If there had ever been doubts about how skilled Jasper was they had all disappeared after he managed to dodge and fight off seven vampires with such ease, when he wasn't even in his right mind.
Carlisle hadn't expected this one to have such aggressive awakening and while he had managed to overpower him Alice had appeared telling him to let him go. That he was the one triggering him.
And when things had finally calmed down he had found out that Sue's perfume had been the one to trigger Jasper. She had come by earlier to drop off some blood, Carlisle hadn't even touched her aside from a brush when she was leaving but apparently it had been enough to pick up her perfume.
Sue's perfume which was the exact same scent Maria had loved.
Carlisle could understand the rude awakening then.
But to have him overpowering them when he wasn't even at full strength nor even in his right mind... That was nothing but proof of how skilled he was.
He had bitten Jacob who had managed to intercept him and bring him down.
His reaction towards Jacob's blood had left very clear that maybe declining the wolves' offer hadn't been a bad idea.
He had managed to get Esme to take Jasper back to the room while he was still so disoriented. Carlisle had made sure to wash his hands thoroughly and change clothes so as to get rid of the scent that had caused such uproar.
Keeping his other children away from the time being was safer even if these ones didn't seem pleased at all by the idea of being sent out hunting, Alice being the only one who hadn't protested at all.
Not that he had expected her to.
She hadn't gone anywhere near Jasper in the past week.
As he returned to the room it was to find his wife sitting on the bed and staring with sad eyes at Jasper who was back on the ceiling's corner. He didn't miss how he tensed as Carlisle closed the door behind him.
-Jasper? Can you please come down?
A shake of the head was his answer. He had his head bowed and he refused to look at them. He was shaking and his grip seemed a bit too tight on the walls.
-Son, we need to talk, please come down.- Carlisle repeated. He tried to keep his voice gentle. Unthreatening.
Another shake of the head was his answer.
-No one is going to hurt you, I won't hurt you. I just want to talk, I promise. So please come down.
This time he did do as told. Climbing back down at a slow near cautious pace before his feet reached the floor. He stood stiff and with his arms behind his back. Head bowed and shoulders tense.
-Sit down.- Carlisle commanded. Jasper circled the bed and came to sit before him. Esme looked like she wanted nothing more but to hug him but held herself back in case she were to spook him.- Jasper-
-'m sorry, 'm so sorry, I swear it was never my intention to deceive you. I know it was wrong an' I was plannin' on tellin' you at some point, but you kept talkin' about The Major as if he was some kind of irrational being because of what he was and I didn't want you to see me as such.
-Jasper.
-I wanted to show you that I could keep my thirst under control. That I held perfect control over myself. 'cause if I had perfect control then maybe, just maybe, you would let me stay.
-Jasper.
-But I never managed to do it. I can't stop slippin'. I cain't stop wantin' human blood. I know that's not an excuse but I promise I'll try harder, I'll hunt twice a day, I'll keep a tighter grip on Jor so he will never do anythin' bad again, I'll do anythin' but please don't make me go away, I'll be better, I promise.
-No.
No .
That single word brought Jasper's world down and at this point he had nothing else to say or offer. His vision blurred as tears gathered in them. He had known this would happen. Had known that no matter what he did or said he would at the end lose it all. Because he was weak. Control wasn't in his nature.
He would never be perfect and therefore he had no place here.
A sob stuck at the back of his throat as the pain settled deep within his chest. Searing in there with a pain worse than having a rod on fire piercing his skin.
The hand on his shoulder made him drop his shoulders in defeat. Tears finally breaking out.
-I don't want you going anywhere near animal blood, at least for the time being. You have nothing to be sorry for. The ones in the wrong here were us, I think I can speak for everyone in this house when I say that it was never our intention to make you feel like you wouldn't be wanted or accepted regardless of your nature. You don't need to prove anything either, you have been doing great so far.
Jasper looked up at that. Silver meeting gold.
He looked so heartbroken Carlisle wished he could hug him.
But he couldn't.
He didn't want to spook him again.
-Does that mean I can stay?
-Sweetheart, we are never going to send you away, you are our son, you belong in this family as much as anyone else.- Esme told, and this time she couldn't keep herself from pulling him into a hug.- We love you and we need you in this family, I'm sorry I said those horrible things, I could never be afraid of you and much less find you too much, you are my son, my sweet boy who has a heart of gold.
Jasper for his side felt too overwhelmed right now. He wanted to tag them as liars and deceivers but he couldn't.
Not when he could hear how honest their words were. Not when he could feel their love and affection. Compassion. Sadness. Comfort. Acceptance. Relief.
It made him feel warm and like one huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
All this time he had been worried over nothing.
And while he wasn't still completely out of the shadows right now this is the one that mattered the most.
They weren't scared of him. Hateful. Wary. Anxious. They didn't hate him.
Thus he allowed himself to relax in Esme's hold. Resting his head on her shoulder and bringing his arms around her shoulders.
She wasn't scared of him. She wasn't.
Of course he should have known it. Should have known she could never be afraid of him no matter what. But Jor had sounded so sure and there had been no reason for him to lie like that at this point.
But he didn't care.
Because Esme didn't fear him and that's all he cared about. He wouldn't be sent away. He could stay.
And he hadn't felt this happy and relieved in decades.
He wasn't sure for how long he stayed there clinging to Esme but at some point the bed sank and he felt a ripple of worry in the air.
But since there was nothing else he tried to not pay it mind, worry seemed to always find its way in Carlisle's emotions.
-Jasper, we need to talk.
That did make him tense and Esme's comfort strengthened.
-It's alright darling.- She assured. Her voice gentle and soft compelling him to relax once again. And with some dismay he pulled away from the hug, it was the polite thing to do.
-What about?- He questioned keeping his gaze on the floor and his hands on his lap. Esme's hand came to rest on his shoulder.
-I would like to make you a few questions, and I would like for you to answer them truthfully, it's important so I can know how to help you. It will also help me understand a few things. But first thing first, do you know what happened?
A shake of the head was his answer.
-The animal blood, it had been doing nothing but poisoning your blood, it's like forcing the wrong piece to fit in a puzzle. That's why you may have stopped being able to do some things, why you felt so weak and why you couldn't accept animal blood despite how long you have been feeding off it.- Carlisle explained.
He wasn't ready to be faced with Jasper's next words.
-But why was it doing that? I mean, I always tried to keep the blood and the venom as balanced as possible, only once I didn't, but I got better after, it never lasts long. Why would the animal blood be different from consumin' somethin' I shouldn't?
-Jasper... Why do you think we drink blood?- Carlisle found himself asking. The answer he was given made his stomach drop.
-Because that's what vampires do?
Those single words made Carlisle have to stand up so he could take a breath for if he let the anger take control he could end up making Jasper think he was angry at him.
Because that's what vampires do?
Jasper was the second oldest vampire in this house. He was turned before even Esme herself was born.
How could he not know something so basic as the reason behind a vampire's need for blood?
Had Maria been that irresponsible?
-Did I say somethin' wrong?
-Jasper, did Maria ever took the time to explain to you anything about vampires or even black bloods?
-... Only when she was in a good mood, or in a bad mood, I could never figure out in what mood she would need to be to tell me anythin'. She would be layin' her head on my lap and blurt out of nowhere that the reason she never asked me to turn humans was 'cause I couldn't. But she could also be on a bad mood and show me somethin' else. Like how the sun could burn me or what happened if I stepped into a house without invitation.
He could have lived his entire life without knowing how it felt to have one's skull threatening to split apart in quite the literal aspect. Eardrums crushed under an invisible weight that forced him on his knees. The taste of his own blood. Eyes bleeding. Ears. Nose. Choking on his own blood. Chest bursting. Brain exploding. Bones on fire. Skin melting. Ears ringing. Vision blurring.
All of it over stepping into a house uninvited.
But on the bright side it was a great incentive to never forget about requesting permission.
He wasn't quite prepared to feel Carlisle's anger and Esme's horror.
Carlisle was seething in an anger he hadn't felt in centuries. Because how? How could someone be so unbelievably neglectful? As his creator it hadn't been a matter of "feeling like it" but a matter of principle for Maria to explain to him what she had done to him.
-Jasper, a vampire, regardless of their nature, needs blood the same as a human needs food, it helps with our strength. But for you, the blood in your veins is human, it's in a constant state of rotting which is what gives it its characteristic scent. You need human blood the same as you need venom to keep it functioning, the venom helps in keeping it in a similar state to a human's circulation, the blood you consume gives the prior blood sort of a setback. It has to be human blood for that's the blood circulating in your veins. That's what you were. You understand?
A short nod was his answer.
To be honest Jasper wasn't even sure why should it surprise him that Maria hadn't bothered to tell him the full extent of what he was, she only explained to him the useful things, and the rest he had had to figure it out on his own as time went by.
-Good. Now, as I told you, I would like to make you a few questions and I would also like for you to be completely honest with me. I promise I won't get mad no matter what. Alright?
-Yes, sir.
-When was the last time you had human blood and how much did you have?
-Two months ago. I'm not sure about the amount though. I'm not the one who sneaks around in order to drink human blood. I don't have the strength to stop once I start.
And God how he hadn't tried to get better at that .
-What about venom?
-Last week.
-Last week? You sure?- Carlisle couldn't still believe that to be right. It just wasn't possible no matter what Maria had put him through.
-Yes. I'm sure.
-Why did you stop?
-... I stopped because it was makin' the headaches increase. And while the lack of it made me nauseous at that point I would rather feel nauseous than havin' to stand the constant throbbin' in my head.
-The headaches may have had to do with the fact that you hadn't fed off human blood in over two months, your body needs a perfect balance of both so it can function properly. Think of it as how a human needs food and water, they may be able to survive without one for a while but at the end they need both to function.
-But I did it, for 70 years, I can survive without human blood for days, weeks, months .
-And look how you ended, you could have died.
-But I didn't, if I'm careful enough this time I may be able to avoid the same reaction next time. I-
-There won't be a next time, didn't you hear me? You could have died Jasper, you can't drink animal blood, it's poisoning you.- Carlisle told as a statement of fact grabbing his face this time and forcing him to meet his gaze. He needed him to understand that this was serious. This was his life they were talking about not some kind of experiment that they could start all over if it went wrong.
Even his eyes were way duller than they should be.
The co-web on his face may have started receding but it was still there, still too thin for comfort. And his skin felt too soft and he knew that if he applied the minimal amount of strength in his hold he could easily break his jaw which shouldn't be possible.
A vampires' bone structure was almost impossible to fracture let alone break. But his should be completely and absolutely impossible to break unless it was a newly awakened newborn doing the damage.
-You expect me to go back to feedin' off humans then? I can't do that. I don't want to do that. Please don't make me go back to that.- He plead grabbing Carlisle's wrist.
He couldn't go back to killing humans. He wouldn't survive. He didn't want to feel the weight back on his chest. The overwhelming fog of darkness that threatened to drag him into a world of such suffering he wished he would die if that meant quieting the wails of such agonizing emotions that he wasn't even sure if it belonged to him or not.
Carlisle for his side felt his heart break at the desperated plea. He wasn't sure how to even deal with this situation. It wasn't as if he could send Jasper back into a life of human blood, but he couldn't allow him to keep up poisoning himself.
But regardless of which one he put him on he would still be suffering.
And while he had blood to give to him now it wouldn't last forever. He couldn't keep stealing from the hospital nor could he abuse the Quiloute's kindness.
But he couldn't send him out hunting a human either when he knew he would be doing nothing but bringing him emotional pain.
What to do?
He couldn't bear the idea of having to see him like he had been in the forest again. Couldn't bear the idea of having to see him going through another one of those episodes when he now knew the cause.
What did he do?
Did he let his son poison himself or did he risk losing him to depression?
He didn't want either.
He shared a look with Esme. She looked as lost and sorrowful as he felt.
-Let me think about this for the time being. Alright? I want to see first if I can come up with an alternative before recurring to drastic decisions.
-But-
-Jasper, you are my son, and I can't bear the idea of having to play a part on you hurting yourself, but I won't lose you either. Just, let me see if I can come up with an alternative, okay?
He didn't seem convinced but he still nodded at Carlisle's words.
-I didn't ask you this before, but how are you feeling?
Jasper shrugged. At Carlisle's look he sighed.
-My arm and my back ache, regardless of that I feel perfectly fine.
-Yeah, those may feel a bit sore for a while.- Esme told softly as she brought her arms around him once again. Pulling him into a hug that he didn't fight.
-Why?
Confusion was Jasper's answer.
-What's the last thing you remember?- Carlisle questioned.
-I don't know. The forest was screamin' and I think someone grabbed me but I'm not sure. Why?
-You broke your arm while Emmett was holding you. That's why your arm aches, and your back, Bella hit you so as to try to subdue you.- Carlisle decided to leave out the part where he tried to crush her between his arms the same as he left out from Bella the fact that if she had had a bit more of her early newborn strength she may had succeeded on breaking his back.
That was an injury Carlisle didn't want to know if a vampire could heal from.
Not really.