Chapter Seven

Meredith was only vaguely aware of the commotion around her, Izzie and Derek rushed to her. Derek took one look at her face and picked her up off the ground, she put her arms around his neck and held on as he went out the front door. Izzie followed, with George close behind her.

"George?" she heard Callie call from the steps, but George didn't respond, just ducked into the driver's seat of Meredith's jeep. Derek helped Meredith into the back and climbed in next to her. She leaned against him.

"I'm sure it's okay," she said, trying to stay calm, but she didn't feel calm. Thoughts like: Why the hell didn't I get that ultrasound? were rushing through her head as she held onto Derek's hand.

The drive to the hospital was so natural to all of them, but Meredith had never remembered it taking this long. The pain didn't come again but the fear was there, lingering under her skin, the memory of it and the fear that it would come again. She clutched Derek's jacket, her fingers against his sweater.

He looked down at her, his eyes calming and reassuring, but she could see the worry there. She tried to smile bracingly at him, determined that he was not going to be the only strong one, but she was shaking too much.

"You know what I think?" he whispered to her, "I think you just like the hospital too much to stay away on your day off." She smiled then, knowing that he was trying his hardest to make things seem normal, because that was what he did.

"That's you, remember?" she replied, nuzzling closer to him. Her breath was starting to come faster as she realized that they were still five minutes away from the hospital, and Derek began to murmur to her, telling her to breathe, that they were almost there, and she managed to concentrate only on his voice and obey.

After what seemed like forever, George finally pulled up to the ER underpass and Derek helped Meredith out of the car while George sped off to park. "You okay?" he asked, holding her arm as they walked in, and she nodded. As soon as the glass doors slid open she watched as he morphed into Dr. Shepard.

"I need a wheelchair over here!" he called. "And someone get Dr. Montgomary!" Meredith flinched at the sound of Addison's name, but she knew that she was the best, that she was needed. She sank into the wheelchair just as another spasm of pain hit her and she cried out, clutching Derek's hand. "Dammit! Someone get Addison!" he yelled to the world in general.

Inside, Meredith was recording all of this to tease him with when this was over, when everything would be okay again. Then, suddenly, she was being wheeled back to an exam room, past people who had been waiting for hours. She felt bad about this for just a second, but this was her baby, damn it, and she stopped worrying about everyone else. Something in her vowed never to tell a patient 'You're not my only case today' again.

She was not really aware of what was going on around her from that point. Nurses helped her onto an exam table, and then Addison was there, and Meredith couldn't look at her, could only turn her head and bury it in Derek's sweater, which smelled of him, and he was there for her.

They ran tests, and this had to be good, because if it were a miscarriage Addison would have known right away, right? Meredith was wheeled around, blood was taken, but she could not wrap her head around any of it, could not think. Addison did an ultrasound, and Meredith could kill herself for not having this done earlier. She was a doctor; she was supposed to know these things, for God's sake!

Finally, finally, she was taken to a hospital room, and it was quiet, with only Derek standing by her head and George and Izzie in chairs by the window. The room felt too familiar, too similar to when she had collapsed, but that had led to good news. If it hadn't felt like good news at the time, now it did because this was her baby, hers and Derek's baby, and she wanted it.

The door opened, and she saw George jump, and this made her smirk for just a second, as if her world weren't possibly crashing down around her. Again. Addison entered, followed by Dr. Bailey, which didn't really make sense because Bailey wasn't an intern, wasn't doing gynecology, was about to start her fellowship in cardio.

"Okay, Dr. Grey," Addison said, smiling at her. Meredith gained a new level of appreciation for the woman who could look at her husband's mistress and smile as if she were just another patient. "Good news first: you're not miscarrying."

Meredith let out a breath that she didn't know that she was holding, and Derek's hand stroked her forehead. She looked up, just to see his smile, and she was not disappointed, he is grinning widely.

"Braxton Hicks?" she suggested, looking just over Addison's shoulder at Bailey.

"No," Bailey said, meeting Meredith's eyes, and Addison continued, "Pre-term labor. We've given you drugs to stop the contractions, but there were abnormalities on the ultrasound to make me particularly worried about the consequences of a premature delivery."

"Abnormalities?" Meredith asked, latching onto the word, finally able to look at Addison, because she was the one with the calm soothing voice.

"A slight opening in the back going into the spine and a fluid pocket just outside, which implies--- Stevens?"

"What? Dr. Montgomary, I'm not--!"

"What does it mean, Stevens?"

Meredith turned to Izzie, trying to think of the exact diagnosis, but her brain was so muddled that all she could concentrate on are other's words. "Spina Bifida Cystica or Myelomeningocele, fixable by surgery just after birth or between four and five months in utero, leads to mild to severe paralysis below the damaged vertebrae, possible bowel and bladder control problems and a ninety percent chance of fluid on the brain requiring a shunt to drain." Izzie rattled all of this off as if she hadn't stopped operating for six months, and she looked shocked.

Meredith's mind was rewinding, to the day after Addison showed up at the hospital, when she scrubbed in on a surgery to close a spina bifida cyst in utero. And for her, the window had shut. If only she had gotten that ultrasound.

She did not have to ask the classic patient question, the 'what does this mean?', she knew what it meant. That Addison would be her doctor; Addison would operate on her baby. But Addison was the best, no denying it….

"Meredith?" Bailey's voice penetrated her thoughts, and it sounded much gentler than usual. She didn't look up, only nodded to show that she was listening, but really her mind was not really in the room with all of these people, her mind was with her baby. "Meredith, because of the danger of a baby that already has complications being born too early, you're going to have to stay on bed rest until you reach a safer delivery point."

Meredith's head shot up and she looked frantically from Dr. Bailey to Addison, to Derek. "No! I can't! I—I'm still an intern! Missing too many hours, means I'm out of the program! I can't! I'll be careful, I—"

Her rant was broken by Addison who sat on the edge of the bed and reached for Meredith's hand. "Meredith? Meredith, look at me. Okay, now we are going to sit here and think about this rationally, okay? Okay. You are twenty-four weeks pregnant, and there is a slim chance of a baby being able to survive if it is born now. You don't want that do you? No, you don't. So, by going on bed rest you will, several weeks from now, deliver a baby who is much healthier, and will, very likely, survive the surgery required to give it a perfectly normal life. Both of you will be back on your feet much more quickly, and you will be a surgeon with a healthy little baby. How does that sound?"

"Good. That's good. Okay. I'm okay."

"You're okay," Addison echoed and patted her hand. "So, we're going to keep you in here for tonight, and when you go home tomorrow you will be on strict bed rest, preferably with someone home with you as much as possible."

For some reason this made Meredith laugh. "I'm practically running a boarding house, it shouldn't be a problem," she said, and she heard Izzie snicker.

"Okay then. I'll be back to check on you later." Addison stood and left the room, glancing only for a second at Derek.

"Grey?" Bailey said, becoming Bailey again.

"Yes?"

"Don't do anything stupid, take care of yourself and that baby, and it'll work out better, got that?"

Meredith nodded, wondering if Bailey really thought every decision Meredith ever made outside of the hospital was stupid. Actually, make that outside of medicine, because she had made bad decisions inside the hospital.

"Okay. I'll see you before you're discharged." With that, Bailey was gone, and Meredith was alone with her family. Well, some of her family.

"Is Cristina on call? And Alex? They should know."

"I'll go see," George volunteered. "I should call Callie." Meredith nodded, and George leaned over to smile at her before leaving. "I'm glad you're all right, Meredith, and the baby. You deserve it."

"Thanks, George."

"I should probably go too, leave you two alone for a while," Izzie said, standing up. She smiled down at Meredith. "You're going to be okay." It was half a question, half a statement; and Meredith nodded.

"So are you, Izzie."

"I hope so." She looked away, her eyes slightly unfocused. "I really hope so."

Then she left, and they were alone. Meredith looked up at Derek and smiled slightly. "We're okay," she breathed.

He nodded, and she shifted to make room for him on the bed, he lay down next to her, gathering her in his arms.

"We can do this, right? Take care of a child who has those… issues?" she asked him nervously, just a little bit afraid that he would back out of it, this, whatever they were doing.

"Meredith? I think together you and I can get through anything now."

"Including our McBaby?" Meredith asked with a giggle, that was probably some kind of defense mechanism.

"Including our McBaby. God, that sounds like some kind of fast food meal."

"Derek, shame on you, no cannibalism in our household!" Our household. Had she really just said that?

Derek didn't seem to realize what she said; instead he was nibbling slightly on her ear. "Does that count?" he asked.

"No. Definitely not." Inside her she felt the baby move, turning over in the womb, and she put a hand to her stomach. "It's all right. Everything's all right."

And then, maybe because of the stress of the day, or the adrenaline dying, or the hormones rushing within her, Meredith began to cry. She cried for her baby, thinking that maybe there was something she could have done to make it better, even though she knew there wasn't; she cried for her mother, who may never even know her grandchild; and she cried for herself, for all the turmoil she had been through. Her tears were also for her friends, her family, and for Addison who had just led her through the beginnings of a crisis, even though Meredith had caused Addison's own crisis.

Derek pulled her to him and rubbed her back, rhythmically, soothingly, until she drifted into an uneasy sleep.

Izzie had not had a real destination when she told Meredith and Dr…. Derek, that she would leave them alone, she had just seen the looks on their faces. Meredith looked as if she had just survived a train wreck, which she had, a year long train wreck, and Derek was looking as if he wanted to kiss the hell out of Meredith for making it through this. Even though Izzie was trying to make herself seriously used to the fact that her best friend was with McDreamy, for good, it still bothered her enough to want out of that room before the 'kissing the hell out of Meredith' happened.

So, she left, and wandered. She had spent some time on the maternity ward back when she was an intern, another lifetime ago, but it was always George and Meredith that watched the babies as if it were a drug. She was always too busy for that, she told herself, when she really knew that it hurt too much. Now, though, she found herself in front of the large glass window staring in at the little bundles of baby. Some were obviously squalling, other slept with fingers or pacifiers in mouths. One baby, directly in front of the window, just stared out at the new world as if trying to figure it all out.

Good luck, Izzie thought bitterly. I've been trying that for going on twenty-eight years. Suddenly, she felt old.

"Adorable, aren't they?" A voice said, and it startled her.

"Dr. Montgomary!"

"Stevens, you're not an intern any more and your best friend is having my husband's baby, you can either call me Addison or Satan, pick one."

"Addison. You startled me."

"I tend to do that. Do you know why I put you on the spot in there?"

"Not exactly…."

"Because, Izzie, you have a gift. Now, you may not want to be a surgeon, and that's fine. However, gifts should not be wasted. Trust me on that. You're good at surgery, but you're better at connecting to patients, to guiding people through ordeals. I'm giving you this advice only once, so take it or leave it. You should go into Obstetrics, become a midwife or work at a clinic. You don't have to work at this hospital if you don't want to, but you don't need to waste what you've been given."

Watching Addison's face Izzie saw the pain there, pain that had obviously not been shown to anyone else. Addison knew what she was talking about. "Okay. Thanks. I'll think about it. I think you're right. Actually, you're probably definitely right…." Izzie trailed off, thinking that she probably sounded very stupid, but the other woman was not really listening to her any more.

"Okay then. I'll see you later, Stevens."

Izzie nodded, and turned back to the babies, the pensive one had closed its eyes and was sleeping soundly. As she watched the baby, her mind wandered, to her own baby. Possibly the reason she had this gift was the fact that she had gone through pregnancy and birth at an early age, when she was impressionable. Her own doctor had been young, just out of med school, and determined to convince Izzie that there were other options. She knew that Izzie was smart and wanted out of the trailer park. She believed in her, unlike Izzie's mother.

Izzie took a breath, and knew, knew without a doubt that she could still do something, be someone. She had gotten over great obstacles before, after all. She smiled to herself as she felt something settle inside of her. She had a purpose, a purpose that wasn't driving her roommates crazy, or visiting Meredith's mother. She could help more than one person at a time.

Suddenly, there were footsteps and she turned to see George approaching her. "Hey," she said, grinning at him.

"Hey."

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Callie's kind of pissed that I ditched her like that, but I wasn't thinking about anything but-."

"The baby, yeah, I know. Callie gets it, right? That we're, like, a family? It's not that you're romantically into Meredith any more or anything."

"Yeah, she knows. And I think she gets it. Actually, she's on her way up here now to check on Mer, to apologize for upsetting her and all."

"Oh. I should probably do that." Izzie sighed, some of the happiness going out of her. "Poor Meredith, to approach her mother and have her not recognize her just when everything else was going so well. It sucks. Yesterday her mom was doing really well, and she was asking where Mer was, that's why I told her that it was a good idea to go today."

"It wasn't you're fault, Iz."

"I know. It just sucks."

Izzie looked back at the babies and her smile returned. "You guys are right, this is like a drug. Hey George?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think I'd be a good OB-GYN?"

George was obviously startled, and he turned away from the babies to look up at her. "Yeah, I think you'd be great at it, but it's still surgery, Izzie."

"I know. But if I know my specialty… I think maybe the chief would let me stick with it. I mean, it's unlikely I'll fall in love with my patients…."

George smiled. "True. Now their husbands…"

"Do I look like Meredith? Oh my God! That sounded horrible!"

"I don't know, Izzie, I'd say it's about time I rubbed off on you," Alex said, as he came up behind her.

She rolled her eyes, but smiled at him. "What are you doing up here?"

"Checking up on Meredith."

"How is she?" George and Izzie asked at the exact same time.

"She's asleep. Shepard's watching her like… a watchdog. Or a shepherd."

"Somehow," Izzie said, smirking, "I doubt that Meredith would appreciate the 'lost lamb' analogy."

George laughed, as Cristina rounded the corner. "Hey, is Mer okay?"

"Yeah," Izzie said. "She's okay, but she's going to be on bed rest until the baby's bigger. Spina bifida."

"Poor Meredith," Cristina said, but Izzie thought that she sounded somewhat distracted as she watched the babies in the nursery.

"Yeah. But I think she can handle it," George said, turning away from the babies.

"Of course she can," Alex said. "Grey's tough. And Shepard's great with kids, have to give him that one."

"Yeah," Izzie agreed. "And, hey, she'll have us."

"Definitely," Alex replied.

"Of course," George put in.

"Well, duh." Cristina added, smiling. The four of them stood there, but there was a feeling that something was missing, without Meredith they were incomplete. Izzie wondered, briefly, how it happened. How five people thrown together by their drive to be surgeons had become so close, but then she decided to stop thinking about it, and just accept it, as Alex took her hand and squeezed it.

Cristina wasn't on call, but she stayed at the hospital until Meredith woke up, because she had to make sure for herself that she was okay. It wasn't that Meredith was particularly good at hiding her feelings, but Izzie and George were more likely to accept her lies.

"Hi," Meredith said; when Cristina entered the room. McDreamy was asleep in one of the god-awful chairs against the wall, and Meredith was whispering so that she didn't disturb him.

"Hey. How are you? Truth."

"Truth? I'm scared. But, I don't know, I'm so relieved that I didn't lose the baby, or that it's not something worse. I mean, it's bad, but…. But I work here, and I've seen so much worse, you know?"

"Yeah." Cristina sighed.

"Oh. Sorry. I wasn't thinking--."

"No, no it's okay. It's just, Burke's been talking about kids."

"What?"

"Yeah. He thinks that since he's still recovering steadily, that maybe he'll just keep up the physical therapy, take a leave of absence and—."

"And what? He'll carry the baby?"

"No! He's thinking about adoption. I mean, I can still have… but he thinks that it would be beneficial both 'for our family and career' if we adopt. We're not even married, haven't even talked about it and he's going on like this…"

"He realized he's mortal," Meredith murmured.

"Huh?" Cristina said, turning to her friend in confusion. From the corner of the room the still-sleeping Dr. Shepard snored

Meredith smiled, and looked over at him, and Cristina saw the happiness in her eyes. Then Meredith turned back and became serious again to answer the question. "When you're close to death, you start thinking about everything you'll never have, things you'll never see. Who you will never get to become. Burke's come close to losing one of the things he valued, his ability to save lives, and to have children. To raise children right. So, he's wanting that now, before time runs out. Because you never know what will happen."

Cristina thought about this for a minute, watching Meredith's face in the dim light from the hallway. "Is that why you were so sure about keeping it? Because you were afraid?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I think that maybe I thought some part of me was ready, ready to be a better mother than my mother had been. Also, and this may seem stupid, but I wanted to do have a baby before my mother dies. I… I never knew my grandparents and… well even though she's not really there…." she trailed off, blinking back tears, and Cristina put a hand on her shoulder. "And then there's the fact that I didn't want to just give it up and lose all hope. All hope for me, for us," she glanced over at the man sleeping nearby, the man she loved. "Does that make sense?"

Cristina took a deep breath. "Yeah, it does. You understand Burke better than I do."

"Maybe. Or maybe I've just been through everything. You tend to be more empathetic when that happens. That and I'm pregnant, remember? Pregnant makes you care."

Cristina laughed. "Yeah. I remember. Although, now I'm not sure. It may not have been the pregnant part."

"What else could have been?" Meredith asked, attempting to sit up. Automatically Cristina reached up and helped her, pulling a pillow up behind her back.

"The having friends part," Cristina said, smiling. "You all changed me. I blame you."

"Really, you should thank me. I mean, no one likes to be a machine for their entire life." Meredith grinned, and Cristina realized that she had missed this Meredith. Yeah, she had been happy with Finn, but she hadn't been content. This was content Meredith.

"But you know what? I think that you succeeded in humanizing Burke. So it's a circle, really. The circle of life."

"Oh please, don't turn into a Disney mom," Cristina said quickly, shaking her head.

"Hey, come on, The Lion King is Hamlet, and that's culture. "

"Think what you want, it's still singing and dancing animals. Not a fan."

"Yeah, okay. Point taken. With my luck though, this kid'll be a Disney-Princess-Halloween-Costume-Wearing-Girl."

"Do you know if it is? A girl, I mean."

Meredith shook her head. "I don't want to know."

"I thought you hated surprises."

Meredith smiled, and looked over at Shepard again. "I did once, now I'm not so sure."

"So he turned you back into a romantic? Pity."

Meredith laughed, and attempted to stifle it quickly, but McDreamy jolted awake and looked up at them. Cristina couldn't usually tell what Meredith saw in him, but his look when he saw Meredith with the sheets up to her mouth trying to muffle her laughter said it all. He really was crazy about her.

Wheelchair again, being wheeled out of the hospital by George. Meredith's life was going full circle quite often lately, but this time there was the added bonus of having Derek waiting in the car for her. He was taking the first shift of Operation "Keep Bailey Happy" aka Operation "Entertain Meredith so She Stays on Bed Rest". Whatever, it all amounted to babysitting her and all of her grumbling about Izzie becoming Merry Poppins was ignored when her friends had discussed these plans with the air of people fighting a war. Even Cristina and Alex, who she knew still held disdain for Derek, plunged in and offered their time.

Still, even being baby-sat that had its advantages, she mused as she sat at the kitchen table watching Derek cook for her. Sure, he was only making grilled cheese sandwiches, but it was the thought that counted and he'd have to get used to making grilled cheese with a kid around. After the scare, the fact that they were actually going to be adding a child to their lives became more real. The fact that she could have delivered the day before was especially frightening, as she didn't have anything planned.

"Derek? We should probably talk about things," she said, just before biting into her grilled cheese.

"Watch it! That's hot! You're hot. Hotness is emanating from both you and the sandwich, making everything all the more dangerous."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Stop it. I'm not hot, I'm pregnant, and you are avoiding the subject."

"No I'm not. And pregnant or not I'm allowed to think you are hot. So, things. What kind of things? Us things?"

"Us things. Like, where are we going to live? I don't want to kick George and Izzie out, but we don't really have room to spare. I mean, yeah, you and I could move into the master and put the baby in my room, that would work, but it's getting crowded."

To her surprise, his eyes sparkled. "Don't worry," he said, grinning. "I've got a plan."

"And that plan is? 'Cause I don't think the neighbors would approve of us expanding. This is a townhouse." Derek laughed and popped a cheeto into his mouth. "Derek, I don't like secrets, remember? Secrets are bad for our relationship."

"Going to leave me, Mer? I'm thinking you wouldn't get very far right now." He grinned and she stuck her tongue out at him. He tossed a cheeto that he was about to eat at her, and this led to an all out cheeto war.

"So, probably not the best role model behavior," Meredith commented as she watched Derek scooping orange cheese puffs off the floor and into the trash.

"Probably not," Derek agreed, "But I think there have been worse."

She laughed and allowed him to walk with her into the living room where they both settled on the couch to make fun of stupid daytime TV shows.

The next day, Izzie was on Meredith-duty, but she was also preparing for a meeting with the chief that afternoon. Meredith sat on the couch in her Dartmouth T-shirt watching Izzie run up and down the stairs wearing different, but all very professional looking, outfits.

"Izzie!" she called, "The man has seen you in blood-covered scrubs; I think you can stop worrying!"

"Says the girl whose mother the chief is obsessed with!" Izzie called back. "If I were you, I wouldn't be worrying."

"You don't know the half of it," Meredith muttered under her breath, flipping the TV to an I Love Lucy rerun.

Derek had that afternoon off, he told her, but knowing his schedule Meredith guessed he took it off, and he came in just in time to pass Izzie who was running out the door while fastening in an earring.

"Hasn't the chief seen her covered in bodily fluids?" he asked, sitting down next to Meredith.

"That's what I've been saying," she commented, laying her head on his shoulder. "How was the hospital?"

"Boring, without you," he said, and she slapped him gently on the arm. "I'm serious! Anyway, I have something for you."

"Presents?" she asked, grinning.

He reached for his bag and pulled out the laptop that she'd seen at the trailer. Her own laptop had met an unfortunate end after she'd received her residency offers, involving drinking too much beer, her not the computer, and a fall from a balcony, the computer not her. At any rate, she'd never gotten around to replacing it.

"It's got wireless internet. I figured you could shop for baby things while you're cooped up here. Baby things which I'll pay for, of course."

Her eyes widened. "Derek, you don't have to—" he reached over and put a finger to her lips.

"Yeah I do. I owe you, and I owe the baby, and we're going to be even before it's born."

"Well, since you put it that way," she laughed. "Honestly, I'm not sure where to begin. I think my old crib and stuff is up in the attic, so possibly a changing table. I had a rocking horse that I think is still up there…."

"I'll take George and we'll have an expedition," he promised. "But it'll need toys, books, diapers, food, a highchair, bottles. All the crazy odds and ends my sisters can't leave home without."

"Tell me about them," Meredith said suddenly.

"What? The odds and ends?"

"No! Your sisters."

"Okay. Megan is the oldest, and she lives in Providence with her husband and their three boys. Triplets. She stays at home. Teresa's divorced, twin girls, one boy. She's in advertising, successful and lives in Manhattan.

"Molly's the record breaker. Three girls, four boys and she says she's not done. Her husband Nathan tends to disagree. She home schools too. I think she's nuts for that, but there you go.

"Erin, she's the free spirit, flower-child one. She adopted a little boy from Russia, she's single and she runs her own business from her house. She reminds me of you; actually, I think you'd get along."

Meredith took a moment to absorb all of this, stared at him for a second and then said: "Derek? It's a good thing you didn't tell me that multiples run in your family, or I may not have slept with you that night at Joe's."

Derek laughed deeply and pulled her to him.

That night, she lay on her side in bed, waiting for Derek to come in, but she drifted off before the door opens. When she was jarred awake by the slight shift when he climbed into bed the red numbers on the alarm clock flashed 11:30 at her.

"Where were you?" she murmured, turning to face him. He put a finger on her cheek and traced her jaw line.

"Working on the plan," he said, with a teasing smile.

"Still not going to tell me?" she asked, sleepily, sliding down on her pillow.

"Not yet."

"I don't like secrets."

"I know."

"Mkay. Good night."

"I love you, Meredith."

"Love you too. Like you wouldn't believe."

A/N Review! So, when this is over I'm thinking either a sequel or a new story, what do you all think? And yes, I know they're being cutesy-cute, but they've a baby on the way, and they're happy. Trust me, there will be more drama coming up!