Chapter Eleven

Three weeks after Lydia's birth and Meredith was going stir-crazy. The baby, born at three pounds two ounces was slowly gaining the weight necessary for her to be released. Both Meredith and Derek spent as much time in the NICU, and now the nursery, with her as possible, but the nurses were so reluctant to hand her over that they were often shunted to the side. Meredith could not stand just sitting there watching others care for her baby, and she felt like she had to be doing something.

This was why she was sitting in Chief Webber's office at seven on Monday morning waiting for him to finish checking the board. She sat in the hard leather chair and glanced at the chief's desk, and could see a contract sitting there; a signed contract, with the signature reading: Mark Sloan. Shit.

Derek's encounter with Mark in the NICU on the day that the baby was born had been somewhat of a nonevent, but the tension that was there made the air feel thick. Meredith found herself pushing her wheelchair closer to the baby's isolettte and watching Derek warily as he went up to Mark who was leaning in the doorway.

"Mark? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Addie asked me to come, so I'm here. As much as I'm sure you'd like to think that I'm here to harass you, Derek, it's simply not true."

Derek's hand, held behind his back, clenched into a fist and Meredith reached out, as if the grab his hand, but then thought better of it.

"Fine then," he said, "But what are you doing here, now?"

"Came to check on Meredith. How are you Meredith?"

"She's fine."

"I think I was asking her."

Meredith looked away, her hand on the chest of the sleeping baby. "I'm all right, Mark. You should go back to Addison."

"You're right. I will. See you later." He left as quickly as he had come, and Derek turned around. Meredith could almost feel the fury radiating out of his eyes.

"Derek, calm down," she said, reaching up to put a hand on his arm. "She's been lonely, it's better this way. He makes her happy." Derek didn't say anything, and he wasn't looking at her, his eyes were on Lydia. "You want her to be happy more than you want him gone; I know you do."

Again he did not say anything and she sighed, sliding her finger into Lydia's hand. They stood there in silence for so long that she almost did not hear his reply. "You're right. How do you know these things?"

"'Cause I've been there," Meredith said simply. "When you love someone their happiness is always more important."

Derek didn't say anything to that, he just put his hands back on her shoulders and she grasped his hand, trying to tell him without words the she did not blame him. There wasn't enough time for that. The baby stirred, and squeezed her finger. There were more important things than blame.

Now, however, she anticipated a full on confrontation between Derek and Mark at some point. Not fun.

"Ah, Meredith, what can I do for you?" Dr. Webber said, as he entered the office.

"Let me work."

"Meredith, you've still got maternity leave—"

"A month. I have a month left, but I won't be able to take all of it. Derek and I have worked out schedules so that we'll be home with her in the day until she's big enough for daycare, and I'd prefer to take the leave when I actually have a baby at home. I'm going to go crazy, Dr. Webber. I need to work. I need to prove to myself that I can still do this, that I haven't lost it. I need that peace of mind before I can settle in with Lydia at home. Please, just for a few days. Or else Lyddie's bedtime stories are going to be textbooks. So, please, let me work. Just until she can go home. Please? So I'll stop babbling?"

Meredith knew that she sounded desperate, and slightly deranged, but as she sat for hours in a rocking chair in the nursery all that she could think of was the fact that she was going to go into being a resident with about the same amount of competence she had at the beginning of her internship. Insane, yes, but she was terrified. She had spent full days during her time of bedrest reading texts.

The chief leaned back in his chair and eyed her. It seemed like forever that he just watched her sitting there in scrubs in the hopes that he will let her work just a little so that she can have peaceful time with her baby when she came home.

He leaned forward, put his fingers together and rested his chin on them. "Meredith, I have full confidence in your ability to come back and work without a problem, but I will expect you to be somewhat distracted even then. Now, with your baby still within our walls—" he took a breath and she cringed. "But I do understand your worry. Also, you did miss the last month of your internship, so when you come back you will be treated in a way similar to Isobel Stevens for a few weeks….. I'll tell you what, go find Miranda Bailey and tell her that you are her intern until further notice. When are they saying Lydia will be able to go home?"

"Three days. She's at three twelve now, and gaining steadily. It's not that I don't want to be with her, sir, it's just--."

He put up a hand. "I understand, Meredith. Have you talked to Derek about this?"

"Yeah. He understands. He's working, isn't he?" This wasn't all true. At the moment Derek was sleeping at the house, having been on-call the night before. He told her that he slept, but she figured he'd stayed with Lyddie all night.

The chief nodded. "Okay then."

"Thank you, sir. Thank you very much. Oh, and Dr. Webber?"

"Yes?"

"I…. I just want you to know, I don't resent you for…. For not staying with my mother. I mean…. I know it wasn't easy for you, after and…. I mean, I would have liked…. And she changed, in Boston, but….. I'm gonna go now. I just thought you should know, that I don't."

Meredith stood there for a second more, and then made a beeline for the door.

"Thank you, Meredith."

"I thought I was done with you suck-ups."

Meredith smiled as she stood before Dr. Bailey at the nurses' station. "I'm sorry. I just can't sit there and watch them take care of her, but I want to be here, and—just please, give me something to do."

"Girl, you need to seriously watch the caffeine intake. All right, here, go get histories from these families, and run labs on Mr. Erikson room 432. Report to me when that's done and I'll let you do a bypass for me."

Meredith smiled. Cardio or no, cutting was cutting. She hurried off to do as she was bid, and was relieved to find that it all came as second nature. It was like swimming, somehow every time she got in the water it was as if she had never gotten in; no matter how long it had been since she had last swam. It was also nice to talk to patient's families, to prod them into giving her what she needed while also providing comfort. They saw her without the baggage that the others knew she had.

She was doing just fine until she passed the nursery window on her way to retrieve the labs. She told herself that she wasn't going to go in, she was just going to check on Lyddie through the glass, but the baby's eyes were open and they looked at her, and even though Meredith knew that she couldn't focus yet, she felt as if she were being given a very accusatory stare.

"Lyddie, baby, I'm working," she said, picking the baby up out of the crib. "I gotta go before Bailey hurts me. Yes. You'll meet Bailey soon and she'll love you, even if she doesn't love me. She's got a little boy who'll be in daycare with you, won't that be fun?"

The baby blew a spit bubble which Meredith took as agreement. "Okay, well, I've got to put you down now, because if I don't then you and William may have to do a Romeo and Juliet type thing, because Bailey will hate me, and that wouldn't be good. No, it wouldn't. No."

As she gently set her down and then lingered for just a moment she wondered if she maybe wasn't too good at the art of having one-sided conversations. She ran the labs back to Bailey and then went into the scrub room to scrub in. During the bypass was the first time that she was actually able to calmly focus on something besides her family, and she was grateful.

"Press down a little more, Grey," Bailey said from behind her as she cut into the leg to get the vein that they would graft from the aorta to the coronary arteries.

The surgery went smoothly, and afterwards Meredith stood in the scrub room watching the patient be transferred from the table to a bed.

"Grey? Grey!"

"Hmm? Oh, sorry, Dr. Bailey. Moving." She shifted so that the other doctor could get to the sink.

"Grey, you're dead on your feet. If you insist on being here, go fill out charts for a while so you don't kill someone." Meredith glared, but obeyed, heading towards the door. "Oh, and Grey? Good job in there. Stop worrying, it comes back."

Meredith nodded, and decided that the nursery was as good a place as any to fill out charts. She was surprised to find that she wasn't the only one there. George had pulled a chair up by Lyddie and was absent mindedly filling out a patient's medical history while glancing up at the sleeping baby. He stood when he saw Meredith and then sat on the floor, allowing her to take his seat.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Working," she responded, putting her hand in to stroke the baby's arm. "Bailey's got me on charts. But I did just fly solo on a bypass." She grinned.

"But you're neuro!"

"I'm Bailey's intern today. So I'm filling out charts. But I'm kind of in limbo. So I'm also doing bypasses. It's weird. Life is weird."

"Okay, Mer? When was the last time you got a full night's sleep? And don't tell me last night, because I heard you up at 3 AM in the nursery."

"Shut up, I'm doing charts."

She knew George was rolling his eyes at her even if she couldn't see it. A few minutes later Izzie came in to the nursery to check on a patient. "What are you guys doing in here?"

"Working," George and Meredith chorused. "Actually," George continued, shutting his chart. "I'm leaving, because I'm about to scrub in on a harvest, wherein I am going to remove the heart. Because I am a heart surgeon."

Izzie laughed. "What's up with George?"

"He's jealous, 'cause Bailey let me perform a bypass for her. Seriously, he's had two months of residency and I've had none. I'm Bailey's pseudo-intern for the day," she added, when Izzie gave her a puzzled look.

The charts were easy, they were what she had done nearly every day since her first, and she was done quickly, but she couldn't seem to get out of the chair. Lyddie began to whimper and Meredith picked her up, settling her in the crook of her arm. A nurse came by and handed her a bottle.

"I'm working," she started to protest, but popped the small bottle into the baby's mouth and settled back in the chair. Lyddie's eyes were intent on her while she sucked and Meredith smiled. "You are such a gorgeous little baby," she whispered.

She gently ran a finger down one of the baby's spindly legs. She still didn't seem big enough to be out yet, but there she was in the world. It was too soon to tell what her limitations would be, but Addison was hopeful. Meredith wasn't hopeful, she just knew. She knew that whatever challenges this baby would be fine.

When the bottle was drained she gently burped Lydia and then settled her in her arms rocking her to sleep. This was how it was supposed to be, and how it would be as soon as they could take her home. When she fell asleep Meredith put the baby back in the crib, meaning to get up and go to find Bailey, but she couldn't seem to. Her eyelids were heavy, and she sat back, telling herself that she'd get up in just a minute.

Izzie spread a blanket over Meredith, who had fallen asleep in the rocking chair, and set off in search of Dr. Bailey. It was her job, after all to look out for her friends. She was still intent on making sure they didn't overdo themselves, even if she were right there with them. Alex was standing by the OR board, grinning.

"Hey," she said, putting her chin on his shoulder. "What's going on?"

"Sloan," he said, almost reverently. "Sloan's up. He's got three surgeries today, and I'm scrubbing in on two of them."

"What about Paris?" Izzie teased, and Alex turned, tickling her under the arms.

"Alex!" she gasped, laughing.

He stopped and put his hands on her waist. "I like you like this, Sunshine," he said quietly.

"Like what?" she asked, "And Sunshine? From you?"

He nodded. "You're like that, Izzie. You light up a room whenever you come in. And as for the like this part: you're happy. I like you happy."

She smiled and wanted to kiss him, but they knew better than to do that in the middle of the hallway. "I've got to go find Bailey. Meredith's asleep. She insisted on working today, but she's exhausted."

Alex nodded. "It'll get better for her once the kid's at home," he commented, as they moved towards the wall to make room for a patient being wheeled into the OR.

"Yup. Meredith's a natural with her. I always knew she was good with kids but…. she's Meredith…." Izzie trailed off, not wanting to seem judgmental.

Alex shrugged. "She may talk selfish, Iz, but inside she's not. Not really." He seemed somewhat embarrassed at this empathetic speech and he grinned. "I've got to go do pre-op on one of Sloan's patients. I'll see you later." He hurried off and Izzie shook her head at him.

"Stevens? How's Lydia doing?" Addison asked, falling into step with Izzie as she headed towards the nurses' station.

"Good. Meredith's with her. She's at three twelve and gaining steadily, no sign of infection or irritation at either incision. Her vitals are stable, she's doing fine off of the ventilator." Izzie reported.

"Just what I wanted to hear," Addison smiled. "And how's her mother?"

"Crazy. But that's because she's Meredith." Izzie shrugged. "She's good with her." Izzie paused, but continued her thought anyway. "They're both good with her…."

"Well. Dr. Shepard's always been good with kids. I've got a patient to check on; I'll see you in the OR with Ms. Fredrickson."

Izzie nodded, regretting her statement, but Addison seemed to have taken it well. They were working in the same hospital after all; he was going to come up. She leaned against the nurse's station and watched people pass for a minute before turning around to ask a nurse about Bailey's whereabouts. Olivia was typing on the computer. Izzie decided to wait. To her relief Dr. Bailey walked by a moment later.

"Dr. Bailey? It's Meredith. She's asleep in the nursery; do you want me to--?"

Bailey shook her head, "No. Leave her be. Girl's going to have to work while she's exhausted often enough in the next few months."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, Dr. Bailey." Bailey nodded and went off towards an on-call room. Izzie went to go prep Mr. Fredrickson for OR, and as she did she passed George and Callie leaning against a supply rack, coffee in their hands. George was smiling and Callie was too. Izzie thought about it and decided: she liked him happy.

A few hours later, she went into the NICU to check on a baby who had had surgery the day before to remove a small mass in her lung. The baby was still on a ventilator, but doing well. It was a relief, they'd had a baby a week before not survive the same surgery, but this baby was a fighter. Izzie ran a hand over the small head before going into the nursery to attempt to convince Meredith to go home.

Meredith hadn't moved from where she left her, although Lydia had awakened and was moving her arms about seriously. "Hey there, baby," Izzie murmured. "Let's wake your mommy up, okay?"

She lifted the baby up and put her face against Meredith's cheek. "Hey," Meredith murmured, before her eyes were even fully open. She reached up and took the baby from Izzie. "Oh my God. I fell asleep. Bailey's going to kill me."

Izzie rolled her eyes and knelt down by the chair. "Mer, look at me. Bailey isn't going to kill you. She gets it. Actually, she left an hour ago, because her shift ended. You need to do the same thing. You need to go home and see Derek before he comes on call, and you need to take a shower and do all of the things that you are about to tell me you could just as easily do here."

Meredith closed her mouth and glared at Izzie.

"Lydia, tell your mommy that she needs to go to her house. Tell her that if she doesn't then Aunt Izzie is going to tie her up with bandages and stuff her in the trunk."

Meredith started laughing. "No, spare me. Seriously. I'll go. I just hate to leave her."

"She'll be fine, Mer. Come on, I'm off; I'll drive you." Meredith gently put Lydia in the bassinet and gazed at her for a moment. Izzie gently took her arm and led her out of the room.

They went to the locker room and changed out of their scrubs and headed towards Izzie's car. "It's weird, Izz, but it's natural. Surgery, doctoring. I mean, it comes back."

"Yeah it does," Izzie said quietly. "Meredith, you may not hear this much because of everything else, but you are a great doctor. Seriously, one of the best. You know things by heart that anyone else has to spend forever researching, you've got steady hands when you cut, patients like you…. You're wonderful at this." Izzie glanced over at Meredith as they ducked into the car. "And you're natural with Lydia too. It may be a balancing act, but I think that you and Derek are going to be able to handle this just fine."

Meredith shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just scary. I don't want to mess her up; I don't want to mess me up."

"You're not going to."

They rode in silence the rest of the way to the townhouse and Meredith got out of the car first, heading towards the house. When Izzie got inside she was in the kitchen with Derek, Izzie could hear their murmurs and decided that she would just go straight upstairs. She went into her room and sat on her bed, slipping her hand into her pocket. She pulled out the picture that she always carried with her. Her little girl smiled at her.

A little while later Meredith came into her room and sat next to her on the bed. "Derek's gone to the hospital," she commented. Izzie nodded, and then realized that there were tears on her face. "Hey, Izzie, don't cry." Meredith put her arm around Izzie's shoulders. "You're doing great, at everything now; it's okay."

"I know," Izzie replied quietly. "And I know I did the right thing for her too, it was so long ago…. I just wish there was something more I could have done."

"You did everything you could," Meredith whispered, "For both of them."

Izzie nodded, sadly, resting her head on Meredith's shoulder. Meredith hugged her and didn't say anything else, she was just there.

Cristina awoke early, as she always did, but this time it was before the alarm went off. Beside her Burke was still asleep and she knew he should stay that way until he had to get up. Today he was going back, and she knew he was nervous, even if he did not say anything. George had come over for dinner the night before and had been, of course, very excited that Burke was going back to work. Burke, however, had been oddly silent.

Silently, she got dressed and went to sit in the living room. Any other day she may have left early to round, but not today. Today she was going to be there for Burke. She would have made breakfast, but he had reclaimed that duty, and so she simply waited. Soon she heard the alarm clock beeping and laughed to herself as Burke swore while turning it off.

He emerged into the living room a few minutes later and silently made his way to the kitchen. "No hovering," he said as he got out the eggs.

"Burke," she said coming into the kitchen and perching on the counter. "I'm a trauma surgeon. Not cardio, sorry. Thus, if I hover the chief will murder me. Besides, I know you can handle it."

He smiled and shooed her off of the counter.

"Just don't come bitching to me when Webber keeps you off of surgeries. Meredith, you can bitch to. At least, in a couple weeks. Right now she's with Bailey, but she's going to take off as soon as Lydia can go home. And then she'll be mommy-tracked."

Burke laughed. "Why do I see a very amusing confrontation in the near future between her and Shepard once he becomes her direct superior?"

"Because it's incredibly likely." Cristina laughed.

She drove them to the hospital, and parked next to Meredith's car, which was there almost permanently, in the back seat she saw a tiny baby carrier, still empty. She was going straight for the front door, but Burke pulled back on her arm.

"What is it?" she asked, wondering if he were having some weird cold-feet issues.

"Coffee," he stated simply, leading her to the cart by the front entrance. She smiled.

At the cart he refused to let her pay, simply handing her the cardboard cup and grasping her hand in his. His right hand. They walked through the automatic doors hand-in-hand and went straight to the elevator. Meredith and Shepard were already inside, and Cristina smiled to herself, at the look on Meredith's face when they entered. Clearly she had wanted them to be alone on this elevator.

"Dr. Burke," Shepard said in greeting. "Dr. Yang."

"Morning," Cristina replied. "How's she doing, Mer?"

"Izzie said that she can probably come home tomorrow," Meredith smiled, grasping Shepard's hand.

"Good," Burke said, smiling at Meredith. The elevator doors opened onto the surgical floor and Cristina reluctantly let go of Burke's hand before heading to her locker room with Meredith.

"So, how's he doing?" Meredith asked as they went into the locker room. Meredith made a beeline for her locker, so Cristina followed her to answer.

"Okay. The tremors are nearly gone; they come back, you know, when he's tired. But I think he'll be okay."

"Wonderful," Meredith said, nearly tying herself up in her scrub pants she was putting them on so hurriedly. "I'm gonna go check on Lyddie before I report, I'll see you later." With that she dashed out of the locker room leaving Cristina standing there and shaking her head.

After getting dressed herself Cristina headed down to the ER. She liked trauma, there was less people-dealing. The only things she had to do with people that weren't her patients were tell the pale-faced husbands to leave and assure stiff-lipped mothers that she was taking the best care possible of their child. She saved lives and then sent people to other services to make their lives better.

Around noon she called in a cardio-consult for a man who had had a heart attack and then fallen down a flight of stairs. She had repaired the immediate damage to his liver and kidneys, sent him for a CAT scan which came back clean, when George and Burke appeared on the scene.

George did the initial exam with Burke critiquing him, and Cristina, although she should have gone immediately back down to the pit, watched. Burke seemed calmer than she had seen him in months, more centered. He was Preston Burke again. He was a surgeon.

She flashed him a smile and headed back to the ER. When she finally went to lunch she sought him out and was surprised to see that he was sitting alone at a cafeteria table, with a salad uneaten before him. She sat across from him with her hot-dog and didn't say anything at first.

"You okay?" she finally asked, while pushing a straw into her cup of soda.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. It's just weird to be back. I mean, I'm glad to be back, and it's so natural. I just…. I'm me again."

"I know," Cristina replied. "You are most definitely you."

"It comes back," someone else said. Meredith stood above them, a salad and cup of orange juice in her hand.

"Ah, Meredith, eat with us," Burke offered graciously.

"Um, no thanks. I'm going to go…." She gestured towards the elevator and was off.

"Why is she attempting to work?" Burke asked.

"I think it may have something to do with what you just said," Cristina replied. "She wants to be her again."

Burke smiled, and Cristina reached out and took his hand. "Burke? It's good to have you back," she said.

Three fourteen. That's what the scales had said when he checked on the baby before his rounds.

"Lost my fiancée again, Dr, Bailey?" Derek asked, leaning against the nurses' station.

Bailey glared up at him, "I have not lost Meredith Grey. We all know where Meredith Grey is, and I can guarantee you it's not with a surgical patient." She shook her head. "Look, Dr. Shepard, I appreciate what she's trying to do, but she needs to take her leave and stop worrying."

"Yeah, okay. I'll go talk to her," he said, smiling. "It's hard for her, being here and not doing anything, but not being able to do much for Lydia either."

"I know that. That's why I've put up with her this long. She's a great surgeon, and she'll be great when she comes back no matter when it is. Remind her of that?"

"I'll try," he promised, and started to head towards the nursery. The problem was upon passing the nurses' station on that floor he found Mark, talking to Addison as she made her way to a patient's room. Mark, who had signed a five year contract with Seattle Grace and was now head of plastics.

"Hey, Shep, I want to talk to you."

Derek turned reluctantly. "I have nothing to say to you, Mark."

"Yeah? So listen. You were good at that once, and judging by the talkativeness of your fiancée, I'd say you still are." He put one hand on the desk of the nurses' station. "I didn't come here to aggravate you, as much as you might want to think that. I came here for Addison, because she asked me to. Now I know you, Derek, I know you stayed with her for a reason. You want her to be happy, even if it's not with you.

"I get that you love Meredith, because I love Addison. So let me, let me love her. You don't have to like me; you don't have to speak to me. But don't hurt her because of me."

Derek sighed, Meredith's voice ringing in his ears She's happy. You want her to be happy. He did. He wanted Addison to be happy.

Mark held out his hand. Derek wanted to hit him, but he didn't. He shook

Then he went to the nursery in search of Meredith and his baby. She practically ran into him she was going out the door so fast, having evidently seen him coming.

"I was just going. To work. Back to work. Have you seen Bailey?" He shook his head and put his hands on her shoulders; propelling her back into the room and into the chair she had obviously just left, as it was still rocking.

"Meredith? Sit. Sit here and stay with Lydia. She needs you, and you will be able to work when you come back. Trust me, I'll see to it." She smiled. "You're a great surgeon Meredith, and you will be whether your residency is expanded by a month or two or not. You will be able to go back to it, okay?" He was crouched in front of the chair, holding her gaze. Slowly she nodded. "Okay." He stood and kissed her, wondering how on Earth he could have ever tried to leave her.

It felt as if they had never left each other's arms, he thought as he held her to him. It was natural.

A/N Review please! Early update because in the time the site was down I wrote. A lot. Next chapter will probably be the last; I've decided that after this I'll do a new fic that's been eating at me and then a sequel to this one. By the way, I think Bailey is actually a trauma surgeon in the show, but I realized that after I'd put her in cardio, so in cardio she'll stay in this story and its sequel…..