Disclaimer: As I'm not a Japanese male Manga-ka, I guess it would be pretty hard to convince you that I own Naruto, huh? Yeah—they don't belong to me.
Chapter 3
Announcer: We've reached the final round ofthe competition! In this round our contestants will display a talent. Umino Iruka is once again the first up.
Iruka: (very modest an innocent) I don't really have any notable talents.
(the Iruka fangirls protest, claiming he has any number of talents)
Announcer: Well, it appears the audience disagrees, and it so happens that we have video footage that displays one of your most admirable talents.
(the announcer switches on a television set on the table next to his chair. It shows Iruka placing his body in between Naruto and Kira (A/N: I don't remember this guy's real name--gomen)in order to protect him. When the Iruka on screen takes the friggin' huge shrunken in the back the Iruka fangirls coo with sympathy)
Iruka: What's that supposed to show?
Announcer: Your talent is protecting your students, an admirable quality in a teacher.
(Iruka blushes)
Next up is Kakashi-sensei.
Kakashi: (swaggers on stage to screams of 'Marry me Kakashi!')
Announcer: Kakashi-sensei, your talent is delivering a quality education to your students while reading porn, is that right?
Kakashi: (looking up from this month's issue of Itcha Itcha Paradise that has seemingly materialized out of nowhere) Un?
Announcer: (shaking his head) Just play the tape.
(the screen shows Naruto attacking Kakashi, without the teacher ever once putting down his beloved Itcha Itcha Paradise, yet he effortlessly doges each blow)
Announcer: Finally, our last contestant!
Gai: (takes his place onstage next to Kakashi)
Announcer: Master Gai, Kakashi sent in pictures 'illustrating' your talent.
Gai: (turns to Kakashi questionally) What did you pick from the staggering list of my talents, my eternal rival?
Kakashi: (with an evil smirk that shows through his mask) Posing
(Gai looks confused until the announcer switches the screen to revel an issue of Naughty Ninja Magazine)
Gai: (totally unembarrassed) Ah, yes, I took those pictures in the Springtime of my Youth!
Two full pages of the magazineare dedicated to scantily clad pictures of an eighteen year old Gai in various poses. The audience was already hyperventilating, but when the centerfold was reveled one and all fell to the ground, too weak to stanch their nose bleeds.
Announcer: Well, it appears we have a winner, but nothing is known for sure until the judges display the final scores!
The judges all have toilet paper waded in their noses to stop the blood flow, and the Gai fangirl judge is being bandaged for a nasty bump she'd gotten when she banged her head on the floor from collapsing. The audience is on pins and needles as they watch the judges debate the scores.
A/N: My asterisks won't save! Waaaaaaaa! But even through my tragedy, I still remember to thank you all from behind my computer screen.