Chap 22
Anya POV
My mind feels like it's almost in a fog, that there's this covering over my abilities. I mentally want to touch it and pull it back to see what I'm capable of. But then there's the other side of me that's afraid of what I was made for.
Reliving the glazed look as I took control of Becky's ex-boyfriends mind and forced his confession. As powerful as I may have felt in the moment, his mental strength was more than the soldier in the forest. As I could actively feel him push against me mentally. The force of it was something I wasn't ready for, I wasn't able to maintain the hold for long as it felt like it was tearing my mind apart.
I gasp as I open my eyes and see the ceiling of my room, mama is by my side rubbing my forehead with a cold compress. She gasps and whispers "you're awake." soothing me and I relax knowing she's here.
"How?" I say even though my mouth is dry, she smiles "Damian found you, and called your father." I'm quiet for a moment looking back up at the ceiling; trying to remember all that happend.
Which I can but near the end is when things start to get fuzzy. I know something went wrong when I lost control of his mind, I remember him coming at me. Then a flash of Damian getting to him, before I was about to lose consciousness. How much did he see or hear?
"I need Papa." Mama rose from her seat, understanding "I'll give him some water for you too."
She gets to the door when she adds "Damian's still here. He refused to leave until you woke up." she tips her head smiling, "he sure must love you." I blush scarlet at her words and him still being here, while she walks out the door.
Looking over at the clock it's late… 10:22pm. I try to sit up and the cloth on my forehead falls as I prop myself against the wall. Feeling a bit woozy, but a lot better compared to earlier. I must've recuperated more while I was asleep.
Papa walks in the room with a glass of water and some pain meds, which I happily take and guzzle down. He doesn't say much but the worry is clear on his face even though I can't hear his thoughts. But even as I try to press it feels like my head implodes physically so I refrain.
"Anya, how are you feeling?" Papa says after a minute to let me enjoy the water and being up. I put the empty glass on the nightstand, "Better with rest, but still feels like my brain was run over by a semi truck.
He prompted me to tell him what I remembered before passing out, while he sat and listened. As I went over the events that transpired in the basement and the information that I obtained which he took in silently. He didn't ask questions, he was silent, which had me more worried than anything.
"The last time this happened, you told me you wouldn't do it again." Papa says flatly leaving little room for discussion. Knowing he meant the new found power I discovered, I told him I wouldn't pursue further. I bow my head slightly and start rambling "Papa I know, I just was so angry at him and to know that he's the reason she was taken. I just saw red-"
His eyes soften, "I understand but you can't let your emotions get in the way of the mission, Anya." he says in a hushed tone, "If Damian hadn't called me, I wouldn't have known you were in danger in the basement." his fists clench by his side and I realize I royally messed up.
"There's no excuse, I was wrong. It won't happen again." I say sullenly, he lifts his chin "I should pull you from this entirely, you're too close to it." showing me that he's serious.
"Papa I-" I start my rebuttal but he raises his hand not letting me finish. "You are to do nothing without my consent." he says, stressing the need to do absolutely nothing. I didn't realize that tears were streaming as I felt so helpless and frustrated at myself.
"I have more than enough to make a move in and get her, I just need you to stay away and let me handle it." He says, rubbing his face in frustration, knowing he hates seeing my tears.
He puts a hand on my head, "I've been summoned, I'll let HQ know of some of what we found and I'm sure they'll make a move. You and I will talk more tomorrow, for now you should try and rest more."
I nod wiping my tears, taking a deep breath understanding he's just trying to protect me… "I won't stop until I find her." But he needs to understand I'm not the little girl anymore, he needs to let me do this. I need to do this.
He gives me a stern look and doesn't respond, but says "We put dinner aside for you." He pauses at the door and turns to me like he wants to say more and I wish I could read his mind right now. But he leaves without another word and closes the door behind him.
I went over Papa's words over and over wishing I'd never messed up, wishing I stuck to the plan and didn't overstep. Even if I did extract crucial information from him, that helped. That fact I put myself at risk, Papa can't say that he approves. I pulled my knees into my chest, hugging myself.
My thoughts drifted to Damian remembering the worried look on his face hearing his fading voice call out to me before the darkness took me. I bury my face, embarrassed wondering if he's upset. For a second I try to think of what I could even tell him what I was doing or thinking in the moment. He'll think I'm insane.
I push my legs out getting out of bed deciding to grab some clean clothes to change into after I shower. As I'm about to head to the bathroom Mama knocks on the door and hands me a towel since I always forget along with extra blankets and pillows for Damian to sleep on the floor. I blush, realizing he'll be spending the night.
"Anya, I know it may not be my place, but Damian was very worried about you. He was shaken by the incident."
Mama didn't know the full story, just the parts that Papa told her. But it was all she needed to know that I was hurt and she stayed by my side.
"I know… I didn't mean to worry everyone." I reply in a whisper, she pulls me into a hug. "Anya you don't have to do everything on your own. I'm here if you need me, for anything." She strokes my hair adding "Damian is too, never be afraid to be honest with us, okay?" Her warm embrace soothes my worries and she rubs my back in a way that relaxes me entirely.
"Wash up and eat something, you need to get your strength back." she pulls away heading for the door while I gather my clothes and towel. By the time I'm in the hallway I can hear Damian's voice hit my ears from the kitchen. "How is she?" he asks mama.
I stopped before I reached the exit fully where I was visible. I don't know if it's because I want to hear what he's going to say or if I just can't face him right now. More likely the latter of the two. While mama is mid reply, I walk out toward the end of the hall near the main area and head for the bathroom without looking over at them.
Even without my powers I can immediately feel his gaze on me, as I'm closing the door behind me. My heart is pounding, and I try to control my breathing.
Get it together Anya!
In this moment I really wish I could hear what he's thinking, peer into his mind to see what he knows. So I can be able to steer the conversation, but I can't without my powers. The medicine Papa gave me kicked in and the pain in my head mostly subsided so I was able to think for myself, but I still need more time before my powers fully come back. Until then I need to not screw things up further.
I turned on the shower on scalding with a hint of cold, as I undressed and stepped inside. Washing my body scrubbing it as if my failures could be stripped off me and go down the drain so I can try again.
Thinking back to Becky's asshole boyfriend confession, he didn't even love her, he was just using her for his benefit. Sold her out for $10k, which is like pocket change to people of their status. How could Becky be fooled by that asshole, how could she think he loved her.
I can't help but compare him to Damian, how he makes my heart skip a beat just by his nearness when I try to get closer to him in class. How he lets me doodle on his notebooks when he's busy, I feel like I could just reach out and touch him and kiss him. How his touch is searing, his scent intoxicatingly addictive. How when he holds me, it makes me feel… cherished and…filled with butterflies.. Does sex change things in relationships or does love? Had Becky been so blinded at the opportunity of sex that she left herself be vulnerable to get taken.
I dry off after the shower not wanting to overdo it and change into my pajama shorts set, wanting to be comfortable. I went to the kitchen and warmed up dinner and scarfed it down since I was starving. Of course Papa cooked so it was delicious, like living with a celebrity chef or something. I washed my plate and put it away, and used the towel draped around my shoulders to dry my hair as I walked through my doorway to my room, a bit alarmed since I forgot about Damian being here.
He hadn't noticed me yet, as he's seated at my desk tinkering with the gloves for our project. His leg was shaking like he was anxiously awaiting my arrival. I smile at that, but my stomach does flips, realizing we'll be here alone, and he's definitely going to want to talk.
He stood after realizing I entered, looked me over as he slowly walked over to me. Reaching out to touch my cheek, but hesitated as if his touch would break me. I leaned into his hand and he stepped forward the rest of the way, he wrapping his other arm around my waist pulling me flush against him. I can feel him kiss the top of my head, and inhale my scent as he squeezed me into him.
The gesture left me feeling safe, since he was the one who found me called my dad. It definitely could've been a lot worse if that jerk, would've gotten to me before I passed out.
"Thank you." I say finally breaking the silence as he held me, but after I said it I could feel his hand tremble slightly. He relaxed his hold enough to allow me to look up at him, but when I did he captured my lips in a swift kiss.
It wasn't passionate like most of our kisses have been, this one was soft and gentle and vulnerable. It's as if I could read his mind on his lips without needing powers. The raw emotion of his feelings he's pouring into me leaving me feeling heady. I can feel the fear of losing me, and the feeling that makes my stomach flip like a gymnast.
I wanted more from him but I don't know what's to come from our conversation and I can't get lost in the emotions of this, I need to focus and not screw this up. I pull away almost panting as he looks into my eyes and sighs "I think we should talk." He pulls away from me leaving me with this cold feeling as he goes behind me to close and lock the door.
I sit on my bed while he takes the seat at the desk and turns it so it's facing the bed. I squeeze my hands together suddenly feeling nervous about what he's going to ask me of what he may or may not have seen. I don't say anything, as I'm hoping he'll lead the conversation and ask questions I can hopefully answer.
Mama's words ring my head, don't be afraid to be honest.