Disclaimer: chapitre une. Where it belongs.
Kuroi-chan's disclaimer: The nickname Sagi-chan is copyrighted to Kuroi. Any other who uses it will be mocked, laughed at, and will ultimately suffer at the hands of her vengeful and depressing wrath. That and she'll nag me into yelling at you.
Saaski-chan's disclaimer: the nickname Leeni-chan is copyrighted to Saaski. Use it and die.




AN Considering that I really had no doubts that I would get 100 reviews before the next update [special chapter bribe or not] the idea of putting off my GW fan fiction for this one became a good one. Plus, this fic is rather humorous. And besides, I have two friends bothering me to keep working on it. So... here you go. [And Adria, please don't kill me for this... I'm not mocking you, I swear.] And Noreen thanks for advertising this fic for me... I appreciate it?



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Chapter 6: Kakashi/Iruka special!


Iruka-sensei, who will be referred to only as such for the author doesn't know [or care about] his full name, stood with an irritated scowl plastered across his features. This is a pretty decent sign that said man is very irritated. It hadn't been easy to get Naruto to clean the house, especially after Gaara had arrived at the ungodly hour of four in the morning. The actual arrival of Gaara hadn't exactly been unexpected, and Iruka-sensei would be damned if he resorted to begging in the red heads presence... hey, let's just cut to a flashback, shall we?


[Enter really pathetic flashback mode]


Iruka-sensei slowly dragged himself down the stairs and towards the front door, where a never ending pounding was now taking place. He reached said destination and flung open the door to reveal Gaara standing in the light of the predawn, a scowl on his features.

"Where's Naruto?" The boy asked, looking at Iruka-sensei as though he were less then scum on his shoe.

Iruka-sensei bristled, not liking that look at all. "Leave." He said before slamming the door shut in Gaara's face.

Naruto had drifted down the stairs sometime between Gaara's question and the door-slamming response. "Ano sa, ano sa..." he murmured, knuckling his eyes and proceeding to fall down the two remaining stairs in the process. "Who was that?"

The blond boy then spotted Shukaku sitting near Iruka-sensei's ankles, pondering if it was worth the effort of trying to get a good part in this chapter. The raccoon, deciding: "hey, why not?" said MUNCH! and bit down.

Iruka-sensei proceeded to start flailing, while Naruto snuck around him and opened the door to reveal a very ill tempered Gaara.

"GAARA!" Naruto squealed, jumping forward and embracing his one and only friend.

Said friend twitched violently.

Iruka-sensei regained his composure and headed towards his room. "Naruto, I want you to clean the house today. Gaara, you too. It should keep you out of trouble for a while, at least..." He then skipped down the hall, changed his clothes and snuck out the window, regardless of the fact that it was now only four-o-two AM.


[End really lame flashback]


Right, it "hadn't been easy" ... but he had managed, and he was now very irritated. Hence, his scowl.

One foot was tapping the ground impatiently; his right eyebrow was twitching along with the catchy beat in his head. His mind supplied some rather gruesome forms of torture - in song. Yes the beat was catchy, yes the lyrics were morbid, and yes Iruka-sensei was very, very, very irritated.


"Find him, beat him."


And then the lyrics continued on with:


"Castrate him.
Show that sucker who's boss!
Torture him within an inch of his life.
Teach him that in some cultures being late,
Can be considered criminal.
And then blast him with napalm
Before dropping him in the Dead Sea."


There were a few dozen or so other verses involving some other forms of torture, ranging anywhere from rabid badgers, to death by spork, to turning a man into a eunuch. Yes, it can be said that Iruka-sensei can be [is] slightly morbid.

"Ohayou!" A cheery voice said from behind the already irritated man.

"Urasei!" Iruka-sensei yelled, spinning around and pointing his index finger at the person just behind him. "You're late!"

"Ma, ma..." the spiky haired man in a face mask said, lifting his hands in surrender. "I was smacked in the face by a dead cow and had to go to the hospital to make sure that I don't have Mad Cow disease..."

"LAIR!!"

Hatake Kakashi sweatdropped slightly at the rather immature man who was yelling at him. "Anyway, we'd better get started with your training. Let's test your endurance."

Iruka-sensei nodded his irritating flowing away as determination took him over. "Right!"

He got into position and Kakashi took his place behind him.

"Are you ready?" The man asked, his voice coming out much softer, and much, much lower.

Iruka nodded, staring straight ahead, hoping that he didn't make too much of a fool out of himself. He shivered slightly, as one of Kakashi's hands moved down his thigh, readjusting the position it was in.

"Alright... GO!" Kakashi said in that same low, husky voice.

Iruka-sensei sprung forward with all the grace and speed of a gazelle. A three legged gazelle that had gotten into the sake. Meaning, Iruka-sensei took all of five steps and then fell flat on his face.

There was a long silence. "You're getting better..." Kakashi finally said sweatdropping slightly.

Iruka-sensei slowly got back to his feet, feeling slightly proud that he actually managed to run five steps before falling over this time. He used to simply fall over every time Kakashi said "go". Now... he actually moved forward. And, because the author is realizing that she's trying too hard, we'll skip to a bit of dialogue.

"Mou," Iruka-sensei sighed, walking slowly back towards Kakashi. "I'll never be ready for the Hundred Foots Marathon the way I'm going..."

The Hundred Foots Marathon, which is only going to exist in this chapter, is a Marathon designed to show the people of Konoha just had old and fat the elder generation is getting. It is also an excuse to make fun of said old and fat people as they slowly ran about fifteen miles - uphill.

"You're improving," Kakashi said, his one visible eye curving in the only way of telling that he as smiling. "You just need a bit of... inspiration."

With that said Kakashi strode forward, grabbed hold of Iruka-sensei's shirt collar, dragged him forward and kissed him firmly. And then he ran. Iruka-sensei chased after him, a string of curses and threats flowing from his mouth as he went. "Get back here you [censored]!" The man screamed, "If you're going to [censored] kiss me, at least do it right! I'll [censored] castrate you!!!!"

Kakashi kept running, now fearing for his life of any future child he might have.

A couple of hours later, Iruka-sensei finally managed to exhaust his anger, much to the relief of his intended victim.

"[pant pant] See [pant pant]," Kakashi said with another grin while pulling out a book titled "Come, Come Paradise" and opening it to a marked page, "You just [pant pant] needed the right motivation."

Time froze as a realization seemed to come over the man.

And then, Iruka-sensei hopped up and down, clapping in joy, feeling much like a high-school girl that had just been asked to her first co-ed dance by her best friend / secret crush. Kakashi actually lowered his book in shock. Iruka-sensei then flung his arms around Kakashi's neck in a suffocating hug. And hey, to make breathing even more difficult for Kakashi, he also kissed the man, breaking off his air supply completely.

And then, both amazed [but no more so than the author] that nobody had come across their shonen ai moment, they broke apart.

"I need to get home." Iruka said, glancing worriedly at his watch. "I left Naruto alone with Gaara! You never know what might happen when those two are along together! They might try to prove their existence again! Gaara might try to rape Naruto!!" And as he was now panicking, Iruka-sensei rushed back to his house.

Sensing no immediate danger, he relaxed. That was until he heard shouting from the basement.

"Naruto! Korosu!!" And that was said in Gaara's very distinct voice.

Iruka-sensei burst into the basement, fearing the worst.

"Ahhh!! Gaara is raping my poor Naru-chan!!"

And because the crickets have yet to be mentioned, even though they are supposedly frozen at this point in the fic, they will have the final words of this chapter.

Chirp. Chirrrrrrrrrrp.




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AN Did I also mention that merely typing this chapter was physically painful? I sliced open two of my fingers at work. And um... I'm also thinking that next chapter, Gaara is going to both: get a job, and become even more possessive.



A review is like a band-aid. Heal my fingers so that I can type faster!!! [ -- desperate]