A/N: Back again.
Eli and Liv got home and went straight to her room to check on Noah and El.
They were both asleep. Liv smiled softly, emotional at the sight. Why the hell was she so emotional.
She cursed herself.
"Buddy go shower" she whispered to Eli. He nodded and went to the bathroom.
She leaned against the door frame watching them. Noah was on his side, tucked into the crook of Elliot's arm with his head on his chest.
She closed her eyes, letting her mind wander again- to everything they could have had. If they'd be married. If Kathy would still be alive. If their little boy would be a mini Eli and Dickie or if their little girl would have her dark hair and his eyes.
She took a deep breath trying to shake the thought.
El had woken during the course of her day dream. He watched her and smiled when she opened her eyes.
"Tell me…" he whispered.
She walked over slowly and sat on the edge of the bed next to him, tucking her leg under her. She took a deep breath.
"Just thinking about us. What could have been. How lucky we are to be where we are now…"
He put his hand on her knee and rubbed it gently as he watched her eyes go misty.
"I'm sorry I don't know why I'm so emotional." She tried to laugh it off but he squeezed her knee giving her a look.
Honesty. Openness. Communication.
She promised him.
She nodded. "Do you ever wonder what our baby would look like? You know… if we were given the chance." She breathed out.
"All the time," he answered immediately.
She nodded blinking the tears away and gave a sad smile. She glanced at Noah. "I'm so lucky though and I know that…. You know I know that right?"
He sat up slowly, gently untucking Noah from his arm. He took her hands. "Of course I do baby."
She nodded sniffling and squeezing his hands.
He paused. "Babe I know this is wild but…" he cocked his head. "You've been a little off for the last month. The nausea. Exhaustion. The hormones…." He wiggled his eyebrows causing her to chuckle through her tears.
"El no…" she whispered. "I'm 53...Menopause… old…" She trailed off.
"Baby I understand but…. We've been together for a year and this is new…"
She shook her head, tears starting to fall. He brushed them away glancing at Noah as he started to wake up.
"Hey hey… I'm just saying. I'm worried about you cause I love you."
She nodded and he pressed a kiss to her lips.
"Peeing on a stick isn't going to hurt. Just consider it." He asked putting his hands on her cheeks and kissing her again. She nodded.
Noah opened his eyes. "Momma" he reached out. She smiled climbing across the bed and wrapping her arms around him.
"Hi sweet boy. How do you feel?"
He shrugged snuggling her. "Thirsty" he whispered. Elliot nodded and got up heading to the kitchen for water.
"Did daddy take good care of you?" He nodded with a tired smile.
"He's the best daddy," he whispered. "I'm glad he's mine…"
She smiled tearfully. "Me too, baby. Me too."
Noah was able to eat and keep down some crackers with Elliot's coaching, and soon fell asleep between them.
Eli had steered clear of the germ zone, as he called it, and ate dinner in his room before falling asleep.
Noah laid nestled tight between his parents who lay on their sides facing one another and holding hands over his head.
They lay quietly looking at one another.
"So I hear the squad found out officially," Elliot whispered with a smile.
She nodded. As much as she wanted to be mad, she couldn't help but smile.
"Do you know how many pools they had going?"
"Yeah… Fin owes me 20" he cracked and she pinched his hand causing them both to smile.
"You're okay with it right?" He asked.
She shrugged. "It was going to happen sooner or later. The only approval I care about is our kids."
"I always knew you'd be the best mom." He whispered with a smile.
They were quiet for a few moments before he spoke again.
"Whenever I used to imagine our life… I always thought we'd have a girl… a mini Olivia" he smiled fondly. "But seeing you with Eli and Noah… and even our idiot eldest" he paused for her laughter, "babe you're a boy mom through and through."
She smiled softly. "You may be right" she shrugged, "but I love them all the same."
"I know you do." He smiled and then furrowed his brows, adding, "but I still think Nugget will be a boy…."
She reached across and smacked him gently and he smiled.
"Sweetie I hate to ruin your fantasy but there's nothing but cobwebs in my uterus."
He shook his head and gave her another look. "Promise me you'll pee on a stick if you keep having the nausea?"
She rolled her eyes, placating him: "Yes Sergeant" she winked.
"See!" He whisper yelled, causing Noah to stir and roll to face him, cuddling himself into his dad's chest. "You only use my title when you're horny and were laying in bed with our sick kid… you've got no reason to be horny." He stated matter of factly with a 'proud of himself' smirk.
She shook her head. "I already told you babe" she said emphasizing the difference in term of endearment, "watching you in dad mode is a turn on" she shrugged trying to make justifications for her hormones.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night" he said smirking.
She lifted up on one arm and leaned over to kiss him softly
"You'd help me sleep tonight but… we have a sick kiddo."
He pouted and kissed her back. She rolled over closing her eyes and drifting off.
She woke the next morning, feeling disoriented, with the sun shining in her face.
"Shit…" she mumbled. She checked her phone. 9am.
She glanced over at El and Noah who were cuddled up asleep still but in changed clothes.
She remembered.
3am puke wake-up call.
El was a champ, which was fine because Noah was clinging to him like a baby monkey as he got sick. Liv on the other hand…
Her stomach got instantly queasy and took deep breathes to stop the bile from rising in her throat.
She lifted her phone, unlocking it and finding messages from her squad and the kids. She remembered texting Fin at 5:30 when they'd finally gotten Noah settled letting him know she wouldn't be coming in.
F: No worries, Cap. Need anything? Let me know I can stop by on my way in.
She replied a quick "Thanks, sorry just woke up. Long night. Call if you need anything. I'll probably swing by later for some work."
She moved on to a text from Amanda with a photo of her and girls. "Tell Noah we love him and hope he feels better soon!"
She smiled. The amount of people who loved her little boy made her heart squeeze.
She finally landed in the family group chat. Eli had provided the 6am update to everyone when he'd woken up for school.
Eli. Shit.
She went back to her messages in a panic, relieved to see a text from Maureen as she remembered that conversation.
M: Everyone ok? I'll swing by in an hour and take Eli to school. Need anything?
L: Thank you sweetie- no I think we're ok but I'll let you know. Love you
An hour later-
M: Just dropped off the goods. Dickie will pick him up at the end of the day and bring over dinner for boys baseball night. Call if you need anything. Love you!
L: Sorry just woke up. Boys are still asleep. Thank you for the help- we love you guys.
She texted her a picture of Noah and El cuddled up together.
Maureen replied right away: Oh look at them… he's the best daddy ever!
She smiled and set her phone down, getting up to use the bathroom. It smelled like a mixture of bleach and throw up and she groaned, opting for the boy's bathroom instead.
When she came back, she wasn't shocked to find El awake and on her side of the bed, having scooted Noah over.
She crawled back into bed an laid on his chest, quiet for a few.
"It's just so nice to not have to do this alone anymore…" she mumbled as he squeezed his arms around her a little tighter
"Never again babe. Never again."
She nodded taking a deep breath. Noah stirred, pouting at the loss of contact. He lifted his head with squinty eyes and El held out his arm for him. He squirmed over and snuggled back in with a yawn.
"Daddy I'm starving." He said quietly causing his parents to laugh.
"Well I'd say that's a good sign. I'll make you some toast ok?" He nodded.
By the time Eli and Dickie got back around 4, he was pretty much back to normal.
The four boys settled on the couch in their matching hats and shirts as they waited for the game to start.
Liv had run to the precinct to get some work to get caught up on while the boys watched their game. She'd stopped at the store on the way home to get a test, more to shut Elliot up than anything else.
She grinned at the sight of her boys when she walked in. She dropped kisses on their heads as they watched and headed to their bedroom.
She got her lap top set up and paced back and forth a little trying to build up some courage.
It was just a stick, she told herself. This was dumb. Eliot got her all worked up for what she knew was going to be one line.
She'd drink a glass of wine after she got the negative result. Maybe a bottle. Drunk Liv always did have the best sex.
She finally got up the nerve and went in, did her business and left the test on the counter.
She went back to her bed, sitting down to start getting caught up on her work, looking up only when Elliot came in to tell her the boys are asleep and the Yankees lost. Three hours had passed in a blink.
She nodded and gave him a kiss as he walked towards her bathroom. Realization hit her and her head shot up. The test.
She put her laptop down and rushed into the bathroom behind him, but he'd gotten there first.
He stood staring down before slowly turning with tears in his eyes. He held up the test.
2 pink lines.