Possible Trigger Warning. Katiana experienced some stuff with Hydra. Touched on here, next chapter is similar.

When Steve pulled the van up to the lakeside cabin, Kayla unbuckled herself to climb into the middle seats to get a better look out the windshield, "It's beautiful."

"They sent me here after I woke up from the ice." Steve replied as he pulled up next to the cabin and parked. The moon was high in the sky, and the weather was warm despite it being eleven at night. He stretched his back as the door slid open and Kayla climbed out and wrapped her arms around him in a hug, "Is this okay for a few weeks?"

"Better than okay." She hummed as she reached up to kiss Steve's jaw, "It's perfect. Just you, me, and the sounds of solitude."

He squeezed her before doubling back to grab the bag Tiffany had packed for her, "You ever been camping?"

"Does that time we slept on the beach after our plane exploded count?"

"No."

"Then no." Kayla giggled when Steve reappeared with his duffel slung over his shoulder and her suitcase in his other hand, 'I was going to ask if you had it all, but then I remembered."

He snorted, reaching into his pocket past the duffel to grab a set of keys and toss them to Kayla, "You forgot who I was again?"

"I forgot you were Captain America for a second. But I know who Steve is." She replied quietly, reaching up to once again realize she had no hair to push behind her ear, "Brain surgery, remember?" She led him to the front door and unlocked the door to let them in, finding the place clean and ready for them. The cabin had modern appliances but old furniture, including a leather couch in front of the fireplace with throws draped over the back. "This is beautiful." She said to herself as she sat the key on the counter and moved out of the way for Steve to drop off their bags, "I could live here forever."

Steve stopped in place at that, setting down the bags and looking back to his fiancé in surprise, "What?"

She looked at him, then replayed what she'd said before amending, "I mean, its adorable. Cozy and secluded. I'd love a life like this."

"Really?" Steve tried to hide his surprise, but he wasn't sure who he was talking to anymore, "You'd give up everything for a life like this? With me?"

"I mean, yeah." Kayla said, tilting her head as she blinked, working through her thoughts, "I know that doesn't seem very like me, but I had a really simple life in Sokovia. I would have been lucky to have a place like this."

"What about your life in Washington? What about your work and your charities and everything?"

"I'm guessing they've been taken over in my absence. Besides, I'm in no shape to be a poster child for anything anymore, except maybe ridiculously good luck." Kayla took Steve's hand and studied it before continuing, "I can see this is hard on you, because you're expecting me to be one person or another, and I'm somewhere in between. Being Katiana taught me a lot about the real world, the world I wasn't living in because I was a socialite. Don't pretend like you miss it, I know you weren't happy. I was, but I don't think I can be anymore."

Steve stammered, "I just don't want you to regret anything."

"I won't." She told him firmly, "Obviously, I'm not making any decisions tonight, but if I never have to do another interview, I'd be happy. Wherever you are and my friends and Mom are, that's where I'll be happy. I promise, I don't need anything else."

The soldier had a million questions for the woman in front of him. She was right, he expected Kayla, or at the very least Katiana, but he had some weird merged version of them both and he was stunned by the woman in front of him. She had the happy nature of Kayla Ellis with the quiet, thoughtful demeanor of the darker Katiana. He finally understood what Natasha and Sandra had warned him about, and he was baffled that he hadn't realized it earlier, "I don't know what to say."

"Tell me you'll be open minded." Kayla as as she ran her fingers along the vein in Steve's neck, "Tell me that you won't try to put me back together, because I'm not broken. I'm just something new."

Steve swallowed hard, feeling the weight of what she was asking him to do. She wanted him to bury the woman he knew and loved, and accept that she was okay with what had come to pass. It was so much easier said than done for Captain America, who'd been plagued with guilt since the moment Fury told him about Project Insight. "Be patient with me."

"And you with me." Kayla answered, backing away and toying with her engagement ring, "Perhaps I should give this back until we've sorted things out?"

"No. I want you to have it." Steve assured her, holding the sapphire in its place, "We're gonna work through this. Together."

And they did.

For the next five weeks, Steve and Kayla lounged in bed until noon, sat at the edge of the lake until dinner, and spent their evenings cuddled up by the firelight until Steve carried her back to bed. They talked for hours on end, never sharing more than a passionate kiss before stopping and going back to their conversation. They talked about everything, from Kayla's past to Steve's regrets, to marriage and eventually having a family of their own.

Kayla opened up about her time with Hydra, gifting Steve information that he filed away in the back of his mind to use later. She told him about her time with Bucky, making him laugh with stories that proved his best friend was still tucked away in there somewhere. Kayla told Steve that Bucky wanted to sleep with her, but as angry as she was with Steve, she didn't let him.

However, neither of them dared to bring up the sexual encounters she'd had under Hydra. It was something unspoken between the two of them- that it happened, it was bad, and it really shook Kayla. It shook her in ways that broke Steve's heart, because she was scared to let him touch her. She brushed it off with a laugh and a change of subject, but Steve knew what she was doing. She wasn't ready, and he would wait until she was. The only thing he was impatient to do was to rip the throats out of every man who broke his beautiful Kayla.

One morning as Steve made breakfast for them, Kayla's phone began to buzz on the kitchen table, "Honey, your phone's ringing!" He called as he flipped over the pancakes to brown the other side. Kayla emerged from the bedroom in a fluffy bathrobe and her favorite beanie pulled over her little blonde hairs that had begun to grow.

When she flipped over her phone and saw who was calling, she greeted happily, "Hey, Babe. How are you?"

Steve smiled, knowing it was Tiffany on the other line, most likely growing more and more impatient about her best friend's absence. He didn't say anything until Kayla looked up at him with a hopeful expression, "What is it? She wants you to leave?"

"She wants to visit?"

"Tell her to come. I'd love to see Sam."

"He can't come." Kayla said quickly, and Steve looked up to see her excited grin, "He can't see what she wants to show me."

Steve formed an 'oh' with his lips and nodded, understanding that Tiffany wanted to show Kayla her wedding dress. They'd been engaged two months, but Tiffany was in a hurry to lock down Sam Wilson, which Sam seemed more than happy with. "I mean, Sam and I can go fishing."

"Maybe. I'll ask." Kayla told him before suggesting it to Tiffany, but the little brunette asked to be put on speaker phone to talk to Steve herself.

"Steven." She said slowly, "I'll bring my fiancé, but if he catches a glimpse of what I'm looking at, I'll kill you with my bare hands."

"Noted." Steve called over his shoulder as he dumped the pancakes onto a serving tray, "You bringing the actual dress, or just photos?"

"Just photos. I'm not going to buy anything without Kay's approval." She scolded and Kayla leaned back in her chair to look up at Steve smugly, "Can we come up today? Sam can borrow the jet."

"Sounds great! We're free all day."

"What the hell would you be doing?" Tiffany laughed at Kayla's explanation, not realizing that Steve was chuckling at the same thing. "Anyway, be there in a few hours. Love you."

"Love you, too." Kayla murmured as she ended the call and set it face down on the table as she took a seat. "You know," she started slowly, "Tiffany wants a big production, and we'll be a part of it."

"You rethinking the private wedding?" Steve teased, knowing Kayla had admitted to wanting to keep things small for their own nuptials in a few years. She wanted something small and private. No photographers or celebrities, even though she anticipated friends would come out of the woodwork to be a part of Kayla Ellis's marriage to Captain America.

"No, God no." Kayla assured him when he set the plate of pancakes in front of her, "I want it small. Just family and friends, I'd be okay not even going public with our engagement."

"People will see the ring."

"I know." She replied quietly, admiring her massive sapphire, "I just got to thinking, maybe the best way to keep it under wraps is to get married before anybody realizes it's happening."

Steve sat down with a thud, staring at Kayla with a coy smile, "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Maybe? I'm saying I don't need to wait a couple of years."

"I don't need to either." Steve grabbed her hand tightly, "I'm ready when you are."

Kayla grinned from ear to ear as she bobbed her head up and down, "I'm ready. Let's get married."

Steve leaned forward and kissed her firmly, tasting the sweet syrup on her lips as she snaked her fingers through his hair. Suddenly though, he pulled back and stared at her sadly, "Kay... we need to slow down." When she tilted her head to question him, he added carefully, "I don't think you're ready yet."

She pursed her lips and ran her tongue along the front of her teeth as she stared him down with a look he'd come to dub the 'Katiana stare'. She didn't speak though, so he sighed, "Nothing is gonna stop me from marrying you, Kay, but... we still haven't-"

"Okay. Fine. Let's go right now." Kayla pushed back from the table and ripped open her robe, letting it fall to the floor so she was in her bra and underwear. She raised her brow challengingly as she placed her hands on her hips, "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"We're not doing this on the floor of the kitchen." Steve grumbled, shoving half a pancake in his mouth as he gazed up at her, "I've waited over a year to make love to you, I'm not having angry sex."

Kayla's lip quivered and she scooped down and picked up her robe before sprinting into the bedroom. Steve sighed loudly as the door slammed closed, knowing he'd pushed the wrong button. It was the only thing Kayla struggled with, and he rarely brought it up, but he wasn't going to marry the woman until he knew she was ready to be loved again, physically and emotionally.

He rose and went to the bedroom, popping open the door and finding Kayla curled up in the covers facing away, "Kay."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Steve murmured as he pulled back the covers to lay down beside her. He pulled her close and laid his chin over her shoulder so his cheek rested against hers, "I'm not mad."

"I'm mad. I'm mad that I let them rape me, and I'm mad that I acted like it didn't matter." She shuddered and Steve felt a tear slide from her eye, "I'm mostly mad that it's putting a wedge between you and me, because I love you so much, and I want to marry you, but I'm scared."

"I know." He rubbed her stomach, feeling it already beginning to slim after five weeks of eating normally again, "There's no wedge between us, Baby. You just need a little more time. I shouldn't have said you weren't ready to get married, we don't need to have sex to get married."

"But we should be able to."

"Well, we should have done a lot of things that we didn't." Steve mumbled as his fingers stroked the fabric of her lacy bra. "Let's get married."

Kayla turned so she could look at Steve hopefully, "Really?"

"Yes, really." He kissed her, then skillfully unclasped her bra, causing her to gasp. He kissed her deeply, and pulled the fabric away before growling into her ear, "We've got a few hours. Let me try."

He shifted to sit on his knees and pull his shirt over his head before crawling over Kayla, careful not to hurt her as he approached her lips, "You okay?" She nodded, but her wide green eyes weren't convincing, "Tell me to stop."

"I don't want you to."

He lowered himself and sucked the corner of her shoulder and neck, pulling a gasp from her throat as he left a bruise. She tangled her fingers in his shaggy blonde hair and panted. Steve moved his lips from her collarbone to her breasts, sucking on one as he watched for her reaction. When she didn't stop him, he fondled her as she arched her back and closed her eyes.

Kayla remembered Steve. She remembered him being gentle and doting and more devoted than any other man she'd ever slept with. She told herself that he wouldn't hurt her. If she needed to stop, he'd stop and he'd give her space, and he'd listen to her. As his lips slowly shifted to her stomach, ghosting between her ribcage towards her legs. She felt him run his fingers over her underwear and she bit her lip, squishing her eyes closed harder.

"Kay?"

"Keep going." She whispered, opening her eyes and looking at the wooden beams above them, "I want this, you know? I want you so badly."

Steve hummed and Kayla lowered her chin to look down her naked body at Steve as he carefully pulled away her underwear. He smirked greedily and Kayla had to look back to the ceiling to will her blush back down, cursing herself for not cleaning herself up for this. She'd been more worried about healing from brain surgery than getting a Brazilian, and that was after she'd remembered she wasn't a Sokovian scientist.

Looking down again, she found Steve watching her patiently. She hadn't even realized his thumb has started slowly petting the inside of her thigh as he waited for her to urge him on. Kayla swallowed and threw her head back, and Steve just chuckled, "You need a break?"

"No."

"You sure? You seem pretty miserable." Steve teased before kissing her hip bone, "We haven't even gotten this far."

Kayla rolled her eyes and rubbed her calves together. She was thankful she'd at least made the effort to shave her legs the day before yesterday, despite not having done it herself since she was in high school. Tiffany should have known better, and drug Katiana's ass to the salon before her surgery. Being self conscious wasn't helping Kayla get past her mental block, but she sure as hell wasn't going to give up and admit she wasn't ready. Kayla looked to Steve, narrowing her eyes, "Keep going."

Steve's teeth broke through his lips in a wicked grin, "What do you want me to do?"

"Put your mouth on me."

He didn't need to be told twice, grabbing each of her muscular thighs in his massive hands to pull them apart and give him easier access. When his tongue licked up her slit, Kayla felt her body tense, like a rubber band that wanted to snap. Her heart leapt into her throat as she gasped, arching her back and fisting the sheets as he paused, giving her plenty of time to stop him before going again.

She was thrown back to the weeks on end she'd spend in New York to be close to her new boyfriend in early 2013. Steve was a willing student in every subject, wanting to meet Kayla's expectations as a boyfriend and a lover. She remembered him worshipping her body like she was the Goddess Aphrodite, just as he was now as he slowly began moving up until he was hovering over her.

Kayla looked into his worried blue eyes, noting how they were blown out with lust, "Are you still okay?"

"Yes." She told him truthfully, fully aware he'd brought her to the brink of orgasm before stopping to check on her. "Do you want me to..."

"No." He said shortly, leaning over and kissing her cheek, "Just you." A cheeky grin bloomed and his voice dropped as he added, "I'm ready to go."

She laughed and reached her hands down to his jeans to unbuckle him, "I can see that. Remember what the doctor said, I have to take it easy."

"I will. I promise." Steve murmured as he pecked her lips. He shimmied out of his pants and Kayla ran her tongue along her teeth in anticipation, thinking she was finally ready to get past her time in Sokovia and get back on track with the life she was supposed to have.

Steve lowered himself and Kayla raised her head to meet his lips, remembering all the times he made sweet love to her when she'd had a bad day or when he had to go away for a few days. It was always a promise that he'd be there, and he wouldn't let her down. But as Kayla closed her eyes, she was taken back to the cold, dirty Hydra base in snowy Sokovia. She remembered working hard, busying herself, and suddenly there'd be hands between her legs and fingers tangled around her hair, threatening her if she denied the soldiers what they wanted. Sometimes they'd take her out to dinner first, then take her to their barracks, where they'd fuck her until she was sobbing but they didn't care. The pretty little scientist who didn't remember who she was, but must have been a whore because her pussy wasn't tight anymore.

"Please stop!" Kayla cried, shoving her left hand against Steve's chest as her right hand clenched the sheets. Tears rolled over her round cheeks and soaked the fabric around her neck until she was practically blind. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I- I-"

"Kay, I haven't done anything yet." Steve whispered sadly as he moved to sit beside her so he could wipe away her tears, "I didn't touch you, I swear."

She sobbed harder as she sat up and grabbed onto Steve's shoulder, "I'm so sorry... I'm sorry... I was back there... It felt like I was back at Hydra."

"I'm not mad at you," Steve turned so she could cry against his chest and he could hold her tightly, feeling her skin rougher than he remembered it as he drug his fingers up and down her back. He felt her shudder, but he didn't stop trying to comfort her. She wanted to fight through it, but he couldn't help but wonder if she needed a therapist, not a fiancé, "Baby, do you need me to go?"

"Please don't." He felt her grip tighten on him as she she buried her face into his neck, "Don't leave me. I'll get better, I promise."

Steve pushed her away carefully, seeing how completely wrecked she looked. Her green eyes only shined because they were drowning in tears, and her skin looked pale and worn, not tan and supple as it had been when he'd been with her last. She looked like a real person, and Steve wanted to tell her that he loved seeing her so raw, but not now, not when she was feeling so shattered. He lowered his head a little, and her lower lip shook, as if realizing he was going to tell her something she didn't want to hear, "Kay... when we get home, will you talk to somebody? About what happened?"

Kayla blinked a couple of times to clear her vision, "I'm okay." Steve gave his fiancé his best Captain America stare, and she amended, "I'm not okay, but I can work through it. I promise."

"I'd feel better if you talked to someone. I'll come with you."

"It isn't that," she sighed, rubbing her eye with the palm of her hand, "I know I need to go back to my therapist and my doctor and get my life back on track, but I want to figure this out on my own as best I can. Remember after my overdose, when you had to threaten my therapist not to release my suicide attempt to the press?"

Steve let out a noise that sounded like a snarl at the memory, "She was a bitch."

"She got an offer for the story. The only reason I got the heads up was because she thought I'd pay higher to make it go away." Kayla said evenly, feeling more grounded as her heartrate slowed, "I'm ashamed of what happened. I'll talk about a lot of it, but I don't want anybody to know about... you know."

"I still don't like it." He spat, realizing she was right, "You need help."

"You're helping."

"I don't think I am."

"Steve," Kayla sighed, grabbing his jaw to hold him close, "I'm doing so much better than I was when we got here. Hell, I'm doing so much better than I was before I was taken. I'm feeling really good in almost every aspect of my life, that's because of you." She tilted her head, drawing her lips into a straight line as Steve tried to look away, "I know this is just hard because the one aspect I'm struggling in is the one that affects you."

He glared at her, showing his displeasure in her choice of words, "It all affects me."

"Well, this doesn't affect anyone else then." She corrected with a small smile. "I love you."

The man sighed and shifted a little closer, leaning his bare side against her chest as she draped her arms around him, "I love you, too."

By the time Tiffany and Sam arrived two hours later, Kayla and Steve had put their attempt at intimacy out of their minds, and focused on being good hosts for their friends. In fact, they looked like a cardboard cutout of a camping advertisement standing outside of the cabin in matching red plaid button ups with denim jeans. Kayla jogged over to Tiffany as she stepped out of the back of the quinjet, looking around at the wilderness in a mixture of wonder and disgust.

"How are you?" Kayla cooed as she reached her best friend, wrapping the smaller woman in a hug, "I can't wait to see what you're looking at!"

Tiffany patted Kayla on the arm, looking her up and down and nodding in approval, "I'm doing great! We're looking at setting a date in the spring in D.C. I've picked out a couple of dress options that I want to run by you, and I have a few things to ask you. Well, one thing."

"Yes." Kayla blurted and Tiffany crossed her arms, pursing her lips. Kayla's smile blossomed until she couldn't contain it and laughed, "I mean, whatever you want, I'll probably say yes. Whatever it is that you were going to ask, that's wedding related... most likely me being a bridesmaid. Or at least the celebrity guest of honor."

Sam chuckled as he slung his arm around Steve's shoulder and waited to see what his fiancé would do with Kayla. Tiffany snorted and rolled her eyes before moaning, "Well, I was going to ask you later if you'd be my maid of honor, but since you're so impatient, I guess I'll just ask you now."

"Yes! Yes, I'm so excited!" Kayla squealed as she wrapped her arms around Tiffany and jumped up and down, taking the small woman with her.

"Baby, take it easy!" Steve called from where he stood with Sam. "Not so much physical activity."

"I'm sure it's nothing compared to-"

"Nope, don't bring it up." Steve hissed to Sam, turning him and leading him back towards the house before Kayla could realize what was said. "We haven't had sex."

Sam's brows shot up so high they practically reached his hairline, "Really?"

"She's having flashbacks to her time in Sokovia. Today was the first time we've had any relations, but we didn't make it that far." Steve admitted after looking over his shoulder to see Kayla peeking around Tiffany to see what she was showing on her tablet. She had a big grin on her face as Tiffany swiped the screen, and Kayla finally pointed at something and nodded, causing Tiffany to look up and nod in agreement. Steve smiled to himself as they reached the porch and turned around, "She's having a hard time being intimate, but Sam- she's so grounded and comfortable. I finally feel like I can give her a life that she'll be happy with. I think we might finally be on the same page."

"That's great, man. I'm really happy for you guys." Sam's expression darkened a little though, defying his words, "But, you're not rushing it are you? She's only gotten the full picture for the past few weeks, and she's still struggling. What's your time frame?"

The breath Steve took was sharp as he watched Kayla and Tiffany approach, "We're thinking sooner rather than later. Obviously we still have a lot to work through, but we're thinking about having a very small wedding. More of an elopement, so she can avoid the press of it all."

"As long as it isn't the third Friday in February."

"It won't be. But she might be married."

Sam smirked, "It would honestly mean less spotlight. Tiffany is worried that everybody will wonder about Kayla's wedding and not focus on ours."

"Kay would love nothing more than to show up and already be married." Steve told Sam quickly, then added, "We're supposed to go fishing. I gotta keep you away from them while they plan."