Summary: (One-shot) Miyu reflects on what her brother became: "I should have never asked

him to go after that damn phone…then we would've all been together, no matter what…"

Disclaimer: Don't own GS or GSD…wish I did, but alas, I don't

speculation + obsessed fangirl equals:

Shouldn't Have

I don't remember much about leaving. Just a lot of light, and then darkness. I don't remember falling, I don't remember pain. Lucky too, I guess, judging from what my brother dreams.

I'm not the only ghost, either. All the soldiers are haunted by them. Ghosts, or memories of ghosts, I guess. I don't think that I'm the ghost of Miyu. Perhaps some fragment of her that got left behind, tied down to her one regret. We all kind of hang around, waiting to "move on." Some of us hang around our surviving loved ones, while others just hang around soldiers that got us killed, even though we don't know why we stay. I think I'm somewhere in between.

I don't know if I sleep. I think I do, because I'm in different places when I'm awake. Sometimes I'm with my brother. Sometimes I'm with another boy, who looks a little like Shinn, except a little older. From what Shinn mutters in his sleep, I gather that he's the pilot that got us killed. Odd that I don't hate him. He looks so sad already, I guess he doesn't need the hatred of a ghost already on his head…at least, not when he has so many already, judging by that little girl with the paper flower that likes to be near him. She tells me that he tries so hard to protect the people that he loves—kind of like Shinn. And we were an accident—our deaths was the fault of war, not his fault solely. So I don't hate him. If I feel anything towards this boy, it's regret that he didn't get my brother when he got the rest of us.

My brother…he should have gone with us. He shouldn't have become this. I almost didn't recognize him when I first woke up, because his brown-red childish eyes had gone so bloody, so cold and so demon like in such a short amount of time. He was in a strange place…the PLANTS, and it took me a while to realize that he couldn't see me. I wish he could. He listens to my phone all the time, with such a sad look on his face. I wish I could talk to him.

I should have never asked him to go after my damn phone…then we would have been together, no matter what. He shouldn't have become this. He kills a lot of people, and he doesn't think twice about it. He brings more ghosts home every day. Sometimes I'm wondering whether I prefer being with my brother, begging him to stop as he climbs into his cockpit, or being with the other boy, watching as he does the same.

His eyes are cleaner looking—kind of like Shinn's before all this started, even though they're still darker. But I can tell that he worked so hard to get them that clear again, and that they'll never be as clear as they once were. I guess I like looking at him because he shows that Shinn could get that demon look out of his gaze too. Hopefully he will.

If you told me before that Shinn would turn out this way, I would have laughed at you, and then recommended a very good clinic. He was so nice, a crybaby, and I always teased him about how he'd cling to mother even when he was in his thirties. Not anymore, I guess. I prefer the crybaby to this.

I'm afraid for my brother. I'm afraid of my brother. And I miss him.

…+…

The ravens of unresting thought;

Flying, crying to and fro,

Cruel claw and hungry throat,

Or else they stand and sniff the wind,

And shake their ragged wings; alas!

Thy tender eyes grow all unkind:

Gaze no more in the bitter glass.

-W.B Yeats "The Two Trees"

How was that? R&R please!