Lord of the Rings: Gone Rum—Clean the Bathroom!

"Oh are you?" said Aragorn skeptically, pulling the sword out of Legolas' pack. "And just what then is this?"

Legolas stared regretfully at the gleaming weapon. "Shut up, Aragorn," he yelled. "Don't ask me about it, ok? It's none of your business!" He brought his bow down with a splintering crack on Aragorn's head, grabbed the sword, and made off as quickly as his elven legs could carry him. He headed to Rivendell. "Oh you just wait, you foul-smelling coward! Wait until I tell your daddy! Mwahahaha! Think you're so smart, huh? We'll see, we'll see."

After several days of running, he reached Imladris, better known as Rivendell. Spotting Elrond standing on the veranda wearing his usual pair of shades, he ran through the gate, across the courtyard, and up the stairs onto the balcony.

"Oh, Master Elrond!" he whined, casting himself at a bewildered Elrond's feet. "Your son is behaving in a most disrespectful and unpleasant way! I suggest you discipline him now!"

Elrond looked around, confused. "Aragorn?" he finally said. "Aragorn is being naughty? Come Legolas, I've just the thing to teach him respect."

They walked for several hours, until they reached Aragorn's tent.

"Aragorn Doi Strider Elessar, get out here right now!" yelled Elrond.

Aragorn emerged from his tent, frightened.

"Yes, daddy?"

"Have you been a bad boy?" asked Elrond.

"No…not really," answered Aragorn, fearfully.

Elrond grabbed his ear and dragged him to the camp bathroom

"You will clean every inch of this bathroom with this toothbrush. Do you hear me, boy?"

"Yes, daddy," Aragorn said, looking at the ground.

"Good," said Elrond, handing Aragorn a teensy-weensy Spongebob toothbrush. "Oh, and after you're done cleaning the bathroom, you will take a bath!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO! Not a bath! Anything but a bath!" whined Aragorn.

Elrond flashed him the Mean Daddy glance.

Aragorn gulped, "Yes, daddy."

Elrond turned and walked out the door.

Aragorn felt that his feet were wet. He looked down. "Ah!" he cried. The bathroom was submerged in water at least six inches deep.

"Daddy," Aragorn called out the door, "we need to call the plumber!" Elrond didn't hear him, and if he did, he ignored him.

"Oh, great!" sighed Aragorn wading through the sewer water. "Eww…disgusting!" He approached a filthy toilet encrusted in green and brown scum. He began scrubbing at the top of the toilet and worked his way down. After a few hours of strenuous cleaning, the toilet was sanitary. All at once, Aragorn noticed that the muck was rising. It was up to his knees now.

"Yipes!" shrieked Aragorn. Unfortunately, a massive wave of sewer water crashed down onto the newly cleaned toilet, covering it with a coat of slime.

"AHHHHH!" he screamed. Another giant wave threatened to break upon the toilet. "Back! Back, you monster!" yelled Aragorn grasping a disgusting toilet plunger. Shouting, he intercepted the wave and started plunging it with the plunger.

"Die you stupid, overgrown, green and brown scum, die!" Smacking the dirty water with the plunger for at least a half an hour, he soon forgot that what he was holding was a plunger and stabbed the water like a sword. Hitting the ground, the plunger was stuck, but with Aragorn's force, he got it to release. Unfortunately, it came flying up and smacked him in the nose. It hit so hard that he was knocked out cold and plunged into the scummy water. Elrond came to see what all the commotion was, when he saw his son-in-law unconscious in the water.

"Well," chuckled Elrond, "he killed two birds with one stone. He cleaned the toilets and got a bath."

Finis