Jane stares at the bright letters on her screen as a sense of guilt washes over her. "Damn it," she curses as she thinks about Maura sitting alone. She knows she should go back, to scoop Maura up in a hug and apologize. She just can't find the nerve. Jane continues walking down the street, already miles away from her apartment. The cold air feels good against her cheek, which stings from Maura's touch. Jane tries not to think about how Maura had looked at her just then, with affection. Call it self-sabotage or self-pity, but Jane felt undeserving of Maura's feelings. Maura was a brilliant woman, a decorated scholar who knew how to take away Jane's pain with an embrace alone. Neither one of them particularly enjoyed physical touch with others but seemed to always find solace in each other's arms. She knew that some of it was self-hate as well, fueled by years of Catholic teachings being drilled into her brain. Regardless, what they had was too good to ruin. And that was why she was out on the streets at 3 AM instead of in Maura's arms. She debates whether she should reply to Maura, typing and re-typing messages until she settles on a neutral one.
I'm fine. Need some fresh air. Don't wait up.
As the night passes, Maura is woken up by the sound of birds chirping outside of Jane's bedroom. She turns to the empty spot next to her, looking for her cell phone. She opens the messages, hoping for another update from Jane. Instead, there is a new message from an unknown number.
Hey gorgeous. It's Olivia. Fancy a dinner tonight at Giulia? I could pick you up at 7.
Whether fueled by annoyance at Jane or genuine interest in the new woman, she replies, texting back, "Sounds wonderful. Let's meet at your place since I know where you're located. How should I dress?".
A reply dings soon after.
You would look amazing in anything. Dealer's choice.
Maura smiles at the text, almost forgetting about last night's events and she dresses for work in a better mood. The rest of the day goes by quickly and she only sees Jane once while waiting for the elevator. She wonders where Jane spent the night, as there was no sign of the detective this morning. Jane looks tired, with circles under her eyes and a shy smile on her normally confident face. When Maura returns home from work, she feels slightly lonely at the lack of interaction with Jane. She showers and wanders into her massive closet, feeling the fabric of all of her nicest dresses. Settling on an emerald-colored cocktail dress, she slips her stilettos on and suddenly feels better after looking in the mirror. Her earrings match her dress and hang below her perfectly curled hair. A single diamond sits on the necklace on her chest, a statement piece that she hopes will draw Olivia's attention to the low-cut dress. As she walks out the door of her Beacon Hill home, she opens the door to Jane, who is just about to ring the doorbell. "Oh. Jane. Are you alright?"
Jane takes her time ravishing the woman before her as her jaw drops. All she can manage is a weak "wow". Maura's smile is clinical as if she is afraid of lowering her guard around the taller woman. "Thank you. I need to be getting on my way", Maura says as she walks past Jane.
"Wait. Where are you going dressed like that? You look amazing, Maura", Jane calls out as Maura walks down her driveway.
"I have a date!" Maura responds before disappearing into her Mercedes. Jane scowls at the thought of Maura enjoying dinner with a romantic date and berates herself internally for letting the beautiful woman go. She drives home and honks at every driver brave enough to cross her path that night. With an empty fridge and an even emptier heart, she heads to the Dirty Robber in hopes of company and a desire to drown her jealousy with beer. As she takes a seat at the counter, her mother looks up from the glasses that she is drying. Jane curses, having forgotten that her mother was working tonight and wishing that she chose another bar. One with a less nosy bartender.
"Janie, what's wrong? You haven't looked this sad since your prom date ditched you." Angela's loud voice draws the attention of several other patrons, who glance in Jane's direction before turning their attention back to the game or those around them.
"Leave it, ma. I'm not in the mood. I need a shot of something strong. It's been a day", Jane says as she slouches in the stool. Angela knows better than to pressure her stubborn daughter considering the mood that she's in, so she turns to pour a shot and slides it in front of Jane. "On the house, honey. Where's Maura?"
Jane groans at the sound of Maura's name. "Some date. The way she was dressed, you would think it was with the president".
Angela looks at Jane, a look of confusion and surprise written all over her face. "And you're pissed about that? I thought you would be happy."
Shaking her head, Jane replies, "I don't wanna talk about it, alright?" and pulls her phone out, mindlessly scrolling through her messages. At that moment, Frankie saunters in, making eye contact with his mother as she shoots him a glare, nodding her head in Jane's direction. He rolls his eyes, wondering what the deal was now.
"What's up, sis?" he says as a slap lands across Jane's back. She sits upright, shooting her brother the death glare as he chuckles in response. "Listen, Frankie, cut me some slack, will ya? Leave me alone."
He's curious about what caused his sister's sour mood, having a feeling it was related to the missing honey blonde who was usually by her side. He's smart enough to not address it, deciding to play the role of a good brother. "Come on, Janie. Let's go swing some bats. That always helps."
Jane seems to perk up at the suggestion, considering it for a second before agreeing. "Only if you buy the beer and let me bat first. I wanna get a couple of hits off you."
"Whatever you want. I'll even go easy on ya" he says with a smile as Jane responds with a punch to his right shoulder. "That's cheating, you know. Can't take out your opponent's good arm."
They head out of the bar and Angela watches them climb into Frankie's car, Jane's usual stride is at a slower pace, hindered by the alcohol she had consumed while wallowing in her sadness. She shakes her head while thinking of Jane, not knowing how to help her daughter sometimes. Jane was like her father, she could be so oblivious sometimes and would ruin things for herself without meaning to. She hoped that Jane would have an epiphany about whatever was clearly bothering her and would return to her normal self soon.
The sound of the bat connecting with the baseball brought joy to Jane's heart. This was how she preferred spending a Friday night, in the company of her brother as they took turns hitting baseballs into the stands. Well, it came in a close second to a Friday night spent curled up with Maura on the couch watching documentaries. With each swing, she felt a release of frustration as her mind focused on the ball hurling toward her. The next hit went straight past Frankie's head, maybe a little too close for comfort.
"Whoa there, Janie. Relax a bit. Can't damage the money maker, alright?", Frankie jokes as he holds his hands up in surrender.
"Whatever, Frankie. Shut up and pitch," Jane says as she gets into position, taking a sip from her beer as she rotates the bat to prepare for the next ball.
Frankie throws a fast one and it hits the chain link fence behind her, causing a loud clang. "Do you feel better at least?", he shouts over the sound.
She gets a hit off of him, sending the next one high into the air. Her dimples appear as her gaze follows the ball. "Sure do, bud."
Jane tries not to think about Maura, how that dress hugged her curves in all the right places. How it complemented her eyes. How she wanted to be the one at the other end of the table with Maura. She knew she messed up by not taking the chance to kiss Maura when it was there. Jane considered going to see Maura after she finished up with her brother, but realized that Maura may be busy doing something else. Or someone else. With that thought, her mood got worse.