We threw all the wrapping paper in the fireplace and gathered our new treasures to admire them. I carefully picked up my presents and put them in the room I was staying in. I put my coat on to walk in the snow. I had too much going on in my head to do anything else. Walking was my way of sorting through things.

"Where you off to, cara?" Grappa asked as I headed out the door.

"Hawai'i. I heard it's warm this time of year." I smiled.

"Be safe out there. Don't go near any volcanoes. I'm sure Pela doesn't need you as a sacrifice." Grappa joked back.

I kissed his cheek. "I promise I will be."

I thought about what Tariq had said, not just on the phone, but in his email. I thought about my reply. Would he reply... I silently started to curse myself for thinking that Riqy would say those things to toy with me. He wasn't that type of person. I sat on the bench my parents gave my grandparents for Christmas a couple years ago and stared at the white blissfulness.

"You'll catch your death of cold." My brother's voice scared me.

"What are you doing out here?"

He looked at me. "You think you're the only one that goes for walks to clear your head?" He sat next to me. "I've got my issues too. Not as bad as yours, granted." He nudged.

"What's going on with you?"

"Jessica."

"What about her?"

"I think she's feeling more for me than I feel for her." He sighed. "I'm 23 years old. I don't know if I'm in love or not. I don't know if I'm ready for marriage. I just got out of college and I need to focus on my career now. I talked with my counselor at the school and they think that I could do a rotation in the Emergency Room and continue learning there." He leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs. "I want that, sis. I am going to be an Emergency Room doctor and I don't think Jess understands that. She thinks that I'll be one of those doctors who work in an office Monday to Friday and home by 6 pm."

"You've always wanted to work in the Emergency Room. Is she trying to persuade you otherwise?"

"Yeah." He leaned back. My brother and I had this odd relationship where we spoke to each other about everything. Despite the typical sibling fights we had, we always knew that we could open up to each other. "She thinks that I'll be rolling in the dough as a doctor. I think, or at least am beginning to, she's wanting a life that I don't. I mean, we've never been rich, but we've certainly lived well."

"In want for nothing." I smiled, thinking of my dad's words one time when I complained about not getting the bike I wanted, but didn't get.

"It's a life I'm comfortable with." He sighed heavier this time.

"You are a diamond, Gianni."

"How?"

"You've never wanted a lot. You need to have something in your life that gives you what you want and need."

"That's not Jessica." He looked at me. "I mean, you've got Tariq."

I looked at him, exasperated. "Am I the only one that doesn't know something?"

"He loves you and..."

"He told me that on the phone and in an email."

"You told him you loved him back, right? Because if you didn't, I'm going to go Italian on you right now and kick your ass so hard that your grandchildren's grandchildren will feel it."

"Grappy told me to email Riqy and tell him, which I did. But am I the only one that missed it?" I slapped my gloved hands down on my thighs.

"Yeah. Tariq missed your love for him too. You were both caught up in this whole cairde aspect of your lives that you both missed out on years." He patted my shoulder. "It's okay. I think I took care of your half." He winked.

"Fool." I laughed.

"Don't stay out here too long." He stood up. "Don't let Riqy go because you're scared." He turned to leave and then faced me again. "You promise to watch out for me if we end up in the same ER, right?"

"Of course." I stood up and walked with him. "An older sister has to look out for her younger brother. But, you have to understand that we nurses really run the ER." I laughed.

"Noted." He laughed back.

I sat at the computer, staring at my inbox. I saw an email from Tariq, but hadn't opened it. I wondered what he had to say after reading what I said about me being in love with him too. I decided to open it and cried at what I read.

Ciara, what a lovely email to receive. I had talked to my parents about what I was feeling and they told me that I needed to tell you. As Dad said, no chance taken is a chance wasted. I know it's clichéd to tell you that the war has made me think about life, death, and love. I've love you more than I could ever tell you for as long as I can remember. I cannot wait to come home to you and make this official. The thought of you waiting at home for me has seen me through the past couple of weeks and has helped me keep my head about me as we've gone in to the towns to find insurgents and rebels. Continue to wait for me. I love you. Tariq

I wiped some stray tears as I hit reply.

Tariq, I was afraid of how you'd react when I told you that I love you. I'm positive that you must have felt the same way. Why did we both wait to tell each other what we felt for each other, especially if we have felt this way for so long? You come home safe to me, Tariq. I cannot wait for you come home and make this official. I will wait for you, love. I'll be here for you when you come home. I love you! Ciara

I sent the message and wiped some stray tears. Gianni came in and sat on the floor next to me. "You okay, CiCi?"

"Yeah. Just got an email from Riqy." I wiped a tear.

"He doesn't feel for you as he..."

"No, he does. It was the words he used to tell me he loved me." I hugged my brother. "He loves me. He really loves me!"

Gianni laughed. "Yes, Sally Field. He really loves you." He grinned ear to ear.

Ciara,

Well, I just received your letter and I was so happy to see it. I didn't read it for a good 1/2 hour. I couldn't believe how good it smelled. So damned great that I just can't help myself from smelling it over and over again. And, yes, it HAS been an eternity. You don't know how much it means to me to know that you have that special feeling for me. I'm in such a great mood that I cannot believe how good of a mood I'm in!

I cannot wait to get home to you. Joey...Don't even tease that you could ever bore me. You haven't bored me for the past few years, so don't think it will start now. wink wink Your face and smell and the feel of your body against mine plays in my mind.

Anyhow...Sarge is screaming (but that ain't new!) so I need to close. Just remember I love you and always have.

With my fullest heart,

Tariq

I read the email about 10 times before I decided to respond back. I just held my fingers over the keys, wondering what to say; how to reply back. I was never one that was good at writing love letters. Tariq had written such a beautiful email that I was really stuck on replying back. I didn't want him to think that I couldn't feel deep love for him; I just couldn't seem to express it in words.

Riqy...I've just read your email. Such beautiful words. No one ever knew you had it in you. wink wink nudge nudge, A nudge is as good as a wink to a blind bat! I read this thing over and over and over again, wondering how I could possibly reply back to your words without putting my foot in my mouth (which we BOTH know I do so often. No wonder I like sole. ahaha)

Anyhow, I could never express fully what I feel for you. I wish I could find the words and write you a beautiful Shakespearean Sonnet, but I can't. I wanted to send one of his your way, and all I could find was this one:

Let me confess that we two must be twain,

Although our undivided loves are one:

So shall those blots that do with me remain,

Without thy help, by me be borne alone.

In our two loves there is but one respect,

Though in our lives a separable spite,

Which though it alter not love's sole effect,

Yet doth it steal sweet hours from love's delight.

I may not evermore acknowledge thee,

Lest my bewailed guilt should do thee shame,

Nor thou with public kindness honour me,

Unless thou take that honour from thy name:

But do not so, I love thee in such sort,

As thou being mine, mine is thy good report

Then I remembered how much you loved this poem, so here it is. I guess it describes what I feel towards you:

How do I love thee ? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life !--and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death

I know those are words of others long past, but they wrote what a lot of people feel, but can not say.

Take care, Tariq. Come home safe to us; to me.

Gráim thú (I love you) and cronaím thú (I miss you).

Le grá go deo (with love forever)

Ciara

I hit the SEND button. Tariq and I were teaching each other the language of our parents. I sometimes felt sorry for him as he was trying to also understand Italian. I thought it best if he just learned the Gaelic. He was learning quick, though he rarely said anything in Gaelic.

I sat there, hoping he was on, even though I knew he wouldn't be.

"Cara!" I heard Grappa yell. "You're going to miss it!"

"Coming, seanathair!" I closed out. The new year was coming quick. I heard my family counting down, in an odd mix of English, Gaelic, and Italian.

Suddenly my dad hugged me. "Happy new year, poppet. This year should bring you many joys." His eyes danced and sparkled. "Riqy will come home to you, cara. I promise you."

I smiled. I knew Tariq would come home. It just couldn't come soon enough.