Disclaimer: It should be fairly obvious by now... but the disclaimer is still in chapter 1.
Kuroi-chan's disclaimer: The nickname Sagi-chan is copyrighted to Kuroi. Any other who uses it will be mocked, laughed at, and will ultimately suffer at the hands of her vengeful and depressing wrath. That and she'll nag me into yelling at you.
Saaski-chan's disclaimer: The nickname Leeni-chan is copyrighted to Saaski. Use it and die.
AN: Wow, that certainly took me long enough huh? (slightly sheepish) I guess I should apologize for that. ... Well, anyway, this chapter is mainly looking back at Ino's unfortunate accident. And well, actually, that's pretty much it. It's short, but that's okay. I made it up on the spot, two days ago. If that. Enjoy.
Chapter 14: Thou Shall Have Tragic Pasts
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Flower arrangement class, was essentially, a complete waste of both time and brain cells. Orochimaru certainly had no use for the class - and he wasn't even sure why Happy Homes offered the class to its patients. There were only two enrolled in the class, and they never actually did any flower arranging.
"ROSE WHIP!"
A handful of fertilizer grazed the side of Orochimaru's face and the man sighed.
"Itachi, that is neither a rose, nor a whip. Please put down the fertilizer bag before your hurt yourself.
"BUT ORO-CHAN!" Itachi whined, hugging the bag to his chest and getting his pretty pink dress dirty in the process.
"And you're going to be doing laundry later too," Orochimaru said with a frown.
"WAHH!"
"I need to pee..."
"Ino. You just finished peeing. Sit down and work."
Two more sighs echoed through the room, while Itachi just pouted. The bag of fertilizer was finally put down and the two "students" sat down in their designated seats to begin arranging flowers.
At just that moment, however, the much damaged coo-coo clock sprung to life. The poor thing only managed to announce that the class was over before a potted plant smashed into it.
"THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO PLAY PEEK-A-BOO WITH ME!" Itachi screamed, readying another plant.
"Coo-khhh..." The clock replied before the little bird fell off of its perch and hit the ground.
"Come on you two, it's time for therapy - and Kabuto doesn't like waiting..."
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"Now, Ino. Please explain why you're here." Kabuto tucked a strand of his silvery-white hair behind one ear before readying his pencil and giving the blond in front of him a level glance.
Said blond quaked in fear, clutching her tri-pod spy camera so tightly that the metal tri-pod stand nearly broke. "Ramen..." she murmured softly.
"Eh?" A note was scribbled on the note-pad on Kabuto's lap.
"And... he had tails of fire..."
Kabuto blinked, not understanding. "Maybe we need a flashback..." he murmured, tapping his pencil on the notepad and looking imploringly at the author."Because this makes zero sense."
A dreamy scene-scape flooded the therapy room, bringing Ino, Kabuto and the readers back in time. Back... to BC. Before Crickets.
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Flashback Mode: Engaged
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"But Iruka-sense!"
"No. I said you were grounded, and you are! No ramen for two weeks, that's what I said. It's only been an hour! Suck it up!"
"But Iruka-sensei," Naruto repeated, clinging pathetically to his guardians shirt sleeve. "How am I supposed to exist without ramen? For two weeks? No Uzumaki has ever survived two weeks without ramen!"
"I'm sure you'll manage." Iruka said decisively, beginning to walk down the hall. Naruto - refusing to release his sleeve - was dragged after him.
The entire student population began laughing as the long time social outcast continued acting like himself. Meaning, whining and begging - like a two year old - without shame. That laughter continued echoing through the halls for the next two weeks.
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Two Weeks Later
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"Ah, my ramen... how I've missed you..."
Well, needless to say, Naruto's punishment has just ended and he was celebrating with a bowl or ten of his personal heaven.
"No way!" A distinctly female voice cried, dangerously close to Naruto's ramen covered table.
Naruto, however, was currently shoving his seventh bowl of noodle-y goodness down his throat, so he was ignoring everything happening around him. This proved to be a mistake because just after completing bowl number nine, bowl number ten was knocked over. The dark blue clad girl, who was responsible for the ultimate sin of death, smirked.
"Oops. Sorry." She said with one of those self satisfied tones which only serves to piss people off more.
Naruto saw red.
The girl, Ino, saw red.
Because, Naruto's eyes began to burn an unholy crimson. The scars on his cheeks deepened and fire erupted around him. "That was my ramen," the bowl growled in a voice that most definitely wasn't his own. He clenched his fingers, his suddenly sharper fingernails... claws... things digging into his skin and drawing blood that dripped to the floor and burst to flame.
Ino stared, all blood leaving her face. That irritating smirk on his face melted into pure fear. She started backing up, stuttering incoherently.
"My. Ramen." Naruto repeated, his eyes narrowing further. The fire around him took on the distinct form of a fox. A fox with nine tails. Those tails began executing the "Ultimate Destruction of the Lunchroom", forcing everyone to evacuate the school.
Ino's eyes rolled back in her head and a bit of drool dripped down her chin. "Muh. Muh. Muhhhh..." she whimpered softly to herself. "...Muffin Man."
And then she ran.
In the end, the entire school burned down. Ino was sent to Happy Homes for therapy, and Iruka and Naruto moved to a new town...
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Flashback Mode: Disengaged
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Kabuto blinked as the dreamy quality of the room abruptly disappeared. The poor girl, the man then thought, tapping his pencil against the doodles on his notes, her past was so traumatic she had to create a story to comfort herself.
'Needs more therapy'. The therapist scrawled down under a rather good sketch of Crickets in Drag. "Alright Ino, you can go now."
The girl left to comfort herself with stalking Shikamaru. "Gingerbread men," she whispered to herself as she entered the Naru house and began stealing all of the toilet paper. "Can't catch me..."
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Naruto stared at the atrocity sitting on the table in front of him. "My ramen..." he whimpered, his blue eyes filling with tears before a very distinct red gleam entered them.
Gaara hovered next to him, half nervously, half uncaringly. "I'll buy you a new bowl, alright, Naruto?"
The presence of Kyuubi disappeared and Naruto shot forward to hug his closest friend and boyfriend. "Okay!"
Gaara heaved a sigh of relief, somehow having the feeling that he had just saved whatever was left of his sanity.
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Sasuke frowned down at the mean Kakashi had placed in front of him. Beside him, Neji looked down with equal distaste.
"I hate ramen." They both said at exactly the same moment.
"Come now boys," Iruka-sensei said from his place next to Kakashi. "It isn't that bad."
Said from the man who was forced to eat ramen at least once a day.
Two glares that could probably peel paint were then aimed at the head counselor of Konoha High. Iruka-sensei sweatdropped discretely before hitching another smile on his face. "Just... don't ever let Naruto hear those words. He's already caused one girl to go insane, I'm sure she won't be the last unfortunate person."
Sasuke and Neji stared.
Kakashi just laughed heartily. "What wonderful stories you have, Iruka! Hahahaha!"
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The Naru family stared.
And stared.
Mr. Nara wept.
Shikamaru sighed.
Mr. Nara took another drink of his brandy before beginning to weep again.
Shikamaru got out the car keys and prepared to make a much needed Toilet Paper run.
Honestly, what kind of person broke into a house filled with booze, just to steal toilet paper?
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Orochimaru sighed as Ino was ushered back into Happy Homes by two blurry men dressed as Ninja's. The girl was carrying an arm load or two of toilet paper, which only meant that somebody out there was going to have a problem.
Behind him, Itachi had once again gotten a hold of the fertilizer bag.
"ROSE WHIP!"
AN: OMG, I just totally turned Kakashi into Ayame! And I got Kurama's Rose Whip in! Multi-fandom's! Score! (cough) Ahn, Nori, was the cut from Ino's past to Gaara's mistake good enough? Meh, I don't really care at this point. Please note, that while I'm extremly flattered... I'm not accepting any marrige proposals just yet. Maybe tomorrow.
Next time: hm... perhaps a bit of um... story development? And by that, I mean: Kakashi/Iruka moments. And maybe a bit more of Lee. Maybe.