SAYING 'GOODBYE' IS NEVER EASY

The day finally came. And it hit Jess like a ton of bricks. In fact, it hit her so hard, that she was awake two hours before her alarm clock even went off. And no matter how hard she tried, she could not go back to sleep…and she had tried to go back asleep for an hour. It was still dark outside, so she didn't want to move around too much because she would most likely wake her family. She was pretty sure they were all still asleep, as the entire family was up late last night. However, she didn't like her feeling of isolation…and she had a need to reach out to someone. So she picked up the phone, and called the one person who wouldn't be upset that she had awakened him.

"H-hello?"

"Joe…"

"Jess? Are you okay?"

"Yes and no. I'm fine in that I'm ready to go…but the thing is, I don't know if I want to go. I swear every time I get on the plane, exciting things have just started to happen to me. A-and this semester, I don't know if I can get through it."

"Jess love…you'll be fine. In fact, I think this semester will go faster than you'd imagine. I think if you bury yourselves into your studies, you'll be coming back home to me before you even know it."

"I hope so. However, you'll be terribly busy when I come home."

"Not too busy that I can't spend lots of time with you Jess…don't ever forget that."

"I know Joe, but it doesn't change the feeling that I just want to spend all my time with you."

"Oh love…are you trying to make me kidnap you so that you can't get on that plane?"

"Would you?"

"While it's a tempting prospect love, no I wouldn't do that. The sooner you finish school, the sooner you can move back here permanently."

"Oh, you're no fun Joe…we could live on the run."

"Stop, or I will be tempted to drive over there now and tie you to a chair so you don't go running off."

"Why do I have a feeling that you would tie me down?"

"Because sometimes love, I know what's best for you."

"Are you so sure about that?"

"I said sometimes, not always…even I'm not foolish enough to know everything."

"Okay I'll give you that, but just remember that it's only sometimes."

"I won't forget that."

The young couple ended up in fits of laughter. And each time they tried to bring some form of conversation back, they would simply revert back into hilarity. However they were slammed back into reality by the sounds of Jess' alarm clock going off. Once Jess turned her alarm off, neither said a word for a few moments. It was Jess that broke the silence.

"Joe…I s-should get ready."

"I know."

"When are you coming over?"

"I can be there in an hour if you want me to."

"Could you?"

"Yes…and you know I would do even more for you love."

"I know…well, I suppose I should get ready."

"Yes you should…as should I, now that I'm going to be there in an hour. I'll see you soon love."

"See you soon Joe…I love you."

"Love you too."

They hung up the phone…neither of them uttering the words 'goodbye' because neither of them wanted to say them. However they both knew that the day would eventually come that they would never have to say those words to each other ever again. But until then…they would just have to carry on.

Jess bolted from her bed. She didn't want to be running behind when Joe came. As she walked to the bathroom, she ran into her mother who was on her way to wake her daughter up. Jess told her mom that Joe was going to be at the house in about an hour, and that's why she was up so early. Jess' mom smiled at her daughter after Jess had shut the bathroom door. After her quick shower, Jess went back to her room, and found some clothes. Because of the long flight ahead of her, she grabbed some jeans and a lightweight sweater. Even though it was cold in England, and it would be cold in Newark, it would feel quite warm once they landed in Los Angeles.

Taking one last long look at her room, she closed her large suitcase. She then picked up her purse, made sure she had everything she needed in it, and then put it with her suitcase. Jess then tossed her wool coat on top of her suitcase. She sat on her bed, to put on her boots. Since she still had a bit of time, she started reading a magazine. She somehow managed to get terribly engrossed in an article that she didn't hear the doorbell ring. Jess barely even heard the knock at her bedroom door…it was the voice that broke her concentration.

"Jess…"

"Uh…Joe, what are you doing up here?"

"Nice to see you too." Joe said with a wink. "Your mom sent me up here to help you get all your stuff downstairs. Let's go, she has breakfast ready, and I'm quite hungry since you have me up so early."

Jess just sat there on her bed, looking at the floor. Normally she would smile at Joe's upbeat manner, but today she couldn't smile. She didn't have it in her. Jess wasn't sure she was going to be able to get on that plane.

"Jess…what's wrong?" Joe said as he sat next to Jess.

"I-I just don't know how I'm going to get on the plane. I know I need to, but part of me is screaming at me, telling me to stay here."

"Come here." Joe pulled her into his arms and just held her. She was crying, but he let her cry. There were no words he could offer her, because in reality, Joe was experiencing the same emotions as Jess. When her tears were spent, Jess reluctantly pulled away. Joe handed her a tissue.

"Wipe your tears love."

"I'm sorry I've turned into such a wet blanket Joe." Jess said with a feigned smile.

"No need to apologize. Come on, I think our breakfast is getting cold."

And with his smile, Joe pulled Jess up off the bed, gave her a quick kiss. Jess grabbed her coat and purse, and Joe took her large, heavy suitcase and down the stairs they went. They arranged her stuff by the front door, so it would be easy to walk out the door when it was time to leave for Heathrow. Mr. Bhamra was already at Heathrow, so Joe was going to be responsible for getting Jess and her mom to the airport. Joe would also be responsible on taking Mrs. Bhamra back to her home after Jess' plane departed.

The small group sat at the dining room table, quietly eating their breakfast. No one really knew what to say, and fearing saying anything to upset anyone. Joe sat there watching Jess, not wanting to take his eyes from her. This was going to be the last time he would see her until the end of May. All he was going to have for the next five months were the pictures they took in Ireland and the internet. He wasn't sure that was going to be enough. Jess couldn't look at either Joe or her mother, for fear she would break into tears. Mrs. Bhamra looked at the young couple she shared her table with. She had a feeling of the thoughts racing through their heads.

Just before 10am, Joe hauled Jess' suitcase to his car. Her flight left at 1pm, but because of the international flight, she had to check in by 11. When the suitcase was loaded, he went back inside to tell the ladies they were ready to head to Heathrow. Joe opened the front passenger door open for Mrs. Bhamra. Jess sat in the seat behind her mother. The drive to the airport was short and quick, however Jess' heart grew heavier the closer they got to the airport. It took her a few moments to realize that Joe and her mother were out of the car, while she sat rooted in her spot. The only way she knew she was there, was Joe opened her door and held out his hand to her. "Come love" he whispered.

Jess went up to the ticket counter with her suitcase, passport, and ticket while Joe and her mother hung back waiting for her. Once she had her boarding pass, she went over to them, and they were on their way down the busy concourse. Mr. Bhamra was going to join them closer to her flight time, so he could say his farewells as well. The small group found a quiet corner by the gate so they could spend some time together. Joe sat next to Jess, holding her hand…gently stroking it. Jess' mother sat across from them. Conversation was kept as light as possible. Eventually, they were joined by Jules and her family, which lightened the mood remarkably. Many stories were shared of events over the past few weeks…of course Mrs. Paxton was interested about Jess' engagement ring. Mrs. Paxton said something to the effect that now maybe Jess could somehow get this Stephen fellow to do the same for her daughter. All Jules could say was, "Oh, mother." complete with rolled eyes, which brought out fits of laughter from the entire group.

Around 12:15pm, Mr. Bhamra was allowed away from his post to come and see his daughter off. He was pleased to see the happy scene when he got to the gate. However, knowing Jess he knew the happiness was really a façade. However to keep her as calm as he could, he went to his wife's side to keep Mrs. Bhamra calm. Hopefully a calm mother would keep Jess calm. It probably wouldn't work, however it was worth a shot he thought to himself.

Passengers started boarding the plane even before Mr. Bhamra arrived. The 747 was at capacity like most UK-US flights, so it was going to take some time to board. Once again because the girls had first class tickets, they weren't about to rush on board. They'd rather stay with their families as long as they could. However, they came a time where they could wait no more. The people working at the gate started giving them the looks that told them that they really needed to board the plane now.

Jess gave her parents long hugs, and promised that she would call them as soon as she arrived on campus. Jules in turn did the same with her family. However for Jess her heart was breaking, and now she had to say the goodbye she wasn't sure she could make.

"I-I…" Jess was on the verge of tears and couldn't say anything more.

Joe pulled her into his arms and just held her as long as he could.

"Shh…..love, it's okay." Joe said quietly. "We'll see each other soon…it won't be as long as we think it is. Soon, it will be a warm afternoon in May, and you'll be right here, back in my arms."

"I can't go Joe…"

"Yes you can…here, give me a quick kiss love, and be on your way."

Just as Jess gave Joe a quick kiss, they were announcing the final boarding call for the flight. She turned and walked to the gate, however she stopped just before she handed her boarding pass to the attendant at the gate. She turned and ran back to Joe. She needed a real kiss, and that is what she found. It was Joe that broke their embrace.

"Oh, Jess…" Joe said trying to catch his breath. "As much as I love you and want you to stay, you have to go. Chin up. Don't forget me now, okay."

"Never. I love you Joe."

"Love you too Jess…now go."

This time when Jess reached the gate agent, she managed to hand the lady her boarding pass. Just before she walked onto the jet way, she turned to wave to her family one last time. Jess hoped that this feeling of heartache would get less and less with each flight back to America. Time would tell.