Chapter Two- Facing the Truth

Faith couldn't help but overhear most of Nathan and Elizabeth's conversation on the other side of the partition. She'd watched Rosemary scurry out with Jack, silently grateful that Molly had followed them; though she was good about not repeating anything she overheard in the course of patient care, Molly did like to talk. Faith suspected that the latest in Nathan and Elizabeth's relationship woes would be prime gossip, well intended sharing or not. Nathan tipped his head towards her as he left, and Faith waited a few minutes before checking on Elizabeth, giving her a time to compose herself.

She stepped slowly around the curtain, watching as her friend wiped the tears from her cheeks. "How are you feeling?"

Elizabeth shrugged as she looked up. There was no sense in trying to hide anything from Faith; the doctor had surely heard her entire interaction with Nathan. "I have certainly made a mess of things, haven't I?"

Faith sat in the chair beside the bed and took Elizabeth's hand between both of hers, offering comfort as well as checking that her pulse wasn't elevated. Finding it normal, she squeezed her hand gently before letting go. "Perhaps it's not as bad as you think." When Elizabeth looked at her skeptically, she added, "He did promise to come back tomorrow. I have never known Nathan to go back on his word."

"You're right," Elizabeth conceded. She was quiet for a moment. "I never meant to hurt anyone, especially Allie and Nathan, but look at the damage I caused. Where did everything go so wrong?"

Faith considered her words for a moment before she spoke. She had had concerns about Elizabeth's well-being and state of mind for quite some time, but never felt her friend was ready to hear them. Perhaps now they could finally be addressed. "Do you want to know how I think this all started?" Elizabeth finally met her eyes, nodding. "I don't think you ever really grieved for Jack. Not completely. You mourned him for a few weeks—we all did—but then you found out you were pregnant. Your entire focus shifted to taking care of yourself for the sake of the baby and you pushed your grief aside. Sure, you were sad at times, but not the deep, dark depression one would expect for a time after such a terrible tragedy. And we all encouraged you. Carson, Abigail, Bill, me… everyone in town admired your strength for moving on so quickly. We should have urged you to talk about Jack and how you were feeling instead of letting you bottle up your grief and set it aside. When your son was born, he became the center of your world, as he should be. You were honoring Jack by loving and caring for his child, by being a good widow. Everyone who knew you respected the walls you had put up and the roles you intended to play. Then Lucas and Nathan came to town, and you weren't just a widow anymore. Suddenly you were an attractive single woman again."

"Lucas may not have known I was a widow when he arrived, but Nathan certainly did. Jack and I are the reason he came to Hope Valley in the first place," Elizabeth pointed out. "And as it turns out, I was just an opportunity for Lucas, a means to and end."

Faith shook her head. "Nathan may have come here out of a sense of duty, but his dedication to Jack's memory quickly turned into true affection for you and your little boy. The poor man couldn't think straight around you, and we could all see that you were starting to have feelings for him, too. The more you started to feel, the harder you fought against it, as though you felt you were betraying Jack's memory by opening your heart again."

"Jack wanted me to move on," Elizabeth admitted quietly. "He told me so in a letter. I still have it in the drawer next to my bed, right beside my wedding rings."

"When was the last time you read it?" Faith prodded gently.

Elizabeth shrugged. "Not for a while. Lucas didn't like when I talked about Jack and our relationship, so I tucked it away, literally and figuratively."

"And that's the problem," Faith insisted. "You hid your feeling away instead of facing them, first with Jack's death and then with Nathan. When you thought he had been killed in that prisoner transfer, you realized you had real, deep feelings for Nathan. Everything you had bottled up—the guilt, the attraction, the pain—it all exploded, and you panicked. You retreated from Nathan and with Lucas gone for a few weeks, you had nothing to do but overthink things. When Lucas returned, you jumped into a courtship with him in order to hide from your attraction to Nathan. You were still drawn to him and Allie, still trying to be a part of their lives, but refusing to commit to them. I watched you with both men. With Lucas, you were pretending to care, trying to force affection and maybe even love where there wasn't any real connection. On the other hand, you were drawn to Nathan over and over again, and you lit up every time you were near him. You had the same kind of light in your eyes that you had with Jack, the same fire. And before you get upset, I'm not saying that what you feel for Nathan replaces what you had with Jack, but it is at least as strong."

"Even if that's true, it's too late," Elizabeth sighed. "I ruined everything."

"Maybe not," Faith heartened. "Nathan is the one grieving now. He wanted a life and a family with you, and those dreams died when you agreed to marry Lucas. His heart is still broken."

Elizabeth's eyes filled up with tears again as she acknowledged Faith's words. "I don't even know where to start. I don't know how to fix this."

"By giving him the same consideration he offered you. Nathan knew that you weren't ready, that you weren't over Jack, so he gave you time and space. When all you were able to offer was friendship, he accepted that, no questions asked, no pressure. Give that to him and Allie now. Perhaps with time, he will see a new future with you."

Nathan sank onto the bench outside the infirmary, his heart heavy. He hadn't planned on saying those things to Elizabeth today, not while she was recovering, but when she'd brought up the idea of him staying in Hope Valley, he had no choice. He had been honest with her; he really was under orders from his superiors to return to Union City to oversee the entire investigation, not just the most recent events. They had offered him some lenience, knowing that Hope Valley used to be his home and that the town and its people were important to him, but it was understood that there was a bigger puzzle at play and most of the pieces were waiting for him back home.

Home.

Union City was getting more familiar and comfortable every day, but he still had a hard time thinking of it as "home". To him, the dusty streets and hard-working people of this little town still held that place in his heart. Not that his heart could be trusted with much of anything lately. He glanced back at the infirmary door and sighed, lowering his head into his hands.

"Dad?"

Nathan's head came up quickly to find Allie standing in front of him.

She looked between him and infirmary door worriedly. "Is Mrs. Thornton alright?"

Nathan forced a smile, standing and pulling Allie into a hug. "Mrs. Thornton is fine," he assured her. "I just have a lot on my mind."

Allie studied him for a moment. "But you were thinking about her just now, weren't you?"

His daughter was always a little too perceptive. "I was," he admitted. "We talked a bit. I told her you and I are going home tomorrow, and she was very disappointed. She was hoping we would be staying here."

Allie gave him another hug. "I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt her feelings. It's like you tell me- the truth hurts sometimes." She looked again at the door to the clinic, her face uncertain.

"Do you want to go in and talk to her?" Nathan asked gently. "I'm sure Mrs. Thornton wouldn't mind another visitor."

Allie considered it for a moment, then shook her head. "No, I don't think so," she finally replied. "I'm glad she's awake and that she's going to be okay but… I'm just not ready to see her yet. She said a lot of things that she thought were true, at least at the time, and they really hurt you and me. I just don't want to take the chance she's going to do it again."

The memory of Elizabeth's words in the jail last year and her declaration of love earlier today both danced in his mind, but he pushed them aside. No matter what he was feeling or thinking, Allie came first. "That's fine," he assured her. "I just want you to know that you have the option if you want it."

Allie shrugged. "Maybe tomorrow, before we leave. I could actually say good-bye this time."

Nathan smiled as they started walking. "Jack was here earlier. I promised him we would stop and see him before we leave."

Allie leaned into her dad's embrace as they headed across the street to the café, a wide grin spreading across her face. "Aw, Jack! I can't wait to see him! I bet he's grown a bunch since we left. I wonder if he still has that horse you gave him?"

"Allie, is something wrong?"

Allie turned quickly from the window at Mrs. Montgomery's question. She had watched her dad walk back towards town after escorting her to Emily's, and her mind stayed with him even after he'd moved out of sight. He just seemed so…alone. "Everything's fine. And thanks again for letting me stay here."

"It's our pleasure to have you here with us, sweetheart," Mrs. Montgomery replied. She continued to watch Allie, her eyebrows raised in a silent question.

Allie glanced up the stairs at the sound of the other girls' laughter, then looked back at the window with a sigh. "I don't think my dad is happy to be back here," she said quietly. "As excited as I am to be here and to see all my friends and everything, I think being back in Hope Valley hurts him. I know he's relieved that all those bad men at the saloon were caught and sure, and he's glad to see everyone, but…"

"But there is a certain someone he wasn't quite ready to see again?" Mrs. Montgomery offered gently. "Seeing Mrs. Thornton again is sure to have opened the old wounds."

"Exactly!" Allie replied. "It was his job to come back here and catch those men, and to protect Mrs. Thornton. It scares me that part of his job is facing bullets like that, but he would have done the same for you, Miss Miller, Mr. Gowan, the Coulters, or any other citizen of Hope Valley. The fact that it was her though…I think he's having a hard time with that."

Mrs. Montgomery gathered Allie into her arms, offering support and love when she didn't have words to comfort her. Everyone knew that Nathan had been in love with Elizabeth, and they understood why he'd felt the need to leave town the way he did when she accepted Mr. Bouchard's proposal. That he was able to put his own feeling aside to protect her now was admirable, but not surprising. And he had clearly taught Allie the same sense of compassion for others.

Stepping back, she placed her hands on Allie's shoulders and waited until the girl met her gaze. "It's wonderful the way you want to take care of your dad. I know he's hurting right now, and I hope he finds someone—Mr. Avery perhaps—to talk to. But I also know he wouldn't want you to worry about him. He wants you to have fun with your friends while you're here. I'll tell you what. You go upstairs and enjoy your time with Emily, Opal, and Anna, and I'm going to put together a basket of things for you and your dad to take when you leave tomorrow. I still have some of my huckleberry jam from last season, and I baked some chocolate chip cookies this afternoon. As I recall, those are some of your dad's favorites. I'm going to go ask around and see if anyone else has something they want to add. We'll make sure you and your dad take some good with you when you head home tomorrow, instead of just more bad memories."

Allie hugged Mrs. Montgomery again, trying to hide the tears welling in her eyes. "Thank you," she murmured against the kind woman's shoulder. "I'm sure my dad will really appreciate it, and I know that I do."

"Of course, sweetheart. You and your dad will always be a part of this town, no matter where you're living now."

"Allie!" Emily's voice called down from upstairs, followed by similar calls from Anna and Opal.

"You'd better get up there," Mrs. Montgomery laughed. "I'll come check on you girls later. Have fun!"

Allie grinned and hurried up the stairs. She was still worried about her dad, but it was nice to know that the people in Hope Valley were still watching out for them.

AN- I know I know...Faith kind of said all the things that Elizabeth needs to acknowledge about herself and her actions. She willstill have a lot to work out for herself, and I intend for her to exam the things Faith said, but well...I'm impatient. If you know me at all, you know I am a 'happily ever after' kind of girl, so dragging out the angst is hard for me. (Unless a certain saloon owner is involved, in which case all sense of compassion and decorum is out the window.) So, I laid everything out and Elizabeth got a dose of tough love. Might as well start all the wounds healing properly.