A/N: This is set in the present (season 24), but in a universe where there was an alternate season 20. At least the first half of it. Seasons 21-23 still happened exactly how they did on the show. Anyways, there will be flashbacks to that season. Some will be faithful, some slightly tweaked, and others will be ones I made up. Also, the couple doesn't officially live together yet, but Sonny spends a majority of his days/nights at Amanda's apartment.

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October 2022

Amanda's Apartment - Monday 6:30a

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Sonny was sitting alone at the kitchen table twiddling his thumbs as he stared at his coffee mug when Amanda emerged from the bathroom.

She walked over to him and held up the pregnancy test in her hand. "It's negative."

He nodded and watched as Amanda went to throw the test away and then wash her hands at the sink.

"I'm gonna call my doctor's office later today." Amanda told him as she turned off the faucet and dried her hands with a paper towel. "I want to make an appointment and see if I can get a more reliable, long term method of birth control. Like an IUD. It's too hard to remember to take the pill everyday."

Sonny took a sip from his mug. "OK." He said quietly in what Amanda felt was a bit of a melancholy tone.

She slowly made her way to the table and sat down next to him.

"Did you want it to be positive?"

Sonny remained quiet for a moment and then said, "I just really thought it was goin' to be." He told her honestly. "So I'm surprised to see it wasn't. But that's all."

Amanda nodded. "I thought it was going to be positive too." She admitted. "And I know if I had been pregnant you would've loved that baby so much. As would I. But actually trying for another child at this age and stage of my life just—"

"Isn't somethin' you actively want to pursue." He said cutting her off. "I know. We've talked 'bout it. And even before we talked about it I kinda figured gettin' pregnant for a third time wasn't somethin' you really wanted to do and I completely understand why."

Sonny reached for her hand and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze. "I wanted a family and I have that with you and the girls. It doesn't matter that Jesse and Billie don't come from me. They come from you and I love them with all my heart."

Amanda smiled softly and then her face turned a bit more serious. "If we were ten, even five years younger I would've loved to have a baby with you."

He nodded. "I know. But we're not. We became a couple later in life. And I'll admit there were was a time I was disappointed with how, at least one part of our story, played out. But I came to terms with it a long time ago and I'm just so happy that we finally figured things out and that we get to spend the rest of our lives together."

Sonny lifted her hand up and kissed it. "I'm gonna go get dressed."

Amanda smiled and nodded as she watched him take one last gulp of his coffee and then get up and head off down the hall toward her room.

She sat quietly for a few more moments before getting up and making her way to Jesse and Billie's bedroom to wake them up for school and preschool.

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Precinct - Monday 8:15a

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Amanda had surprisingly been the first of Liv and her colleagues to make it into the precinct. So she took the opportunity to look over and finish up some DD5's she hadn't been able to do from yesterday.

10 minutes later Grace Muncy, the new detective Liv recruited from the Gang Unit out in the Bronx, entered the squad room.

Muncy was a recent addition to the team who had thus far spent a bulk of her time working with Liv and Velasco. So neither Amanda, Fin, or Sonny knew much about her and vice versa. But now that things had quieted down and the case she was brought in for was resolved, everyone was open to getting to know each other better and today Muncy was the first one to break the ice.

The brunette stopped by Amanda's desk on her way to her own. "Hey." She then pointed toward Liv's office. "Captain Benson not in yet?"

"Not, but I'm sure she'll be here soon." Amanda motioned toward the break room. "There's coffee if you want any."

Muncy nodded and then looked around. "I can't believe how quiet it is in here."

Amanda laughed. "Don't worry. Things will pick up soon."

Muncy pointed toward a framed photo on Amanda's desk of her with Sonny and the girls. "Are those your daughters?"

Amanda grinned and pointed to each of them. "Yeah. Jesse's six, almost seven. And Billie's three and a half."

She smiled softly. "They're adorable. Your oldest looks just like you and the youngest looks exactly like Counselor Carisi."

Amanda's eyes widened. "Oh, no. Carisi's not…he's not their dad."

Muncy's face turned a bit red. "I'm sorry. That was presumptuous of me. I shouldn't have assumed—"

"No it's OK." The blonde reassured her. "Carisi's not technically their father, but he's been like one for most of their lives. Me and my girls are lucky to have him."

Muncy nodded and smiled. "Alright, I'm gonna go get some coffee. Do you want another one?" She asked, pointing to her nearly empty mug.

Amanda shook her head. "No I'm good. Thanks."

Muncy made her way into the break room and Amanda turned her attention to her computer, but had trouble concentrating. Her mind kept drifting back to the end of her baby talk with Sonny earlier in the morning where he alluded to a part of their past; a part of their story that neither liked to spend much time thinking about because of how it ended up going.

VVVVVVVVVVVV

July 2018

Precinct - Thursday 5.30p

Sonny, who was technically done for the day, had been holding down the fort while Liv and Fin were talking with a witness for a case the team was working when Amanda walked into the squad room.

"Rollins." Sonny said as she made her way over to his desk. "How'd it go in court?"

Amanda ran a hand through her hair. "I got up on the stand and blew it. Buchanan backed me into a corner I couldn't get out of and I feel like I ended up making Kara look like a liar." She sighed. "Stone said not to worry and that everything will be fine but I just know he's disappointed with how my testimony went."

Sonny got up from his seat. "This isn't an easy case he's prosecuting." He reminded his partner. "Stone knows this. And I'm sure he'll figure out a way to turn things around though I'm betting you didn't do as bad as you think."

She feigned a small smile but then told him, "I just feel like I've been letting down the people who need our help the most."

Sonny frowned. "You haven't."

"But I have." She said. "First Esther and now Kara."

Sonny gently placed his hands on her arms and looked straight into her eyes. "Rollins, you've been a source of strength for Kara. Someone she can lean on. And what happened with Esther Labott was an accident. One that came about as a result of her father's actions. It wasn't your fault, you hear me?"

Amanda sighed, but eventually nodded. She then looked around. "I stopped in before heading home to tell Liv about how court went. Is she here?"

"No her and Fin are out followin' up with Mathis." Sonny said.

Amanda fixed her mouth to say something but stopped when her phone began vibrating. She pulled it out of her pocket and discreetly checked to see who it was. When she saw that it was Al, who she had broken things off with a few days prior, calling she rolled her eyes and hit ignore.

Sensing that in addition to the Kara and Esther situations there was something else upsetting her he wasn't privy to, Sonny decided he would try and cheer her up. "Got a sitter tonight?"

The blonde nodded.

"I could drive you home." Sonny told her. "Stop for a drink. Or three." He added, chuckling.

Amanda, who's car was in the shop, appreciated his offer to bring her home but was even more grateful to be offered his company.

"OK." She said smiling softly.

Sonny shut off his computer, grabbed his keys from his desk and motioned toward two patrol deputies off in the distance. "Tracy and Miller can keep an eye on things until Liv and Fin get back. Let's get out of here."

Amanda nodded and the two headed out of the squad room together.

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Sonny planned on being the DD for Amanda, but he ended up drinking a little more than her. So just to be safe, she decided it'd be best if she drove him home and then took a taxi to her apartment.

She planned on calling for a cab as soon as she got to his place but then realized she didn't want to call it a night just yet. So the two had a glass of wine and kept the conversation going.

Sonny took a sip from his glass. "So I took the hose, turned it on high, chased Teresa down and then blasted her with it."

Amanda let out a hearty laugh. "Carisi." She jokingly admonished.

"Hey she deserved it." He said chuckling.

She shook her head but smiled and took one last sip of her wine.

The blonde then checked the time on her watch. "It's starting to get late. I need to get home to Jess."

Sonny nodded and watched as she reached for her phone and called a taxi.

Amanda then headed off to use the bathroom and by the time she came out and texted her babysitter to let her know she was on her way home, the taxi had arrived.

"Let me walk you out." He insisted as he got up from off the couch and went to grab his shoes.

She shook her head. "No I'm good. Stay."

Sonny sighed, but nodded.

Once Amanda grabbed her keys and handbag they headed toward his door.

"Thanks for inviting me out and for inviting me in." She told him. "I really needed a night like this. More than you know."

Sonny nodded. "Of course. I'm always here for you. Whenever you need me. Because you're my partner."

He smiled and joked. "There's no Starsky without Hutch." He said in reference to the iconic TV detective duo. "And there's no Carisi without Rollins."

She laughed softly. "No there isn't."

Amanda stared deeply into his blue eyes with her own. "I should get going."

However she didn't move. Instead she slowly brought her lips up to his and kissed him. She pulled away after a brief moment to gauge his reaction and though Sonny appeared momentarily stunned, he quickly regained his bearings, leaned in and kissed her back passionately.

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After the two had sex they laid quietly together underneath the sheets of his bed staring at the ceiling, unsure of what to say to the other. Eventually she got up and began getting dressed.

Sonny sat up. "Amanda can we talk—"

"I need to get home to Jesse." She said cutting him off.

He nodded. "So how about tom—"

"We shouldn't have done this." Amanda finally said as she hooked her bra and slung the straps over her shoulders. "It was nice but it wasn't a good idea."

Sonny frowned. "But—"

"We're partners Carisi." Amanda reminded him. "And mixing work with pleasure never ends well." She said as she briefly reflected back to her entanglements with both Nick and Declan. "So it's probably best we blame it on the alcohol, nip whatever that was in the butt here and now and forget it ever happened."

Amanda then added in somewhat of a self deprecating tone, "You don't want me, anyways. Trust me."

She continued to hastily finish getting dressed and once she was done said, "I'll call and wait for a cab outside."

Sonny knew there was no point in arguing with her in that moment so he didn't. He just watched as she walked out of his room and then out of the apartment.

VVVVVVVVVVVV

Amanda was interrupted from her daydreaming by her desk phone ringing.

She picked up. "Special Victims."

As she listened to what was being relayed to her on the other end Liv, Fin and Velasco entered into the squad room.

"OK." Amanda said into the phone. "We're on our way." She hung up.

"Something happened already?" Fin asked as he sat down across from her.

"Yeah." She got up and headed to the young female detective's desk.

"Call came in." Amanda told her. "Wanna take this one with me?"

Muncy nodded and the two grabbed their stuff and headed over to the elevators.

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Precinct - Monday 3:30p

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Once the first call of the day came into the precinct they kept flooding in. It wasn't until later in the afternoon that the squad had a minute to breathe.

Amanda plopped down at her desk just as Sonny, who had been in a meeting with Liv, emerged from her office.

"Hey." He greeted her. "First time I'm seein' you since this morning. Busy day?"

She sighed. "Yeah it's been hectic. I—"

Just then her cell started going off. Amanda rolled her eyes, pulled it out of her pocket and though she didn't recognize the number answered it anyways. "Hello?"

Sonny watched on worriedly as he saw his girlfriend's face shift from a neutral expression to one of distress.

"What?!" She said as she shouted out into the phone and stood up.

Tears instantly began pouring from her eyes and after listening for a few more moments she responded, "I'm o—on my w—way to Mercy now."

"What's wrong?" Sonny asked.

"Sienna and the girls were in a bad car accident." She told him as she quickly put her cell phone away.

"Are they alright?"

"I don't know." Amanda said wiping her eyes. "The person I was talking to wouldn't tell me what was goin' on over the phone."

"Come on." He told her. "I'll drive you."

"Let me do it." Velasco, who had been sitting at his desk nearby listening along with Fin and Muncy, told the couple. "I can get you there faster."

Fin looked at Liv, who had come out of her office when she heard Amanda shouting, and said, "Muncy and I can handle things."

The Captain nodded and then hurried off with Amanda, Sonny, and Velasco.

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Mercy - Monday Afternoon 4p

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As soon as the foursome made it to Mercy, Amanda checked in at the front desk of the emergency room and a few minutes later a doctor, accompanied by a nurse, came out to talk to her.

"W—what happened?" She asked. "A—are my girls alright?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled. "Your daughters and their nanny were in a very bad accident. The driver of the other vehicle involved had a seizure, ran through a red light and hit them. Sienna has some lacerations and is getting stitched up but is otherwise OK. Your oldest daughter Jesse has a concussion and a broken arm. She needs surgery to stabilize the fracture and then after we'll put a cast on her."

Amanda nodded and then whispered nervously, "And Billie?"

"She unfortunately took a brunt of the impact and her injuries are far more serious." He told her. "Billie suffered blunt renal trauma that is going to require us to remove one of her kidneys. She also has a bruised spleen and some internal bleeding that might be caused by crushed blood vessels, but we aren't sure. We're still trying to identify the source."

Amanda burst into tears. "Oh God."

"Billie needs immediate surgery and blood transfusions." He said to her. "We'll eventually need a full medical history but right now I need to know her blood type and any known allergies to medication."

Amanda wiped her eyes and sniffled. "She doesn't have any allergies. And h—her blood type…is O positive."

The doctor nodded and then looked at Liv, Sonny and Velasco. "We're very low on O. So if anyone is also O and can donate—"

"I'm A." Amanda said cutting him off. "So I—I can't do it."

"I'm O positive." Velasco told her. "I'll donate."

"I am too." Sonny said as he blinked back his own tears and gently caressed her cheeks. "I don't want to leave you but—"

"Go donate." She told him. "Billie needs it."

He rested his forehead on hers. "Billie's goin' to be just fine. You hear me?"

Amanda nodded.

"I'll come find you as soon as I'm done."

The nurse then guided Sonny and Velasco down a nearby corridor to donate blood.

"Someone will be out shortly to give you the digital medical forms to fill out and either me, I'm Dr. Johansson, or another member of my team will come and give you an update on Billie and Jesse soon." He then hurried off.

Liv guided a devastated and heartbroken Amanda over to a more secluded area of the emergency room and the two sat down together. The Captain put an arm around her and quietly comforted her.

A few minutes later a hospital employee came out and handed Amanda a tablet so she could provide them with Billie's medical history and portions of her own, which they also wanted.

Liv watched as Amanda struggled to stay composed and focused on the task at hand. However she did her best to work through it but then suddenly came to a complete stop when she reached a section she didn't know how to fill out.

The Captain briefly looked down at the tablet and then looked back up at her. "Amanda, I know you don't want to but—"

"No." She said interrupting. "Al doesn't deserve to be here."

"He doesn't." Liv acknowledged. "Sending a court mandated check every month doesn't make him a dad. But Amanda they need his medical information. So as hard as it is you need to reach out to him. For Billie's sake. Not his."

Amanda closed her eyes and sighed. And after sitting silently for a few moments she eventually reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone to call Al.

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Forty five minutes later Amanda, who was sitting alone while Liv momentarily stepped away to take a call, saw Al hurrying in through the emergency room entrance. He quickly spotted her and made his way over to her.

"Any word on how Billie's doing?" He asked as he sat down beside her.

"No." Amanda said flatly as she handed him the tablet in her hands.

"Is this the only reason you called me here?" Al asked as he held it up.

"Yeah." She said bluntly.

He shook his head. "I know I haven't been present for her but I promise to—"

"We're not talking about this now." Amanda told him. "I want you to fill this out and then I want you to leave."

Al stared at her for a minute but eventually turned his attention to the tablet.

Amanda sat quietly beside him, periodically checking his progress; hoping he'd finish filing the information in quickly.

Al was about three quarters of the way through when she glanced down and saw something that surprised her. For his blood type, he put down AB.

Amanda assumed that since hers was A, he must be O if Billie was. But he wasn't. And though she knew genetics weren't straightforward and that things like two brown haired, brown eyed people having blonde haired, blue eyed kids happened quite regularly, seeing that his blood type wasn't O left her feeling a bit uneasy.

She slowly stood up. "I'll be back."

He nodded and watched as she made her way toward a restroom.

Amanda walked inside the private, single stall bathroom and locked the door. She then stared into the mirror and as she did her mind began to drift.

VVVVVVVVVVVV

September 2018

Elizabeth, New Jersey - Monday Afternoon

"Did I tell you about my cousin Nikki?" Sonny asked as him and Amanda stepped out of the car and made their way toward the house of Gabriela Sosa's foster parents. "She's having another kid. Can you believe that?"

"Is that three?" Amanda asked.

"Five."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

Sonny walked in front of her and stopped. "Hey Rollins why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" She asked, feigning ignorance.

He nodded. "Alright." He then started to walk toward the house.

Amanda caught up with him. "Hey Sonny. I tried. I—I just…I didn't know how."

"Because I'm not the dad?" He asked, a little sadly. "I mean, I had a feeling you had probably been seein' someone. Not when we…ya know. But before."

Amanda nodded. "I was." She admitted. "Not at the time you and I we were together but…in close proximity."

The blonde took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "There's a chance this could be your baby and we can take a test to find out but based on the timing the likelihood you are is…very low."

Sonny nodded slowly, diverted his eyes away from her and just stood quietly looking down at the ground.

"Sonny I—"

"We should go inside and talk to Gabriela's foster parents." He said interrupting.

She stared at him for a moment but then nodded and the two began walking toward the house.

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Two Weeks Later

Park - Saturday Morning

Amanda arranged for a paternity test to be done and when the results were mailed to her about two weeks later she met up with Sonny in the park by her apartment to look at them together.

She had been playing with Jesse on a blanket she had laid out on the grass near a bench when she saw Sonny in the distance heading toward them.

He made his way to the almost three year old and greeted her with a tickle. He then gave Frannie, who sat beside her, a pat on the head and smiled at Amanda. "Hey."

Amanda smiled back. "Hey."

The blonde got up from the blanket and the two sat down together on the bench.

"I hope I didn't pull you away you from something." She told him.

He shook his head. "No. I'm helpin' Bella and Tommy move later but other than that I didn't have anything else goin' on."

Amanda nodded and then reached into her tote bag and pulled out an envelope. "I haven't looked at them yet."

He nodded, but stayed quiet.

She opened the envelope up, looked at the test results and furrowed her eyebrows. After a minute or two she told him, "I'm having trouble making sense of this."

Amanda handed him the documents and he began intently reading.

Sonny eventually looked up and locked eyes with her. "I'm not the father."

He pointed to a section on the page that showed the probability of paternity listed as 0% and then another section that stated, 'Alleged father is excluded as the biological father.'

At first Amanda had thought that Sonny being the father of her baby would've been problematic. Because they work so closely together, but more importantly because they're good friends; she worried that entering into a co-parenting situation with him could end up putting a strain on their friendship. Especially if conflict regarding child rearing arose. But now that she was sure he wasn't the dad, a part of her really wished he was.

Because Sonny would've been an amazing father, but also because despite what she told him the night they had sex, Amanda had very recently come to the realization that she felt the same way about him that deep down she always knew he felt about her. She had just been too afraid to pursue something serious; thinking he was too good for her and that if they were to become a couple he'd quickly realize he had settled for less than and want out.

But none of it mattered anymore. This baby wasn't Sonny's. Meaning it was probably best that they try to squash whatever these feelings they both had were. And verbally Sonny seemed to be on the same page as her. Though his face said something completely different.

"Well we knew this was probably the way it was gonna go." He told her quietly as he gazed into her eyes.

"Yeah." Amanda whispered.

Sonny handed her the tests results. "It's probably for the best. I mean, it's like you said. We're partners. Mixin' work and pleasure doesn't usually end well, right?"

A somewhat awkward silence filled between them before Amanda finally broke it. "Carisi are we—"

"Yeah." Sonny said interrupting. "We're good Rollins." He gave her a small smile.

Amanda nodded. "OK."

Sonny stood up from the bench. "I'm gonna umm…get going, but I'll see you Monday." He then added, "And don't eat breakfast that day. My Ma's making zeppole tomorrow and I know she's gonna insist I bring some in for everyone."

"Alright, I won't."

Sonny nodded. He then said goodbye to Jesse, gave Frannie a few rubs behind the ears and then headed out of the park.

Just then her phone vibrated. She pulled it from her bag and saw it was a text from Al: 'Dinner tonight at Crafts? 7p?'

Amanda was unsure what, if anything, she wanted from Al now that she was sure he was the father of her baby. Back in June when they first attempted to rekindle things she hadn't truly been ready to forgive him for the incident with the escorts and he hadn't really felt all that bad about it. Hence the reason for her breaking up with him again back in July.

However the doctor had been trying to make things right between them. Doing things like dropping by her apartment to bring flowers and read to Jesse. So though her feelings for Al had begun to fizzle, Amanda felt like he was trying to be a decent guy and that she owed it to the baby, as well as Jesse, to see where the relationship could go.

She texted back. 'Sounds good.'

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"The test results couldn't have been wrong." Amanda whispered to herself. "Could it?"

She felt her heart start to race as she once again began to think back.

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"They're adorable. Your oldest looks just like you and the youngest looks exactly like Counselor Carisi."

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"I'll donate." Velasco told her. "I'm O positive."

"I am too." Sonny said.

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Jesse, dressed as a fairy princess, made her way into the kitchen and walked up to Sonny.

"Hey sweetie what's goin' on?" He asked.

"Uncle Sonny, Billie has a question."

"Yeah sure, what is it?"

"She wants to know if you're her daddy."

VVVVVVVVVVVV

Amanda, overwhelmed with emotion over Billie's critical condition and now this potential paternity situation, instantly began hyperventilating.

A few moments later she heard a knock on the door and a familiar voice call out to her from the other side. "Amanda, it's Liv. Al told me you were in here. Are you OK?"

Though still struggling to regain her composure, Amanda slowly made her way to the door, opened it and walked out.

Liv fixed her mouth to speak but stopped when she saw the counselor hustling over to them from down the hall.

"Honey, what's going on?" A worried Sonny asked. "D—did somethin' happen while I was—"

"No." She said shaking her head while crying. "There's…no new news. I'm just…" Amanda let her voice trail off.

Sonny pulled her into his arms.

"Everythin' will be alright." He said to her quietly as he held her closely and blinked back his tears. "Billie's a fighter. She's gonna get through this."

Amanda nodded and rested her head on his chest. As she did she inadvertently locked eyes with Al, who was staring at them from across the room.

And it was in that moment her gut was telling her that, even if their prayers were answered and Billie pulled through like they all so desperately hoped, things would never be the same again.