I can't tell you what it really is; I can only tell you what it feels like. And, right now, it's a steel knife in my windpipe. I can't breathe, but I still fight while I can fight. As long as the wrong feels right, it's like I'm in flight. – Love the Way You Lie, Eminem & Rihanna

Got me all messed up; his love is my favorite. But you plus me sadly can be dangerous… Gotta kill this love, before it kills you too. – Kill this Love, BlackPink

January 15, 1978

"Layla, wake up," Regulus muttered in her ear. Layla bolted upright, scrambling for her wand and breathing heavily. He stroked her back as she realized that she was still in the Ravenclaw common room on the couch with Regulus, perfectly safe. "Nightmare?"

Layla rubbed her eyes and looked back at him, fighting not to yawn. "Why'd you wake me?"

Regulus watched her carefully. "You were whimpering in your sleep, tossing and turning. I thought you were having a nightmare."

Shaking her head, Layla mumbled, "I'm fine."

Raising an eyebrow at her, Regulus asked, "Since when do you lie to me?"

Sighing, Layla pushed her hair back from her face. "What time is it?"

"Five in the morning."

"Ugh, I only got like an hour of sleep."

"I wanted to make sure you were ok," Regulus said, brushing a stray wave of black hair away from her neck.

Layla pulled away from his touch. "I'm fine; it was just a dream," she insisted. "I'm fine, really."

Growing defensive, Regulus argued, "Layla, you just drowned someone a few hours ago. An innocent bystander."

"Wrong place, wrong time," Layla muttered.

"Maybe so," Regulus said. "But you were the one who ended his life, and no one even asked you to do it. It was your first reaction. No one made you do it."

"So what?" Layla snapped. "He was like ninety; he'd have died soon anyway."

Regulus shook his head, pushing himself up to sit straighter. "Wow," he drawled. "That's not like you at all. You're not cold and callous like that. Last night, you were crying your eyes out for hours, miserable over the fact that you killed, what, two people?"

"One," Layla corrected. "I just – just paralyzed that woman, and Lucius killed her."

"Exactly, and it's not like you to just be 'fine' a few hours later."

"And how am I supposed to act?" Layla growled, maneuvering herself off Regulus's lap to sit on the other end of the couch and curling her legs under her. "Should I be some skittish, foolish, idealistic little girl the rest of my life? I'm trying to be more realistic these days; what's so wrong with that?"

"No, but you're not being yourself either. Being more realistic doesn't have to change who you are." He patted her arm, and said, "Layla, you don't have to cover up for me. I know you have to seem fine to everyone else for your own safety, but you don't have to pretend with me. You ought to know that by now. You can be honest with me, be yourself with me."

Layla huffed, propping her elbow on the back of the couch and using her hand to support her head. "I was honest with you, Regulus," she said quietly. "And you said no. You told me to go get engaged to Malfoy, and I did it."

Regulus raised an eyebrow at her. "Seriously? That's what you're upset about right now?"

"I'm upset about a lot of things," she said. "But yes, that's one of them, and it's on my mind."

"You'd have still had to go through that test if we'd started going out instead," Regulus reminded her. "It wouldn't have magically fixed everything."

"I know that."

"Lucius is better for you, safer for you. And you'll make a good match with him."

Sighing, she said, annoyed, "Yes, yes, I know that, too."

"Then where's the problem?"

"The problem," Layla snapped. "Is that I wanted it to be you, Regulus. I wanted to be with you, and you wanted to be with me, but we decided not to anyway. And now, you want things to stay the same. You want me to stay as open and honest with you as ever, and I just don't know that I can. And I mean, we just spent the night in bed – well, on the couch – together, and yeah, neither of us are bothered by it, but Lucius would be pissed as hell about it."

"Layla, come on," Regulus said, throwing their blanket over the back of the couch. "We're best friends, and I'd never lay on a hand on you in any way unless you wanted it that way. Everyone knows that, including Lucius."

Layla groaned, running her hand through her hair again. It was a pointless, losing argument. Because, of course, he was right. No one would ever doubt his intentions toward her; they may as well have been siblings as far as anyone else was concerned. "I am fine," she insisted, lying through her teeth. "I've just… My parents are dead; I left my life behind and came here. I lost everything, and all year, I keep trying to get it back when going back to before is never going to happen. I'm done trying to force myself to be the same person I was before all this."

"You don't have to be the same as you were before," Regulus said, taking one of her hands in his, intertwining their fingers. "But you don't have to lose yourself completely either. I feel like you're, I don't know, like you're starting to spiral out of control. I just worry about you. It's so hard to do things like that. It's brutal, and it leaves your very soul feeling… tainted. And I don't want you to go through that alone."

Layla squeezed his hand. "I'm not out of control," she said, softer than before. "I'm just not fighting anymore. I'm done fighting. This is the way things are, and I'm just… I'm just trying to go with the flow. I just want to survive at this point, and I'll do whatever it takes to survive."

"Including murder?" Regulus whispered.

Sighing, Layla nodded. "Yes," she admitted. "When necessary, yes. Better that I kill that man than let Bellatrix have him and drag it out into a horrific, agonizing death."

"What you did was still horrific and agonizing," Regulus reminded her gently. "You could've just used the Killing Curse. It would've been an easier, more humane death for him."

"I'm not ready to go that far yet," Layla snapped in frustration.

"Why, because it's been labeled as an Unforgivable Curse? Just because the Ministry labeled it as worse, doesn't mean it actually is."

"Fine, fine! I fucked up, Regulus. Are you happy now?" Layla said, jerking her hand away from his. "I'm fucking sick over what I did. And yes, I was having a nightmare about it. The first of many, I'm sure. What do you want from me here? It's like you said, if I can't force myself to be fine, it'll put me in danger. And if I can't justify it to myself, I'll lose my mind."

Regulus ran a hand through his hair and exhaled hard, thinking. "You do realize that I've been going through the same thing for a few months now, right? I mean, I haven't been allowed to cast any spells myself because of the Trace, thank Merlin, but that doesn't mean that Bellatrix hasn't found ways to… include me. I heard you last night, telling Malfoy that you didn't want this. Well, I've never wanted this either, you know. Please, just talk to me about this. I'll understand better than anyone, and you know you can tell me anything."

Letting her head roll back to stare at the starry ceiling. "Regulus, come on," she groaned. "I can't keep doing that to myself, or to you. It's too painful. The more we keep being this close, the harder it will be for me to be with Malfoy instead of you. I need to start talking about things with him more instead of you if I'm ever going to be close enough to him to start falling in love with him."

He sighed, grabbing his cloak from the floor and standing up. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he muttered. "After all, it's not as though married women can also be close friends with a man other than their husbands."

"That's not fair," Layla said, grabbing his hand. "That's not what this is. It's just… I won't cheat on him, Regulus. I won't. It's not fair to him to put him in that position. Because you damn well know, he'll marry me anyway to protect me and keep me safe, and he'll even still be good to me, even if he knows about it."

"Do you really think so little of me to think that I would encourage you to cheat on Malfoy with me?" he demanded.

"Of course, not," Layla said. "But I don't know that either of us would have the strength to resist the temptation either. I don't want to torture ourselves with something we can't have."

Regulus bit his lip, and Layla could practically see the wheels of his mind turning. "You're right. But I just…" He exhaled sharply. "I just wish it were me," he admitted quietly. "I know it's my own fault, that I told you to give up on me and marry him, but I just… It hurts, seeing you with him, and knowing that it could've been me, and I was too afraid of you getting hurt and it being my fault to get involved with you…"

Layla sat back, too stunned to speak for a minute. She pulled a hair tie off her wrist and began pulling her thick wavy hair up off her sweaty neck. "Why are you telling me this?" she mumbled, not sure how much more emotional pain she could take in one night.

Regulus stepped back and sat on the coffee table across from her. He rubbed his face with his hands, sighing heavily. "I don't know," he said quietly. "I would never, ever ask you to cheat on Malfoy."

Layla stared hard at him, watching as his conflicted brown eyes flickered between her face and his lap. "I don't know what to do with that," Layla said. "I mean, gods, you know I wish it were you, too. But we just can't. Maybe if you'd said something before Abraxas Malfoy went and announced the engagement to the whole damn world, but now…"

"Now, it's too late," Regulus finished for her. "I know. I blew it."

Layla sighed, "Yeah."

Regulus stood up again, cloak still in hand. "I should go," he muttered. Layla didn't protest as he strode to the common room door and disappeared through it without another word.

"Look at this," Sirius was practically yelling, standing over the Gryffindor table and throwing the Daily Prophet on the table for his friends to look at when Layla finally came down to the Great Hall for breakfast. "Twelve Muggles dead in Norfolk last night, and the Dark Mark hanging over their homes."

Layla tried to ignore the Marauders overly loud conversation as she walked past them to the emptiest portion of the Ravenclaw table. "You're right, Padfoot," James said, just as angry. "It's so fucked up. Voldemort and his stupid Death Eaters have got to be bloody stopped."

Remus reminded them calmly, "We're already planning to join the Order of the Phoenix this summer, James. Until then, we have to let the Aurors do their jobs."

Lily Evans, who was sitting next to James, said, "Why aren't the Aurors stopping this? All those innocent people lost their lives so tragically, and for no good reason."

"Look," Sirius growled. "It says here that one house had two adults and two young children inside. All of them were murdered, and then their house was lit on fire. The fire spread to two houses next door before it could be stopped, but thankfully, no one in those houses got hurt. And then there's this, an old Muggle man was found in the street, drowned, his lungs full of salt water. Just in the middle of the damn street. Turns out, his brother is a wizard, works for the Ministry of Magic in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. Which means, this poor sod had to go out last night and help clean up his own brother's brutal murder."

"Poor thing," Lily murmured.

Layla struggled to eat a piece of toast at the Ravenclaw table, unable to stop listening to the conversation at the Gryffindor table. Her stomach roiled with anxiety and disgust. Something brushed against her shoulder, and she nearly jumped out of her skin at the sensation. Looking up, she found it was Sirius sitting down next to her, his arm bumping against hers. He tossed the Daily Prophet down in front of her on the table. "Thought you should see what your boyfriend got up to last night," Sirius sneered at her.

Layla pushed the newspaper away from her plate. "Lucius wasn't part of that," she lied.

"Sure, he wasn't," Sirius drawled. "Even if it wasn't him, it was his friends."

"You have no proof of that," Layla snapped, dropping her piece of toast on a plate in frustration, giving up the idea of a peaceful breakfast.

"How about the Dark Mark in the sky? Is that proof enough for you?"

Rolling her eyes, Layla grumbled, "Would you just go the hell away, please?"

Sirius smirked. "Just thought you should be a little more aware of exactly who you're marrying and how he gets his rocks off. Bet you wish you'd stayed with me now instead of going with a murderer like Malfoy. But you know, it's not too late to back out of your engagement and do the right thing…"

"I am doing the right thing, Black," Layla said firmly. "And I'd certainly never go out with the likes of you again."

"He's a murderer," Sirius said, lowering his voice. "The Prophet says that one of the victims was even raped before being murdered. But of course, you know what that's like already, so you're probably used to being a Death Eater's whore by now…"

Layla slapped him across the face as hard as she could. Sirius's head snapped to the side, and he rubbed at his jaw. "Shut up," she snarled. "You've got no bloody right."

"Can you imagine how horrible that must've been for those people?" Sirius pressed anyway. "One rape victim, babies and small children murdered in front of their parents and vice versa, one man drowned in the street for just being a witness…"

Layla stood up, trying to walk away, but Sirius grabbed her wrist and stopped her as she passed him. "Let go of me."

"That's what your precious boyfriend was getting up to last night," Sirius repeated. "Arson, rape, murder…"

Layla pulled her wand, muttering, "Enough of this." She whipped her wand, hitting Sirius's hand with a Stinging Jinx. He hissed and let go of her wrist. She turned and ran out of the Great Hall, anxious to get away from the Gryffindor and the guilt of her actions.

"Hey!" The shout from behind her in the Entrance Hall forced Layla to stop and turn back to see the source instinctively. Sirius was behind her, his boys backing him up. "What's the matter, Danes? Can't stand to look at your boyfriend's handiwork? Trying to forget who you are and where you came from? News flash, sweetheart; you're not a pureblood, and you never will be, no matter who you marry."

"I couldn't give a fuck about blood purity," Layla said, raising her voice as a crowd started to gather around them. "But you need to back the fuck off of me and the people I care about. I won't ask twice, Black," she continued as she twirled her wand around her fingers, making a show of the threat.

Sirius scoffed, "Oh, please, Danes. Like you're dangerous enough to worry about. Little miss Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures expert. You wouldn't even scare a first year, much less the four of us. You're outnumbered, one to four."

"No, two to four." Regulus approached her from behind, his wand ready as he took a spot by her side. Layla gave him a grateful glance as Sirius and James drew their wands. "And let's not forget, Sirius; I've always had better marks in Defense Against the Dark Arts than you."

James said, "Figures you'd be right at her side, Black. Little baby Death Eater wannabe babysitting the full-grown Death Eater's girl?"

Regulus remained silent, so Sirius sneered, "Just look at you, little brother. Constantly following her around like a little lost puppy. It's pathetic, really, even for you. You know, she's never going to love you back. You've lost out to a bigger, badder death Eater."

"Stupefy." The red stream of light shot across the hall, a Shield Charm from James barely popping up in time to deflect the Stunning Spell away from Sirius. Layla said, "I told you, Black. I'm not asking twice. Leave my family alone."

Sirius snarled, jerking his wand up. "Yeah, what a family," Sirius mocked. "Bunch of psychotic murderers, torturers, Death Eaters, rapists –"

Layla and Regulus both fired their Stunning Spells in the same second. James threw up another Shield Charm but not fast enough; Regulus's spell hit him in the shoulder, and James went down with a loud thud. Layla's spell deflected off Sirius's shield and hit Peter Pettigrew, and the chubby boy flew back ten feet before falling to the ground unconscious. Remus pulled his wand, stepping up next to Sirius, looking reluctant to join the fight.

"What's the matter, Black?" Snape jeered from the sidelines. "Your little brother and your ex making you and your friends look like idiots? Of course, that's the usual for you lot, so I don't see why you'd be so upset about it…"

"Shut your trap, Snivellus!" Sirius barked.

Regulus tugged at Layla's arm as Sirius and Snape really started to get into it. "Let's go," he whispered. She nodded and allowed him to lead her away, and together they slipped into the dungeon. As they walked through the corridor, Regulus said quietly, "That was close. We could've easily ended up in detention or worse."

Layla hesitated, then said, "I'm sorry. I really tried not to fight with him, I did, but he just wouldn't let well enough alone, and…"

"Hey, don't worry about it," Regulus said, sounding fairly nonchalant, to the point where Layla couldn't tell if it was an act or not. "I know exactly what my idiotic brother's like. Everything's fine. We got away." Biting her lip, Layla followed behind him quietly, letting their fingers entangle as he held her hand. He halted in front of a bare stretch of the stone wall, and Layla bumped into his back, unable to stop quickly enough. "Taipan," he muttered, and the stone slid loudly away, revealing the entrance to Slytherin House.

As Regulus tugged her inside, Layla whispered, "What the hell are we doing here?"

"Well, here's the thing," Regulus said honestly. "What I really want to say right now is that we are going to go to my room, put a Silencing Charm on the bed curtains, and try to work out a way to be together. Maybe even snog, if you wanted to." He stopped and took a deep, ragged breath. "But, the reality of our situation is, there's some Floo powder on the mantlepiece, and you can go see Lucius, open up to him, get closer to him, and work on building a relationship with the guy you're going to marry."

Layla took half a step back, a little surprised at Regulus's words. "Why are you doing this?" Layla asked. "Why are you telling me these things?" Regulus shrugged, glancing down, shamefaced. "I mean, we can't keep doing this to each other. It hurts too much."

"Well, maybe now that we've both admitted it out loud, I don't want to stop saying it," Regulus said. "Maybe now that it's out there, I don't want to take it back. It's too painful to hold back now."

"Yeah, but now, it's too painful for me to hear," Layla said, the pitch of her voice rising a little with the stress of being hurt repeatedly. "First, you reject me and tell me to go be with someone else, and now you're telling me you want to be with me. I can't – I can't take it, Regulus. I can't take being jerked around like that."

"I don't want to jerk you around, Layla," he muttered, pulling her closer. He slowly, hesitantly, dropped a hand to her waist, daring to pull her a little closer. "Layla, I know you better than anyone. I want you to be safe more than anything, but…" He paused, gathering the courage to say what came next. "But I think I might be in love with you."

Layla rubbed at her eyes, forcing away the tears that were starting to build there. "Regulus, that's not fair," she groaned. "If you were going to say this, you should've said it back at the gala. It's too late for any of this now."

Regulus nodded his understanding. "You're right," he said quietly, dejected. "You're right. I'm sorry. It's just… I didn't realize how strongly I felt for you until I saw you with someone else. First at the gala, and then last night… I thought I could handle seeing you with him, being your best friend and nothing more, and that I'd eventually get over my stupid crush, and we'd both move on and be happy. But now… I'm not so sure I can handle it."

Layla faltered, unsure of her decisions now. After all, her choice to be with Lucius Malfoy had been based on the fact that Regulus didn't want to be with her. Knowing now that Regulus did want to be with her, that he might even love her… He was right, he knew her better than anyone in the world. For the longest time, he was the only person she totally trusted. And she'd already admitted to both Regulus and Lucius that she'd rather be with Regulus. The problem was that she had already promised herself to Lucius. "Breaking my engagement to Lucius would probably result in Abraxas coming after my head. That whole family would be out for my blood, except for maybe Lucius himself. And being with you would mean that your whole family would be trying to kill me, too."

Regulus quirked his mouth to one side, brown eyes filled with sadness. "I know, but I would fight like hell to protect you, from anyone and everyone. I'd die for you, Layla."

That jarred her back to reality. "And that's exactly what would end up happening if we got together, isn't it?" she said. "You'd die trying to protect me, and I'd continue to fight back, to try to avenge you, and I'd be far too outnumbered, with enemies on both sides, and I'd die too. Don't get me wrong; I would just as willingly die for you as you would for me, but…" She shook her head, taking two steps back, out of his arms. "I don't want that. I don't want you to die for me. I'd – I'd rather have you, alive and well, as my best friend, for the rest of our lives, than put you in that kind of danger."

"Layla, I'm willing to take the chance," Regulus insisted. "I know I wasn't before, but I am now."

"And now, I'm not," Layla said, so softly that he almost missed it. "I can't. I care too much about you. You were right, before, at the gala. It would be selfish of us to put each other in danger like that just to both end up dead anyway far too soon. I would rather see you live a long, happy life without me than see you dead before twenty."

"Layla –"

"No," she said, putting her foot down. "This is it. This is my decision. You made your choices, and I've made mine. This is where we are now, Regulus. Accept it, please, or get out of my life, because I can't handle having this conversation again."

He started to reach for her, then let his hand fall at her words. He did his best to compose himself, then said, his voice thick with unshed tears, "Very well, then. I'm sorry, Layla. You're right. This isn't fair to either of us." He took a shaky breath. "I will hold my tongue in the future. I promise."

Layla nodded. "Thank you," she whispered.

Regulus nodded, no longer making eye contact with her. "The Floo Powder is over here," he mumbled, leading her down the marble steps, through the ornate green velvet and dark wood furniture of the Slytherin Common Room, and over to the elaborately carved mantlepiece over the large stone fireplace. He picked up a small jar and held it out to her, and she took a small handful of the sparkling powder inside. "Go spend the day with him. I'm sure he can make you feel better," Regulus said, his shoulders drooping. She nodded, tossing the powder in the fireplace and calling the name of her destination, giving Regulus a small sad wave goodbye as she stepped into the fireplace and disappeared into the Floo Network.

Layla stumbled out the other side into the foyer of Malfoy Manor. The whole mansion was silent as a morgue as she searched first the sitting room, then the dining room, then the library for Lucius. After searching all of his usual haunts around the house, Layla finally called for Dobby. When the house elf appeared, she asked, "Where is everyone?"

"Ah, hello, Missy Layla!" Dobby said excitedly. "Dobby wasn't expecting you home today, Miss. Master Abraxas has left for the mainland early this morning and shan't return until the summer solstice, and Master Lucius is still in bed in his room."

That surprised her. Lucius was very definitely a morning person; over the holidays, Layla had learned that the man was typically up with the sun and that he found it absolutely disgraceful if she slept even as late as nine in the morning. "After all, half the morning is gone now, dearest," he would say, teasing her as he forced her to get up in the mornings over the break. "He is? Really?" Layla asked, glancing at the clock on the library wall. It was already after ten.

"Yes, ma'am," Dobby answered, cheerful as ever. "Master Lucius got home around three this morning and spent the next hour drinking bourbon in the library, Missy Layla. He went to bed after that, giving Dobby instructions that he not be disturbed and that he would take no breakfast this morning."

"Huh." Layla glanced around and noticed for the first time the empty bottle of bourbon on the table next to the chair that barely contained one of his wolfhounds. The dog lifted its head, sniffing the air, and she held her hand out to it. It took in her scent, then licked her hand once before laying its head back down and closing its eyes, ready to go back to sleep.

"Shall I fix breakfast for Missy Layla?" Dobby asked eagerly.

She shook her head. "No, thank you, Dobby." Deciding to see if he was still asleep, Layla dismissed Dobby back to his usual chores, and she made her way upstairs until she found herself in front of his closed bedroom door. She knocked softly on the door and was met with silence. Opening the door, she peeked inside. It didn't surprise her in the least that his bedroom perfectly matched the Slytherin Common Room she'd just left. And somehow, it also didn't surprise her that there was a wall that was lined with bookshelves stuffed with double layers of books. What did catch her off guard was Lucius lying in bed, dead asleep, under a warm-looking deep green fleece blanket. She thought about leaving, going back to school and heading to Quidditch practice early; she knew she would have to return to the school that afternoon for mandatory Quidditch practice.

But she wasn't ready to go back to school, and she really did want to spend those few short hours with Lucius. She was horribly exhausted – mentally, emotionally, and physically – from the last twelve hours, and all she really wanted was for him to hold her together when she felt like she was falling apart, like he'd been offering to do ever since she got there. Layla slipped inside, shut the door silently behind her, and tiptoed across the room, opting for the side of the bed that he was the least sprawled across. She climbed gingerly onto the softest cloud of a bed she'd ever been on in her life and gently touched his shoulder, whispering his name.

Lucius jerked awake, and in under a second, he flipped her, making her squeal in surprise and pinning her to the mattress beneath him, his wand of elm and dragon heartstring against her throat. Layla stared up at him with wide, fearful eyes, worried that perhaps she'd made a terrible mistake. His blue eyes clouded in confusion. "Layla?" She nodded, afraid to breathe, much less speak. Sighing heavily with relief, he removed his wand from her neck and rolled off her. Now sitting up in bed, Lucius rubbed his face tiredly as he asked, "Dearest, what the hell are you doing here?"

Layla sat up slowly, feeling horribly foolish for having come back to the manor in the first place. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I should just go…"

"No!" Lucius exclaimed, making Layla jump slightly. "I'm sorry," he said, a little more calmly. "I just wasn't expecting to see anyone today. I didn't mean to imply that I didn't want you here. Please, stay." She hesitated, then nodded. He rearranged his pillows to better support them, and, leaning back against the pillows, he waved her over, offering to hold her. She snuggled up to him, resting her head on his bare chest. He wrapped his arms around her, and she allowed his warmth and strength to make her feel safe. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Lucius pressed, "Why did you come home today, Layla? You should be at school. Don't you have Quidditch practice today?"

Layla answered, "Yes, but not until three this afternoon. I just…" She was still a bit loathe to admit it; a part of her old self was still screaming bloody murder inside her, protesting the very idea of being on good terms with any Malfoy. She forced herself to say anyway, "I just needed a little time with you."

Lucius shifted under her, readjusting to make them both more comfortable. "Because of last night?" he asked softly.

"Yes," Layla mumbled, pressing her cheek harder against Lucius's chest and holding to him tighter as the memories hit her. "And some other things, too."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh? What else is bothering you?"

"Everything."

He seemed to think it over a minute, and for just a second, she thought maybe he wouldn't care. After all, her stupid little pissing contests with Sirius Black were just so childish and ridiculous compared to the problems of murder and dark magic from last night, and she shouldn't even get into her fight with Regulus and the way they'd broken each other's hearts all over again. Just because he was her fiancé didn't mean he had to give a shit about her every little problem. Then Lucius said, "Well, then tell me about everything," and her heart melted a little, and she realized that she wanted to tell him everything and was simply afraid of being mocked or disregarded.

So, she told him everything. The way the attack on the Muggle village had torn her to pieces. How she'd struggled to breathe right ever since she'd cast that spell to drown that Muggle man, and the shivers of cold and fear that ripped through her every time she'd had to go near water since then. The way that she was terrified of what Bellatrix might twist Regulus into if she managed to keep her filthy claws so deeply embedded in his skin. The horror and revulsion that had filled her to the point of nearly vomiting then and there when Sirius had confronted her with the front-page article of the Daily Prophet over breakfast. How terrified she was that Voldemort might start asking her to do more and more things like the attack the previous night with the Death Eaters, and how her mind, heart, and soul simply couldn't take another night like that one. All of the horrible, nasty things Sirius Black and James Potter had been saying to her face since the term began and her engagement became public knowledge, and all the sick, twisted rumors that the sixth and seventh year girls had been circulating about her all year, thinking she was oblivious to their words, when the truth was that Layla heard every one of them, and the gossip had burned her like a brand.

The only item she withheld was the fight with Regulus and his declaration of love for her, and even more so, the way she felt about him. That she decided was none of his business, and she could handle for herself.

By the time Layla had finished, the pair were completely laying down in the bed, and Lucius had tugged the covers over her and pulled her close as they faced each other. Layla had broken down crying more than once, slowing the communication process, but he never once interrupted her or rushed her. He gave her all the time she needed to expunge the darkest stains from her soul, and he absorbed it all without flinching. Not once, did he make her feel like she wasn't being heard, like what she was saying was stupid or unimportant.

Raising a thumb to her face, he wiped the tears off her cheeks, then placed a sweet kiss on her forehead. Layla fully expected a lecture, based on his six extra years of life experience – some pompous yet sensible advice that she'd resent, but was generally right, maybe even a few clichés on how to handle gossip and bullies, or some speech on the values of blood purity and how she ought to be grateful for any and all chances to serve the Dark Lord. Instead, he said quietly, "I am so, so sorry, dearest. I knew that Black and his friends were picking on you, but I truly had no idea just how badly they were bullying you. Or that the other girls were being so cruel. I wish there was something I could do to put an end to that, but I'm afraid those girls are outside of my power. Black and his friends, however, I might be able to do something about, if that's what you desire, but I understand if you wish to handle that situation yourself. As for any further missions with the Death Eaters…" He sighed heavily. "The Dark Lord and I spoke on that subject at length last night, after I sent you home."

"You did?" Layla gasped, anxiety filling the pit of her stomach.

Lucius nodded. "Yes. I'll admit, he was very hopeful that you could be convinced to join the Death Eaters officially. He seemed to think he'd found another servant who could be as dangerous as Bellatrix." Layla's breath hitched in her throat, terrified that he had signed her up to take the Dark Mark. "I told him no," Lucius said, tenderly brushing her hair back from her face. The relief shot through her system like an injection of morphine, and Layla instantly relaxed, breathing out heavily. "It wasn't easy, but I got you out of having to ever go on any Death Eater attack ever again."

Worry overcame her again, and Layla dared, "What did you tell him?"

He debated the wisdom of answering for a second, then answered truthfully, "I said that you had no desire to become a Death Eater because your intentions for the future were entirely family-focused."

Frowning, Layla asked, "What does that mean?"

Lucius glanced down then, not meeting her eyes, as though ashamed of what he was about to say. "It means that Voldemort is expecting you to not accept any employment after Hogwarts. He fully expects you to be a proper pureblood wife."

Pushing back a bit from Lucius with a hand on his chest, she said, incredulous, "Wait, so you mean, like, a stay-at-home mom? I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life playing dutiful housewife and mother, constantly pregnant with perfect little Malfoy babies?"

Malfoy shook his head. "No, not at all." Then he amended, "Well, maybe a little. But Layla, we've been over this. I don't care when you're ready to have kids; I'm not going to force that on you. You're in charge of that; you get to make all the decisions about when you're ready for sex and children. But, sadly, I'm afraid that yes, the idea is essentially a typical domestic housewife. But you should know, that I don't care whether you actually stay at home or not."

"Right," Layla sneered. "I just can't ever work a day in my life and be independent."

"Hey," Lucius said, clearly offended, removing his hand from the back of her neck. "As far as I'm concerned, as long as we are married, you have all the independence you could possibly desire, as long as you stay safe and come home to me at the end of every day." When Layla raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, Lucius said, "Yes, really. Do whatever the hell you want, spend my money however the hell you want, stay out until all hours of the night every night if you want. Hell, even cheat on me all day every day if you absolutely must in order to be happy. But those are my two rules: stay safe and come home to me at some point every night. Do you agree to those terms?"

Layla thought for a moment, then nodded. She snuggled closer to him, and she felt him let out a breath he'd been holding. "Ok, those are reasonable rules," she said quietly. A yawn overcame her, then she added, "I'm not going to cheat on you, by the way."

Surprised, Lucius looked her in the eyes, searching for a bit of hope to hang on to there. "Really? But… Regulus."

"What about him?"

"We both know how you feel about him. And, apparently, most everyone in Hogwarts can see how desperately in love he is with you." He hesitated, then said carefully, "If he's the only one who can truly make you happy, then I don't want to stand in between you. I know you're marrying me because you feel like you have no other choice, but I want to go ahead and give you this choice now before it becomes a problem down the road. You can be with him, just be publicly married to me, and come home to me every night, so I can at least maintain the appearance of pride and dignity."

Layla's heart broke for Lucius, listening to him go on about her cheating on him for Regulus and the obvious pain it would cause him if she did, despite his willingness to allow her to do so if it was what it took to make her happy. "Stop," she said softly, moving her hand on his chest to cover his heart. "I wasn't planning to tell you this, but Regulus and I have already talked about this." He hid it well, but Layla could still see the flicker of hurt in Lucius's eyes. "We're not going to get together, ever. I have absolutely no plans to ever cheat on you, and I told Regulus as much. He agrees." He looked at her hopefully, cupping her face in his hand, desperate to believe her. She continued, "I mean it. I told him that I couldn't do it, that I couldn't be with him. I won't lie; we do both have feelings for each other, and that's not going to just magically disappear, but… But I would never stoop to cheating on you, Lucius, with anyone. I'll get over Regulus, eventually."

Lucius nodded, a small smile on his lips. "Thank you," he breathed. Layla smiled sadly at him, leaning into his touch on her face, before suddenly and finally drifting off to a peaceful sleep.

A tender kiss on the cheek woke Layla, and she grumbled, trying to snuggle back down under the covers, burying her face in her pillow. A soft chuckle made the corners of her mouth turn upward, despite her will to stay asleep. "Wake up, Layla," he whispered.

"No," she mumbled, trying her hardest not to smile at Lucius.

"Are you sure? Because Dobby has brought you your favorite lunch in bed," he tempted.

Layla took a deep breath, finally noticing the greasy scent in the air. "Pizza?" she asked, peeking up at Lucius from her pillow.

He laughed a little, then confirmed, "Yes, pizza. And eat it quickly. It's already two, and you have to be at Quidditch practice in an hour, correct?" Layla nodded and bolted upright, grabbing the shockingly Muggle pizza box and pulling it onto her lap, picking up a slice and stuffing her face.

As the two shared a pizza in Lucius's bed, they shared lighthearted discussions, jokes, teasing, and laughs as they scarfed down the pizza. Just as Layla let Lucius have the last slice, she asked him, "Lucius?" He glanced at her curiously, his mouth full of pepperoni. "Why are you doing this? I mean, really. Being so nice to me, taking care of me, listening to me, caring about my problems, marrying me. Just… why? It can't just have been chivalry, rescuing a damsel in distress. Maybe if it had just been that first couple of days in September and then we were done, but not after all this. Why?"

Lucius swallowed his bite of pizza, then answered, "I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't in large part due to chivalry in the beginning, and you were so very frustrating the first couple of months, I had started to consider giving up on you. I thought for sure you were going to turn to Black and the Order for security." He shook his head. "I really thought I was going to lose you to them. And I was already…" He hesitated, then pressed on, "I was already starting to fall in love with you. You were refusing to talk to me or even acknowledge my letters, but Regulus's reports on your life were so detailed, at least at first, that I felt like I knew you anyway. And then everything that happened in Hogsmeade at Halloween…"

"Rabastan," Layla said quietly, remembering that horrible party with a shudder.

Lucius nodded. "The way you looked at me after that, in that room at the Leaky Cauldron, after what he and Narcissa did to you… The way you reached out for me… I was gone. I knew then that I could never let anyone hurt you in any way, ever. You were… so sweet but so broken. I just wanted to…" He sighed heavily, fully letting his guard down for the first time since Layla had known him as he pushed blonde hair back from his forehead. "Aww, hell, I just wanted to be your hero. To spend the rest of my life making you feel as safe and loved and cherished as you deserve." Layla felt her cheeks heat up at that. "Even – Even if you never love me back, I just want to be there for you, however I can, to keep you safe and happy, no matter what it costs me and my own happiness. That's why you're setting the boundaries for any physical relationship or children, because I want you to be happy. I want it to be your choice to be with me, even if you feel like you have no choice about marrying me."

Layla's heart fluttered in her chest, heat rushing through her skin all over her body. Even though she hadn't known it herself, Lucius had managed to say everything she'd been hoping to hear since her time jump, or really, maybe even her entire life. Relief and emotional turmoil washed over her in equal measures – gratefulness for his love and kindness, balanced by the guilt and self-loathing she'd developed in that week her Muggle parents were murdered and she was captured, tortured, and raped by the Snatchers, all wrapped together in a big bow of a sense of worthlessness, like she couldn't possibly deserve someone so kind, loving, caring, and sensitive to her wants and needs. Tears stung her eyes, and her voice broke a little as she said, "Lucius, I… Thank you."

He seemed astonished at her emotional reaction, but he reached out anyway, taking the pizza box from her and tossing it carelessly in the floor. As soon as the box was out of the way, Layla pounced on Lucius, climbing into his lap and straddling him, capturing his lips in a deep, passionate kiss. He made a small noise of surprise, then laughed softly, his hands naturally falling to her hips to pull her in closer. They snogged for several minutes until Lucius broke off the kiss with a breathless chuckle. He trailed his fingers lovingly down the side of her face, to her throat, and across her collarbone. A low humming of desire emanated from his throat, and he glanced up to make eye contact with her, finding her smiling slightly at him and trying to hide the fact that she was wiping tears out of her eyes. He pulled her back in and pressed a single, sweet kiss to her lips. "You need to get back to school for Quidditch practice," he reminded her gently. With a quick glance up and down her body, he added, "Even if I'd much rather you stay here with me the rest of the afternoon."

Groaning, Layla crawled off his lap and got out of the massive bed. Lucius followed closely behind her, unable to keep his eyes from appreciating her… assets. He walked her down to the entrance hall of the manor, ready to send her back through the Floo to Hogwarts. As they stopped in front of the fireplace, Layla turned back to face Lucius, leaning into his chest. "I don't want to go back yet," she whined softly. "I want to stay here with you."

"Aww," Lucius cooed with a grin, trying hard not to laugh. "I'm sorry, dearest, but you really must. You'll be home to stay in a few more months. You can handle it. And when you feel like you can't, I'm only an owl or Floo call away."

Layla hesitated, then nodded, knowing he was right. She tossed the Floo powder into the Fireplace and came out the other side in the Ravenclaw common room, rushing up to her dorm to change into her Quidditch uniform and grab her broomstick before racing to the Quidditch pitch, running late for practice.

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