Chapter 20
Ok I have a lot of really great ideas lately so I'm going to be posting as much as I can to get it all out of my system. The next few chapters are going to be really dramatic. I'll put previews at the end. And I know some of the previews I gave before didn't happen yet, but I promise they will soon. And I know the whole Emma feeling dirty thing is kind of confusing but you would too if you just lied straight to your mother's face about something so important. Here's the next chapter.
---Scene- School, on Monday…the day after the last post. Sean tried to talk to Jay the night before but could not find him. Emma called all her friends after she got out of the shower the night before and asked them not to speak about her and Sean having sex because she didn't want the rumors to get around to her father. Everyone agreed. Sean has just picked up Emma at her house. She just got in the car. ---
"Hey Em!" Sean said before kissing his girlfriend.
"Hey." Emma said quietly and didn't really kiss Sean back.
Sean could tell something was up when she didn't really kiss him back but he didn't want to push the issue because he knew she would tell him eventually. Emma didn't really talk the rest of the way to DCS. When they got there Emma was practically out the car door before Sean even turned it off. He sighed as she mumbled something about seeing him at lunch and then sprinting off to catch up with Alex who she saw standing with Paige. Sean knew this was going to be a very long day……
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---Scene-Right after Emma catches up with Paige and Alex who are standing alone on the stairs. ---
Emma's POV:
"Hey Em!" Paige and Alex both said in unison as I walked up to the pair. I smiled at them and laughed to myself considering the fact that Paige and Alex used to hate each other and now they're such close friends that they even finish each other's sentences. Sean and I are like that sometimes…knowing exactly what the other is thinking. I know that Sean knows something is up but he somehow knew I just didn't want to talk about it right now. Sean deserves an explanation for my weirdness and I know I owe him that but I don't even know what's going on in my own mind. I was completely fine with all the sex stuff before…I don't know why I'm starting to feel guilty and dirty now. I mean my mom and I haven't talked about sex, other than last night, since Sean and I got caught making out in my bedroom in the ninth grade. Maybe I just feel guilty because I'm always so open about my feelings and things like sex with my mom. But it's been months…why am I starting to feel guilty now that Sean and I are back together? I love Sean, I really do. And I love the sex stuff too…but I just can't help feeling like we shouldn't be doing it. And now it's confusing me and making me completely uncomfortable. Paige and Alex must be able to tell something is up because while I was thinking we somehow ended up at Paige's locker and I haven't said one thing since they started talking about Heather Sinclair's third nose job since the 8th grade.
"So what's going on Em? You should be pretty ecstatic right now considering the fact that you just got the love of your life back on Friday." Paige said to me in her usual upfront kind of way.
"Oh…nothing. I don't know…well something…nothing…something…I don't know!" I yelled at them, even surprising myself. Alex and Paige looked at me like I was insane and took a step back.
"Ok Em, you haven't yelled at me like that since our fight way back when…what's going on?" Alex demanded looking into my eyes to make sure I wasn't lying. She, Ellie, Jay, Craig, and Sean, and even Jimmy all know when I'm lying. They all know me too well...or maybe I'm just a really sucky liar. I sighed knowing that I couldn't win.
"Ok…fine I'll tell you. But you guys can't speak a word of this to anyone! You can't even talk about it with each other because if my dad or Sean find out…I'm DEAD!"
"Our lips are sealed!" Paige and Alex said in unison again giggling at each other.
I took a deep breath before starting my story.
"Well here it is. Sean and I have been having sex since he came back from Wasaga. We just never officially got back together. It just kept happening. And I've never felt bad about it before. But when I got home from Sean's last night my mom gave me the sex talk after I told her Sean and I were back together. I lied and said we weren't having sex. She bought it and went upstairs to but Jack to bed. And then I got a feeling that I haven't felt since the seventh grade when I went to meet Jordan. I felt…dirty. Guilty and dirty and just plain….awful. And I've been contemplating things in my mind ever since. And now things are awkward between Sean and I and he know something's going on but I don't know how to tell him. I don't even know what's going on myself. And I don't want Sean to think he's doing something wrong or anything…I just want it all to be over!" They both stared at me in shock for a minute. I don't know what shocked them more, the fact that I've been having sex or the fact that I have doubts about my decision to have sex.
"Em, hun…wow. This is serious. Well…do you enjoy the sex? I mean has it made you uncomfortable from the start or something?" Paige said looking worried. Ever since Paige was raped her ninth grade year, she is always concerned about fellow rape victims…or just people that feel uncomfortable in sexual situations.
"Of course it's good Paige! Sean is…amazing while were…well you know. (Alex and Paige smirk at Emma's comment) I only started feeling uncomfortable since my mom came in and talked to me last night."
"Well maybe it's just that you're used to all the openness with your mom and you lied straight to her face about something that is important to her. Maybe you don't feel guilty about the sex…maybe you just feel guilty about the lies." Alex said looking straight at me. I guess that makes sense.
"Emma hun, maybe you should just tell your mom the truth." Paige said shutting her locker.
"I wish I could…but I don't know what will happen if I tell her. There's so many possibilities. She could freak and not let me go over to Sean's apartment anymore. A part of me thinks she'll never look at me the same again….I don't know. I guess I just feel ashamed." I confessed to my friends as we walked down the hallway towards my locker. Alex, Paige, Ellie, and I always do this every morning. We go from Paige's locker to mine then Alex's then Ellie's. Ellie's not here yet though. She and Craig must be having one of their many make out sessions in Craig's car before class. Craig's been driving around Joey's car lately because a part in his needed to be replaced. Sean must have fixed it for him or something.
"Well hun if you feel guilty or dirty or whatever, then maybe you and Sean should lay off the sex stuff for a while until things go back to normal."
"Well I guess that makes sense but what if the guilty feelings don't go away? What if I'm doomed to never have sex again until I confess to my mom that I'm no longer a virgin?" I said. My friends must think I'm losing it because they both look at my like I'm insane.
"Trust me hun, if it ever gets that bad Alex and I will personally tell Spike ourselves!" Paige said as I opened up my locker. I rolled my eyes at her.
"Look Emma, just tell Sean that you don't wan to have sex for a while. Explain to him how you're feeling. He'll understand. And then maybe things will go back to normal. If not then you're going to HAVE to tell your mom." Alex said looking at me in the way she always does when she knows she's right. I sigh.
"Ok Alex. I guess that makes sense. I'll talk to Sean after school. Thanks you guys." I say as I hug them both before shutting my locker and walking with them to Alex's.
"Well now that that drama fit is over with for the time being…Spinner and I are back together!" Paige said squealing.
"Oh my God Paige that's so great!" I said before hugging her.
"Old news." Alex said purposefully yawning and opening her locker.
"Yeah well it's only old news to you because I told you at work last night! But Emma wasn't answering her phone all weekend." Paige said smirking at me.
I was going to say something back but Alex shut her locker and pulled my arm towards the first period class that we had together.
"Bye guys. I'll be sure to fill in Ellie." Paige said turning the other way.
"Wait Paige! (She turned around) Don't tell Hazel, please! We all know she can't keep a secret!" Paige nodded her head and smiled before turning back around and walking the other way. Ok so that was kind of an understatement. Paige can't exactly keep a secret either but when she knows it's really important she won't let it spill. But Hazel and I aren't exactly best friends. It's not like we hate each other but we just don't talk that much. A million thoughts are swimming through my head right now about Sean and me. I guess I'll just have to wait to see what happens after school…….
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---Scene-After school. Sean is giving Emma a ride home like always. They had plans to watch a movie at his apartment. Emma didn't really talk much during the whole ride to his apartment. Sean still knew something was up but figured he would find out once they got to his apartment. Sean's apartment Emma and Sean are sitting on the couch watching a movie. ---
"This movie's boring as hell." Sean said smirking at Emma trying to get her to laugh.
"Umm hmm." Emma said not really paying attention. She was trying to figure out how to approach the sex talk with Sean. But Sean was tired of this. He wanted to know what was going on and he wanted to know now.
"Ok Em, I've been patient all day. But tell me what in the hell is going on!" Sean yelled.
Emma sighed.
"Ok I'll tell you. (Sean looked concerned) Don't worry it's nothing completely horrible. Look Sean last night my mom gave me the sex talk."
"Em, didn't she give you that talk already like a long time ago?" Sean said almost laughing.
"It's not funny! And yeah she did. But we haven't talked about sex since you and I got caught making out in my room in ninth grade. And for some reason after she left, I started feeling extremely guilty for some reason. And then I started feeling kind of…dirty. (Sean starts to look confused) Weird I know, but I think I just feel really guilty because I kept this from my mom…and I've been lying about it since it started."
"Em you know that we don't have to have sex. I'm not going to pressure you about it or anything. It's your choice…it's always your choice if we have sex. It's just enough for me that I'm near you."
Emma smiled and kissed Sean tenderly.
"Was I that bad?" Sean said joking. But he could tell from the look on her face that it was a bad time to be joking about it.
"Of course not Sean! You were amazing! I think I proved to you that you were amazing! It's not that I've felt uncomfortable all this time, it just started since last night I swear!" Emma said thinking Sean was mad or something.
"Em, honey I'm not mad. I was just kidding." Sean said pulling her into a hug.
"Oh." Emma said feeling kind of embarrassed.
"Look Em, I think we rushed into this sex stuff anyways. So why don't we just not have sex anymore. (He saw that Emma looked kind of hurt) Just for a while, until you start to feel comfortable again. Let's get used to being back together again and we'll see where it gets us."
Emma smiled at him and hugged him.
"Thanks so much for understanding Sean."
"Anytime." Sean said smiling into her neck.
Emma had started feeling better already.
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---Scene-Craig's garage. He's playing a funky little tune on his guitar when Ellie comes bursting through the door looking upset. ---
"El, what's wrong?" Craig said putting down his guitar and rushing over to her.
"It's Ash! She called me last night for the first time since she sent me the email about Ali. She doesn't know about us Craig. And she confessed to me last night that she thinks she still loves you and that she thinks Ali was a big mistake!" Ellie said with a tear running down her cheek. She was scared that Craig would still be in love with Ashley or that Ashley would hate her now.
"El baby don't cry." Craig said wiping her tears with the pad of his thumb.
"Craig, do you still love Ashley?" Ellie said getting right to the point.
Craig looked extremely confused as to why Ellie would think that.
"What? El of course not! You know I love you more than anything in the world! I loved Ash at one time in my life but not anymore. You're the one that I love now. You're my soul mate Ellie and I love you. I'll always love you." Craig said meaning it with all of his heart. Ellie was brought to tears just by the fact that Craig loved her so much.
"I'll always love you too Craig." Ellie said kissing him.
"We'll call Ashley and tell her about us tonight. And I'll tell her that she and I are never going to get back together." Craig said when their kiss ended.
"Ok. Tonight." Ellie said worried about how the conversation would go.
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---Scene-Ellie and Craig are in his garage and have his phone on speaker phone. They're sitting on the couch and Ellie dials Ashley's number in England. ---
"Here goes nothing." Craig says smiling at Ellie.
They wait but the phone just keeps ringing. Ashley's answering machine comes on.
Ash's Answering Machine: Hey this is Ashley. I'm not home right now. Try me at Ali's or home if it's important. Leave one. Thanks. BEEP.
Craig's message: Hey Ash it's Craig. I have to talk to you. Call me, bye.
Craig hangs up the phone and looks over at Ellie who looks worried.
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---Scene-Ashley is at the airport in Degrassi getting off of her plane from England. She's greeted by her mom and Jeff and Toby who were the only ones who knew she was returning. They all hug her and head to their car. They're now in the kitchen eating ice cream to celebrate Ashley's homecoming. ---
"We missed you Ashley!" Mrs. Kerwin said.
"I missed you guys too." Ashley said hugging her mom.
"Um mom, do you mind if I take my car out? I have to go talk to someone." Ashley said hoping her mom wouldn't mind.
"Fine. But be home before midnight." Mrs. Kerwin said sighing.
Ashley thanked her mom and went out to the car that is now Toby's since she went to England. She headed to Craig's house. She had to talk to him……………
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What do you think? I have previews for the next few posts.
PREVIEWS: Ash goes to talk to Craig but will she discover a secret she never thought was possible? Will Emma feel better now that she and Sean made a pact not to have sex? Paige throws a huge party to celebrate her and Spinner getting back together. Two people have sex…one feels that it's meant to be but the other feels like it's just goodbye sex. Will everyone hate Ash for leaving Craig because he's bipolar? Jimmy and Hazel have been fighting lately. Jimmy sleeps with someone else at Paige's party and later realizes it was a mistake….or was it? (In this story Jimmy had surgery on his back and isn't in a wheelchair. He plays basketball again but sometimes he still has back problems) Craig has a secret and Ellie expects the worse. Everyone knows that Jimmy's sophomore friend from the basketball team, Derrick, has a huge crush on Emma. But will he take it too far the night of the party after Emma has rejected him for the millionth time? Will Marco and Dylan reunite at Paige's party? Toby and some chick get extremely trashed at the party…they end up sleeping together and are extremely shocked to find out who they're laying next to when they wake up the next morning. Someone is slipped at date rape drug at the party….will someone save the day…or will it end deadly?
R&R!