1This is a continuation of last chapter. So it's the same day. Wednesday. I cut it off last time cuz I felt that it was getting so long.
MUY IMPORTANTE! READ THIS IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE THIS FIC AGAIN!
You see, I might have posted it all at once (blatant lie, that) well, I would have made this chapter longer, if more people were nice to whores like me. (Review whores) But you're not. I'm getting the sinking feeling that people are freezing me out so I'll write that het fic. So, if I don't get a decent number of reviews for this chapter, I'll assume its for that reason, and this fic will be put on hiatus until it is completed so I can post it without worrying about what I should do.
Disclaimer: Oh-I-wish! Oh how I wish I owned Na-ru-tooo- The owner of Naruto's what I'd really like to beeee! For if I were the owner of Na-ru-to, all the (guy) characters would be in love with me!
(Except for the old ones...Sarutobi, Jiraya, Ichiraku guy...that's a little gross...)
I don't own the Oscar Meyer song, (yes that's the tune of the disclaimer) and I don't own the Lion King. (Wow, am I getting lamer as time goes on?)
Third Chappie: Ramen Head
Wow, was school boring or what. Luckily for Naruto, he had invented an invaluable invention. He liked to call it "The-dreams-I-have-when-I'm-awake", daydream for short.
Vroooommmm-vrooomm-vrrr-
"Oi, usuratonkatchi, the bell rang."
"Vrrr–...huh?" Naruto broke off his very involved dream in which he was driving a sports car and running over every person he didn't like.
Splat.
"The bell rang. It's time to leave." Sasuke stuffed his hands in his pockets.
"Shit," Shit, shit shitshitshit, "When!"
"Five minutes ago."
The sports car's engine rattled and spluttered a few time, and the engine died.
Naruto pause in gathering up his books. "Then why are you still here? And why didn't the teacher say somethi-" Oh, wait, the teacher was asleep at her desk "Never mind. Why are you here?"
He crammed a heavy text into his case.
"Hiding."
"?" Sasuke could have laughed at the quizzical look on the other boy's face.
"The stalkers have been more diligent than usual lately."(1)
"Aah...Ah, fuck! I'm gonna be late! Iruka-kun's gonna kill me! Bye, 'ske-teme!"
Sasuke barely had enough time to be jealous of this Iruka-kun. Although he wouldn't have been if he had been paying more attention to what to moron was saying instead of staring at his lips. Oh well...
-
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfu- Naruto pounded up the stairs of the building to the ridiculously large flat he inhabited along with his foster-parent/brother. "I'm home!" he hollered, only to receive silence in return.
Like fuck I rushed home so I wouldn't be late so Iruka could.
"I-ru-ka-kun!" nothing.
"Where are you!" nope.
"Goddam it, that's not fucking fair!" zip, nada, zilch.
Grrr, how dare he be late! After he stressed for me to be home right after school! Why I oughta-
"Naruto, what have I told you about watching your language?"
"..." Naruto sweated. He had been so caught up in torturing his imagined brother that he hadn't noticed the real one approach from behind. Haltingly, jerkily, Naruto turned his head to look behind him. What he saw wasn't pretty.
Unless you're turned on by an Iruka with his forehead all vein-y and with a tic, fisting his hand in your direction. His fist has a vein too, by the way...
"I hope your not thinking about me with that ugly look on your face!"
uuaaaahh. (that's a whimper, for those of you who don't know) I better pick a religion and start praying now!
"You're two minutes late, Naruto! We're on a schedule this year! How! How could you do this? Arrgh! Just hurry and go change so we're not actually late, or did you forget what today is?" Iruka suddenly stopped. "No. Forget that last part, I didn't mean it. I know you wouldn't forget. Not our anniversary, no matter how much you don't want to go meet them tonight."
"Yeah." Sorry, Iruka. I'll never forget.
"I'll go get changed now."
-
Naruto twitched in his button down shirt.
No, that's wrong, no button-down shirt would make me twitch, it's the starch-
"Stop fiddling, Naruto," Iruka hissed.
Well, excuuuuuse me, I can be uncomfortable, I don't want to meet these people.
Considering that the pair was supposedly late, it was fairly surprising that they had showed up fifteen minutes early. Fifteen. That's right, fifteen minutes of suspense.
"Why do I have to meet these people now, if they wanted to see me they should have stopped by ten years ago." Naruto declared sullenly.
"Stop that, Naruto, they were friends of your parents and if they want to meet you at least once, you should grant them that, at least." Even though I totally agree.
"Harrrumppph." Naruto grunted, folded his arms against his chest, and looked away.
"Stop being so snotty"
"Snotty!
"I don't want to meet these people! You can't blame me for that!"
"Ahem" someone interrupted Naruto, who was rounding on Iruka at this point, with a soft cough.
Iruka was the first to move. "Hello, I'm very sorry you had to see that. Um, are you?..."
The old man coughed. "I believe so. If you are Umino Iruka-san and Naruto?"
"Yes, we are. I'm very pleased you could make it Sarutobi-san."
-
(Yeah...not really a break there but it seemed like a good place...)
"Just so you know, Sarutobi-san, you shouldn't expect too much from Naruto. It's been a very long time since he was left alone, while you did nothing."
Iruka had been doing all the talking for Naruto so far, as the group of four sat in the expensive restaurant.
Naruto just didn't feel inclined to talk like he usually did.
Or so everyone thought...
It was the extenuating circumstances that drove him to it. Those horrid, horrid circumstances made him do it.
"Ano sa, ano sa, oyagi, how'd you get so many wrinkles? And why are you travelling around with old man Sarutobi-san?" Naruto, the shithead, had decided to end his hiatus from talking with a bang.
"That's...my...WIFE, you little bastard!" Sarutobi roared.
"EEEK!" Naruto shrieked.
Now that was a little too high-pitched. Honestly, you're a man, how can you scream high enough to damage your own ears?
And now you're cowering. How manly.
And Naruto was cowering. Fallen off his chair, one leg crossed over the other in a jumbled attempt to get up and run away, and unable to do so, so his arms were raised in a defensive position. (Upward, as Sarutobi was coming at him from over the table.)
Sarutobi's wife got up from her seat, shoved Sarutobi back into his chair, yanked Naruto upright, sat him down too, and before sitting down herself, smacked both on the back of their heads.
"Don't make a scene in a restaurant over that!" The (very) old woman hissed through her teeth. It must have been hard to do that while she was smiling so very pleasantly. Though Naruto could see that her wrinkly, sagging chin was quivering with displeasure.
Scary lady.
Yep. Definitely scary lady.
...I wonder if she's wearing dentures?
Iruka had bowed his head in shame. "Sorry" Naruto said meekly.
Iruka only unfurled his cloth napkin, spread it on the china, and dropped his head onto it, forehead first.
-
Disdainfully looking down his nose at the lavish fare set before him, Naruto felt mildly ill. How could anyone stand to eat something that used such expensive ingredients, and took so long to prepare that it got cold? What was the point? The food was foul, and Naruto hated it. Hated that he could remember a time when he would have killed to be out with a person he called family, and if he so chose, people he could call friends. Eating an extravagant meal prepared by people who cared only for their jobs and served by people who cared only for their tip. Not for his own reputation.
The sauces were swirling slowly, slowly, on his plate. If he left it alone for longer, he could see that it would congeal in slimy, fatty pools around the sparse amount of food served on the delicate plate. Naruto wished feebly for something to cleanse his palate, for the sight was making his stomach roil in an unsavory manner.
"Naruto, aren't you going to eat?" Iruka was concerned. He had broken off his conversation with Sarutobi-san. Apparently the old man had worked with Naruto's father in a prestigious corporation. Until his father died, that is.
"Hai, hai." Naruto put his fork to the plate, picked up a mouthful, and began the long journey to his mouth. Iruka watched, observed, stared, until Naruto's mouth closed around the fork, chewed, and swallowed.
"Very good!" Naruto's weak attempt at a grin was so pathetic that even Sarutobi and Sarutobi's wife had noticed.
"Ahm. Well, Naruto-san is to be heir to his father's amassed wealth when he turns eighteen." Sarutobi cleared his throat.
Iruka switched his staring eyes from Naruto to the old man. "That was...completely off topic, Sarutobi-san."
"Well..." Old-man Sarutobi looked distinctly uncomfortable. "It needed to be said, and I didn't see you bringing any similar topics."
"...right...uh..."
"Still reeeaally weird. Weirdo. It's weird cuz you're a weird-o"
Weirdy weirdy weirdy weirdo old man's a weirdy weirdo totally freak-a-fied-
"Shut up, brat." Is he stupid? Does he want his money or not? "Do you want your money or not? You should be more respectful." Ha! Take that, brat!
"Whatever," Naruto leaned back in his chair and his head lolled to the side. Just observing the opulent room. Like he didn't care about his future more than some random pile of dog shit adorning the street.
Sarutobi squinted. "Well, you–"
Iruka decided that particular moment was a good time to assert himself–by coughing. "I don't think the matter of Naruto's inheritance will make much of a difference," he reached out and steadied Naruto, how was leaning a bit too far back in his chair for Iruka's tastes. "as I am the one supporting him. Once he's out of college, he can do what he wants with it, but until then, I'll be paying his way."
"You don't really think that you have to do that, do you?"
"I'm his family! Not you, it's not your decision, Sarutobi-san. I'm taking care of him.
"It's too late for you to step in now," Iruka had taken an aggressive stance in his padded chair, sitting on the edge of his seat leaning forward, his arms on the table with his hands fisted.
Naruto and Sarutobi's wife to a moment to notice how the majority of the room was watching the scene out of the corners of their eyes.
Iruka coughed again, sat back in his chair, and blushed.
The quartet decided that soon would probably be a good time to leave.
-
Naruto shoved the business card deep from Sarutobi deep into his pocket. The man had said, that despite his lack of presence in Naruto's upbringing until now, he and his wife would like to be involved. Apparently he hadn't been able to find Naruto, even though he had bought the best private investigators that money could buy.
"Well, now that our night can't get any worse, let's try to remedy it."
"Huh?" (Iruka)
"Since dinner royally sucked let's go celebrate our anniversary with ramen."
"Can't you think of a better way to phrase that?"
"NO!" Naruto half-shrieked, half-said, defensively.
"How about, 'Let's go get some ramen because that's what we do every year on this day,'"
"That wasn't better, either."
"Hah!" The pair lowered their voices as they entered the ramen stand, Ichiraku.
"Ano sa, Ano sa, I want five bowls of miso ramen to start!"
"Erm, I'll have one..." Iruka sweated.
The old man running the stand only smiled, and signaled to his daughter to prepare the orders. He was used to the antics of these two, who always ordered lots of ramen and ate on the stools on the bar.
"Hey, Naruto..." Iruka asked thoughtfully, as he stirred his ramen with his chopsticks.
Naruto paused, his eyed squinting and his mouth in the process of slurping more than a mouthful of ramen. The extra noodles were hanging down his chin.
"What do...you want to do?"
Naruto, with a herculean effort, managed to swallow his ramen in one gulp.
"Oh, I dunno. Maybe, once I finish school, I'll go travel. Places no one know it, yanno?"
"Yeah" Iruka sounded depressed.
"Ano sa, ano sa, you're comin with me, so don't get all droopy, Iruka-kun. We're a team."
As teamish as a team can get. Ha. More like Iruka would boss me around in the name of safety. Oh well.
Even Iruka's ponytail seemed to stand a little taller, and his scar crinkled with a smile.
"Gahahahahahahah!" Naruto dropped his chopsticks into his empty ramen bowl, put his hands on his hips, and laughed.
Uh-oh, big man laugh...
Iruka sweated and Naruto ignored the other customers who were sitting at tables and booths, and even a few stools away, who looked at the source of laughter with mixed amusement and shock.
Naruto merely ordered several more bowls of ramen.
-
"Oi, Zazu, what crawled up your butt?" Kakashi leaned against the door and drawled in a most annoying fashion.
Sasuke glared at Kakashi from his desk. "Zazu?" Surely the man wasn't comparing him to a supporting character in...a children's movie.
"Yeah, Zazu. Like that annoying bird from The Lion King that always had to shit on the hero's ideas. You're pretty anal like that." Kakashi looked like he wanted to snicker. Wait, rewind, playback. He was.
Sasuke glared some more. But he didn't dignify Kakashi's insult with a greater reaction than that.
"...now then, back to the matter of what crawled up your ass to make you so moodytonight." Kakashi reiterated.
Sasuke, who was facing away from the door, smirked. He knew exactly what to say...to gross the pervert of perverts out. "Hopefully it wasn't your dick, Kakashi." Sasuke's smile grew, before he stifled it to look and see if his prediction was right.
Kakashi looked like he wanted to puke. Long and hard, until his throat was raw and bleeding. Because, as perverted as Hatake Kakashi was, he wasn't quite that perverted. Little boys under his supervision did not fit his criteria for sexual pleasure (or amusement, as the case may be.)
And, surely, stick-up-his-ass, perfect little Sasuke did not just say that, to him. That was totally, completely wrong. Out of character. A few hours later, when he wasn't still suffering from shock or the pain of vomiting, Kakashi would wonder what had put his charge in such a rare form as to say such a vulgar thing.
Sasuke, sighed, his appetite for cruelty sated, and put away his schoolbooks. He went to sleep with a frown caressing his pale features.
-
Kakashi puked into the toilet noisily and wondered why the bad things always seemed to happen to him.
To be continued...yet again...
This chapter was originally 25 pages, no notes or nothing. Its obviously been shortened to about 10. I thought about keeping it long, but I'm lacking in time and inspiration to work on this fic right now. Next chap is longer, promise.
1. I was reading this manga, Devil and Devil (don't own that, obviously) Anyway, if you read it, you would see, in the first or second chapter that Souma, the geeky son, is not "diligent" anymore (he was being a bastard because he's possessed...) And that Kanna, the elder twin, is diligent (even though before he was some thug who beat people up). Anyway, I thought it was funny, cause I don't think the manga-ka meant that. That line lost something in translation...