawning.
"You look done in for the day. Are you sleeping alright?"
"Yeah, I'm getting plenty of sleep. I'm not even dreaming at all, which is nice. It's just been a long week." She yawned again. "Sorry."
"No, it's okay. I better let you go have an early night then. Let's talk again soon, okay?" he asked. "You can always send me a note saying you want to talk with me. Or just call on your mirror in the evening, I'm usually around."
"Okay, thank you. I'll try to talk with you more often," she said, wondering when she was going to fit that into her schedule. She needed to try though. She did want a relationship with her godfather.
"Please do. Get some sleep. Goodnight," he said.
"Goodnight," she said. "Stay safe."
"You too." The image on the mirror shimmered and turned back to her reflection. Rachel quickly put the mirror away. She didn't particularly want to look at herself.
She yawned again as she got to her feet. She was going to let the other girls know it was alright to come into the dorm, say goodnight to Theo and Millie, and then she was coming back to bed.
Rachel woke up with a whimper as she fumbled her hands over her chest. She could barely breathe and she felt like she was being crushed. Twisting her head from right to left, she tried to see who was holding some sort of spell on her, but no one was there. She could feel her ribs beneath her hands, she could feel her chest rising and falling, but it hurt.
Everything was crushing in on her and it was going to kill her if she didn't make it stop.
She managed to coordinate her body well enough to sit up and then to swing her feet out of bed and move down onto the floor. It didn't feel much better down here. The room still felt too small. Her body was shaking as she pushed herself back to her feet and then carefully let herself out of her dorm room. The hallway felt even smaller, the walls were too close. Her breaths were coming in pained pants and she felt like something had wrapped itself around her chest and was squeezing.
The common room felt a little better. She made herself notice how far apart the walls were, how high the ceiling was, how much space there was. She had plenty of space out here, nothing was crushing her. Breathing still hurt, but she forced herself to keep her eyes open. She wasn't in somewhere small, no one was shutting her in, nothing was pressing down on her. She'd be fine, she just had to get this under control.
While she struggled to breathe, she wondered why this was happening. She hadn't had a nightmare, not that she recalled. As far as she knew, she still wasn't dreaming at all. Nothing had happened, she was just lying in bed sleeping, and then she woke up like this.
She shivered and moved herself closer to the fireplace. The fire was low, but at least it was warmer than the rest of the common room. She crouched down, but lost her balance and wound up on her butt.
The feeling of hitting the hard floor brought back a flood of memories. Collapsing to the floor, screaming. People pointing their wands at her. Theo's father stepping forward, his wand raised. The jerk of her body as the flaming whip hit her. Screaming.
She clamped her hand over her mouth so she couldn't make noise. She was fairly sure she wouldn't wake anyone in the dorms, but the portraits would hear and then Curbin would wake Severus. The last thing she wanted was him finding her here like this.
Rocking herself slightly, she tried to focus. She had to push this away. She couldn't think about it. All of this must be because she had spoken a little about it to Sirius a few hours ago. She had to stop doing that. She closed her eyes and imagined a wall blocking off all of it, everything from the time she'd been apparated away to when she returned to the hospital wing. All of it had to go.
A rush of dizziness flooded her and she lowered herself to the floor as her head swam. She was okay. She would get up in a minute. As long as no one found her here, wandless and defenseless. Shivering, despite the fire, she turned her head to look at the entrances to the hallways that led to the dorms. There was no reason for anyone to come out here, not at this time of night.
She exhaled and found that she could breathe a little easier now. She was okay.
Everything was fine, she just had to stop letting this happen. She had to be stronger. If she stayed like this, she might as well just deliver herself to the Dark Lord and let him kill her. She shuddered. No. She had to engineer that confrontation to make sure the Dark Lord didn't have time to do anything but kill her. There needed to be another threat there. Professor Dumbledore maybe.
If they were both there, then the Dark Lord would have to kill her quickly, and then Professor Dumbledore could kill him. It was the only way.
Severus and Professor Dumbledore were never going to agree to that. They had to think she was going there to fight. And she would fight. She just didn't think it would do any good. So much for a mysterious power that would help her kill the Dark Lord.
She sighed and sat back up. She was going to die. More to the point, she had to die if this war was ever going to end. And probably, the sooner, the better. She tried to figure how she felt about that, but it was mostly blankness. So what if she died? Lots of people died. Lots of people would die in this war. Some already had.
It was a little disheartening to know that the best contribution she could offer was her own death. In a sense, she'd been living on borrowed time anyway. That Killing Curse should have killed her as a baby. This life, her life, was all because her mom had loved her enough to die for her. She was sure her mom would understand her dying to stop the war, to save all those people from the Dark Lord.
And that's how she needed to look at it. She wasn't throwing away her life. She was doing the most important thing she could with it. A creeping thought made its way into her head as she wondered what it would be like to die. She didn't think it could possibly be as bad as anything she'd already endured. Painful, maybe, but the pain would end. And then maybe she wouldn't feel pain any more. Maybe she'd see her mom and dad. In a way, it was almost something to look forward to.
The idea of the pain being over, of removing this heavy weight she seemed to be carrying on her shoulders, was rather enticing. It would be over soon. And in the meantime, she needed to focus on what really mattered. She needed to spend time with her friends. She needed to spend time with Severus and Sirius. She needed to prepare herself for what was to come and convince Severus and Professor Dumbledore that she was ready to fight the Dark Lord. Everything else, all the experiences she was having in school, that was just a bonus.
Feeling strangely settled, but also a little scared for some reason, Rachel got back to her feet. She really shouldn't be sitting around the common room in her nightgown and without her wand or her glasses. Her feet were frozen by the time she made it back into her bed and she fumbled for her wand and cast a warming charm on her blankets.
With her arms wrapped around her stuffed bunny, Rachel settled in and tried to drift back to sleep. Sleep, like death, was a reprieve, and she wanted as much of it as she could get.
Severus entered his office on Sunday morning, his mind already caught up in his schedule for the day. He had a meeting scheduled this afternoon with Malcolm Baddock, though he needed to stop by the hospital wing first and get an update from Poppy on his current health status. Somehow he was going to convince Malcolm to speak with him before it was time to send him home for the summer. They were going to have a hell of a time keeping Malcolm from his father, even with the assistance of Family Services, and the sooner they could start, the better.
He had four stacks of essays to grade. He needed to brew more vials of the modified Nerve Tonic for Rachel. Meetings with his seventh year prefects on the current status of the House. Dinner with Rachel tonight. But before all that he had an Order meeting.
"Twelve Grimmauld Place," he said after throwing in the floo powder. He stepped out into a slightly crowded kitchen and looked around to see that it was mostly the usual Ministry crowd, though Cedric, Heidi, Roland, and the Weasley twins were present as well. He reminded himself that they were grown adults and could join the Order if they so wished.
Severus made his way toward the back wall and frowned when he saw Black coming up to him.
"We need to talk," Black said, though he was wearing an expression of distaste.
"What about?" he asked, aiming to keep his expression neutral. He could feel his lips wanting to snarl.
Black pulled his wand and Severus pulled his own without even having to think about it.
"Privacy ward," Black sneered before casting the ward.
Severus lowered his wand but kept it in his hand. He was not in a mood to mess around today.
"We need to talk about Rachel," Black said once the ward was in place.
"What about her?" He certainly had his attention now.
"For one, I've begun making the preparations we discussed earlier. Everything should be in place within the next two months and then the four of us can leave at any time. I suggest that you and Rachel carry shrunken travel bags as a matter of due course with anything you can't bear to leave behind. If we have to run, it will likely be without warning."
Severus nodded. It was good to know they had a back up plan in case they needed it. "Thank you, I'll make sure she has a bag prepared."
"I'm…concerned about her. She doesn't seem like herself. I spoke with her a few days ago," Black continued.
"Not like herself in what way?"
Black frowned. "She's distant. She seems uncomfortable in her own skin. I can see her trying to pretend that everything is alright, but she's not alright. It's pretty obvious to anyone looking at her that she's not alright."
He had seen these things as well, he just wasn't sure what to do about them. "When I expressed my concern for her, she told me she needed time to adjust," he settled for saying.
"Time, yes, but I think she needs more than that."
"What is it that you would suggest?" Severus asked. He was not ready to take parenting advice from Black, but he was out of ideas on how to help Rachel.
"She needs to talk to someone. Right now she can't even talk about what happened. I saw her, she's the one who brought up the subject, but she shut down almost immediately," Black said, looking pained.
"She is seeing her Mind Healer. And believe it or not, her bringing up the subject is progress. She will talk about it when she's ready. We shouldn't push her." He and Torey were of a like mind on that at least.
"I'm not going to push her. But we've got to do something. We can't just leave her like this."
"Rachel asked for time, I suggest we give it to her. I'm keeping a close eye on her. If she needs more help than she's currently receiving, I will make sure she gets it." That was all he could think of to do. He couldn't keep her cosseted at home for the rest of her life, no matter how much he wanted to.
Black shook his head. "I'll keep an eye on her as well. Oh, can you give her this? It's from Kreacher. I already checked it over, it's just his usual drivel." He shoved a folded piece of parchment in Severus' direction.
Severus accepted the parchment. "Why precisely is your House Elf fixated on Rachel?"
"Hell if I know, she seems to think she's friends with him. I tried to explain to her that it didn't work like that, but-" Black gestured in the air.
Strangely, Severus knew what he meant. When Rachel was of a mind to do something, she typically did it. "You are certain that he's not a threat to her?"
"Kreacher knows damn well that I would behead him if he harmed Rachel. Mind you, that might not stop him, but so far I haven't seen anything that suggests he's a threat to her. His fixation on her seems similar to the way he fixated on Regulus." Black rolled his eyes. "If this keeps up, I will give Kreacher to Rachel once she's finished at Hogwarts."
"Speak with her about that first. She's not comfortable with the idea of owning House Elves," Severus cautioned him.
"I kind of gathered that," Black said. He sighed. "How is Hogwarts? People seem to like the Defense teacher this year?"
"We've not had any difficulties with the Defense teacher thus far." It had only been two weeks. He was willing to give it time. "Otherwise, Hogwarts is as it ever is." He was not about to tell Black about the Dark Mark on Rachel's door if she hadn't told him.
Albus entered the room, Shacklebolt shadowing him.
Black nodded to Severus and ended the privacy ward before walking away.
Severus settled against the wall and braced himself to hear the list of updates on known Death Eaters, attacks on muggles and muggleborns, the vagaries of the Wizengamot, and all of the rest that came with open warfare. He could set his mind on the war here and now, and then return to the castle and his students. After all these years he was very good at working as a divided self.