LISA

I was not a woman of many words.

If you took a step closer, you could see my flaws.

"Ms. Manoban, you have a meeting with the Creative Team, they're waiting in conference room b." Eugene, my secretary said, lightly knocking on the table to get my attention.

I blinks and looked at her. I tried to recall what she had said. "I'm sorry, what?" I asked, rubbing a hand down my face.

Eugene crosses her arms and stared at me. "What's wrong?"

"Huh?"

Eugene takes a seat opposite me and crossed her legs. Eugene was a forty year old half Spanish woman with a good head in her shoulder and proverb she blurts out when she felt I needed it. She's been working for me for over a year and a half now and she's a really good worker and friend.

"You've been like this since I started working for you but today you seem worse for wear. What's up?" She asked and I don't know what to say. Majority of the employees knew about my divorce from Jennie and the last thing I wants was to talk about it all over again.

Fuck!

I missed my wife.

What had she even been thinking?

No matter what I says, everything's sounded like an excuse. Kuma has even said so, one weekend a couple months ago.

It's sad.

I'm sad.

I has lost everything.

I lets out a sigh and looked at the picture on my desk. It was a family portrait of myself, Jennie, Lily, Luca, Lego and Kuma. It was taken a couple months after Luca was born.

I doesn't realize I was crying until Eugene hands me a tissue. I quickly dabs at my eyes and tried to calm down. But really, what else could I do besides cry? What else did I have besides my tears?

"You don't have to tell me now. Maybe after a couple shots of tequila? Or several fans of beer? My husband and I have a good bottle at home and an impressive beer collection, you're welcome to join us for dinner." She said with a smile and who was I to say no.

I had moved out of the big house and found a small apartment close by and I spends my nights, mornings and weekends alone. I couldn't cook. So saying no was out of it.

"I'd love that."

I wondered how Jennie was doing. If she was dating anyone, if the kids were okay. It's some of the things I

thinks about all the time. I just has a two days, two days and I'll see Jennie and the kids again. Two days. I could wait.

I'm fine.

Even if I has to look at the love of my life from the driveway, I'm fine.

"I'll reschedule the meeting as bring you a cup of tea."

"It's our last meeting for today. Let's just close up and head for dinner." I pushed myself up the chair and grabbed my phone.

I had spent the entire day staring at Jennie's contact, daring myself to text but never finding the courage to. I waits behind as Eugene made a couple of calls and the one informing her husband about the extra guest.

These past two years, it felt like I was moving on autopilot. Get up from bed, shower, eat, get ready for the day, read papers in the car, work, dinner, a couple drinks and sleep. I couldn't fall asleep now without it, I felt too lonely, the space between my arms empty.

Autopilot.

I decided to get up and make my way downstairs. I'd rather wait for Eugene outside than being stuck here in my office, thinking about a woman who was no longer mine. A woman I had caused so much pain.

I sighed as soon as I got outside, waiting for the valet to get my car. While I waited, I noticed the flower shop in front of my building. I could see daisies from where I was standing. This time I don't hesitate, I walked right through the street after checking my left and right and ordered two dozens of daisies. I tells them I didn't want to send a card, nor did I want the receiver to know who sent it.

I smiled at the flowers and hoped Jennie liked them. When I walks out, I finds my car parked with Eugene leaning against it. She hands me the keys and got into the passenger seat.

The ride to her house was short. The radio filling in the empty silence. When I gets to her house, I finds Jungjae, Eugene's husband standing at the door with both hands shoved into his pockets.

This wasn't my first time meeting Jungjae. In fact, dinner was a thing between them, I'd accept Eugene's invitation and Jungjae would cook. His food made me yearn for Jennie. It's been two years since I ate something, intact, anything made by Jennie. I wouldn't mind if it was just plain eggs and toast.

This happily married couple were my friends. Jungjae and Eugene have been married for fifteen years, no kids and no plans for one. According to Eugene, she prefers being an aunt and since she was the last child of five from her family, there was an abundance in children.

"Lisa!" Jungjae cheers, pulling me for a one hand hug when I gets down from the car. "Good to see you! I actually thought Eugene was pulling my legs."

I grinned, patting Jungjae softly on the back. "What can I say? I missed your food." I teased as I took a step back. Eugene kisses her husband on the lips, she smacks him on the butt when they pull apart and Jungjae doesn't even blink. He just sighs fondly at her.

"Lisa, I'm not cooking today. I am not really in the mood to enter the kitchen today, so we'll have to settle for barbecue, wild rice and wine. I already placed an hour a few minutes ago."

"This is why I love you." Eugene coos, leaning to press a kiss to her husband's mouth.

"I knew you only liked me for my food and great ideas."

Jungjae teased as he wrapped his arms around Eugene. He gives me an encouraging smile and together, we made our way into the house.

I settles on the couch, legs spread out in front of me. I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a sigh. I had hung my coat and pulled off my shoes - Jungjae didn't like them on in the house. Jungjae and Eugene's house was a two story building with grass and a small driveway, pictures were littered all around, their wedding picture hanging big and tall over the mantle. It made me a bit envious. I would never make Jennie blush again, I'd never make Jennie laugh again, I'd never make the children--

Remember when I used to have all this?

I absentmindedly raised a hand and rubbed at my chest, my fingers bumping into the silver jewelry hanging on my neck. I gingerly pulls it out to examine it. It was my wedding band.

I remembers Jennie throwing her at me.

I remembers going to the house to search for anything Jennie would have left behind but I hadn't found the ring Jennie threw. A part of me was saying Jennie might have taken it, another part of me thinks she misplaced the ring.

Ah shit.

Not only had I ruined our marriage, I had also lost Jennie's ring.

Shit.

"I told you. She's been like this since morning." Eugene's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looks to the side and finds the couple staring at me with worried expressions.

"You've got to tell us what's wrong. You're making us worried and a little scared. Talk to us. You've been out of it lately, even more so than usual. You keep staring with this faraway look in your eyes and sometimes you cry without you even noticing." Eugene takes a seat beside me. She had changed out of her work clothes to a pair of sweatpants and what must be Jungjae's shirt.

Jungjae has excused himself and made his way to the kitchen. He arrived with a six pack of beer and sets it on the table, along with a bag of chips, Oreo biscuits and a truffle which Eugene immediately reached for. "I don't think it's something she wants to do without a little courage." Jungjae points at the beer. He snaps open a can and hands it to me. They wanted me to talk but where does I start from? What word should I start with?

It takes me six cans of beer, two pieces of barbecue and a large bowl of rice before I could begin. I talked and they listened, none of them saying a word until I was done.

When I was finished, the couple sat in silence and I can't help but think, oh yeah, now they know how much of a douchebag me are.

"You could have done that a better way." Jungjae speaks first.

I blinks owlishly at him. "What?"

"You ... how do I put this?" Jungjae paused. "Help me out here, honey." He says to Eugene

"Your insecurities got out of control and you ... masked it. You were running from it." Eugene tries to explain.

I finds myself nodding. "Any time I looked at her, I could hear a little voice in my head saying I ruined her life. She was always at home, she turned down jobs for me and said she wanted to stay home with the kids. I thought I took her away from everything that made her happy." I said, reaching for another can of beer.

"You stopped going home."

I nods again. "I wanted to be with her so badly but the closer I got the louder the voice in my head was. I was desperate and that's how I made my mistake. I painted onto Somi everything Jennie was. I'd imagine her with Jennie's hair, eyes, laughter, sometimes even clothes."

"You need to talk about this with someone professional. Have you ever thought about doing that?" Eugene asked and me nods.

"I tried to. I booked an appointment, stood in front of the clinic but never went in. I was alone."

"I can book you one tomorrow. I'll drive you there and even wait for you." Eugene said with a small smile.

"And I'll be here if you need food or spiritual support." Jungjae adds with a small smile of his own.

As I stared at them, I realized something. For the first time in two years, I had ordered something for Jennie. For the first time in two years, I felt like I wasn't really alone and for the first time in two years, I had the support I needed and not the negative shit I gets from my mother.

For the first time in two years, I felt like I was finally moving. I had plans. Actual plans to work on myself. If not for her, for the kids and for whatever my future holds and hopefully, Jennie was still in it.

"Thank you so much, you guys."

"What are friends for." Eugene shrugged, grabbing my beer from my hand. Jungjae hands her a bottle of water that she gives to me. "You've had a long day. You can have the guest room, we'll stop by your place and get you ready for work tomorrow."

I fish mouths.

"We really don't mind." Jungjae grins.

I gets up and followed Eugene as she led me to the guest room beside the kitchen. I don't take in the room, instead I falls onto the bed, kicking off my socks, pants and button up until I was left in my black sports bra and Black boxers. I slid under the cover and stared at the dark ceiling.

Just before my eyelids dropped, I really hoped Jennie and the kids would have lovely dreams.

~~~~~~~~~~