Disclaimer: chapter one. Stop bugging me!
Kuroi-chan's disclaimer: The nickname Sagi-chan is copyrighted to Kuroi. Any other who uses it will be mocked, laughed at, and will ultimately suffer at the hands of her vengeful and depressing wrath. That, and she'll nag me into yelling at you.
Saaski-chan's disclaimer: The nickname Leeni-chan is copyrighted to Saaski. Use it and die.

AN: I'm pretty sure that last time I promised that Gaara would get a job – and become more possessive. And I'm proud to say that I think I've got both of those promises fulfilled. Not only that, but I've introduced Itachi!! [Mainly because a certain special reviewer seemed to be hinting at it...] Please don't kill me for making him horribly out of character. I thought he was kind of cute my way. I was laughing while writing that part. Although, it was probably just because of Neji. Oh well. Enjoy!







Chapter 7


"I got a job."

Naruto stared at the green eyed boy that stood in front of him. The first thought that had entered his mind was: "why?". This was quickly followed by the question: "who would be desperate enough to hire Gaara?". A sudden image of Gaara in a panda costume flashed through his mind, for no reason at all. There had been some poor guy at the Theme Park-slash-Water Park in a panda costume... Gaara had nearly killed him for offering the two of them balloons. Maybe Gaara was developing a guilty conscience?

Nah.

Gaara, seemingly knowing the two questions that were going through Naruto's mind, and choosing to ignore the panda costume image, answered said questions. "I need the money. They wanted a person to scare drunks sober. I get paid, he stays alive. We both win, we both lose."

"Gaara, you're the second son to one of the richest families in this town... why do you need money?" Naruto demanded.

"... [mumble mumble other indistinguishable sounds]..."

"Huh?"

"That bastard that calls himself my father cut off my allowance because the bastard that calls himself my brother somehow managed to destroy all the furniture in the second living room with a stupid puppet he named Karusu." Gaara grudgingly admitted in clear words, glaring death in the general direction of his house.

Naruto blinked, suddenly feeling rather glad that he was an "only child". He was also glad that that fact wasn't going to change, because 1) Iruka-sensei is [in Naruto's mind] a closeted homosexual. And 2) He's poor as hell because of his chosen job as a high-school counselor.

There was a twenty minute pause, in which Gaara stood on the front porch, continuing to glare death towards his suddenly fearful brother, and Naruto stood in the doorway, seemingly thinking. It looked painful. The blond finally broke the silence.

"So... where are you working?"

Gaara shifted uncomfortably, probably embarrassed at the sheer lameness of his new job.

"C'mon!" Naruto whined, doing his best to look adorably pathetic - and failing at said task. Not that it made much of a difference to Gaara, whose puddle-melting abilities were put to the test at said look. "I need a job too, if you've got one! And it's not like you're working at Bob's Diner downtown or anything. Because that job is the lamest. They have to wear sequenced clothing and wait tables on roller skates! And that place never closes! Never! AND THEY DON'T EVEN SERVE RAMEN!!!!"

After Naruto's rant, there was another twenty minute pause filled with uncomfortable silence.

Chirp. Chirrrrp.

Yes, it was an uncomfortable silence between Gaara and Naruto. Just guess how the crickets are reacting to this. They're overjoyed! They're chirping in joy! [The author needs to find another word for "joy".] Because the crickets are joyous! JOYOUS I SAY!!!

After this pause, in which Gaara did nothing but twitch and fight the urge to stomp on the joyous crickets, the red haired icon of terror simply turned and began walking away. He actually managed to look calm and collected, hiding all of his homicidal urges behind a mask of indifference. That is, until he tripped over a certain Tanuki, two steps later.

Said "Icon of Terror" hit the ground with a very audible thud and a not so audible wail of: "mommy..."

And Shukaku, who was amazed that he didn't even have to try to be annoying and entertaining for this part of the chapter, joined the crickets in their joyous celebrating. Meaning, he waddled in a few drunken circles, accidentally squishing a few crickets as he went.

Gaara, now looking as though he were about to go and commit many, many crimes that were punishable by death, got back to his feet and began stalking back to his house. Kankuro was still home, he remembered. Hehehe... [Insert classic bad-guy, homicidal-type laughter.]

"Oi!" Naruto yelped, running after his friend. "You never told me where your new job is at!"

To his credit, it probably isn't Naruto fault that he is an idiot. Before his entire family tragically passed away, most of them had been legally declared insane. And his insane family had somehow decided that dropping their children on their heads was a healthy pastime. Other healthy pastimes included scarring their faces with whisker marks, sniffing paint, eating ramen [which was fairly normal until you saw the vast quantities of ramen consumed] and running in circles screaming: "I feel pretty".

This blatant stupidity would prove lucky for Gaara, as he was easily able to not only change the subject of him getting a job to something else... but he was also able to convince Naruto to "help him out" as he "talked" to his brother about "certain things".

And... For the extremely slow people reading this fic, yes, Gaara did get a job at Bob's Diner. He's going to be earning ten dollars an hour [under the table, mind you] to sit in a booth [wearing sequenced clothing] and scare drunks sober. Bob's Diner, as previously stated, never closes. This is why Gaara will be working the Graveyard shift, seeing as he doesn't sleep anyway.

Convenient, ne?



A couple of days later and a few hundred dollars richer, Gaara showed up at Naruto's house and shoved a poorly wrapped package into said blonds face.

"Oro?" Naruto said, staring with complete incomprehension. "What's this?" He poked the 'gift' cautiously; probably worried that it would twitch and try to run away, like some of Gaara's previous 'gifts'.

A paused filled with poking and joyous crickets later, Naruto opened the gift to find: A PINK THONG!!

Chirp. Chirrrrrrp.

Hehe, just kidding. Inside the [poorly wrapped] box was: a cell phone. Not only that, but it was a Cricket ™ brand cell phone. Go figure. From his pocket, Gaara pulled out a matching cell phone.

"The phone is yours," Gaara told him, attempting not to acknowledge that he had just done something extremely nice for his only friend, and in that sense did something completely out of character. He suddenly scowled, and began lying down the "Rules of the Cricket™ Phone".

"You must call me at least once a day. Every day. Nobody else can use it. I will be screening all your calls. You are not allowed to use it to call anybody other than Iruka-sensei and me. (Not that you'd call anybody else... seeing as you're as much of a reject as I am.) And don't talk for more than five minutes per call... I'm paying the bill for these."

And the blond idiot was too overjoyed [there's that word again...] at the thought of receiving a gift to care that it came with restrictions. So happy, he was, that he leapt forward and tightly embraced his only friend, hearts dancing in his eyes.

Gaara stiffened slightly, before hesitantly hugging him back and secretly savoring the feeling of Naruto in his arms.

And somewhere in the background of this sappy shonen ai moment, Iruka-sensei was wiping his eyes with a very frilly handkerchief. "My Naru-chan is growing up and falling in love..." he wailed quietly to himself. He sniffed and blew his nose into his frilly handkerchief before adding, "And Gaara is taking my advice about taking it slow! I'm so proud!"

A stray cricket hopped up and stood behind Iruka-sensei. I think you all know what happened next.

Chirp. Chirrrrrrp.



It was time. Sasuke knew it.

He had already broken up with Sakura. He had already confessed his feelings to Neji (though he didn't really remember admitting said feelings) and he had already gone "back to school" shopping.

It was time... to visit his only family. His older brother. Uchiha Itachi.

Neji blinked with complete incomprehension as Sasuke led him into a building. Was he dreaming or did that sign they had just passed say: "Welcome to Happy Homes: A Center for the Incurably Insane"?

"SASU-CHAN!"

Neji blinked and continued to stare with blank eyes as a person clad in a pink dress glomped onto his... boyfriend?

"SASU-CHAN! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! WHERE DID YOU GO? WHO'S YOUR FRIEND? IS SHE YOUR GIRLFRIEND? CAN I POKE HER? PLEASE?"

"Itachi!" Sasuke finally shouted, causing quite a few patients to scream and huddle together like frightened hamsters, "shut up!"

"MOU! SASU-CHAN! YOU'RE ALWAYS SO MEAN TO ME!!" Itachi continued to wail, still clinging to Sasuke and rubbing his cheek against Sasuke's chest. "BUT I KNOW YOU'RE JUST SHY!" Itachi suddenly looked over at Neji again. "CAN I POKE YOUR FRIEND? PLEASE?"

Sasuke sighed, turning back to his long haired friend. "Neji... this is my brother Itachi. They've assured me that being insane isn't something you can catch, so don't worry if he attaches himself to you."

Neji blinked at the news that Sasuke not only had a femmy looking brother, but he had a femmy looking brother that lived in an asylum. And that said brother, he noticed, was actually wearing a pink dress. So, all in all, Itachi looked like an older, happier, more cross-dressing version of Sasuke himself.

There was a pause, in which Itachi detached himself from Sasuke and trotted happily over to Neji and began poking him. For each poke, he giggled. Poke, hehehe. Poke, hehehe. And so on. Neji twitched with each poke as well, so it was really more of: poke, twitch, hehehe. Poke, twitch, hehehe. Poke, smack, WAH!!!!

And Sasuke just sort of stood by, hiding his face in his hands out of sheer embarrassment.

Too bad that Sasuke doesn't have a fan club of crickets.

And now, as we've visited both Naruto and Gaara, and Sasuke and Neji... the author is going to present you with a special story blurb. It's really just a mock-up of those stupid phone commercials, but that doesn't really matter. Let's get to it!

The stage was black and silent, though if one was listening hard enough, one could hear something akin to chirping. There was sudden bright light, which revealed two boys sitting on a green couch. One clad in black, the other in orange. The boy in black held up a Cricket™ brand cell phone, while the other grinned stupidly.

"I needed a call plan with which to become even more possessive of him."

"...?" The other contributed, with that same stupid smile and otherwise blank expression.

The scene abruptly shifts to Cricket™ brand cell phone deals, giveaways, plotted murders and what-not.

Thirty seconds of seizure inducing flashing lights and fast talking later, the scene jumps back to the two boys on the green Cricket™ couch. They haven't moved.

"I call it my: "He's mine, so you [censored] [censored] better keep your [censored] hands off of him" plan."

The stage fades to black.








AN: Sorry, I couldn't help but add that little commercial in there. But... it was funny, wasn't it? Yes? Maybe? Just a little? Anyway, next time will have a bit of Iruka-sensei waging a war with a bird. I've decided.




Review, please? Help me decide what kind of bird it will be.