The alarm blared once before Jane rolled out of bed and turned it off. She had never woken up so promptly before, but she wanted to avoid waking Maura up as the other woman's alarm wouldn't ring for another two hours. It was 5 in the morning, which gave Jane just enough time to work out and shower before making it back home in time to cook Maura breakfast. After she had submitted her application for the FBI academy, Jane had scrolled through the website and read about some of the other requirements. Among those was the Physical Fitness Test, which would assess Jane's ability to perform the physical aspects of the job. After being an athlete for all of her life, she wasn't particularly worried about passing this test, but being shot multiple times in the last few years had slowed Jane down significantly. Like it or not, she was no longer the woman that she was when she was 20 years old and constantly punishing her body through gruesome fitness regimes. During the fitness test, she would have to perform a timed 1.5-mile run and a 300-meter sprint, as well as meet the minimum threshold for continuous sit-ups and push-ups. Jane was more worried about the running aspects since she had a defined core and strong arms that would allow her to execute the other parts without significant obstacles. She dressed in the dark, feeling around Maura's room with familiarity as she pulls on a sports bra and a light windbreaker. Thanksgiving was around the corner, which meant that it would be chilly outside, so Jane opted for a pair of black sweatpants. With her phone in her mouth, she uses her free hands to tie her shoelaces before tucking a few items into her pockets. She disengages the alarm and writes a short note for Maura, placing the note on top of her pillow.
It had been a few days since Jane's last run and her wrist brace made her running form look ridiculous, but she ignored it. The bruises on her ribs ached as she drew in the cold air and each step reminded her of every fist, elbow, and knee that she had taken during her fight with Marie. However, with her eyes set on the end goal of securing that job in Boston, she pushed through. Her mind wandered to Maura, envisioning how their future could look if she was able to stay in town and build a life with the other woman. The upcoming holidays had put her in a sentimental mood and she found herself thinking about what it would be like to spend them with Maura for the rest of her life. Her heart warmed as she thought about Maura in her pajamas opening presents with her entire family around, or kissing Maura under the fireworks as they rang in the new year. The temperature was so low that her breath came out in puffs of vapor, but Jane was grateful for the cold as it numbed the pain that emanated from her muscles. Checking her watch, she was surprised to see that she had been maintaining a fairly even pace. Sure, her mile time would be slower by about three minutes, but that wasn't too bad for a woman who had just been attacked. She could hear Maura's voice lecturing her in the back of her head, but she also knew that a shot at a job in the FBI was not something to be taken lightly. After 40 minutes, her calves were tight and her lungs were on fire. With the taste of copper in her mouth and her shoulder cramping from having to hold her wrist up, Jane was about to call it quits. Weight-lifting would have to wait until her wrist was fully healed, so she decided to head back, especially since cooking would likely take double the amount of time considering her hand was out of commission.
As the water boiled, Jane pulled out two mugs and set them out on the counter. She hesitated between blackberries and apples, eventually choosing the former as there was no safe way for her to cut those apples. By the time she heard movement upstairs, Jane had already finished making the coffee, plated the toast and fruit, and had the eggs a minute away from being ready.
"Who are you and what did you do with Jane Rizzoli?" Maura teases as she steps gingerly down the steps.
Jane's grin takes up her entire face as she looks up, holding her arms out at the food before her. "Ta-da! Good morning!"
Maura gives her a kiss on the cheek, smelling like mint toothpaste and mouthwash. "Good morning. You really didn't have to do all of this for me, Jane. You should be resting," she reminds gently.
"I know, I know, but I had lots of energy this morning and wanted to do something nice for you," Jane says as she slides Maura's eggs onto her plate, completing the ensemble.
Eyeing Jane's outfit, Maura wraps her hands around the warm cup. "Did you work out this morning?"
"Yes," Jane admits. She sees a look come across Maura's face and speaks quickly to avoid the impending lecture. "Don't worry, I took it easy. Sitting around all day has just been making my muscles tight and I wanted to get some blood flowing."
Maura concedes, trusting that Jane had enough sense to be able to understand her limits. She walks to the sink, rolling her sleeves up so she can wash her hands.
"Is it still alright with you if we take the train today? Since you've been having to sit a lot lately, I don't want to make you feel even more sore. I have plenty of activities that we could do instead," Maura says, referring to their plans to travel to Amsterdam.
Jane rubs Maura's thigh tenderly. "Don't worry, Maur. It's only a three-hour train ride, yeah?"
When Maura nods, Jane continues. "That's not too bad. I'll be okay. I really want to see the Heineken headquarters."
Not at all surprised that a beer brewery was what Jane wanted to do instead of visiting all of the other cultural landmarks in Amsterdam, Maura could only laugh and shake her head affectionately. "You do know that they have the Anne Frank House and the Van Gogh Museum there too, right?"
"Yeah. Depressing and even more depressing. The guy cut off his own left ear. I don't want to think about that. We see enough of that at work," Jane says. Maura wants to educate her on the brilliance behind Van Gogh's work but decides against it as Jane did have a point. Work had been more violent and dark lately and they could both use some casualness in their lives.
"I do enjoy the malt flavor profile of a Heineken," Maura says instead.
Elias drops them off at the train station, which was crowded with travelers looking to return home for the weekend. As Jane looks around at all of the people around them, she feels a pang of sadness from not being able to celebrate Thanksgiving with her family. Frankie was still in Paris, acting as a liaison between BPD and the Paris police force while making sure that Jane and Maura were still safe. Without all of the story, neither of them had felt assured enough to let Frankie return to Boston yet. Jane feels guilty, knowing that her brother would be missing out on the festivities as well. As they settle into their roomette on the train, Jane is glad that Maura decided to splurge on a private room as she wouldn't have to remain hypervigilant of their surroundings the entire time. With her mind still occupied with the holidays, Maura senses her melancholy.
"Anything that you want to talk about?" Maura offers.
Jane blinks.
"What? Oh," she says, "Just thinking about Ma and all of them back home. She's probably already in the kitchen preparing for war."
Maura smiles fondly at the memories of Angela moving about in the kitchen with half-finished dishes spread around the counter. "I never understood how she made cooking for that many people look that effortless."
"Yeah, I'm not gonna miss her ordering me around," Jane says, making her voice high-pitched and nasally to imitate Angela. "Jane! Chop these vegetables. Jane! Stir this and taste that! Leave my turkey alone!", she says mockingly.
Laughing in response, Maura replies, "It's almost too weird how similar you two sound."
Jane pushes Maura playfully, grimacing slightly as the movement sent pain down her arm. "Watch yourself. I'm too young to be turning into my mother."
As things calm down between the two women, Jane realizes that this may be the perfect opportunity to talk about their future.
"I don't want to bum myself out by talking about Thanksgiving, but can we talk about something else? Like us?"
Maura's eyebrows curve up. She wasn't used to Jane initiating a conversation about their feelings. "Of course."
"What if I didn't have to move? What if I could stay in Boston and not work at BPD but still do something that I love? Does that change things for us?"
Gazing outside at the window, Maura sees colors blending in together as the train passes through a large field of grass. "I'm not sure that I see the point in hypothesizing about something that isn't going to happen," she says.
"Right. But hypothetically. If I didn't have to move to Virginia anymore. Would you consider being with me?" Jane fidgets with her hands, anxious to hear Maura's answer.
Maura takes a few moments to think as she considers how that would change things. "Perhaps. However, if I am honest, it would take some time for me to build up trust again. When I found out that you were planning to leave, it hurt me deeply and made me feel as if I had no significance in your life considering how easily you made that decision."
Jane sighs, knowing that she could have handled the entire situation better. "I'm really sorry I did that. If it makes you feel any better, it wasn't an easy decision. It was just the only one that I felt like I had with my back against the wall. But I understand any hesitation to trust me or be vulnerable with me after that."
"It's nothing that can't be earned again with time, Jane. But if you were capable of doing it once, what's to say that you won't do it again? What happens next time when things get tough?" Maura asks, presenting an achingly difficult question for Jane.
The conductor comes by to check their tickets, giving the two women much-needed relief from the emotional heaviness of their discussion. When he leaves, Jane runs her hands through her hair.
"I can't promise that I won't drive you crazy with my stubbornness and inability to open up, Maur, but I can promise that I will stick around regardless. I realize my mistakes now. Instead of running away to keep you safe, I should have stayed and protected you. I mean, you would have been in Paris alone had we not made up. And Marie Davis would have been able to hurt you even if we weren't on speaking terms and it kills me to know that I wouldn't have been able to do anything." She rubs at her hands, feeling them ache from the cold. "Maybe you're right, that there will always be someone out there after us. But I can see now that I am supposed to be by your side. We make the perfect team. Even if you don't want to be with me romantically."
Maura watches Jane, feeling the sting of tears. She takes Jane's hands into hers, massaging the center of each palm with her thumbs. The scars that Hoyt had left were even more faded now, blending in with Jane's skin to the point to where you had to really focus to be able to see them. However, both of the women knew that the damage that he had left behind in his wake was far from being invisible.
"They still hurt?" Maura whispers.
Jane's eyes look down at where their hands lay intertwined. "Yeah. There must be some rain headed our way."
The ache in her hands was there every day, just as much a constant in her life as the love that she holds for Maura. However, during stormy days and sub-zero temperatures, the aches would progress into throbs until Jane had to swallow a few painkillers to take the edge off.
"I do want you, Jane. Romantically. I haven't been able to think about much else when I look at you and it's been that way for the last eight years. But in order for me to feel safe enough to do that, I would have to feel assured through your behavior that our relationship is a priority for you. I don't want to be something that is convenient for you."
Jane wanted to drop to her knees and profess all of her love to Maura, telling her all about how it had always been her. However, she also knew that Maura's statement was fair, especially considering her track record with self-sabotage. Instead, she made a pact to fuel her frustration into motivation for making sure that she got the FBI job.
Her future relied on it.
"I'll prove it to you, Maur. Just keep your heart open and I promise that I will show you just how important you are to me," Jane says. She puts her hand on her knee, suddenly feeling the stuffiness of the small roomette. "Wanna grab some coffee?"
Maura realizes how thirsty she is and was honestly ready for a break from the intensity. She stands up, putting a hand on the small of Jane's back to guide her to the dining car.
With a steaming cup of coffee in front of Jane, she was feeling better already. Raising the cups to her lips, she winces as the scorching liquid makes contact with her cuts. Marie had done a number on her normally soft lips, splitting them to the point where scabs were forming on the surface. Maura takes notice of this, looking at Jane with a look of sympathy. She opens her purse as her hand comes out of her Hermes bag holding a plastic box. Inside, she retrieves a metal straw.
"Here," Maura says as she puts the straw inside of Jane's coffee, "That should help."
Jane sends her a look of appreciation and her dimples make Maura's knees weak. "Thanks, Mary Poppins. Only you would have a metal straw just sitting around on hand."
Maura runs her pointer finger over Jane's lips, recoiling as she imagines how much pain Jane must be in.
"I never got the chance to thank you for protecting me, Jane. It was heroic of you to push me out of the way. You make me feel so safe," Maura says as she gazes at Jane lovingly.
Placing her hands over Maura's, Jane brings both of their hands down as she rubs the other woman's hand with her thumb. "Thank you for being the incredibly prepared woman that you are and bringing along a taser."
Maura's eyes crinkle, revealing a sparkle inside of them. "A certain detective taught me very well."
Jane leans in, glancing down at Maura's lips. As she thinks about how good it feels to kiss them, she becomes fixated on them. "Yeah? Must be a good detective," she says.
"Being a detective isn't the only thing she's good at," Maura flirts back.
Sensing that the mood has shifted, Jane takes a few more sips of her coffee before setting it down. She leads Maura back to their roomette, where they can spend more time flirting without any wandering eyes.
As soon as the sliding door closes, Jane is pressing her body against Maura's as their lips find a resting place between each other's. She uses her good hand to pull Maura closer to her, grasping at the other woman's waist as she slowly slides her hand higher, feeling Maura's skin against her fingertips. Both of Maura's hands are cupped around Jane's jaw as she steps back until her back is against the window. The stark difference between Jane's warm skin and the window makes her gasp as Jane picks her up with one hand. Maura runs her arms down the taller woman's arms, taking her time to appreciate the definition of Jane's biceps as they flex to hold her. Wrapping her legs around Jane's waist, she relaxes as her weight transfers into Jane's arm. The pressure of Jane's body against hers make Maura moan and soon, their kisses become more clumsy as Jane moves her hand to the front of Maura's body, exploring every inch that she had to offer. Maura removes the blouse from her body and sees Jane's eyes drop down to admire the way that her breasts sat in her red lace bra. Removing her arm from under Maura's body, Jane continues to undress Maura with her eyes as the honey blonde's legs drop back onto the ground. Jane turns her around, pushing her against the window as she unhooks the bra, letting it fall on the seat as she knows that Maura would hate to have it on the floor. With Maura's hands against the window, she leaves an outline of fog against the clear surface. Jane pulls Maura's leather pants down, her roughness causing the material to stretch a little, but Maura doesn't mind, as she wants Jane to rip the clothes off of her anyway. As their bodies come back together, Maura arches her back slightly so she can press into Jane, knowing that it would drive the woman crazy. Jane's arm comes back around, this time grabbing her breast as she kisses Maura's ear.
"Jane," Maura says.
Jane doesn't respond, instead running her hands through Maura's hair until she gets to the base of her head. As she grabs a bunch of hair, Jane applies just enough pressure to pull Maura's head back from the glass and towards her own face. With her lips back near Maura's ears, she whispers all the things that she is about to do to her. Maura begins begging, which makes Jane reach her hand lower until it rests over the front of Maura's thong. She traces the lace design, feeling as Maura's arousal coats her fingertips even without direct contact. Jane's strong fingers pull the material to the side and touch Maura lightly as she teases her. Maura's voice is much higher now, as her words get breathier and more desperate. Deciding to relieve Maura, Jane begins moving her fingers in circles over Maura's clit as Maura squeezes even more of her body into Jane's. As the two women grind against each other, Jane feels her nipples harden from the contact against Maura's back. Suddenly, Jane stops, smirking as she sees the disappointed look on the other woman's face. With a hand on Maura's back, Jane deepens Maura's arch as her backside comes up, revealing all of the wetness that had gathered.
"Oh, Maura," Jane breathes.
Maura stands further apart, spreading her legs. "That's all for you, Jane."
Jane places her face between toned legs, tasting the woman. She flattens her tongue over the top of her bottom teeth and pushes her head even deeper, wanting to consume the entirety of Maura. Maura reaches her arm back, taking ahold of Jane's wild curls as she wills the woman to continue. As her legs start shaking, Maura fears that she will not be able to stand in her stiletto heels much longer. Jane's tongue is driving her further and further to the edge, and Maura finds paradise as she curves herself against a welcoming mouth. She cries out, pulling at the roots of Jane's hair as she feels herself reaching the peak of climax. Just as she is about to feel a sweet release, Jane stops, pulling herself back as she stands up straight.
"Turn around," Jane commands.
Maura turns, her eyelids droopy from euphoria. As she looks into Jane's eyes, she feels herself drowning in a black whirlpool of passion. Feeling her lips curl into a pout, Maura feels her composure melting away under Jane's touch. Grasping desperately at Jane's hands, she guides them back to her body, wanting Jane to be the one to bring her to the height of pleasure.
Jane smirks and shakes her head, running her tongue over her lips to savor every drop of Maura.
"I'm not letting our first time be in a small room inside of a train, Maura. I didn't think about this moment over and over again for years just for me to make love to you here."
Maura feels touched that Jane values her in such a way, but she also feels a tug of disappointment from being so close to climaxing. Her entire body is buzzing from Jane's touch and a heady rush has permeated all of her senses. With her head feeling light and her legs still wobbly beneath her, she braces herself against the seat closest to her. Jane brings her in for one last kiss, holding Maura's head in her hands as she showers her with affection.
"Come here," Jane says as she helps Maura get dressed again, taking care to smoothen out the wrinkles on Maura's blouse and adjust her pants. Maura's ankle nearly turns in from the weight of her body and Jane catches her, letting Maura hold on to her shoulders for support. "One sec, Maur."
Jane bends over, unzipping the front compartment of her suitcase as she finds a pair of slippers, holding them up to the other woman.
"Here, I came prepared this time. I knew you would be too proud to bring any other shoes, even if it was just for the train ride. Put these on."
Maura slips them on, nearly crying at the feeling of soft fleece under her toes. The slippers are thick, cushioned by a layer of rubber that makes Maura feel as if she is walking on clouds. Jane sits, taking Maura's legs with her, and places them on her lap. With dexterous hands, she works out all sentiments of tightness in Maura's calves, giving special attention to the areas closest to the soles of the feet.
Feeling the relief associated with being known and understood by someone who sees every part of her, Maura feels vanquished by the rawest form of seduction; intimacy. The loyalty and thoughtfulness of Jane was parallel to none, and Maura understands why her soul has felt lost for so many years until she found Jane. Even without a single word uttered or a muscle moved, Jane had always known what Maura needed and did everything that she could to make it happen.
So this is what being in love with your best friend felt like.