Chapter IV: Fighting Poison

"Don't count on me, to let you know when.
Don't count on me, I'll do it again.
Don't count on me, it's the point you're missing.
Don't count on me, 'cuz I'm not listening!"

("Fat Lip" – Sum 41)

Sometimes it seemed like everything was out to get me. The military, for one, and every Homunculi other than Greed-sama, for sure… and then… sometimes it just seemed like the world as a whole had it in for me. To laugh and spit at my face until all I could do was lie down on the ground and curl myself up into a ball, crying my eyes out like the super-sensitive little girl I once was. Still am, so it feels. It's like that little aspect of my personality never left, although you'd never see me show it. There are just some parts of me that no one needs to see.

I've always hated how life was never fair. Ever since I was the crying little girl of my past, nothing seemed to make sense. How could parents scorn their own children? How could the military betray its' own soldiers? How could a member of a close-knit 'organization' betray everyone else at the tip of a hat? Kimblee. If I ever see him again I… well, what I want to do is kick his betraying ass, but… there's some questions I want answered first.

Sadly enough, even Kimblee's betrayal of the Devil's Nest didn't affect me as much as I thought it would. It's weird… nothing really affects me much anymore. Ever since I was transmuted into a chimera—fused with a snake, to be exact—my emotions have become rather dull. All I really feel is a faint sense of anger, but other than that, I'm not really that easy to faze. I keep my cool, and that's how I gained so much respect from Greed-sama and Dorochet… and all of the other chimeras, of course.

I miss them all so much it hurts sometimes. They were like a second family to me.

I miss the way Dorochet used to show off his swordsmanship skills when we were all bored, and how Loa used to smash things with his hammer when he got really mad. I miss how Bido used to climb up on to the ceiling and try to scare me when I walked into the room, and… I miss how Greed-sama made me feel almost human again. He rescued all of us chimeras, and I am eternally grateful for that. He's the only person I've referred to as –sama for a long time.

What's the point of killing? For that matter, what's the point of life when you know someone's either going to kill you or you're going to die some other horrible way? And why do some people feel the need to experiment on others? Are they better than we are? Am I somehow so inferior that they feel the need to bind me, body and soul, with an animal of their choosing? Dorochet was bonded with a dog, Loa with an ox, and Bido with a lizard. I was bonded with a snake. Does it help to mention that I absolutely abhorred snakes when I was little? Couldn't stand them. Now I've been forced to form a weary acceptance of them. I mean, I can't just go and rip out the snake parts of me, though I often wish I could. The purple markings on the right side of my face and right shoulder are painful reminders of the things I can not change.

So, in short, people have been taking things from me my whole life. They took away my humanity… they took away my friends… they took away my hero… my home… and my happiness.

The sad thing is I'll never be able to get any of that back again. I could fight until I'm blown apart, I could kill until there was no one left in the world, but what would it achieve? Nothing. I can't bring my friends back, and no place is home without them there.

I am thankful for a couple of things, though. I'm thankful that I could form at least one more friendship—even with someone as unexpected as Alphonse Elric, though he freaks out when I don't call him Al like he asked me to. It's strange how much you can bond with someone when you plant yourself in their own body. Heh, poor Al… I can only imagine how that feels!

Sometimes I worry for Al, though. I worry that someone's going to take him away from me too. He's the last friend I have, and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. For being trapped in a suit of armor for committing an unforgivable sin, he's really not all that bad of a kid. His brother is a bit of a brat though, but he seems alright deep down as well. I hope those two find what they're looking for without losing even more than they've already lost in the process.

It really is surprising… how much can be taken from you at any given time.